has anyones SO ever snooped?
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My husband and I share most of our internet communications. We don't really check up on each others phones either. It really comes down to trust, my husband has on one or two occasions told me he doesn't trust me, and I let him know he better either put more faith in me or leave. I'm not about to be hounded for things I haven't done, ask me if you want to look at something, since I have nothing to hide, I'll show you.0
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If you can't trust your partner or your partner can't trust you, what's the point?
Exactly my thought. The moment I feel the need to go through my husband's phone, email, ect. then we have much bigger problems. I refuse to be in a relationship where there is no trust.
It may not be the case here but it always seems that the snoopers are only doing it to justify the actions that they themselves are doing.0 -
ok also have to admit because no I feel guilty, I noticed others saying thise, I leave passowrds saved, he left his email account logged into my computer one day and I didnt immediately ex out, I glanced annnnnd I was a bit curious about a pending job offer and read those emails....... didnt even think to look for a girl or affair though?0
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So ask him, "You have a reason not to trust me?"Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.
Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.
I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.
Am I being too harsh?
Sometimes it's guilt because they can't be trusted themselves, sometimes it's something from the past (I hate it when they make you pay for someone else's mistake!), sometimes there's no reason.
"You may not snoop into my stuff, I have nothing to hide. If you have questions, ask me." really lays it out.0 -
ok also have to admit because no I feel guilty, I noticed others saying thise, I leave passowrds saved, he left his email account logged into my computer one day and I didnt immediately ex out, I glanced annnnnd I was a bit curious about a pending job offer and read those emails....... didnt even think to look for a girl or affair though?
Curiosity is one thing, he left it open, dumbass When you specifically go into someone's account to look for trouble that is something else. it indicates a lack of trust, and as someone else said without trust who wants that relationship?0 -
IMO... snooping is completely unacceptable! I don't do it, and I expect the same in return.
If I knew it was happening regularly the relationship would come to a swift end.0 -
My husband can look at anything of mine that he wants....I frequently leave my facebook open and walk away from it, he plays games on my iPhone, I wouldn't care if he read my emails. He is my husband and I chose to be with him for the rest of my life.....and therefore, I don't have anything to hide from him. I think it says something if you are worried about a SO looking through "your stuff".0
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I don't snoop, mainly because I don't really care if he was chatting with another woman, our marriage is on its last legs anyway.
He doesn't snoop, but if he did, there wouldn't be anything for him to find. He can't work my netbook or my phone, so if I did want to hide something, I could. But I don't have anything TO hide.0 -
I don't date and I don't use social media sites so I'm in the clear.
smart
i'm insanely insecure. i've snooped my last 3 serious relationships (1 lasting 2 year, living together, 1 5 years, living together, and now another 3 year, living together relationship)
i'm effed up inside. i tried pushing people away so they don't have to deal with my crazy, but i've also never lived alone since about 8 years ago.. it's scary.
anyways, that was a ramble. people check when they're insecure, it doesn't mean they're specifically acting out because they've done something wrong, but unfortunately, thats the case sometimes.
sometimes people are insecure. i am. and i know i shouldn't snoop. neither should your SO, but it's hard to stop him now, now he'll assume you don't want him snooping BECAUSE you're hiding something.. so then he's going to get more insecure, more weird, and more secretive about the way he checks things, and the assumptions he's making. it's wrong, but it's a permission thats hard to take back once you allow it.0 -
I confess, I snooped on my ex. And I was right.
She started doing that thing where she'd close her laptop whenever I'd walk by. She'd be on her computer in the middle of the night, and if I got up to use the bathroom, she'd close it when I walked past. Normally, we had no secrets, so that was strange.
I did snoop, and sure enough, she had a new dating profile I didn't know about, that said she was single and looking for someone who wanted to have a lot of sex - which was something we'd fought a lot about.
By the time I got to the snooping part, I knew the relationship was already in a very bad place. She never found out I knew, but we broke up a couple months later. I've never snooped otherwise.0 -
I have snooped before but not because I am insecure. I believe communication is very important and if something seems different, there is a reason. For example, last night I found out my husband has a twitter account. He never told me about it. When I asked him if he had one, he said "I think so ". What kind of answer is that? I could care less if he has a twitter account, but I would like to know about it. So looks like snooping is around the corner for me.0
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We don't have secrets from each other and we both know the others' passwords to email and such. I figure you're either all in the relationship or all out. If you're not all in then whats the point?0
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I would never ever look through my husband's phone and he would never ever look through mine. It's not that we have super big secrets to hide from each other or anything...it's a respect thing. In our marriage, it's okay to have some things private, and our text messages are just that. private. Do I think I'd find anything crazy if I did snoop? Absolutely not (and the same goes if he were to snoop), but, for us, it's about trust and respect. I trust him, without question and I respect his privacy, plain and simple.
To the OP it sounds like you have a few controlling issues with your SO. Those controlling tendancies tend to get more and more powerful as a relationship goes on, unless you nip them in the bud. Good luck!0 -
I don't date and I don't use social media sites so I'm in the clear.
smart
i'm insanely insecure. i've snooped my last 3 serious relationships (1 lasting 2 year, living together, 1 5 years, living together, and now another 3 year, living together relationship)
i'm effed up inside. i tried pushing people away so they don't have to deal with my crazy, but i've also never lived alone since about 8 years ago.. it's scary.
anyways, that was a ramble. people check when they're insecure, it doesn't mean they're specifically acting out because they've done something wrong, but unfortunately, thats the case sometimes.
sometimes people are insecure. i am. and i know i shouldn't snoop. neither should your SO, but it's hard to stop him now, now he'll assume you don't want him snooping BECAUSE you're hiding something.. so then he's going to get more insecure, more weird, and more secretive about the way he checks things, and the assumptions he's making. it's wrong, but it's a permission thats hard to take back once you allow it.
BTW - these are very much the warning signs to a turbulent relationships. the only reason you don't hear people making a big deal about breaking up now, is because they dont. they stay, jealousy grows. anger. it could very much turn ugly. i swore up and down that one of the guys i was with would never lay a hand on me. but he did. because we stayed together longer than we should. he was controlling, manipulative, i was angry, and insecure.. one thing led to another.
manipulation is a ****ty thing to deal with in a relationship. i advise leaving asap0 -
My husband doesn't snoop but he looks at my facebook and phone quite often. He hates facebook but I show him stuff on there all the time, and I leave it up for hours when I'm home, but I'm sure he knows my password anyway. And I often tell him to answer my phone or return a text if I'm busy. I have nothing to hide, and he knows it.0
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My husband and I have each others' passwords, so it's not "snooping"
Neither of us are jealous or insecure, we just decided to be totally transparent with each other, so that there will never be room for suspicion or jealousy. I don't think he even looks in my accounts even though he has the password--I know I rarely look in his. But I'm a very social person, so I've got all these friends (guys and gals) on facebook and other internet boards that he does not know...if he ever wonders, he can see for himself I've nothing to hide. Works for us!
^^^THIS
I do have to take my phone with me sometimes, because he will "hack" my facebook page and put something silly as my status. Our family likes to play those kind of pranks on one another. He is not as mean to my facebook as he is to his cousins, but still... I cant take that risk. LOL. We actually sometimes have one another get on our facebooks to play a game or change something if we cannot get online.0 -
I dont think he intiontally left it open, but again I also dont think if I were to confess everytime I snooped to him and the details any of it would have upset him, probably made him chuckle, like the first time I was at his place and idk, I guess I just wondered what the top drawer of his dresser was like, so I peeked, belt wallet, alka selzer, nothing exciting, wasnt expecting anything exciting either, I never looked through ihs phone since he kept it locked, had to for work, but I never really thought he was hiding anything. I also looked at his internet history once, and I wont lie real reason was I wanted to know what sort of porn he watched0
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Nope, no need for snooping because he can look at it anytime he wants, I don’t care. Not that he ever asks to, but I don’t have anything to hide. It’s just another day if he’s upstairs and his phone rings I’ll call up “it’s xxx do you want me to get it?” or “Babe, you just got a text from xxx.” Before cell phones whoever it was would have just called the house and whoever was closest would have picked it up, I don’t see much difference now.0
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we don't snoop, but we are laways on each others phones and email accounts- we are very open- I'll ask him to look at something on my email, and vice vera- if either one of us were hiding something, we would bust ourselves!0
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Nope. I know that through FB I can't be too crazy since my wife has a high security job. And the only people I call on my phone are her, family and occasionally clients. I have no fear (since I'm not doing anything wrong) so I keep all numbers on the phone and any texts (if I even text at all).Have you ever noticed that your partner has been looking through your phone? Or on your facebook?
What did you do? How did you know they'd been looking through your things?
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I don't snoop. My wife does not snoop. Other than my work email, I don't have one. I have other emails. Every time we change providers, Holland or Jan usually sets up an email for me, tells me the password and then I forget it. Probably got junk piling up under Hotmail, Yahoo, Google, whatever. I'll never know. FB? Holland set it up. Everyone in the house knows the password. Jan and Holland have all the account numbers and passwords to my banking, shopping, etc.
I'm sure they look at my Amazon Account. Every time I put something on a "Wish List', it magically shows up at the house.
If you can't trust your partner or your partner can't trust you, what's the point?
Exactly!0 -
I have private passwords and close all account and forums when I leave a computer. My husband does not snoop, however if I happen to leave a forum/face book page open to a topic that interests him he has no issue with typing up a post under MY NAME. Considering he has wildly different views on something that pisses me off to no end.
With him he hides EVERYTHING. His mother really does not like me and neither does his father, so DH hides emails he thinks may hurt my feelings.0 -
I leave my facebook and mfp account up on the family laptop all day. My wife leaves hers up on the other tabs. I just have nothing to hide.
Ditto0 -
I don't give him any passwords for anything, its just whenever he has my laptop he'll look on my facebook because I leave myself logged in, he'll read all of my private messages and things like that.. And as for my phone he usually looks at that when I'm in the shower or if I've fallen asleep before he does. I don't have a passcode on my phone because whenever I do he'll look over my shoulder to work it out.
He'll even go as far as to look at my internet history and then question everything.
At first I didn't mind because I knew I had nothing to hide and if he did misinterpret something I could easily correct him.. But now I feel as though I'm constantly justifying everything I do to him.. Its driving me nuts.0 -
Well my boyfriend keeps looking at my phone and my facebook and accusing me once he sees something.
Like today for example he saw that a friend had sent me a private message with someones number called "Phil" he then started texting me accusing me of god knows what and he didn't actually read my post that she was replying to that was asking people for driving instructors.
I then tried to explain to him how irritating I find it because I have nothing to hide but he checks these things at least once a week and then reads in to things too much and starts accusing.. This has been going on for almost a year now and its driving me insane so I said to him today that if I find out he's looked at something again then its over for us.
Am I being too harsh?
Best advice I ever got: The best a man will treat you is while you're dating. He's trying to impress you and win you over. If he's not treating you so great (and even if he is), it will be worse after you get married.
As far as snooping, my husband and I have each others passwords for everything and normally stay logged in on our computers (fb and mfp). I'll look at his fb because he has a few friends that are train wrecks so I like to see what they're complaining about.0 -
Snooping is unacceptable, in my opinion.
If you decide to grant each other access to each other's email accounts, facebooks, etc., that's not snooping. And I actually think that's pretty cool.
But snooping, in my opinion, is a huge violation of trust.
If a person really believes that their SO is doing something that they shouldn't, then either (1) they are, and the person knows this because they are treating you differently or acting differently or (2) the person is experiencing trust issues. Either way, talking to each other is the answer, NOT snooping.0 -
I leave my facebook and mfp account up on the family laptop all day. My wife leaves hers up on the other tabs. I just have nothing to hide.
Same here including emails. Been married for almost 9 yrs, no snooping.0 -
I also think it's downright creepy to know each other's passwords and stuff. In my current relationship, I don't know any of his passwords and he doesn't know any of mine. I don't have significant secrets and I doubt he does either, but it's good to have personal space, I think. I don't want to be under constant scrutiny, and even if I don't have negative secrets from him, it's really none of his business. I don't think it's healthy to be logging into each other's accounts just out of curiosity. If he has a private message that I can't see logged in as myself, it's not my business.0
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Is that a problem? :noway: Are you hiding something? I suggest not saying, doing, or writing anything you don't want your SO to find out about. I check my husband's email for him when he's busy. I'm also the family treasurer, so when our cell phone bill comes in, I look through the calls made and received. Hey, I'm curious! He's a great husband, but if, at some point, he does have something to hide, I don't want to be clueless. If my husband had been checking on his ex, he might not have been as shocked and surprised when she took the kids and left with her lover.
I'm reminded you're not necessarily talking about your spouse. I guess there is a big difference between an SO and a spouse. A married couple has become "one," and when you're "one," it makes sense to be open with your other half. SOs are subject to change, and you might be wise not to share too much.0 -
I've snooped from time to time...I'm not proud of it, but I've done it. I tell him right after because I wouldn't lie to him...I think it's Nosey more than anything lmao.
I do have all his passwords and him mine...just for clarification.
To me snooping is having that moment of weakness that you kinda sorta want to make sure you know everything lmao.0
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