"Fighting" with my wife!

She is saying (in the wrong way entirely) that she misses you.

I would highly suggest a weekly date night(non fitness related, maybe a restaurant she has mentioned...?).

Show her that she is still a priority in your new schedule.

I started MPF in the past and quit. More recently i started the couch to 5K and oddly my husband who married a size 12 bride (me) was not supportive of the fitness gaols of the now mother of 2 (size 20). We have two small children but getting my time to run was a battle it seemed. I quit.I was so unyhappy.
Then started back but this time really worked hard to encourage him to just have a more active life with me. I think when he saw how happy I was to be losing weight and excited about prepping for my first 5k he felt left out.
He actually asked me a time or two if I was planning on leaving him.
His insecurity was the issue. We had soem huge arguments that seemed pointless and oddly one day he finally gave in to shooting hoops with me, then walking with me and now he is doing the C25K too
I guess I say all of that to say. I've been there.
It may be that Sunday is important to her. I would apologize for not coordinating the time with her but make it clear the class was somehting you really wanted to do and you did not mean to hurt her feelings. Perhaps you can look for another class on another day or compromise to keep Sundays clear after this class is over.
Goodluck and dont give up on her or your fitness goals. You can happily have both.

I agree with some of the previous posters. Maybe you should have talked to her about it first. I had a similar problem with my husband. He is very athletic and involved and wanted to be playing basketball, soccer, and work out all the time. I don't want him to lose his identity by any means but I do think that once you are married and if you have kids especially, you have to adjust your life. I love quality time and think family time is important, so I did have a problem when he had basketball Mondays, Soccer Sat and Sun, and then wanted to work out in the evenings. I felt he was being selfish and needed to rearrange his priorities. He dropped one soccer team and now only plays on Sundays. He also chose a team that plays early so we can have the rest of the day as a family. You said you wife would rather relax in the evening. Does this mean that when you get home from work you go straight to the gym everyday? Maybe you could try to relax with her a little bit more, maybe watch a movie or plan more special dates that way she feels you are giving her the attention she needs. This might make her feel better and in return your workouts and extracurricular activities might bother her less. I do agree with you as well though, it would be nice if she sometimes joined you in a bike ride or something. That is also great quality time, especially when it is beautiful outside. So all in all, both of you need to sit down and come to an agreement, it's all about compromise.

Why I Want To Get In Shape

I want to get back to the active and interesting life I had in my youth. Biking, hiking, camping, canoeing, rock climbing and swimming were a regular part of my youth. At 40 I could not climb 2 flights of stairs without stopping to catch my breath.
This had to change!

Remember posting this on your profile ? I want to get back to the active and interesting life I had in my youth...That sounds like you have hit mid life crisis...

Your Journey in life now has changed ...your relationship with your wife and children ...in your mind is over ...that is how it comes accross to me .

So just what your wife must be thinking now....is for you to communicate instead of walking out in a huff ...every marriage has ups and downs ....But now when the children have left ...you and your wife should be planning new challenges ...not going seperate ways.
A wise person once said ( If you dont look after your partner ... there is always some one else that will ) ....

bump for later

I realize from reading this thread that my relationship is maybe not typical? If my husband signed up for something I would not expect him to have to check with me first. He's married but he's still his own person and shouldn't have to look to me for permission to do something. Same goes for me.
I would find it extremely disturbing if he FORBADE me from doing something I wanted to do.

And I would see that as extremely disrespectful of MY wishes. If he had a problem, we would be able to talk about it, but there is no "putting your foot down" in my relationship.

By the way, I would see this conflict as a symptom of a larger problem. It's not about the class.

You're being selfish. Proud of you for being healthy, but your lifestyle change was too drastic and evidently not completely with the real world in mind. Get over yourself and back to reality. You have a family. Nothing more needs to be said.

I very very strongly disagree that he is being selfish.

Why I Want To Get In Shape

I want to get back to the active and interesting life I had in my youth. Biking, hiking, camping, canoeing, rock climbing and swimming were a regular part of my youth. At 40 I could not climb 2 flights of stairs without stopping to catch my breath.
This had to change!

Remember posting this on your profile ? I want to get back to the active and interesting life I had in my youth...That sounds like you have hit mid life crisis...

Your Journey in life now has changed ...your relationship with your wife and children ...in your mind is over ...that is how it comes accross to me .

So just what your wife must be thinking now....is for you to communicate instead of walking out in a huff ...every marriage has ups and downs ....But now when the children have left ...you and your wife should be planning new challenges ...not going seperate ways.
A wise person once said ( If you dont look after your partner ... there is always some one else that will ) ....

I read all the posts with interest, but hadn't planned on sharing my opinion, until I read this one. I looked at your age and thought unless someone had seen mid-life crisis, they may not recognize the signs. It's awesome that you want to take good care of yourself... but it would be interesting to hear how your wife sees this. When my ex went thru this I called it the Peter Pan syndrome. I was willing to work thru things, but he started looking at women much younger (as in girls his daughters age). When his daughter got married, he declined to walk her down the isle. There are two sides to every disagreement. At face value, it looks like you 2 need to sit down and talk. You tell me if there is more going on here.

I realize from reading this thread that my relationship is maybe not typical? If my husband signed up for something I would not expect him to have to check with me first. He's married but he's still his own person and shouldn't have to look to me for permission to do something. Same goes for me.
I would find it extremely disturbing if he FORBADE me from doing something I wanted to do.

And I would see that as extremely disrespectful of MY wishes. If he had a problem, we would be able to talk about it, but there is no "putting your foot down" in my relationship.

This.

you already knew she wasn't fully on board with your fitness plan, and that's why you didn't discuss it with her. you knew she would say no, so you went behind her back and signed up anyway. then when she was finally told about you joining, she got upset, and you ran off like a 5 year old to starbucks to avoid confrontation. you are so lucky you're not in a relationship with me. you're clothes would be on the front lawn and the house locks would be changed. i do NOT tolerate people going behind my back or backing down from confrontation. i think you need to reevaluate your priorities. i fully support your wife in any brash decisions she may make in the future. i hope she leaves you so you can spend all your new found free time at the gym with all the other jocks and gym bunnies.

sorry, i'm a little harsh, but i will not hide what i feel. your wife deserves better.

Really? You think it's really ok for her to dictate what he can do? I guess I really do not understand this.

he needs to discuss things with her. a marriage is a joint contract. he probably wouldn't like her running off somewhere all the time without telling him, so why is he allowed to do that? this is just a boil over of things building up. they need to open the lines of communication, both ways. and then for him to run off and not try to fix the situation is cowardice.

I think it is more wrong for her to try to control what he can and cannot do, but I do agree that this, as I said earlier, is a symptom of a relationship problem.
I would never expect my husband to tell me that I must get his permission if I wanted to take a class.

I guess not everyone has a supportive relationship though. I actually find it quite appalling.

I have the same problem with my husband! It most likely boils down to communication first, decision making second. I respect that my hubs wants to come home from work and flop down in front of the TV, that's his choice. BUT. . . on the same notion, when offered to do things together, he declined just as your wife did. I have mentioned my efforts to include him in things, and it was his choice to not join. Basically, what we have been doing lately is he comes with me to one activity, which is usually taking kids to the park and actually playing instead of watching or going for a walk, etc. And I watch an episode of his choice for an hour a week ( aside from one show once a week, I don't watch TV). I disagree with another post, compromise is NOT about giving something up, it is about reaching an acceptable agreement where both parties can have their needs met. Offer a solution like that and see if it happens. Is it a cure all?! No. but it is a start in the right direction, for us anyway!

That is what I meant by compromise.:-) OP and his wife need to come to an agreement to where he can have his work outs and classes and she is still getting the attention she deserves. My husband did not give soccer up, he just plays on one team and instead of playing smack in the middle of the day Sunday to where we could never plan anything as a family, he plays early in the morning so when he gets home, we have the rest of the day to hang out. I would never make him give up something he loves.

you already knew she wasn't fully on board with your fitness plan, and that's why you didn't discuss it with her. you knew she would say no, so you went behind her back and signed up anyway. then when she was finally told about you joining, she got upset, and you ran off like a 5 year old to starbucks to avoid confrontation. you are so lucky you're not in a relationship with me. you're clothes would be on the front lawn and the house locks would be changed. i do NOT tolerate people going behind my back or backing down from confrontation. i think you need to reevaluate your priorities. i fully support your wife in any brash decisions she may make in the future. i hope she leaves you so you can spend all your new found free time at the gym with all the other jocks and gym bunnies.

sorry, i'm a little harsh, but i will not hide what i feel. your wife deserves better.

Really? You think it's really ok for her to dictate what he can do? I guess I really do not understand this.

he needs to discuss things with her. a marriage is a joint contract. he probably wouldn't like her running off somewhere all the time without telling him, so why is he allowed to do that? this is just a boil over of things building up. they need to open the lines of communication, both ways. and then for him to run off and not try to fix the situation is cowardice.

I think it is more wrong for her to try to control what he can and cannot do, but I do agree that this, as I said earlier, is a symptom of a relationship problem.
I would never expect my husband to tell me that I must get his permission if I wanted to take a class.

I guess not everyone has a supportive relationship though. I actually find it quite appalling.

i guess i don't understand why anyone wouldn't tell their significant other about anything. my boyfriend and i share everything.

example: i'm going to the gym and out to eat with a friend today. he knows what gym, what friend, what eatery, and what time.

he didn't ask what i was doing today, i just felt like he deserved to know. he tells me things the same way. i can't understand how people keep things from their partner. why would you do that? are you so afraid of their response that you refuse to tell them?

I woudln't say I have the same issue with my husband becuase my husband would be totally on board and actually want to go to the class. However, I would probably do something similar to what your wife did. My husband and I hardly have time together due to our work schedules (we never even get 1 day off together) so if my husband signed up for a class during our limited time together I would get upset. I would much rather he take the class while I am at work so I still got my time with him. I don't know if this is a similar situation for your wife or not but if it is then maybe she just wants to be able to have more time with you.

Or on the flip side maybe she is worried you will get all sexy and run off (my husband has those fears even though it would NOT happen).

Bump for discussion with my partner later. I'll be back.