Sticking a knife in my eye, what are your thoughts?

135

Replies

  • iKristine
    iKristine Posts: 288 Member
    I read this article one time where this expert said that sticking a knife in your eye was really good for you. He was a PhD in knife-eye-sticking ...

    Interesting. This supports my conclusion stated before. Kittens indeed fall INTO trees.
  • BuddhaBelly79
    BuddhaBelly79 Posts: 59
    Look people, all this advice on eye stabbing needs to be backed up with scientific formulas and charts and doo-dads. I am a certified Eye Stabbing Fitness Trainer at Poke-an-Eye-Out Fitness Center in Nova Scotia and here is the formula for caloric daily intake while one is in the process of stabbing out one's eyeball:

    Calculate 4.23235 x Diameter of the cornea + (1 1/2 - area of the retina) divided by the square root of the population of Texas

    This will provide you with the accurate caloric intake WHILE stabbing one's eye out, leaving you with an accurate deficit and thus a safe and healthy weightloss of approximately 12 pounds per week.

    Always eat back those exercise calories WHILE stabbing out an eyeball, and wear proper shoes.
  • nel0311
    nel0311 Posts: 248
    Look people, all this advice on eye stabbing needs to be backed up with scientific formulas and charts and doo-dads. I am a certified Eye Stabbing Fitness Trainer at Poke-an-Eye-Out Fitness Center in Nova Scotia and here is the formula for caloric daily intake while one is in the process of stabbing out one's eyeball:

    Calculate 4.23235 x Diameter of the cornea + (1 1/2 - area of the retina) divided by the square root of the population of Texas

    This will provide you with the accurate caloric intake WHILE stabbing one's eye out, leaving you with an accurate deficit and thus a safe and healthy weightloss of approximately 12 pounds per week.

    Always eat back those exercise calories WHILE stabbing out an eyeball, and wear proper shoes.

    AMAZING!
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
    Do realize that if you utilize the "Kabob Method" and grill and eat your own eye after you stab it, you will lose the net deficit created by plucking previously said eye.
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
    Yes, the shoes ... can't forget the shoes. That would be a huge mistake ... could you imagine if you had the wrong shoes! Oh, what an embarrassment! LOL LOL LOL LOL ... some people just don't understand fitness *sigh* ...
    Look people, all this advice on eye stabbing needs to be backed up with scientific formulas and charts and doo-dads. I am a certified Eye Stabbing Fitness Trainer at Poke-an-Eye-Out Fitness Center in Nova Scotia and here is the formula for caloric daily intake while one is in the process of stabbing out one's eyeball:

    Calculate 4.23235 x Diameter of the cornea + (1 1/2 - area of the retina) divided by the square root of the population of Texas

    This will provide you with the accurate caloric intake WHILE stabbing one's eye out, leaving you with an accurate deficit and thus a safe and healthy weightloss of approximately 12 pounds per week.

    Always eat back those exercise calories WHILE stabbing out an eyeball, and wear proper shoes.
  • Phoenix24601
    Phoenix24601 Posts: 620 Member
    Use a spoon...You will scoop out more calories that way.
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,290 Member
    You might as well chop off a leg. Then you'll really be able to *LOOSE* some weight

    This.
    And I love you both.
    Hard.
  • JMarigold
    JMarigold Posts: 232 Member
    Do realize that if you utilize the "Kabob Method" and grill and eat your own eye after you stab it, you will lose the net deficit created by plucking previously said eye.

    Ohhhh Negative Calories . . . the holy grail!!

    @Peach . . . Hehe, I was just reading this when I saw you post. Too funny! I especially like the square root of the population of Texas
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
    Yeah, I think I read that report too ... it's all about being informed.
    I read this article one time where this expert said that sticking a knife in your eye was really good for you. He was a PhD in knife-eye-sticking ...

    Interesting. This supports my conclusion stated before. Kittens indeed fall INTO trees.
  • birdsmom1
    birdsmom1 Posts: 31
    This has got to be the funniest spit I have read in a while. Laughing burns calories so...I thank you all!!!
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    I read somewhere that someone with a degree said that sticking a knife in your eye is a great way to lose weight. I heard a friend say their friend was doing it and had great results! Anyone who says otherwise is just jealous that you are better than them!

    Someone on Twitter said I was indeed better than them. Seriously, I am awesome.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    Why, are you making EYE CANDY????

    Mmmmmmm....candy!
  • badgerbadger1
    badgerbadger1 Posts: 954 Member
    I don't think this will be an effective coping mechanism to deal with your distress. The reason I say this is because we all know that eyes grow back. Why would you waste your time on a workout that doesn't give results? Try running over old ladies instead. Instant results.
  • iKristine
    iKristine Posts: 288 Member
    Well Dr. Oz says you can lose weight drinking coffee from Starbucks everyday! It's like a cleans or something.

    PB081507.JPG

    So sh^^... if Oz says it... it must be true!

    6817128769_6103fddd05_o.jpg
  • HisPathDaily
    HisPathDaily Posts: 672 Member
    It better be organic vinegar ... if you really loved your body you would treat it properly. If not, why are you even on here ... sheesh ... get serious about your health journey already.
    Should I soak the knife in cider vinegar 1st or wrap it in saran wrap? Or, poke my eye while I am on the treadmill eating a turkey leg?
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    Why does everyone have to be so mean.. it's her eye. I mean she can do with it what she wants. Plus, everyone's eyes work differently. A few questions.. do you wear glasses? Do you have dry eyes? What kind of knife are you using. We really should know the stats before we answer this.

    Well, I currently use Restasis and Latisse but not for any eye ailments that I have but because the models in the commercial are skinny and have thigh gaps. Does that help?
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    yes do it, but you might need to adjust your caloric intake for the day since the whole process (hospital, rolling around on the floor in agony, etc) will burn up a lot of calories.

    OMG, now I have to start 89 threads about whether or not you should eat back your "rolling around on the floor in agony" calories. Curses!
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
    Look, some people will tell you to stick a knife in your eye, some people will tell you NOT to stick a knife in your eye. YOU need to find what WORKS for YOU. We're all different. To each his own.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    Open your diary so that we can really help you.

    If I open my diary you might see that I have been eating a lot of eyeballs recently (I read you burn more calories eating them than they have in them) and then you might question my motive for sticking the knife in my eye!
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    I say use a spoon. It will take longer.

    I also heard that if I use a small spoon that helps too. I think I am going to use a baby spoon. After recovery I will swear off eating with any utensils other than a baby spoon. I will be thin in no time!
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    i'm against it

    Clearly your some sort of moron who probably believes those quack theories about calories in vs. calories out. You will never be successful. I hate "junk" science.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    I heard that in Asia they do it with a chopstick. It's more efficient and not as painful. Plus you get to play with the eye on a stick after. Apparently girls like that a lot.

    I think girls only find it hot if the eye is tattooed. Well, if it's a male eye. Only *kitten* get tattoos on their eyes!
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    No knife or spoon. Use a spork. And twine.

    And for gosh sakes don't eat back your eyeball calories.

    Damn, now I want a Nachos Bell Grande.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    You're doing it wrong. Don't you read anything? There are 9 zillion topics on this. You should read them before coming to post anything.

    I can't read. I am going to report you for making fun of illiterate people. I hope you get banned from the forums.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    Besides fitting it into your calories.. make sure you log it as cardio.. at least make it worth it so you can have a bigger piece of pie next time.

    Do I also log the calories I burn when cleaning the blood off my face??????
  • iKristine
    iKristine Posts: 288 Member
    Funny%2BEyes%2B%25283%2529.jpg

    Catch it if you can. :bigsmile:
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    So stupid....you'd just be losing water weight. Are you here to make a life change or for a quick fix?

    I don't understand the question.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    No you should absolutely NOT stick a knife in your eye. I once stuck a knife in my eye and I can tell you now not just based on my own personal experience, but that there are thousands of studies out there - none of which I will link to - that show that sticking a knife in your eye is FAR less effective than sticking a knife in your thigh. I've also worked as a knifer for 6 months and have a Certification of Stabbiness, so you can take what I am saying to the bank.

    I completely disagree with this based on obvious conclusions of this has NEVER happened in my 3 week experience, limited to this thread, and of course Google and sites followed by DOT biz.

    What I think you should really consider is the basics. Did you need your eye in the first place? Was it really THAT distracting? Your fat because you ate lots of little fat people. Just stop eating the little fat people!


    http://www.wikia.com/Wikia
    Sources: or it didn't happen.

    Damn. You are right. I will eat skinny people henceforth.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    Look people, all this advice on eye stabbing needs to be backed up with scientific formulas and charts and doo-dads. I am a certified Eye Stabbing Fitness Trainer at Poke-an-Eye-Out Fitness Center in Nova Scotia and here is the formula for caloric daily intake while one is in the process of stabbing out one's eyeball:

    Calculate 4.23235 x Diameter of the cornea + (1 1/2 - area of the retina) divided by the square root of the population of Texas

    This will provide you with the accurate caloric intake WHILE stabbing one's eye out, leaving you with an accurate deficit and thus a safe and healthy weightloss of approximately 12 pounds per week.

    Always eat back those exercise calories WHILE stabbing out an eyeball, and wear proper shoes.

    What if a large family moved to Texas while I am stabbing my eye? That is going to ruin everything.
  • Erinslove
    Erinslove Posts: 139
    Yes, the shoes ... can't forget the shoes. That would be a huge mistake ... could you imagine if you had the wrong shoes! Oh, what an embarrassment! LOL LOL LOL LOL ... some people just don't understand fitness *sigh* ...
    Look people, all this advice on eye stabbing needs to be backed up with scientific formulas and charts and doo-dads. I am a certified Eye Stabbing Fitness Trainer at Poke-an-Eye-Out Fitness Center in Nova Scotia and here is the formula for caloric daily intake while one is in the process of stabbing out one's eyeball:

    Calculate 4.23235 x Diameter of the cornea + (1 1/2 - area of the retina) divided by the square root of the population of Texas

    This will provide you with the accurate caloric intake WHILE stabbing one's eye out, leaving you with an accurate deficit and thus a safe and healthy weightloss of approximately 12 pounds per week.

    Always eat back those exercise calories WHILE stabbing out an eyeball, and wear proper shoes.

    I was going to wear stilettos so in case the knife doesn't work I have another stabbing option. Other than that I plan on being naked because I weigh less when I don't have clothes on.
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