DO ALL MEN!! WORRY ABOUT WOMEN WEIGHT

And honestly My opinion is you are at least half wrong. Sure there are guys out there that you can tell from the beginning are complete and utter jerks. Then there are some really wonder full actors out there. Guys that appear super charming and kind and sweet and its only after they have the women trapped in with marriage and kids do they start to act like the real them.

I don't believe that for one minute. I respect your opinion but I'm about taking full responsibility for my actions no matter how foolish or noble. When I am completely honest with myself, I can say that every relationship I have EVER been in, whether I tried to hold on to it or not- there was SOME space in time where I got a HINT of the way a person was. In dealing with people, to me- there is NO SUCH THING as "They tricked me into thinking they were..." Every person who's ever done anything toward me that I didn't find favorable, I KNEW that they had the capacity to do so. So I don't believe anything that I said was wrong. People picking skills help out a lot because MOST "jerks" come with angel faces.

But allow me to entertain the thought that people can be duped into a horrible relationship. You say "and its only after they have the women trapped in with marriage and kids do they start to act like the real them." This suggests at the very least SOME point of "revealing one's true self", yes? So if this is the case HOW am I wrong in saying "We teach people how to treat us. If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, it's no longer their call. You leave them where they are, or you deal with them. Understand however, when you choose to continue to deal with them, you revoke your right to complain about the way they treat you." or "PEOPLE reveal themselves to us WAY before we get to the point of wanting them to change. " ? You scenario suggests JUST THAT - someone showing who they really are... so... Then what? we get to say "It's OK, you aren't foolish for continuing to deal with a jerk because you found out LATER..." I don't think so.

I'm going to say that not all men worry about that stuff, and to be honest I think that we put that in our heads sometimes too. My boyfriend always says "are you working out today" "Should you really be eating that?" or "are you still trying to lose weight". And I used to take that as he is being "mean" and cruel and Calling me fat. So when I called him out on it, he was mind boggled and just said " Are you serious?, You tell me all the time that you want to lose weight and be healthy, but your kinda doing this and your kinda doing that, I'm just asking and helping you do what you say you WANT to do. I love you either way, but don't bring up your weight if you don't want me to bring it up also". Men really don't care, At least all the men I have dated. They only care when I care and let my insecurities get the best of me and the relationship. Sometimes you gotta look at whats in yourself thats causing this.

Just to reiterate what so many women are saying, it depends on the guy. I was around my current weight when my boyfriend and I got together, and then when I gained 20+ pounds, his attitude never changed. Mine did, because I felt more self-conscious, but he loved me the same. Now that it's coming back off, he's proud of me because I'm sticking to the goals I've set for myself, but he doesn't love me any different.

And honestly My opinion is you are at least half wrong. Sure there are guys out there that you can tell from the beginning are complete and utter jerks. Then there are some really wonder full actors out there. Guys that appear super charming and kind and sweet and its only after they have the women trapped in with marriage and kids do they start to act like the real them.

I don't believe that for one minute. I respect your opinion but I'm about taking full responsibility for my actions no matter how foolish or noble. When I am completely honest with myself, I can say that every relationship I have EVER been in, whether I tried to hold on to it or not- there was SOME space in time where I got a HINT of the way a person was. In dealing with people, to me- there is NO SUCH THING as "They tricked me into thinking they were..." Every person who's ever done anything toward me that I didn't find favorable, I KNEW that they had the capacity to do so. So I don't believe anything that I said was wrong. People picking skills help out a lot because MOST "jerks" come with angel faces.

But allow me to entertain the thought that people can be duped into a horrible relationship. You say "and its only after they have the women trapped in with marriage and kids do they start to act like the real them." This suggests at the very least SOME point of "revealing one's true self", yes? So if this is the case HOW am I wrong in saying "We teach people how to treat us. If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, it's no longer their call. You leave them where they are, or you deal with them. Understand however, when you choose to continue to deal with them, you revoke your right to complain about the way they treat you." or "PEOPLE reveal themselves to us WAY before we get to the point of wanting them to change. " ? You scenario suggests JUST THAT - someone showing who they really are... so... Then what? we get to say "It's OK, you aren't foolish for continuing to deal with a jerk because you found out LATER..." I don't think so.

I'm not the one in that type of relationship, I am just watching friends go threw it currently. The husbands were perfect during the courtship phase, so perfect that it was Cinderella perfect. Then after time they became different. Well except for the one, the first indication she had that her husband was a nut he chased her down the street bare foot waving a gun. I kid you not because she had apparently burnt his dinner. Sometimes people with severe mental issues are very good at hiding what a messed up monster they truly are. These type of people can go years hiding it from parents or siblings because they don't live with them and see them at the most stressed day in and out.,


I do agree with you that once someone starts treating you badly that you need to do what you have to do to protect yourself. I do agree that getting the hell out of the relationship is the best idea. However from what I am having to watch currently its hard. Going from a SAHM to no job no house no food for your children is hard. Rebuilding your mental health is hard, rebuilding your whole life is hard.

Knowing full well how difficult getting out from a relationship like that is it makes me cringe when people can be judgmental and tell them that they choose to stay. Its not la la la, ok you are being a jerk I'm done. It is planning and prep work and timing if they want to get out safe and alive.

My husband is either AWESOME or one HECK of an actor, because he's NEVER mentioned or cared about my weight. I was heavy when we met. Do to some bad behavior and health problems on my part I got heavier. I decided to change my weight. Not him.

Three things...

1. We teach people how to treat us. If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, it's no longer their call. You leave them where they are, or you deal with them. Understand however, when you choose to continue to deal with them, you revoke your right to complain about the way they treat you.

2. Men chase. Women choose. PEOPLE reveal themselves to us WAY before we get to the point of wanting them to change. Otherwise, we wouldn't want them to change would we? Again, the responsibility is on you. I'm certain if you take the "victim shades" off for a hot second, you'll see that SOMEWHERE along the beginning of your dealings with this or these types of guys, you had an inkling that if you gained weight, he'd be all funky and weird acting. This goes back to number one. WHEN you had that inkling, you CHOSE to continue giving up the goods... so NOW... you CAN'T complain.

3. It sucks that there are these types of men out there. But if women would stop begging for their approval and acceptance, they wouldn't think they're so entitled to our self esteem. He's a douche. No doubt about it. But HE'S not on an internet forum upset about the way he behaves. You are.

BTW... not an attack. Just my opinion.

And honestly My opinion is you are at least half wrong. Sure there are guys out there that you can tell from the beginning are complete and utter jerks. Then there are some really wonder full actors out there. Guys that appear super charming and kind and sweet and its only after they have the women trapped in with marriage and kids do they start to act like the real them.

Seriously, trapped into marriage.....? That seems like a lot of work, especially these days when a marriage is just as likely to fail as it is to succeed. I think it is a lot more likely that these women didn't take the time to truly get to know these men before they jumped into marriage. I dated my husband for 3 1/2 years before we got married and I felt completely confident ( and still do 4 years later) that he doesn't care if I'm fat or skinny as long as I'm his.

mine doesn't do that.

My husband is either AWESOME or one HECK of an actor, because he's NEVER mentioned or cared about my weight. I was heavy when we met. Do to some bad behavior and health problems on my part I got heavier. I decided to change my weight. Not him.

Three things...

1. We teach people how to treat us. If someone doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated, it's no longer their call. You leave them where they are, or you deal with them. Understand however, when you choose to continue to deal with them, you revoke your right to complain about the way they treat you.

2. Men chase. Women choose. PEOPLE reveal themselves to us WAY before we get to the point of wanting them to change. Otherwise, we wouldn't want them to change would we? Again, the responsibility is on you. I'm certain if you take the "victim shades" off for a hot second, you'll see that SOMEWHERE along the beginning of your dealings with this or these types of guys, you had an inkling that if you gained weight, he'd be all funky and weird acting. This goes back to number one. WHEN you had that inkling, you CHOSE to continue giving up the goods... so NOW... you CAN'T complain.

3. It sucks that there are these types of men out there. But if women would stop begging for their approval and acceptance, they wouldn't think they're so entitled to our self esteem. He's a douche. No doubt about it. But HE'S not on an internet forum upset about the way he behaves. You are.

BTW... not an attack. Just my opinion.

And honestly My opinion is you are at least half wrong. Sure there are guys out there that you can tell from the beginning are complete and utter jerks. Then there are some really wonder full actors out there. Guys that appear super charming and kind and sweet and its only after they have the women trapped in with marriage and kids do they start to act like the real them.

Seriously, trapped into marriage.....? That seems like a lot of work, especially these days when a marriage is just as likely to fail as it is to succeed. I think it is a lot more likely that these women didn't take the time to truly get to know these men before they jumped into marriage. I dated my husband for 3 1/2 years before we got married and I felt completely confident ( and still do 4 years later) that he doesn't care if I'm fat or skinny as long as I'm his.

That is your experience luv and I am very happy for you :flowerforyou: I have dated my hubby for 2 years before marriage and only now did my body matter after I lost all the weight. I have wondered about what she said, is this how he really is and before he was just acting like he loved everything about me. The big difference now is I am not working any more and in the area I am I can't seem to find a job in my field.
I hope it isn't the case but he seems very serious about not liking my body now that I am fit and that makes me very sad.

Did you ever discuss while you were dating what (if any) preferences he had on body type? There is nothing wrong with being or not being attracted to an overweight person. It is a physical characteristic just like hair and eye color. I wouldn't say someone was a jerk just because they said they were more attracted to blondes over brunettes. I'm just saying that you should really know what your significant other is attracted to. I just wonder how much the people "changed" and how much of it the other person didn't know before they entered into such a huge commitment.

I'm not the one in that type of relationship, I am just watching friends go threw it currently. The husbands were perfect during the courtship phase, so perfect that it was Cinderella perfect. Then after time they became different. Well except for the one, the first indication she had that her husband was a nut he chased her down the street bare foot waving a gun. I kid you not because she had apparently burnt his dinner. Sometimes people with severe mental issues are very good at hiding what a messed up monster they truly are. These type of people can go years hiding it from parents or siblings because they don't live with them and see them at the most stressed day in and out.,


I do agree with you that once someone starts treating you badly that you need to do what you have to do to protect yourself. I do agree that getting the hell out of the relationship is the best idea. However from what I am having to watch currently its hard. Going from a SAHM to no job no house no food for your children is hard. Rebuilding your mental health is hard, rebuilding your whole life is hard.

Knowing full well how difficult getting out from a relationship like that is it makes me cringe when people can be judgmental and tell them that they choose to stay. Its not la la la, ok you are being a jerk I'm done. It is planning and prep work and timing if they want to get out safe and alive.

And that's where we will agree to disagree. Because first of all, it IS as simple as "you're being a jerk la la la I'm done." When you love yourself and know your worth, they'll shape up or ship out. It's as easy as that. I'm not saying ANYONE is perfect, I'm just saying I kissed alot of toads before getting to my king. Towards the end of my toad kissing i remember three guys who were courting me. One was verbally abusive and manipulative. One was a push-over. I could walk right over him. And one just wanted some booty. SURE they were NICE about it. SURE they had OTHER "good qualities" but I KNEW that I wasn't about to deal with ANY OF IT. So in turn I said (in so many other words) "lalala you're a jerk. I'm done." And they didn't get past the first round (courting) where they were at that point TRYING to get my undivided attention.

Secondly, you're speaking to an extreme. People being mental and hiding their nonsense suggests more socio-pathological behavior and that has nothing to do with this post. You're introducing the exceptions to support your point of view and I'm suggesting the rules. Have there been cases where sociopath's have lives as three different people, one day snapping and surprising everyone? YES. But this is the exception, and not the the rule. The RULE says, that If I started dating you because you were a size two brunette with a booty that you could bounce play-doh off of and a rack that towels magnetically cling to, and then you get pregnant, get fat and turn into a whole different person physically... CHANCES ARE you KNEW that this person you turned into wasn't going to be attractive to me when you were the person who WAS attractive to me. NOTICE however, that I said "..I started dating you because..." You get where I'm coming from?

If she.. or he.. or anybody... dates, marries, carries on ANYTHING other than a casual/courting relationship with someone who FROM THE DOOR has the wrong-for-them intentions/actions/behaviors... THEY CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR ACTIONS IF THEY CONTINUE TO DEAL WITH IT.

As for the argument about people saying what they say about abused women, the truth HURTS. And any abused woman who gets herself out of a horrible situation, God BLESS HER, but if she no longer holds up the blood stained VICTIM banner- evenn SHE will tell you that she was treated the way she was for so long because she ALLOWED herself to be; She will tell you that she no longer ACCEPTS that type of behavior thus not allowing anybody to treat her that way. It's not about being judgmental. I don't have a leg to stand on in judging anyone. I chose to stay in, hold on to, fight and beg for a totally unstable relationship before God pulled me out of that.... I'm just speaking from common sense.

That is your experience luv and I am very happy for you :flowerforyou: I have dated my hubby for 2 years before marriage and only now did my body matter after I lost all the weight. I have wondered about what she said, is this how he really is and before he was just acting like he loved everything about me. The big difference now is I am not working any more and in the area I am I can't seem to find a job in my field.
I hope it isn't the case but he seems very serious about not liking my body now that I am fit and that makes me very sad.

I lost 80 pounds before I got pregnant with our first child. When I was at my lowest weight ever (I was still a size 12/14), my husband began saying things like "Don't lose all of your butt" (trust me when I say my *kitten* is HUGE. I'm always an hourglass shape regardless of my size). I gained 40 pounds with pregnancy and I have lost hardly any since having the baby (and she's almost 8 months old... ugh) and he's obviously more attracted to me now. I'm about the same size I was when we first started dating 6 years ago. He obviously prefers me on the heavier side. But he also wants me to be healthy and happy with myself so he does support my weight loss/fitness efforts in that sense.

I gained 40 pounds with pregnancy and I have lost hardly any since having the baby (and she's almost 8 months old... ugh) and he's obviously more attracted to me now. I'm about the same size I was when we first started dating 6 years ago. He obviously prefers me on the heavier side. But he also wants me to be healthy and happy with myself so he does support my weight loss/fitness efforts in that sense.

loved reading this!