Does anyone else pretty much have NO support at all?

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  • kimiec
    kimiec Posts: 62
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    You will never be alone in this area I know many of us have the same problem but that is why MFP is here for us to help and support each other. Come here and boost all you want we will cheer you on. As for your family they might just be a bit jelouse your doing this for you but thats their problem just keep at it and in the end you will show them.
  • annafonte
    annafonte Posts: 82 Member
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    Apart from MFP, I am doing this completely on my own. I'm trying to recruit my colleague into this, she's downloaded the app so i'm hoping we can do this together. However, at the moment, doing it on my own. Anytime I've lost weight, I've done it on my own...
  • Evelyn_Gorfram
    Evelyn_Gorfram Posts: 706 Member
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    OP, I'm not in your boat, nowhere near it, but still I find it hard. My main sources of support, my BF and my mom, do try to say supportive things; but it can feel really unsupportive to me.

    My BF keeps telling me how great it is that I'm starting to make healthy food choices, which I think he means as: "Wow! You're making healthy food choices! You're going to feel better and live longer (and maybe even be a hotter chick, but that's not what I care about most)! Hot Diggity!"

    But what I find myself hearing is: "Thank God! All these years I've been standing back and watching you make all sorts of unhealthy food choices, biting my tongue to keep from saying anything. It's about *time* already!"


    My mom keeps warning about how hard it's going to be when I get nearer my goal weight, and talking about how hard it's been for *her.* Over the last few years, she's finally lost that nefariously stubborn "last ten pounds" which she'd had since well before her eighth-grade graduation at age 14 - she's 82 now, so that was nearly 70 years ago(!).

    Writing this out just now, I can see that maybe I ought to be giving my BF credit for all those years when he stood by and and bit his tongue (he really, really did), and that I should be ringing bells and hiring skywriters and throwing a nation-wide street party to celebrate what my mom has accomplished. And just realizing that makes me feel better about both of them.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    I mean other than MFP community? I am getting no support at all from my family or my boyfriend. I'm pretty much completely on my own with this. Is anyone in the same boat? I'll probably just quit telling the people in my life about my success because they only say things that will discourage me, I am just sick of it. I weighed in today and I lost another 1.6 pounds and I was really excited, but then today I got two snide remarks, one from my mother and one from the boyfriend, which kind of killed it for me. It really pisses me off. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.

    Totally getting the rant, but girl, any weigh-in where you're down more than .1 or .2 pounds---you must be walking on air!! Here's your support---WE GET IT!!!!:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • Reedern
    Reedern Posts: 525 Member
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    My husband thinks he is being supportive by saying things like "do you really need to eat that?", or just grabbing things out of my hands. He is slowing understanding that this doesn't help and I hope that in time as he sees the results that he will find more positive things to say. My biggest supporters are my mom and my friend at work who goes to the gym with me. My friend helps me push myself and my mom is always supportive of me which I love. I think the most hurt always comes from the ones closest to us that try to knock us down. We just have to strive for more and know that we are all doing what it takes to get where we need to be.
  • Joannie30
    Joannie30 Posts: 415 Member
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    I mean other than MFP community? I am getting no support at all from my family or my boyfriend. I'm pretty much completely on my own with this. Is anyone in the same boat? I'll probably just quit telling the people in my life about my success because they only say things that will discourage me, I am just sick of it. I weighed in today and I lost another 1.6 pounds and I was really excited, but then today I got two snide remarks, one from my mother and one from the boyfriend, which kind of killed it for me. It really pisses me off. Sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.

    Aw man am i ever in the same boat?! I thought i was the only one!! I'm trying to lose some weight more because my gp suggested it may help my PCOS than for any other reason, but i am really trying hard and am committing to it 110 per cent. My fiance on the other hand, as much as i love him, is infuriating the life out of me!!!! He keeps calling it "this stupid diet of yours" etc... It really upsets me because he makes me feel like i'm just doing it for vanity which i am so not! I mean, who wouldn't wanna look a bit slimmer of course but its more importantly for my health and so i can eventually conceive his child!!!!!!!! He eats whatever he wants and gets grumpy with me when i suggest we have something lower in fat etc for tea.

    You're doing great! Don't forget that! They're probably just jealous that you have the drive and motivation to do it. Keep it up! :)
  • bunnylvr
    bunnylvr Posts: 78
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    I would really appreciate if everyone refrain from slamming my boyfriend. He is not a "douche-bag", a "dead weight" and I certainly do not need to "drop him". I did not make this post so you could say hurtful things about someone I love, it hurts me when you say these things, and to be honest I find it rude. If you're going to be negative I do not want your support. He is supportive in every other aspect of my life. He doesn't discourage me, he doesn't try to sabotage my weight loss, etc....
    How can you make these judgments about someone you have never even met?

    When I made this post I was venting, but now I wish I hadn't at all.

    Thank you to everyone else who has offered support without being negative and/or making hurtful comments, I appreciate those.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    My husband thinks he is being supportive by saying things like "do you really need to eat that?", or just grabbing things out of my hands. He is slowing understanding that this doesn't help and I hope that in time as he sees the results that he will find more positive things to say. My biggest supporters are my mom and my friend at work who goes to the gym with me. My friend helps me push myself and my mom is always supportive of me which I love. I think the most hurt always comes from the ones closest to us that try to knock us down. We just have to strive for more and know that we are all doing what it takes to get where we need to be.
    [/quote?]

    ANYBODY grabbing ANYTHING out of my hands is risking a hard smack at the least, unless they are under the age of two or three...focus on positive feedback--gather it to yourself like a warm, fluffy blanket, and let the negatives blow past you like a nasty cold wind...feeling metaphorical today, I guess, anyway STAY STRONG!:happy:
  • HoneyRiot
    HoneyRiot Posts: 27 Member
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    There is this illustration that helps me cope with these type of people. It is technically called the "Crab mentality" because it involves the analogy of crabs in a bucket (or pot). If one crab is in a bucket, you have to put a lid on the bucket or it will escape. However, if you have many crabs in a bucket you don't need to put a lid because all the crabs will pull down any crab that tries to escape. People can be like crabs, whenever they see you excelling in something or improving your life, they get jealous or spiteful, etc and try to pull you back down to their level. The best you can do is just to ignore these people and continue with your success. :)
  • m60kaf
    m60kaf Posts: 421 Member
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    compliments and support are complicated for me. I have gone from being morbidly obese to pretty much a new person - with slightly dodgy knees from being huuuge!!!

    My perspective on other people has changed so much. The only person I look up to as a comparison is pretty spot on, most other people to me just seem outta shape people full of excuses and whines.

    So generally I couldn't care less if someone thinks its great I lost 1.2lb its if I'm happy with myself and progress. Lets be honest if someone jumps up and down with excitement you have lost 2lb there a little fake

    Where 'compliments' do work for me is the totally genuine ones - Where I meet someone I havent seen for years who practically dies when they twig who I am. People who used to say I looked 60 who know cant believe Im THAT old now. People who make snide comments that I 'must be on steroids!'

    When I was a pretty fit teenager there was a kid called fat olly - a huge lad. a few years later this kid called olly started hanging around with us - he was muscly, good looking and a hit with the ladies . someone pointed out he was 'fat olly.' being slow as I can be it took me a minute to work out which fat olly, I was like "f*********** ba***d f***** f***** fat olly!!!' ie slightly less complimentary of fat olly and quite positive of new olly, in front of him - as usual everyone rolled there eyes at my bluntness but it came from being so genuinely shocked - having gone through it all my self I now realise that THAT is the kind of reaction/comment makes it all worthwhile :)

    In summary - 2lb, so what! Genuine support at major changes is what matters
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
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    People who make snide comments that I 'must be on steroids!'

    I finally had someone say that about me.... I was pretty happy about it myself. It takes alot of work to get someone to think you're jucin when you're not. lol.
  • pcteck2
    pcteck2 Posts: 184 Member
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    When I started my weight loss I didn't tell anyone, not even my husband. Only my sister and I shared and that was mostly by e-mail and not often. I had failed so many times that I didn't want to announce it to anyone. After about 20 pounds I made a few hints, but got sot of a hohum response. After 40 pounds people suddenly sat up and noticed and suddenly I was an expert on weight loss. Funny isn't it? I became a nine days wonder for quite a while. I think I did better before anybody knew.
  • 2gabbee
    2gabbee Posts: 382 Member
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    It's so sad so many of us suffer from lack of support in our weight loss journey from family members, friends and significant others. Believe in yourself, be honest, strong , don't let anyone stand in your way of happiness and your goals. Surround yourself with those who support you in all areas of your life, your hard work will payoff, people will notice, those that doubted your successful will see your serious about a healthy life style and may in time learn to support you. In my case members of my family are living with high blood pressure, are diabetic , & dealing with weight issues. I made it clear that I expect from them in my struggles with weight the same respect I give them dealing with their health issues. Don't get me wrong change didn't happen over night slowly I feel I'm getting family support. From cookbooks for healthy meals, to my dad purchasing me a bike with a exercise triangle that converts my bike to a stationary bike., to my daughter & I walking our dogs & she supports me as one of my biggest cheer leaders on MFP . Reach out to members of MVP in your community for support or around the world. Their are great people on this site who understand and are willing to help. Check out meetup.com for walking,running ,fitness , hiking groups, Community centers for exercise classes., VolksWalking or Volksmarching groups for organized walks. Support comes from a number of resources.I refer to these resources as my extended family. Good luck in your journey your not alone!
  • enlightening
    enlightening Posts: 20 Member
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    That is so tough, but it happens. Don't say another thing to them. You can get support here, and when they see the changes in your body, they will say something and it could even be something positive! But the other part of this is that along with the changes in your body there will be changes in YOU! Your new confidence and energy may very well be a threat to these two people. I would be more concerned about this in the boyfriend. Does he want to keep you down? You'll soon find out. Do not let those two discourage you--shame on them!!
  • Amjd412
    Amjd412 Posts: 3
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    I am a single mom, so I don't have a husband to support me and my mother is super supportive but she lives out of state. So I am kinda on my own to make it happen. It would be so nice to have a friend in town to walk with me and keep each other positive. So yes I understand.
    But on the positive side congrats on your loss! Keep up the good work.
  • jyow01
    jyow01 Posts: 123 Member
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    I am sorry that those around you don't support you. Don't let it get to you if you need support feel free to add me. As far as your mom and boyfriend go maybe tey are jealous of your weight loss. You can't really choose your mother but the boyfriend you can do something about. Explain to him how important this journey is to you and how much you want his support. If not then I am not sure what I would do in your position maybe he doesn't know how to support you or maybe he is scared if you lose the weight you will leave him for someone else. Just a thought.
  • 223730
    223730 Posts: 55
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    Definitely with you on this one. My husband could care less, to be honest. I would tell him I wanted to eat a cake, “sure honey what kind do you want?” I would tell him I lost 2 lbs, “that’s good, hmm”. I think we all want someone to be excited with us when we accomplish something that means so much, and we all want encouragement because these kind of changes are not easy! Especially when those around us are not inclined to change their own habits.

    My friends are not health/weight loss conscious either. The neighbor next door will see me eat a subway sandwich and say “I couldn’t eat just that, I’m a fat girl, I need my food”. My best girlfriend says she’d rather eat what she wants and be happy than to ‘diet’ and be miserable. Another friend is all about doing the “fad” diets and she is always going from one extreme to another – low carb, no carb, no sugar, whatever is out there. She says she doesn’t have time to exercise.

    So, I am on my own with this, with only my MFP friends to support me! I want it for myself, so I think that is why it is working. I feel so good about getting out there and exercising, and eating better, knowing that even when I don’t want to, I did it anyway! It’s going to take me to where I want to be.

    I also find that random compliments make me feel great too. I may not get them from my friends or my husband, but when other people notice, it still makes a difference! My husband’s best friend said “don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like you have been losing weight”. That was a great moment (he said it in front of my husband, so that makes it even better! I had to refrain from sticking my tongue out at him:happy: ). My co-workers notice, and people I don’t see often make mention of it.
  • Reneefit135
    Reneefit135 Posts: 170
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    I am really glad i came across this post. I have been using MFP since Nov 2011 and have been trying to get my friends and family to join. We all need to lose weight and get healthier. Only 2 of them joined and they haven't stuck to it. I have started blogs for me and my friends where i send out comments successes and encouragement it was supposed to be a community like this but of people i actually know. It FLOPPED, nobody responded to the posts. I don't understand how the people in your life who care about you the most can be so un supportive especially when they need the help as well. They actually seem irritated with me every time i mention something about health, wellness or weightless. Its really tough.
  • jasminemonique1
    jasminemonique1 Posts: 76
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    I feel the same way my family really don't support me they often think that I am losing weight for the wrong reasons. They think I am doing it just to be thin. yes I would like to be smaller but I find that myfitnesspal also helped me to realized that there are more things to losing weight than being thin. I also have cut down of my sugar intake and my sodium intake. I would Like to find people ust like me who can give me advice or pointer so that this journey will be more efficient,enjoyable and alot easier.

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