What's ur Best Marriage Advice
Replies
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1. Take divorce off the table
2. Never put it (divorce) back (on the table).
3. Love is the only "emotion" that is also a VERB - it is a choice. Chose each day to LOVE your spouse unconditionally.
4. Put God in the middle of your marriage. My husband & I didn't get this at first, but the last 10 years have been much better than the first 10 thanks to following the example of Christ.
Best wishes for your new lifelong adventure!
LOVE all of these!!!0 -
Have fun together. My husband and I are just dorks. When he was home a military leave I remember it was 1am and we were walking around our house giving each other piggy back rides. We always find ourselves laughing.
Oh and dont expect things to be perfect. Remember before you think about trying to change someone think about how hard it is to change yourself.
Happy marriage
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Practice saying "Yes Dear" over and over and over.... :laugh:0
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Keep God in you marriage and when fighting if one wins you both lose. Congrads and remember marraige is hard but if you have God and honesty and communication you will be great
12 years and counting over here 
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Appreciate the differences.
Don't get upset about anything that won't matter in 10 years (are you going to remember the socks on the floor, dishes in the sink?)
Although people say it is 50/50 . . .it is 100/100. Often to get my spouse to change something, I changed myself first. The more love I give, the more I receive.
If your spouse seems strange, then you must seem strange to your spouse. For everything you "put up with" they probably have two things they "put up with" about you.0 -
I tried and failed. This will be the hardest thing you've ever done. Add kids to the mix and it becomes even harder. I absolutely think if the people are right for each other marriage is the best thing in the world. Hopefully this is you. I hate to hear when people get divorced, even people I don't know. It's heartbreaking. Best of luck to you!!!0
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Make it a habit to thank each other for the things you do that can easily be taken for granted. For example I thank my husband for going to work. I don't do it every day but frequently. He thanks me for taking care of our son or doing whatever cleaning I've done. I don't totally agree with the don't go to bed angry thing. Most of the time it is good advice but sometimes you are just too tired to realize what a jerk you are being and sleep helps. It is really good to be two people who can admit when they are being jerks, everyone is from time to time. Good Luck!0
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I agree with the laugh, flirt and have fun together comments. When it comes to communication though it's more than just talking about everything. It's about learning the cues of your communication style - your personal style as well as your husband's AND your style together. What sets you off during arguments? Why? Is there some underlying problem that YOU need to resolve in order to react better? Don't push the blame off on him but take responsibility - it's a 2-way street. No 1-way's in marriage . . . ever. I don't care how right you think you are.
To explain the learn your communication style a bit better, this gets a littler personal here: I didn't realize before I got married that I had an anger management problem - no, not the physical violence and definitely not putting holes in walls etc. I've learned that anger management is much, much more than that. My husband would joke that I want what I want and I want it now. I couldn't lie, that was true. Then, when things got to a breaking point - something had to change or we were done - I went to a therapist who recommended some books. In one of those anger management books it had that exact line that my husband joked about. I'm not kidding - word for word. Reading that was an eye opener for me . . . I really did have a problem and needed to fix it for the sake of my marriage and our son.
Also, don't be afraid to see a couple's therapist BEFORE the problems occur. Many have an idea that therapist's are for when things are falling apart and it's the last step taken trying to save the marriage. Think though, how beneficial would it be if we all went to a couple's therapist the first 1-3 years of marriage . . . . how many marriages could be saved by being proactive?
I hope this helps and I hope I've made sense on learning your communication style. Let me know if not. It's something I'm continually learning about and how important it is.0 -
congrats!! ill give you the advice they gave me
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY
trust me its true
been married one month so far lol0 -
Practice saying "Yes Dear" over and over and over.... :laugh:
It works in my household hahaha! 0 -
Forget never go to bed angry. GO TO BED ANGRY. In the morning, it's likely you will not understand why you were so angry. If you're still angry, there's a problem that needs to be sorted.
I have never woken up still angry.0 -
Best marriage advice I ever got was from a guy who had just gotten divorced:
I'd still be married if I had just kept "dating" her.0 -
Hven't read all the others but I have been HAPPILY married for almost 11 years, together for almost 14, he wasnt my best freind at the start but he is now. We have been through everything together and had tough times, the things below worked for us. We both come from divorce homes and knew our marraige was forever- it was a commitment not a time passer. Now we are strong and a hell of a team.
My Advice list:
1) be honest- yes but be kind in that honesty.
2) relax if you are a perfectionist(I am ) and he tries to help with something but doesnt do it quite the way you would, let it go!!
3) It can be great to take a weekend apart now and then!
4) Give it 8 years...after that it seems to start getting easier.
5) Make sure he knows that you need, love and appreciate him! (My husband rolled over the other night-half asleep and said "I don't think you know how much I appreciate all you do" best thing he has EVER said to me)
6) Don't ever bring family in to the fights, and always say I'm sorry
7) My biggie....FIGHT, you are two differnt people not clones of each other, you will have differences, it happens. I will change what I feel easily and my husband and will argue it out. I am never afraid that he will leave me over it. My kids have learned to solve problems and know that fighting is ok. Never call names(If he calls you a B**** in a fight you will never forget it!)
Good luck congrats to you both!!0 -
Do NOT go to bed angry. So many couples make the mistake of pulling the silent treatment or storming off and not coming back to talk it out. You HAVE to talk it out. Even if that means staying up until 4 in the morning. Don't sleep on it, talk on it.
^^ This is why I am divorced, nothing was ever solved or "talked out"... Agreed, DO NOT sleep on it. Communication and understanding is KEY in a good marriage. I am not re-married but will be eventually. I am in a serious relationship where nothing is ever left un-said. We talk EVERYTHING out and let eachother know ALL of our thoughts, we share everything. Be eachothers best friend and hide nothing, I've never been so happy or satisfied with a relationship in my life.
Best of luck to you and your soon-to-be Husband!!0 -
If you plan to have children, discuss how they will be raised before you marry. Will you teach them religiion and if so, which one? How will you disipline them? Even how you will feed them and how strict/lenient you will be. I have seen disagreement on child rearing ruin many a previously happy marriage.
If you don't plan to have children, discuss how you will prevent it and what you would do if you had an unplanned pregnancy.
Forget looks and physical traits as these can be ruined no matter how hard to work to keep them. Marry someone you have chemistry with (sexual attraction not based on looks) and someone with whom you have things in common (you really can't have sex all the time).
Discuss how/where you see yourself 10 years from now, 20 years from now, 30 ... etc. If you are going to grow old with someone it's good to know what their goals for the future are.
Don't do it with the attitude that you can undo it if it doesn't work out. If you see divorce as an option, it is likely to be one you use eventually.0 -
Fight fair, and right respectfully. There is no need for name calling or criticism. Also, never do anything behind your spouse's back that you wouldn't do if he was right in front of you.
^^^^ this...FIGHT FAIR and FIGHT RESPECTFULLY!!! do not bring up anything from past, stay within subject.
never go to bed angry
and always make sure you kiss him when he walks out the door anytime of the day0 -
Talk. Talk talk talk. Communicate, listen, talk and listen. Listen.
If you're mad, walk away. Take some time to think about why you're mad before you start trying to hash it all out.
Did I mention the importance of communication? How you should talk and listen and listen and talk?0 -
I didn't really read all of the replies, but I wanted to put in my 2 cents. My husband and I dated off and on for about 2 years before he finally popped the question. We're not your average couple though. We've been through a whole lot, and face a lot more as well. We're both so effed up that we work well together.
When we decided to get married, my granny sent me a card with a letter in it. It's the best advice I've EVER gotten. I'm always happy to type it up and share it with others:
"Wishing for you two the very best and we hope you will be as happy as Cleve and I have been for 55 years. It takes love and learn to say "yes dear" (BOTH of you) and there will not be any fights - it only gets funny of both of you learn those words. There's nothing like being happy when you get old. I'm so thankful to have a husband that still adores me and I love taking care of him in sickness and in other ways too (ahem) you know what I mean. We are so proud of you. You have done well to have the parents you have haha! You have a handsome guy too. Nothing wrong with your eyes! Love, Granny."
Now with that being said, my grandparents occasionally go to bed bitter. So do my husband and I. It gives us time to cool off, think, and pick things back up in the morning. A lot of people say don't go to bed on a fight. I say do whatever works for you. The "yes dear" thing is TRUE. One thing we had to also learn is that sometimes *kitten* just happens that we can't control. You put on your rain boots and keep on stomping through the mud. Communication is big... even with the small stuff. My husband and I keep a small notepad on the desk that we both check frequently just to leave each other little notes be it that we need milk or to remind each other of our love. Don't hang the marriage certificate up! It's a reminder of that heavy feeling of marriage and takes that "Oh crap" feeling longer to settle. And Granny's right...sex is important, even as you get older. Be open about it!
Good luck and congratulations. May you have many more good times than bad, and may the bad pass quickly!0 -
My advice is (my husband & I have been together almost 12yrs, married almost 5yrs):
- pick your battles
- trust your spouse
- have fun, laugh
- fall in love over & over again
- never go to bed angry
- remember why you fell in love in the first place
- if it's a big deal to him/her, it's a big deal to you
and last but not least....
- agree to disagree0 -
I thought this thread was "migraine advice"
*backs away slowly...."0 -
1) Live considerately. A.K.A - Do unto others. The golden rule.
If you want to know where your spouse is, then shoot them a text letting them know where you are.
If you need help doing laundry sometimes, then pitch in on the dishes with him/her (or whatever your "jobs" are at home)
Be compassionate & receive compassion.
2) Join bank accounts. Separate money can mean big problems. Set a budget & tell your money where to go every month. If I can't trust you with my bank account then I can't marry you.
Best wishes to you! You'll do great. 0 -
well said, i agree!!!0
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Forget never go to bed angry. GO TO BED ANGRY. In the morning, it's likely you will not understand why you were so angry. If you're still angry, there's a problem that needs to be sorted.
I have never woken up still angry.
^^^ This- I was so pissed off the other night, my husband fell asleep early early, I was doing dishes laundry putting the kids down, walking the dogs and cleaning up....I could have killed him. Went to bed so mad, about 2 am he rolled over and pulled me close I woke up and thought "I love him" by morning it was fine, told him it wasn't cool to not help but it wasn't a fight!0 -
Another thing....
In the middle of the fight, get naked and demand sex. It will confuse the CRAP out of your husband and he will look like a deer in headlights, but will go along with it anyways....because he's a dude.
^ this could save the world.0 -
Open communication. Talk about EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.
And flirt.
This!
Also, don't accept any behavior that you're not willing to deal with long-term. I'm not talking little things, I mean the things that really matter to you. For example, if it's important to you that your husband acknowledge your birthday every year, then you can't start out pretending not to be hurt if he ignores it and then five years later blow up because he never does it. (Not saying yours would do this, just an example based on a friend of mine!) But, really, this still falls under the talk about EVERYTHING clause!0 -
1. Never sleep apart unless it's unavoidable. It's easy to move apart in anger but so hard to come back together again if you do.
2. Date each other. Make a plan to go out, even if it's to split a large order of fries and talk for an hour. It doesn't have to be expensive but it will force you to look them in the eyes and communicate.
3. Talk to each other about everything. Even the little things.
4. Sex is good. Never take it away as a punishment. It'll hurt you both.
5. Do not listen with your family or friends say negative things about their own relationships.
6. Don't tell your family and friends everything wrong with your relationship.
7. Try not to go to bed angry...but if you do still say I love you when you go to bed. It can be said with tears, anger or hurt...but it should still be the last thing you hear/say before you go to sleep.
8. Divorce is not an option.
9. Keep no secrets.
10. Love no matter how much they change or no matter how much they stay the same. There will be changes...and there will be things you wished they'd change. Don't let these things ruin you're love. Love unconditionally.
11. Keep God in the center of it all.
12. (this will sound corny) Write a letter listing all the reasons you love and want to marry this person. Write it to the future you. when times are tough and you can't stand it....read the letter. It will make you remember why you married them in the first place.0 -
I'm sure others have already stated some of this:
1. Your husband HAS to be your best friend. He comes BEFORE any of your girlfriends. You dont have to live with any of them, but you DO have to live with him.
2. Be willing to submit to his authority as the man of the household. If you do not like a decision he has made or think he made one without consulting you, do not get angry but rather discuss it with him and give him your ideas and reasons why you would have made a different choice. Men think differently from women and most of the time are better at making practical decisions whereas we often "go with our heart". I did say "most of the time". For those times he did not, it is your duty as his wife to discuss it with him.
3. Establish boundaries in regards to money. What is an acceptable amount of money that either of you can spend without having to consult the other. My husband and I decided on about $25. Anything over that, that we want to purchase either for ourselves or someone else, has to be discussed with the other first so we can review our finances together and decide if we can afford it and if it is a good deal or not.
4. Date night - THIS IS A MUST! At least 2 times a month if you can.
5. Take this time to REALLY get to know each other. Before my husband and I got married we were given a book to go through together. At one point in the book we were to "interview" our intended as if we didn't know the person for the position of "spouse". My husband and I had a BALL with this, it went on for over a week as we contiued to ask each other questions that we would think of well after reading that portion of the book.
6. SEX IS NOT A BARGAINING TOOL!!!!!!!
7. SEX IS NOT A BARGAINING TOOL!!!!!!!
8. Re-read 6 and 7.
9. Live those vows each and every day of your life together.
10. Love him today as if you wouldn't live to see tomorrow. Understanding this principle will help you to understand that those little spats that are going to happen, are not worth getting/staying angry over. Never give up hope and NEVER let "divorce" enter your vocabulary.
I pray God blesses your marriage as mine has been blessed.0 -
Appreciate the differences.
Don't get upset about anything that won't matter in 10 years (are you going to remember the socks on the floor, dishes in the sink?)
Although people say it is 50/50 . . .it is 100/100. Often to get my spouse to change something, I changed myself first. The more love I give, the more I receive.
If your spouse seems strange, then you must seem strange to your spouse. For everything you "put up with" they probably have two things they "put up with" about you.
This is amazing advice! I need to be writing all this down!!!! 0 -
I am have been married for almost 22 years. We have 6 kids together. I LOVE this man!!! He IS my best friend. I tell him everything and he tells me everything (even when I see a hot man or a hot woman...we can joke around about that) We laugh together and hang out all of the time together.
I treat him how I would want to be treated. SO< I do not want him to treat me like a child or like I am stupid. I do not talk down to him like he is stupid or like he is a child. I do not say hurtful things to him...especially in front of others!!!
AND, if you mess up...SEX is always a good way to fix things!! haha!
OH...and this may sound weird coming from a lady with 6 kids...but wait on the kids. We waited 4 years (after marriage) and we got to have tons of fun just being two young people playing. Now that we are busy with the kids...those first 4 yeas are really cherished memories and they were great bonding times as a couple.
Good luck sweetie!!!0 -
Don't ever make divorce an option!!! I knew the day I married Andrew that it was going to be "till' death do us part" and that I was going to stick with him in SICKNESS & IN HEALTHY, for RICHER or for POORER, for BETTER or for WORSE!!!
RESPECT HIS LEADERSHIP!!!!!!!!!! Men want respect; women want to be cherished...if you give him respect he'll love & cherish you!
Don't expect your spouse to be the one to make you happy. He is not responsible for your happiness; YOU ARE!!! Sure, he can do things that may effect your mood, but don't put the pressure on him to make you happy because men (and women) can't read minds and he's going to fail eventually and then you're both in a bad place...
Make sure to Keep Dating!!!!!!!! Take time to go out to dinner, play a round of mini-golf, head to the movie theatre, walk through a museum, play a round of golf go to the zoo, etc! Anything that you would have done before marriage is STILL super fun after marriage :happy:
...also, trust each other and be someone that can be trusted. You can't always control what your husband might do, but you can control your own actions and words. Don't name call or say things that you're going to wish you could take back, because apologizing is one thing, but it was still said...
and put him first whenever you can!!!
and finally, of course, have lots of fun in your bedroom (or the kitchen, living room, car, etc) :laugh:0
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