Does anyone else pretty much have NO support at all?

24

Replies

  • sjebert
    sjebert Posts: 212 Member
    MFP is my only support too, sadly I feel more like I get sabotaged at home than I get supported, although I must say that because I have stuck to it for 60+ days now, she seems to be coming around a little bit, so maybe after you have stuck to it a while and they start to see some results MAYBE they will start to come around.
  • Hannova
    Hannova Posts: 50
    To be pretty honest about it, I never even considered any need for "support".

    I made the decision that I wanted to meet specific goals... I spent the time researching HOW to get there.. and now im just doing it.
    I dont think i ever asked anyone in real life for help... or anything like that. I dont tell people Im on a diet, or that im trying to lose weight...

    I just dont get what kind of "support" you people are really talking about? are you looking for someone to tell you what to do, like a trainer, or do your really expect someone to constantly say "good for you!" when you make a personal decision about food?


    btw, that comes off harsh, and I dont mean it that way, its a honest question.. what do you guys mean by "support"?
    Im fairly independent, so it honestly baffles me.

    Dude, I think you misunderstand. I am willing to say that most people here don't need handholding. That's why we're here.

    However, nothing makes changing a bad habit harder than temptation and negative feedback. Getting positive feedback helps. My main reward is being able to fit into the next size smaller clothes, or being able to bike 20 miles without collapsing.

    But an "atta girl!" will never go amiss, whereas a "What makes you think you can look better? Here have an Oreo and forget about it." is going to drag at you and mess with your head.
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
    Yes. To me 'support' means not bringing home cookies or other crap that would sabotage my healthier lifestyle because he knows I have no control.
    Not *****ing while we are going out to dinner that I need to go to a restaurant that serves 'healthy' food. Or whining while I look up restaurants online to pick out my healthier choice before we go.
    Not complaining because I 'have' to get my exercise in.
    Not complaining because I measure food.

    He's getting better. A lot better! He even started going on walks with me and picked out healthier foods that he likes at the grocery store and while dining out. Thank God for that because he was hospitalized Sat with what the Drs thought was a massive heart attack. It wasnt, but on the way home he bought cookies.. I'm sure it (the cookies) was due to all of the stress but I hope he continues to support me and I pray that he continues to join me. :)

    Add me if you like, but you may have to remind me why. lol
  • jodee_donavan
    jodee_donavan Posts: 51 Member
    Sometimes the people you love the most sabotage you- whether it is active or passive. As you see success they may feel threatened by it- you are changing and change scares people. I have had to have the "stop sabotaging me" talk with a loved one- it wasn't fun and I felt guilty about it- but afterward I felt freed and more empowered to make this positive change. Do not put your self value in someone else's hands. No one can eat that cookie for you- just like no one can eat that carrot for you. You may need to have these conversations or cut back on the time you spend with some of the people who make you feel bad---- kinda like cutting carbs my dear-- you can coexist with them- but they're not always good for you.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    I have very little support. So, I am my own motivator. When I drive in my car, I talk to myself and tell myself how awesome I am and how good I'm doing. It might be crazy, but it works and at least I'm getting kind words out of it!
  • slparsaca
    slparsaca Posts: 59 Member
    I don't know you or your bf but sounds to me like the boyfriend needs to go. Family is harder because they're family, but you can choose your friends and boyfriends...speaking from experience....
  • 2012newbie
    2012newbie Posts: 88 Member
    I don't have support but I live alone now. My kids are grown and my husband before my recent divorce NEVER supported me when I'd try to lose weight, or even the times I lost alot of weight, he was always deciding it had to be a pizza night or complain that I didn't eat the crust, and that I was being wasteful, etc. Even your best friends can become resentful especially if they are not trying to get healthier. Or they disagree with your methods, or think you are losing too fast or not enough or not where you need to lose it, or you are forcing them to eat differently or whatever, they'll find something to gripe about because they either are jealous, or they feel threatened, or they are afraid you might expect them to do likewise, or maybe they feel by your losing weight, you're implying that
    they are less than because they don't want to. It's crazy lonely when you get no support or positive feedback, but hang in there, in the end it is YOU that matters. And the people who don't care and don't support and encourage, are the ones with the hangups. Be
    proud of yourself for doing something you need to do.
  • Twylyght
    Twylyght Posts: 224 Member
    My husband and son are huge supporters of me...but my step mom (and dad because of my step mom) absolutely think "I'm too skinny already" okay, no I'm not. I want to lose about 12 more pounds and tone my stomach...I am determined to get into a bikini this year! I have been "too skinny" before and that's not where I'm headed at all. Can't you just be happy that I am finally trying to be happy with my body? I can't put any of my successes, big or small on facebook because of this. So I share all my successes with my awesome MFP friends instead!
  • terra32903
    terra32903 Posts: 185 Member
    My bf isn't non-supporting but he isn't helpful or encouraging either. The other day I found a 5K that I was excited to start planning for. When I ran home to show him after work he said "Screw that! I would rather sit on the couch." I'm thinking current bf may need to become the past bf if that garbage is still going on for much longer. It's ironic...he's in really nice shape and yet my energy level does circles around his. That for me is where I find my pleasure....proving myself capable of living up to my potential. Hopefully you can find something that works for you as well!
  • myf1101
    myf1101 Posts: 99
    My husband and children are underweight and all three are tall. I am short at 5'3". They can pretty much eat what they want and I just have to look at something unhealthy and put on weight. They sit in front of me at night with plates of cheese sandwiches and packets of crisps and when I give up and get myself a packet of crisps or a biscuit my husband says - you'll never get slim because you've got no willpower. When I did say that it didn't help having him eat in front of me he brought the sandwiches and crisps to bed insead. He has offered me £100 if I lose a stone, but added that he was pretty sure his money was safe, which is why I am determined to lose the weight. I have a sister who is 3 dress sizes larger than me who criticises my size and clothes and really thinks she is thinner than me. My mother does try to help and comes walking with me twice a week, but she doesn't really understand because she is a UK size 6. So I do know what you mean and keep my losses (mainly because they are small so far) to myself and my best friend who has also joined the site. I have found loads of support on this site but could always do with more friends so if you want some support from someone in a similar position to you add me.
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
    To be pretty honest about it, I never even considered any need for "support".

    I made the decision that I wanted to meet specific goals... I spent the time researching HOW to get there.. and now im just doing it.
    I dont think i ever asked anyone in real life for help... or anything like that. I dont tell people Im on a diet, or that im trying to lose weight...

    I just dont get what kind of "support" you people are really talking about? are you looking for someone to tell you what to do, like a trainer, or do your really expect someone to constantly say "good for you!" when you make a personal decision about food?


    btw, that comes off harsh, and I dont mean it that way, its a honest question.. what do you guys mean by "support"?
    Im fairly independent, so it honestly baffles me.

    Dude, I think you misunderstand. I am willing to say that most people here don't need handholding. That's why we're here.

    However, nothing makes changing a bad habit harder than temptation and negative feedback. Getting positive feedback helps. My main reward is being able to fit into the next size smaller clothes, or being able to bike 20 miles without collapsing.

    But an "atta girl!" will never go amiss, whereas a "What makes you think you can look better? Here have an Oreo and forget about it." is going to drag at you and mess with your head.

    so what im gathering from your posts and the posts below you... having no support, is another way of saying "having people in your life that incite you to make less healthy choices that you would otherwise avoid"

    ok, that makes more sense.
    I dont really have that problem. lol. thats probably why I didnt get it.
  • michelledusik
    michelledusik Posts: 63 Member
    Wow! I'm really amazed that there are so many people out there with the same support issues! I have wonderful and supporting friends and kids, but the fiance - not so much! I will never understand why a "good job" is so difficult to say. He did tell me one day that I workout too much and I looked like Karen Carpenter. Now that's encouraging! Thanks dear!! I just use that to help me to be stronger and keep my goals in check. Don't know what I'd do without my friends and MFP though! Even though we are all doing this for ourselves, there's no denying that support makes a difference!!
  • 2012newbie
    2012newbie Posts: 88 Member
    OK I have another comment. My ex husband always told me that my weight didn't bother him. When I found out he was cheating, I assumed it was with someone thinner. I was shocked to find out the other woman was 100 pounds heavier than me, at least. She actually stated her weight on her yahoo personal ad, and how many very large women state their TRUE weight on a personal ad?
    So my guess after seeing her in person is she probably was at least 150 lbs heavier than me. Since I've now lost over 40, that would make her about 200 lbs heavier than me now. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to realize that. But some men do prefer bigger women. I wasn't big enough I guess.
  • babybluefire
    babybluefire Posts: 100 Member
    Yes, I am a size 12, so everything thinks my weight is just perfect. My spouse is constantly bring home treats and sweets and trying to get me to eat. My family laughs at me when I push food away. Yes I know a size 12 is not bad, yes I know I am pretty darn muscular from the exercise I do. I am still 4.8% over a healthy body fat so I want it OFF.



    DH: Here have a cupcake.

    ME: No, its not on my diet AND I gave sweets up for lent.

    DH: Pretend its a bran muffin.

    ME: o.O
  • BIGJIMMYU
    BIGJIMMYU Posts: 1,221 Member
    You know it is weird! When my sister in law was going through her fitness journey(she lost over 100 lbs in 1.5 yrs) none of us gave her any support at all. Including me. Now that I am doing it I can see what she went through. But I guess it would be nice to have the extra support. It is still up to me and not completely necessary as long as they don't impede me in any way and make me have to destroy them.
  • bunnylvr
    bunnylvr Posts: 78
    I guess it's the same if your bf came home from a fishing trip to tell you about the big fish he caught, but you don't understand or care about fishing, you may well be like, yea who cares, they will be the same about weight loss because they don't understand it so it's not interesting to them.

    I never really thought of it that way, thank you for giving me some perspective on that.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    Use their negativity as fuel to keep you going. You are doing great.
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
    I took a look at your profile page and I can tell you what the problem is for those folks. You don't have a huge amount to lose and they are probably thinking you shouldn't be trying to lose weight at all. They like you where you are and they are comfortable with that. Having said that, I think they should be cheering you on to lose the weight you want to so you are comfortable with yourself and happy with that. Other people's perceptions of us can be skewed. You just need to do what is right for you. I know its disappointing to not have anyone notice or to try to deter you from your goals, but hang in there. This is about YOU, not them.
  • creative1981
    creative1981 Posts: 182 Member
    I used to wait for encouragement from other people and then when it didn't come give up. Although they were quick to point out I was putting on weight! This time round I'm doing it for me and don't really mind if any one else doesn't take an interest.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    These posts make me sad. It does seem pretty common, but I can't imagine how it must feel to have those that you care about not support you. My family and friends are very supportive.
  • shirleyisblessed
    shirleyisblessed Posts: 21 Member
    A lot of times people say negative things about you successes because they are either jealous or they don't want you to become a better person, then you want have them to depend on. Be proud of yourself and tell yourself that I love me and so does God, no one else really matters. It's all about you girl and keep up the good work!
  • bunnylvr
    bunnylvr Posts: 78
    I don't know you or your bf but sounds to me like the boyfriend needs to go. Family is harder because they're family, but you can choose your friends and boyfriends...speaking from experience....

    Oh, my boyfriend is a really great guy. He just thought I was already hot to begin with and didn't think I needed to lose any weight. Knowing that I can put on 20 pounds and he'll still think I am attractive makes me feel good. It's not that he's being UNSUPPORTIVE necessarily, he's just not really too interested I don't think. I wasn't trying to paint him in a bad light at all, or make him out to be a jerk or anything. Sorry if it came off that way :(
  • mommytomyah
    mommytomyah Posts: 16 Member
    What a d-bag.
  • y353
    y353 Posts: 50 Member
    Well I even don't have too many friends here hahaha

    Thing is, I kinda compete with a friend. As I see she doing great, I want to do great too.

    We exchange info in real life (we go out about twice a month), but almost none here.

    My family sees my changes and say "Oh, he lose weight really easily" but for all they know I could be starving myself.

    But I really try my best against myself. Yeah, sometimes I eat chocolate for lunch (NOT HEALTHY!!!), some days I lose 1 kg, some gain a 1 kg... But I gotta say I EAGER for the time I will weight myself, too see how much I lost.

    It's crazy, sometimes I lay and bed waiting for the time to go to the scale, thinking "Oh! how good would be If I lost a pound! But no! Let's be realistic, yesterday I ate a huge burger. Maybe I got two more pounds" as today hahahah

    Some days I want to go to bed early to get closer to weight myself.
    So, the advice I can give you it's:

    The world will be against you many many times. But the only one who always will stand for you, it's you. Build yourself stronger, better. Nobody is "born" ready. Find your weakness and kill them! With fire!

    And chocolate you can send to me, I will annihilate them!

    Live you life wanting to be the Insanity Wolf :)
  • Ballybabe1
    Ballybabe1 Posts: 57
    To be honest, and I can only speak for myself, I think family and friends have seen me attempt so many diets over the years they are sick of it, so when I am saying 'I'm doing well, I've lost x lbs ' I can understand if they are not putting me up on their shoulders in celebration cause they are probably thinking ... how long will this fad last or it'll probably be all back up in no time.... Its not encouraging but I kinda understand when they say 'grand' or something like that. Its nice to hear 'your briliant, and wow and good job' but thats not gonna happen til they see significant change so all we can do is keep at it and show them its not a fad this time. Then it'll be a case of us being able to rant 'i told ya so ha ha ha ha ha' and 'thanks for the support NOT ! ' Mind you I see support in a bit of a different way, for me support is DH minding the kids and letting me go for my walk or run, its also that he also went off sweets for lent so that I wouldnt be tempted, this is all support in a different way and it all helps. I guess thats why we have MFP so that we get the good jobs & the well done's to get us thru each day.
  • bunnylvr
    bunnylvr Posts: 78
    I took a look at your profile page and I can tell you what the problem is for those folks. You don't have a huge amount to lose and they are probably thinking you shouldn't be trying to lose weight at all. They like you where you are and they are comfortable with that. Having said that, I think they should be cheering you on to lose the weight you want to so you are comfortable with yourself and happy with that. Other people's perceptions of us can be skewed. You just need to do what is right for you. I know its disappointing to not have anyone notice or to try to deter you from your goals, but hang in there. This is about YOU, not them.

    Yes! This^^^! Thank you. You nailed it. Especially the first part. I think if I had like 100 pounds to lose or something like that I would be getting more support. I decided to lose about 20 pounds because I had gained about 20 pounds over the last 2 years. I'm not considered what people consider fat or unhealthy, which I think is the problem.

    This is the convo me and my mother had last night which is really what made me make this post:

    Mom: How's you eating healthy and dieting going?

    Me: Good, I've lost 11 pounds.

    Mom: Don't you think you should stop? - This is the comment that pissed me off

    Me: Uhhh, no?
  • Hannova
    Hannova Posts: 50
    To be pretty honest about it, I never even considered any need for "support".

    I made the decision that I wanted to meet specific goals... I spent the time researching HOW to get there.. and now im just doing it.
    I dont think i ever asked anyone in real life for help... or anything like that. I dont tell people Im on a diet, or that im trying to lose weight...

    I just dont get what kind of "support" you people are really talking about? are you looking for someone to tell you what to do, like a trainer, or do your really expect someone to constantly say "good for you!" when you make a personal decision about food?


    btw, that comes off harsh, and I dont mean it that way, its a honest question.. what do you guys mean by "support"?
    Im fairly independent, so it honestly baffles me.

    Dude, I think you misunderstand. I am willing to say that most people here don't need handholding. That's why we're here.

    However, nothing makes changing a bad habit harder than temptation and negative feedback. Getting positive feedback helps. My main reward is being able to fit into the next size smaller clothes, or being able to bike 20 miles without collapsing.

    But an "atta girl!" will never go amiss, whereas a "What makes you think you can look better? Here have an Oreo and forget about it." is going to drag at you and mess with your head.

    so what im gathering from your posts and the posts below you... having no support, is another way of saying "having people in your life that incite you to make less healthy choices that you would otherwise avoid"

    ok, that makes more sense.
    I dont really have that problem. lol. thats probably why I didnt get it.

    LOL, Okay, support can mean "Please do not actively try and sabotage my efforts with baked goods and psych warfare!" more than wanting a pat on the head..

    My ex was fond of buying chocolate icecream, cake and cookies and making snide remarks. Finally he wanted to know if I was losing weight because I was planning on leaving him. Well.. I did some time later. But that had nothing to do with losing the weight.

    Sometimes people feel a bit threatened by a loved one losing weight. Or maybe they have it stuck in *their* head that it's impossible. Sometimes you learn something about yourself and the people around you
  • todaystuesday
    todaystuesday Posts: 77 Member
    sadly this is pretty common. You did really awesome on your weigh in, dont let anyone take that from you. You deserve to feel good!!

    ^^^This^^^^ don't let them take your health from you. A person who has to cut others down, only do so because s/he has an issue with themself.
  • klkelley
    klkelley Posts: 122 Member
    I am in the same boat..my biggest issue is my daughter comes in from out of town most weekends (we are planning her wedding in June) and because we are on the go all the time, my hubby and her want to eat out. They get upset because I cannot go to the places we used to go. I have told them to go, but they won't without me.
  • monicaroozo
    monicaroozo Posts: 200
    I find that my family and friends can be very supportive... but nothing can compare to the support of people who have the same goals as we do! I was recently asked to stop talking about my weight loss and this program outside of the program because it can be hard to relate to if you are not involved or do not have the same goals. I have tried to fuel most of my momentum through this site to inspire other people instead of aggravating those around me. It's a challenge though.
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