A question for the men
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Bottom line for men: Ambiguity sucks.
So, if a women is very forward, it's nice. We like to know where we stand.0 -
Nothing worse than a woman acting all sedate and shy and "proper". Then you find out later it was all an act. I say despite what gender you are, as long as you are respectful, go for what you want in life!0
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How direct should you be?
Speaking for all men, WE CANNOT READ MINDS.
If you want something ASK FOR IT.
Body language doesn't count. You have to use your voice.0 -
Great question!
I, personally, like it when a women is straight up and "takes the lead". I find it flattering and is actually a relief from the traditional roles.0 -
I'm totally ok with it,
in fact, here's my number, call me!
1-800-LOOKING-FOR-STRAIGHT-FORWARD-WOMEN :bigsmile:0 -
Bottom line for men: Ambiguity sucks.
And for women - it was being on the receiving end of several ambiguous gestures and comments that drove me to asking him out in the first place. My frustration overtook my fear! And he was really keen and so far it seems like he just needed the encouragement.0 -
How direct should you be?
Speaking for all men, WE CANNOT READ MINDS.
If you want something ASK FOR IT.
Body language doesn't count. You have to use your voice.
lol
Nice, I love that!0 -
OK, you asked for a man's POV so here's my .02 FWIW:
I've been single for close to 2.5 years... I had a girlfriend (much younger) for about 9 months but it didn't work out. At this point in my life, why even bother to ask a woman out at all? Seriously, the ladies close to my age, THAT ARE PHYSICALLY FIT AND TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, are NOT looking for a nice guy... they're looking for Mr. Man with house, cars, boat, motorcycle, vacation home, blah blah blah... (the movie "Bad Teacher" comes to mind). LOL!
Why do I bring all that up?? Because, from THIS man's POV it's like women are trying on men like a pair of shoes... too finicky and just throw them back on the shelf if they don't like 1 little thing. So why in the world would ANY self-respecting man put himself out there, ask a woman out, only to have her disect everything about him (job, family, social status, money, car, etc)?? If ANY woman were to talk to me they would find out I'm a really nice person, quiet, shy, but just an all-around good guy. BUT, if *I* step up and talk to a woman, you would think it's the end of the world! Do women REALLY think we want the "go to hell" look??
So, if you LIKE this guy just make it known to him. If you're going to have to keep lifting him up daily, you may get really worn out though. The relationship dynamics are being set right now... could be that he just needs a little initial encouragement and eventually he'll be his normal self? You obviously like this guy so it must be worth waiting for him??
I actually dont care whether he has a car or not as long as he's willing to commit and show his emotional side and not keep everything inside. Every man I date is a mystery....I feel like I'm trying to crack a freaking coconut to get anything out.....almost better just being single ;-)0 -
after reading these responses i understand even more why am single and now am convinced i will never find another man.
I'm too nervous to make the first move and it looks like you guys are too scared and like a forward woman.
I should just start buying cats now.0 -
Maybe go for a date to the movies, snuggle up to him in the dark and see if he pulls away or cuddles up to you.0
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My wife asked me out and 23 years later we are still very happy. It wasn't that I was shy and was going to ask her out but she just got there first.
He may be shy so ask him out. But if his shyness becomes overwhelming even after you have been on a few dates and you find it impossible to deal with them you may need to reconsider.0 -
in response: I'm one of these girls that look for the man who has the house, job, car, "stuff", etc. why?
because i'm superficial? not anymore than most... because i'm materialistic? not at all. because i'm spoiled and lazy? well... i am spoiled. but lazy? just the opposite. in fact, that's my justification.
i don't want anyone who might wind up expecting me to support him. I have no patience for ignorance, laziness, or complacency. At a glance, a person's social stature and financial profile is the best indicator of who they are and who they plan to be in life. Of course that all could change, but I don't plan to take the chance.
ETA: i say all this freely because I come with my OWN attractive résumé, and as a result tend to attract the slackers.
Good luck with that, choc & vodka. Just as you want a man with all this "stuff" that doesn't amount to anything but just that... "stuff"... He too has the same expectatios of YOU. Gain a few pounds, maybe put on pregnancy weight, maybe lose your good job... you WILL be replaced by an updated, younger model with all the bells and whistles.
Reminds me of the girl that asked Tim Tebow to be her date to some military ball. Really??? If Mr. Tebow was just a "regular" guy like 99.99999% of us, she wouldn't even bother?? Who wants a girl like that?! But you did make a good point... you really shouldn't be supporting anyone! If the guy doesn't have a job and needs you to pay his rent and put gas in his car, well... that's a whole OTHER story!
[edit]
And re: being spoiled: you're going to miss out on park picnics with sandwiches, chips and drinks for $100/plate dinners at a fancy restaurants? I would also hate to be your S.O., you must be impossible to buy a gift for. You seem like the kind that looks at the value BEFORE the sentiment behind the giving.
wow. the assumptions about me are startlingly incorrect. did you read the end?
the best date i ever went on involved roadside fireworks and a hike by the lake.
i just want someone who is self sufficient and ambitious. i won't babysit anyone, and i can't stand narrow minded folks.
as for buying me a gift? mehh. buy me a stuffed animal and i'm happy
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With all due respect, your 1st sentence specifically states that you're one of those girls that looks for a man with the house, car, job, and "stuff." Your 2nd paragraph goes on to justify your 1st sentence. Maybe our definitions are getting mixed up? By house, I mean a place he calls "home" (apartment, condo, house). For "car," just basic/reliable transportation. And a job is just that, a way to make a living. A job should NOT define the person you are. As far as "stuff" .... well.. that can be boat, motorcycle, jet skis, and on and on...
in response: I'm one of these girls that look for the man who has the house, job, car, "stuff", etc. why?
because i'm superficial? not anymore than most... because i'm materialistic? not at all. because i'm spoiled and lazy? well... i am spoiled. but lazy? just the opposite. in fact, that's my justification.
i don't want anyone who might wind up expecting me to support him. I have no patience for ignorance, laziness, or complacency. At a glance, a person's social stature and financial profile is the best indicator of who they are and who they plan to be in life. Of course that all could change, but I don't plan to take the chance.
ETA: i say all this freely because I come with my OWN attractive résumé, and as a result tend to attract the slackers.
Good luck with that, choc & vodka. Just as you want a man with all this "stuff" that doesn't amount to anything but just that... "stuff"... He too has the same expectatios of YOU. Gain a few pounds, maybe put on pregnancy weight, maybe lose your good job... you WILL be replaced by an updated, younger model with all the bells and whistles.
Reminds me of the girl that asked Tim Tebow to be her date to some military ball. Really??? If Mr. Tebow was just a "regular" guy like 99.99999% of us, she wouldn't even bother?? Who wants a girl like that?! But you did make a good point... you really shouldn't be supporting anyone! If the guy doesn't have a job and needs you to pay his rent and put gas in his car, well... that's a whole OTHER story!
[edit]
And re: being spoiled: you're going to miss out on park picnics with sandwiches, chips and drinks for $100/plate dinners at a fancy restaurants? I would also hate to be your S.O., you must be impossible to buy a gift for. You seem like the kind that looks at the value BEFORE the sentiment behind the giving.
wow. the assumptions about me are startlingly incorrect. did you read the end?
the best date i ever went on involved roadside fireworks and a hike by the lake.
i just want someone who is self sufficient and ambitious. i won't babysit anyone, and i can't stand narrow minded folks.
as for buying me a gift? mehh. buy me a stuffed animal and i'm happy
Chris said it best though and I can't add anything to his comments. Bottom line is, I only pay $20 for my jeans, my watch probably cost $30 (my dad gave it to me), I drive a Ford pickup truck, and I couldn't tell you want brand is "in style" right now. So you, with your "attractive resume" probably wouldn't be caught dead riding in a pickup truck with a guy that dresses like me! Albeit I'm clean, friendly, courteous, etc...
Men, here's the BEST way to get (almost) any woman you want: win the lottery and publicize your earnings on TV and newspaper(s). You WILL have a date every night of the week! Most likely from ladies with very attractive resumes that are looking for quality guys such as you. 0 -
Haha, no not too forward at all - no problem with getting a compliment!I LOVE this response. You put it so well and ,if it's not too forward, you are very nice to look at
And the same to you as it goes! 0 -
I work in Law Enforcement and see bad relationships far too often, so with that said...
If you like the guy, make you're move. Life has way too much to offer to allow yourself to sit around and wait. But at the same time, if you find something about him that you don't like, think about what you do like. Weigh out the good vs. the bad, tell him. As much as we (men) would like to be able to read your mind, we can't, so you have to speak up. Far too often I see relationships that one half thought everything was great, but the other had been unhappy for a long time. It's purely communication! We all have got to do it (myself included). If you find that one thing that you can't get past, and he's not willing to attempt to fix it, then move on. You'll be happier in the long run.
I'm sure that a lot of this doesn't really apply, and I'm sorry I got on my "soap box". A short and sweet answer probably would have been better, but hopefully this will help you (and anyone else who reads it) later in life.
Therefore, the short answer is: "Go for it. Be the aggressor if it's what you want."0 -
I know you want responses from the guys but let me throw in my 2 cents please!
Different guys like different things so the guy you like may not reflect the opinions you are getting here. My advice?: ask him direct yet not forceful questions to find out if he likes you and wants to be with you e.g. ask things that show if you have common ground, values, sleeping patterns?!, habits. I had a friend who had to end a relationship because she discovered her man was a night owl and slept all day and she was a day person! Extreme right?
If he likes to take things slow, then go slow. As he gets more comfortable with you he will open up. It may take 6 months to arrive at your first kiss but if that means there is more trust and honesty then it is well worth it!
Heather,
**edited by MFP moderator** - please, no links to promotional websites
Recently married and loving it!0 -
For men (ie adults!) how forward do you like a woman to be??
I am asking because the man I have just started seeing is incredibly shy and reticent, so much so that I had to ask him out after weeks of trying to decipher ambiguous comments and actions. Since then, (a week ago) we have been out three times, but I know (by his own admission) that he would need a lot of dutch courage to move things forward.
I am not one who likes to chase males, and have never ever asked a man out in my LIFE until now. So my question is where is the fine line between encouraging a man and being too intrusive??
If you can't figure him out by now, I'd say it doesn't look good long term.0 -
I have been known to completely miss subtle "hints" in the past that a girl was interested in me, so I have no issues with a girl being forward and letting me know she is interested. Now once that part is established, there should be no need to "chase" or figure anything out, if he's not willing to act at that point he's either not into you, or totally inept at being social.0
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It totally depends on what kind of man you want. Obviously I don't know this guy, and I could be reading you wrong, but he sounds like a wuss to me. I can understand being nervous about asking a woman out on a date because of the risk of rejection, but if you've been out multiple times, and he's still acting like a church mouse, to me, that indicates a severe lack of manhood.
If I'm interested in a man, I'll do as much as I can to show him that without coming off like a desperado. But if he's interested in me, I expect him to take it from there. If he doesn't, I assume he isn't interested, and I move on. The only time I will ever ask a man on a date is if we're already in a relationship and I want to surprise him with an evening planned just for him.
Also, if you really like this guy and want to have a relationship with him, you need to cut out two things: "hanging out" and texting. "Hanging out" and "dating" are not at all the same thing, and that needs to be established from day one. Furthermore, if a guy doesn't like you enough to pick up the phone and talk to you like a human being, then you need to ditch his lazy behind.Woah. I couldn't disagree more with this. (1) Some men are shy and need you to get the ball rolling. In my experience, these men are not necessarily wusses, and often, aren't shy at all once things start, but it takes you being pretty forward with them to get over the initial shyness.
Like I said, it's about what kind of man you want. If you're okay with the fact that you have to ask a guy out because he's not interested enough or not man enough to do it himself, that's great for you. But this woman is expressing concern about the fact that she's the one who has to initiate everything, so clearly that's not what she wants. She already asked him out, and they've been on two dates. That she's still having to do all the work is not about him being shy; it's about him being a pansy.(2) How in the world is "hanging out" different from "dating" if you're in a long term relationship? I can see maybe for the first few dates, MAYBE, but after that, I never expected to go out on "dates" all the time if I was in a relationship, it just doesn't make sense.
They're not in a long-term relationship. At this point, he should be dating her, not "hanging out" with her. The fact that he's not making any effort at all either means he doesn't like her or that he's missing a set of testicles.Dinner and a movie a couple of times a week would get expensive, fattening, and old. "Hanging out" and just enjoying each others company, making dinner at home, or whatever seems much more realistic to me.
Who said anything about dinner and a movie? A date can be a walk through the park. Men get away with this "hanging out" crap only because most women are too stupid to realize that they are not actually dating. A man who is really into you wants you to know that you are dating him, not just his "friend" with whom he "hangs out."(3) Not everyone likes to talk on the phone. The world has changed, I don't consider someone lazy for not calling, I actually appreciate texts vs. calling.
If you're married or in a long-term relationship and you don't mind having entire conversations via text message, that's fine. A guy you've just started seeing? He shouldn't be treating you like a friend or a co-worker, to whom he shoots a quick message to avoid having to make a phone call. This is no different than a man saying he can't see you during the week because he has to work so much. It's funny how free time magically appears when a man is truly interested in seeing a woman. The same goes for phone calls vs. text messages.0 -
With all due respect, your 1st sentence specifically states that you're one of those girls that looks for a man with the house, car, job, and "stuff." Your 2nd paragraph goes on to justify your 1st sentence. Maybe our definitions are getting mixed up? By house, I mean a place he calls "home" (apartment, condo, house). For "car," just basic/reliable transportation. And a job is just that, a way to make a living. A job should NOT define the person you are. As far as "stuff" .... well.. that can be boat, motorcycle, jet skis, and on and on...
in response: I'm one of these girls that look for the man who has the house, job, car, "stuff", etc. why?
because i'm superficial? not anymore than most... because i'm materialistic? not at all. because i'm spoiled and lazy? well... i am spoiled. but lazy? just the opposite. in fact, that's my justification.
i don't want anyone who might wind up expecting me to support him. I have no patience for ignorance, laziness, or complacency. At a glance, a person's social stature and financial profile is the best indicator of who they are and who they plan to be in life. Of course that all could change, but I don't plan to take the chance.
ETA: i say all this freely because I come with my OWN attractive résumé, and as a result tend to attract the slackers.
Good luck with that, choc & vodka. Just as you want a man with all this "stuff" that doesn't amount to anything but just that... "stuff"... He too has the same expectatios of YOU. Gain a few pounds, maybe put on pregnancy weight, maybe lose your good job... you WILL be replaced by an updated, younger model with all the bells and whistles.
Reminds me of the girl that asked Tim Tebow to be her date to some military ball. Really??? If Mr. Tebow was just a "regular" guy like 99.99999% of us, she wouldn't even bother?? Who wants a girl like that?! But you did make a good point... you really shouldn't be supporting anyone! If the guy doesn't have a job and needs you to pay his rent and put gas in his car, well... that's a whole OTHER story!
[edit]
And re: being spoiled: you're going to miss out on park picnics with sandwiches, chips and drinks for $100/plate dinners at a fancy restaurants? I would also hate to be your S.O., you must be impossible to buy a gift for. You seem like the kind that looks at the value BEFORE the sentiment behind the giving.
wow. the assumptions about me are startlingly incorrect. did you read the end?
the best date i ever went on involved roadside fireworks and a hike by the lake.
i just want someone who is self sufficient and ambitious. i won't babysit anyone, and i can't stand narrow minded folks.
as for buying me a gift? mehh. buy me a stuffed animal and i'm happy
Chris said it best though and I can't add anything to his comments. Bottom line is, I only pay $20 for my jeans, my watch probably cost $30 (my dad gave it to me), I drive a Ford pickup truck, and I couldn't tell you want brand is "in style" right now. So you, with your "attractive resume" probably wouldn't be caught dead riding in a pickup truck with a guy that dresses like me! Albeit I'm clean, friendly, courteous, etc...
Men, here's the BEST way to get (almost) any woman you want: win the lottery and publicize your earnings on TV and newspaper(s). You WILL have a date every night of the week! Most likely from ladies with very attractive resumes that are looking for quality guys such as you.
I feel sorry for for your very low opinion of what women want and I'm sorry if some chick made you feel that way.
Not all women are materialistic gold diggers (neither is chocandvodka)
Women, well let me say most women so i'm not generalizing, simply want a man who can provide, that doesn't mean provide her with lavish gift, it doesn't mean he needs to drive a luxury car. We want a man who will be there to support us emotionally and yes financially, and that again does not mean any lavish way. It means once we get married are you going to be able to help pay the mortgage and bills with whatever income you are earning.
So whatever woman caused you to feel this way, I again apologize on behalf of women, but you won't be getting another one anytime soon not because you drive a Ford but because of that negative attitude you have, so buck up!0
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