What's ur Best Marriage Advice

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Replies

  • CRSE1214
    CRSE1214 Posts: 196 Member
    Respect each other, loyalty, communication, compromise, and don't sweat the small stuff. We've been together 21 years (married 10)!!! Good luck in your future marriage.
  • lissypriss
    lissypriss Posts: 157 Member
    Being married for 17 years, I can honestly say..laugh and joke! Nothing shows love more than walking around at walmart, then out of nowhere he shouts "Alissa, quit touching me there!! Rape!"....aaahhhh, love..:blushing:
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,014 Member
    if you want a broken marriage, share the few problems between you with friends, family and Facebook. If you want a solid marriage, DON'T share your personal, marital counseling with others , but DO share the MANY positive memories in your life with each other. :bigsmile:

    SERIOUSLY! Definitely a big no no....I watch too many people have friends and family in their fights and it's a downward spiral!!! Gah!!!
  • MakingProgress
    MakingProgress Posts: 19
    Laugh. Don't forget your sense of humor, and don't forget to have fun. Laugh, as much as possible, laugh.

    Don't forget to talk to each other about something other than work, money and kids (once you have them, if you don't already).

    Eek out a little time every day to spend together, even if it's just 10 minutes before bed.

    I personally do not subscribe to the "don't go to bed angry" theory. I'm a very non-confrontational person for the most part, and when I get angry, I need time to cool down. Sometimes, bed is the best place for me to do that. I think "don't go to bed angry" is a very one size fits all approach, and in my marriage, it would be incorrect. I will say, though - don't let things fester. Don't ignore things that you feel strongly about - money, sex, kids, whatever - get it out in the open, but do it calmly and with some forethought. If we were to stay up all night to "talk things out" all we'd be is grumpy, still fighting and tired at the first light of dawn. Give me some time to get some space where I can think about what's going on and be rational, and I'm more than happy to work things out. So, my advice is, find what works for you in the resolution dispute department and then agree to the ground rules and let it work for you.

    Good luck!
  • bluberrygoo
    bluberrygoo Posts: 222 Member
    There are NO secrets! My husband and I tell each other EVERYTHING. Be painfully honest if you have to be, I have been with my husband for almost 14 years and I am only 30 we still gab like girls lol he is my best friend in the whole world.

    This and sex is important, if you're not in the mood then just do something for him.
  • PattyfromToledo
    PattyfromToledo Posts: 74 Member
    Dislike the advice to cheat...
  • pamelad77
    pamelad77 Posts: 292 Member
    Run
  • thinktank32k
    thinktank32k Posts: 716
    Married almost 19 years. My parents have been married 45 years. Their parents were married until death. So I've learned a few things along the way.

    1. If you wouldn't marry him if he was broke/heavy/ etc then don't marry him. Looks change. Finances change. Marry because you know you will love him as much when he's a saggy 80yo as you do today.

    2. Do little things to let him know you love him. I pinch my hubby's big toes. I leave a note in the morning on weekends to say that coffee is all set up. There are a lot more but see #3.

    3. Keep some private cute things you do/say. My dad calls my mom WW. They won't tell us what it stands for. Hubby and I sign notes with ILYAYMBF! (It means I love you and you're my best friend! -- something kid 2 used to say) but while I did just post it here when I sign it to him in an email no one else knows what it means.

    4. Have fun together. One of my fondest memories of my parents is my dad chasing my mom down the hallway tickling her and she was running away giggling. Your spouse should be your best friend. Act it.

    5. I disagree on the "never go to bed angry" rule. Sometimes you are just dang tired and ticked off and have to get up early. Sometimes just sleeping on it will make you realize that he had a good point or it wasn't hat big of a deal in the first place. If not, you can always continue to discuss it later.

    6. Never sleep apart unless there is no option. Obviously, if one of you travels for work it's not an option. But if you are angry you should still sleep in the same bed. Don't move yourself or him to the guest room or couch. It's easy to move apart, it's not so easy to move back together.

    7. No matter how angry you are, don't yell. You are both adults and should be able to have a rational conversation even if you disagree. Hubby grew up in a family where his dad yelled a lot. When we were first married we got into an argument. He started yelling. I stood up, walked up the stairs, and stood as far away from him as I could while still being able to see each other. He asked what I was doing. I told him that if he wanted to have an adult conversation I'd come back down but if he was going to yell I'd at least give him a reason to have to yell so he could be heard. We've never yelled at each other since.

    8. Realize that even though it's a partnership, it won't always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10 and sometimes it will be 10/90.

    9. Know all the important things about each other before getting married. How many kids do you want? How long do you want to be married before starting a family? Will one of you be an at home parent? Where will you spend holidays? Know each other's spending habits. etc

    10. Above all, never, ever mention the D word unless you absolutely, positively mean it.

    This is awesome!!!
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    We go to bed angry all the time. Sometimes words can't solve things anymore and time is required.
  • CapsFan17
    CapsFan17 Posts: 198
    I've been with my husband for 9 years(?) we'll be married 5 years this June. Communication is HUGE!!! And don't be afraid to tell him what you want. Even if its as small as what you want for your birthday, or what you want for dinner, or what chores you would like him to help with. Guys need directions and the can't figure out what you want or expect them to do. Its also good to talk about things like finances, chores, expectations about children before you get married. That way you're both on the same page. Good Luck!!
  • Schula03
    Schula03 Posts: 171 Member
    My advice is make him think he is perfect!!! :) Make him think he is making the decisions, when in reality its you. :) Thank him for doing little tasks that you do all the time.:)

    Men need to feel so important and they are like babies, so baby them!!!!

    LOL... how do you like that? :)
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    been married 20 year this month...


    most important advice... for guys..

    in a disagreement....


    you can be right

    or

    you can be happy


    but not both..pick one.
  • eatherhey
    eatherhey Posts: 147 Member
    Communicate the **** out of each other, even if it's just bull****ting, don't stop talking. Skimmed back, apparently this has already been said. x3 Anyway, have some sex, get some together hobbies, get some apart hobbies, try to eat meals together.
  • kanmuri
    kanmuri Posts: 112
    Communication is the keystone. Everything problem springs from lack of communication. I've been married for almost 4 years and things always go better when we talk rto each other. We actually hold meetings every Sunday to discuss what went wrong that week, or if there are things we want the other to apologize for or we want to apologize for. It sounds silly but it works miracles.
  • KaylaBushman
    KaylaBushman Posts: 69
    Be quick to forgive...

    EVERY time you fight

    you cant expect change if you hold onto previous arguements.

    Easier said than done, I know.
  • jenalderman
    jenalderman Posts: 411 Member
    From someone who ended a 20 yr marriage and now KNOWS what has to exist in this one,

    DATE NIGHT.

    Every Friday we take time away from everything and everyone else and focus on each other. The grandsons we are raising know that this is our time. It's okay for them to have another agenda on Fridays but they have to figure out their own to and froms. This night is a production, we dress up, we go to dinner, sometimes a movie, sometimes a local hang out.

    We DATE each other.

    It always rejuvinates us and reconnects us. As a side effect, we come out of it with more of ourselves to share with the kids and grandkids.
  • KATIEHUGGIES
    KATIEHUGGIES Posts: 27
    WHAT WORKS FOR US IS WE BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER WITH A PURE LOVE THAT YOU WOULD LOVE YOUR CHILD WITH. YOU WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING TO YOUR CHILD TO HURT THEM , YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING POSSIBLE TO MAKE YOUR CHILDS LIFE EASIER, YOU WOULD NEVER CALL YOUR CHILD A NAME OR BELITTLE THEM, OR POINT OUT THERE FLAWS. YOU WOULD NEVER TARE YOUR CHILD DOWN OR REMIND THEM OF ALL THEIR MISTAKES IN THE PAST. SO THATS HOW I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I AM HIS BIGGEST CHEERLEADER. I DON'T JUMP ON HIS FLAWS AND I TREAT HIM WITH RESPECT AND ALWAYS WANT HIM TO SUCCEED EVEN IF IT ADDS TO MY LOAD. WE ARE MADLY IN LOVE AND WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 9 YEARS. WE HAVE NEVER HAD A BIG BLOW OUT FIGHT. NEVER HAD A REASON TO HAVE MAKE-UP SEX . WHAT I AM MOST PROUD OF IS HAVING SHOWN WHAT TRUE LOVE LOOKS LIKE TO OUT 4 CHILDREN.
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    So in 3 months I will be married. You always hear the horrible stuff but that's not what I am here for. With that being said I am looking for the besy marriage advice from some happily married people. It would be nice to have it before a rocky road or bad time occurs. So I am all ears........

    Cheat. Both of you. But remember where you sleep at night. We're all human, we all want something different once in awhile, no matter how great something is you'll always want something different every so often.

    Never lie about money.

    Isn't that called swingers?
  • katemme
    katemme Posts: 191
    Open communication. Talk about EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.

    And flirt.

    I agree with this!!

    What they said! I got married young at 19, and am going through a divorce now. (I'll be 24 in may) Yes I know it is silly to get that young, but we were in the military, it is pretty much the culture.

    We had like 2 big big arguments, but we were able to get over them, the final straw was though, when he came back from his 2nd deployment, neither of us really wanted to talk. I hid stupid things from him that I shouldn't have. We mutually decided the divorce.

    What I have come out of that experience with is, it is important to communicate. Be open. If you have to hide something (like say talking to an ex or other guys) it is not worth it.
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,340 Member
    The things you think are cute and endearing now will annoy the piss out of you in about 8 years. Pick your battles. Dont get upset if he watches porn, he is probably fantasizing about her joining you BOTH. If he takes out the trash, dont complain about where he leaves his socks. When he asks where you want to eat, dont answer with "I dont know". If you take him like he is now, let him stay that way if he wants. When you go to sleep, if he rolls over, it is not because he doesnt love you...... he is hot and wants to lay on the other side. Let him think he is always right and find ways to make him think your ideas are actually his and then go along with your own idea happily. Men like sex. They like it now, they will like it next week, they will like it in 12 years...... Never use that as punishment, it creates a bitter bedtime. If you start to argue, start to strip. Nobody can argue naked for long. That is all I got.
  • mugsy1335
    mugsy1335 Posts: 8
    I've been happily married for 25 years now and I would say the best advice I got was from my mother, and she said to make a marriage last and work, move as far away from your family so you can build a relationship with your spouse without the family always putting in there 2 cents and getting in the middle of your marriage, I have 3 grown children and my oldest son is getting married and I love having them around but I passed this advice on as I think it is important for you to grow together, lean on each other, depend on each other and so forth, and unfortunately when family is around it is harder to do that as you tend to if there is a problem to run home or such, with you being away you have to work it out, and figure each other out.

    BEST advice I ever got!!!!
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    Marriage... ugh. Marriage is hard work. As cliche as it seems, communication is SO important.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Dont expect the other person to think like you or be a nind reader.
    If asked if something is wrong and something is wrong do not say "nothing"

    ^^^ This! My husband and I both think we are mind readers at times... and we both suck at it - bigtime! Never assume the other knows what you're thinking, and never think they SHOULD know if you've not said it. COMMUNICATE and try to do it lovingly and respectfully even if you're pissed/frustrated.

    And Congrats!
  • sarai79
    sarai79 Posts: 90 Member
    100% guaranteed way not to get divorced....................

    Don't get married...works every time :smokin:

    Kidding...My husband and I were happily unmarried for 5 years and we've now been happily married for 5 months. If you want it bad enough, you'll sweat for it! Good luck
  • judypriv
    judypriv Posts: 206 Member
    think before you speak, things said but not meant still hurt

    play together, cook together, watch a regular weekly show together, something for you two and no one else

    date nights especially once you have kids

    SEX, I see most of the people around me not happy and all are lacking sex in their relationship

    make him feel like the man of the family, ask his opinion, ask him to make decisions with you, make sure your furtire kids now "Daddy is the boss." I'm the real boss, we both know it and admit it but publically - he is

    7 years married, 12 years together, still in love - that's us
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    if you want a broken marriage, share the few problems between you with friends, family and Facebook. If you want a solid marriage, DON'T share your personal, marital counseling with others , but DO share the MANY positive memories in your life with each other. :bigsmile:

    SERIOUSLY! Definitely a big no no....I watch too many people have friends and family in their fights and it's a downward spiral!!! Gah!!!


    or talking crap about a spouse, even if to cheer up a friend going through a divorce - not a good idea....
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    Here are a few things from me, I am in my second marriage and wish I knew this awhle ago....

    -Communication is key
    -You WILL have conflict, its in how you handle it
    -Date night is very important especially after you start having kids.
    -Find healthy outlets, and don't loose your personality.
    -Men need to feel respected, to feel loved...Women need to be loved...to feel loved if that makes sense lol
    -Sometimes you will have to agree to disagree it doesn't mean either is wrong, you are two different people.
    -I also agree with the "divorce" word never say it even if your angry.....
    -I agree with above post on the Don't say things you don't mean even in anger because they can leave lasting scars and it also closes a person up for the future.

    Take the time to laugh and enjoy every moment


    LOVE THIS Most importantly, keep God at the center of your relationship. If you fight, say a prayer together and it will calm you both down and you can both know how the other feels they need help.
  • Danpellizzari
    Danpellizzari Posts: 130
    I'm no longer married but I can tell you what was missing in my marriage. Open lines of communication and the feeling that there was give AND take. Not just take. People say marriage is 50/50. I think thats wrong. Its two people giving 100% everyday so that if there happens to be a short coming the other person is there to make up for the other. AND last but not least: Keep the fights CLEAN and the sex DIRTY!
  • quara
    quara Posts: 255 Member
    OK, I haven't read them all, but my advice is to be nice to each other. It can get easy as you get comfortable to take the other for granted and say things that you wouldn't normally say to other people, or give an attitude when you're in a mood. If you wouldn't speak that way to a friend, don't speak that way to your spouse! :)
  • mandi_2007_b
    mandi_2007_b Posts: 30
    I got married at 18, I got preg, graduated, married and had my baby all the same year! I only knew him 6months! We will be celebrating 12yrs this yr, its NOT easy. And the best 2 advices I can give is 1. Love God and 2. NEVER give up!
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