Unsupportive friends :(
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I would get new friends. lol0
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First of all, you are not the "fat friend". Second, you are 20 and I am sure your friends are around that again. I am not 400 years old or anything but let me tell you their lifestyle, will catch up with them. You do not have to weigh 300 pounds to be in a cath lab because you blocked an artery with eatting crap. BTW the chick that was the captain of my cheerleading team that was one of "those" and made fun of others has 3 kids and weighs like 280-290. Not so funny now I guess for her.
I know it is not as good as having someone to hang out with in person but you can have many supportive friends. You can add me if you like. I support everyone and all my friends are really supportive too. They hold me to my goals and even hang in there when I put my stair sets in when I'm trying to make an outragous goal with my fitbit. I made 200 flights of stairs and 400 push-ups yesterday and they all coached me on. I was so tired but I made it.
Hang in there,
Crystal0 -
Your creating a new you, sometimes it takes changing our environment and that can include friends. You are doing the right thing by learning a new lifestyle now. I'd tell them how you feel. If they truly are good friends they will start supporting you if they don't time to re-define your definition of friend. good luck and MFP is full of supportive friends. This place Rocks!0
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Um, you need new friends. Seriously, friends support you no matter what, and if they can't support you when you're doing something HEALTHY and AWESOME for yourself, they are more like enemies. Find some new friends at the gym, or on a fitness forum. There are lots of people looking for workout buddies. Surround yourself with like-minded people and you will succeed.0
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I agree about not discussing your diet and exercise regime with unsupportive people...I dont discuss my diet , no new lifestyle..with my in laws, because they are too critical and think its ok to let myself go ..actually Its my thyroid , I have always exercised and refuse to let negative people influence my feelings. It is easy to talk about calories, protein and workouts a lot because its a 24 hr. job its always on our mind..I klove having friends that also like to be fit or are trying to be . You can add me if you'd like. BTW you are so pretty now and when you reach you goal ...youll be so ready for the beach this summer!!!!Realistically, you're probably not going to make new friends, because you don't feel like you need to. While I understand, great friends will have your back. I'm kind of in your same position right now. However, I'm not looking to ditch all my jealous pals. Subconsciously, yes, they want a "fat friend" Trust me on that. Second. do NOT discuss your lifestyle with them. It opens the door for too much criticism. It's just not worth it. Just keep focusing on yourself and use MFP to discuss your goals/struggles/accomplishments. Good luck!0 -
That's horrible. Doesn't sound like friends to me. Well not at least true ones. From the looks of your profile you are far from fat. They're probably jealous of you if anything. Your more than welcome to add me if you'd like I'm very supportive. Keep your beautiful head up and don't let anyone steal your joy!!0
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I'm sorry your friends are so unsupportive. ): They probably aren't trying to be mean, they just want you to have fun with them and not worry about that stuff. They don't understand your goals, which is a little selfish of them because they're not trying to understand.
But you can still go out and have fun with them, I would just suggest trying to NOT make your fitness efforts a topic...like, when you're out with your friends and looking at a menu, don't think out loud.
Like, try not to ask aloud "hmm, I wonder if that would be healthy or should I get ____? ugh but I really want the ______, but it's just so bad for me!"
They'll try to tell you to just order and eat whatever you WANT, not what you need.
So just keep your diet thoughts to yourself, make a healthy order, and don't be swayed by their attempts to get you to eat their deep-fried appetizers as you chow down on a side salad or veggies. :flowerforyou:0 -
I made 200 flights of stairs and 400 push-ups yesterday and they all coached me on. I was so tired but I made it.
Hang in there,
Crystal
You are my hero. I did one (1!) real push up the other day. 400? I can't do that... yet.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I don't agree that you need to find new friends. Things happen and we have to learn to work together and be patient with each other. Maybe they don't realize they are hurting you. Maybe they think their encouragement to overeat with them is what you want to hear...giving you permission to ease up on your diet. Anyway, I'd just mention that it takes a lot of work and willpower and that you'd appreciate their support. Maybe they just need to hear it. ;-)0
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When my sister was pregnant, she had gestational diabetes and was on a special diet. We went on vacation and I only ate what she ate. My sister did great with her pregnancy and it was the first vacation I went on that I didn't gain any weight!!! Your friends should be helping you and lifting you up. Stay strong and do what you know is right.0
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You do have friends that motivated you..... we are all here online. And plus they are probably jealous that you such great self disciplin and they don't.
This is so true! We are all here for you! Just a post or friend request away! Lean onus when you friends are not supporting you. But just don't give up!0 -
If you're all in your 20s, they probably just selfishly want you to be spending all your time with them and enjoying all the things they enjoy food-wise because they can get away with it right now and they may not understand that you just can't. Friends can be kind of blind to each others' needs sometimes and they may not even see you as being overweight (from your pictures, you really don't look so heavy even if you do have excess weight to lose). You just have to stand up for yourself and do what's right for your health.
Besides, if they're not exercising and eating well, it will catch up to them in a few years - and then they'll finally understand what you were going through. I wouldn't jump to the assumption that they're not "true" friends or that they're maliciously trying to sabotage you out of jealousy as others have suggested, they may be just a little clueless right now. Only you can find out for sure.0 -
I know in the long run I will be healthier and look healthier too, it just seems unfair and it really hurts that they cant understand where I'm coming from
In the long run is what counts!! Continue doing what you are doing..."sticks and stones...." Interesting that 'true friends' DO SUPPORT, not make fun! Stick to your determination...and never quit. The LONG RUN gets here pretty fast!!
Good Luck! 0 -
time to get better friends. call them on their crap and tell them that if they were really good friends they would support you and not rip you down. My family is the same way, cant pick family but you can pick friends.
I completely agree!!! Those people are not your friends and sounds like you might be right about the "fat friend" syndrome0 -
I thought the poster who said some friends are 'top shelf' friends, while others are 'bottom shelf' friends made a lot of sense to me. It's not always easy to make new friends--true friendship takes time. But, if these 'friends' are still fun to go out with in some way, I think readjusting your expectations to be with them, makes sense. Have them be 'bottom shelf' friends to have someone to go out with, while seeking out new friends who will see you for who you are now. Just be aware that many people have limitations in being genuine even in friendships, and wanting these old 'friends' to be different isn't enough to MAKE them different.
Only you know if these 'friends' have any redeeming features that make them worth going out and hanging with.0 -
I feel that way in work. I work in a callcentre so am pretty much tied to my desk all day. My workmates bring in unhealthly snacks, chocolate and cakes on a daily basis. When I say No Thanyou' They tease me and also send me pics of food I can have on email to wind me up. I just try to keep focus on why I am doing this and I know its just not worth it. I usually turn to the friends that are supportive and they understand so I feel better - Don't let it get you down0
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nOBODY can put in your mouth except you. To me, friends make no difference. If I'm in the right frame of mind it makes no difference to me whether my friends are pushing another biscuit/glass of wine on me. I knowI'll just swish it off with a smile and a 'no i'm grand honestly!'. somebody said not to mention being on a diet and I think that's really important.
Also, i may be one of those 'annoying' (?) people who eats in public to be sociable. Some of my heavier friends might thing i can eat what i like. what they don't know is that if i have lunch out and over do it, then for dinner i'll have porridge and strawberries.
i love when my friends lose weight though! not all women are b- itchy.0 -
.time to get better friends. call them on their crap and tell them that if they were really good friends they would support you and not rip you down. My family is the same way, cant pick family but you can pick friends.
Very well said and I agree. They are not "friends" if they can't be supportive and understand what you are going through. Maybe get some friends at the gym!0 -
My friends are all blessed to be skinny and have the ability to not exercise and eat whatever they want and keep their bodies, but sadly I don't. Lately they have been mocking me for being on a diet and making fun of me for spending time at the gym instead of going out and it's really taking its toll on me mentally.
If your 'friends' treat you like that, then who needs enemies.
life is waaaayyyy too short to put up with bs like that. drop those 'friends' and meet new people.0 -
Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.
They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.
This ^^ Don't dump your friends; it's like the buddy said in this quote, it's likely just good natured teasing. I'm overweight and I hate being like this which is why I am here. But being overweight gets me down and it just 'feels' like the world is against me when actually it really is not.
Keep positive and stay on track.0 -
dude, you are NOT fat..you may not be in a 0-4, but i think few of us REALLY are..you look gorgeous now, and i say drop them..may seem like the easy thing to do, but if you talk to them about it, and they are that @$$holish, that may be 1 more thing for them to tease you about..it was easier for me to stop going to a friends house, when all she wanted me to do was eat..make the best decision for you, and good luck :flowerforyou:0
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there are so many of us who have had similar experiences, but trying to lose weight is alienating, my social life took a huge nose dive when I started gyming regularly and people made a fuss about it, but some of my friends joined the gym so I now have dinner at least once or twice a week with these people, and it's something healthy and tasty - I never starve myself but it'll be something like a big jacket potato with a side salad or a stew and rice and plenty vegetables.
it was an issue to begin with - but the positives for me have outweighed the negatives. People will tell you once you've lost weight to stop losing weight or you'll look too skinny - but it's because they're amazed by your change and if you've been large for a long time then it's assumed it's unhealthy!
I saw some of my family for the first time this weekend in about a year - in that time I've lost 2 stone and I can honestly say every moment ignoring those comments which are made off the cuff by friends about food/drink/gym don't matter in the slightest to the positive comments from those who are HAPPY for me and my success0 -
Subtle saboteurs are the worst when they are your friends and family. They don't want you to change and may be working behind the scenes to sabotage you. I had to tell my sister that all of her snacking was a trigger for me and she kept doing it so I have to limit my time with her because of it. One minute she says she's proud of me for losing the 43 lbs and then she comes over with snack foods. KEEP GOING TO THE GYM YOU'LL FIND THAT THE SEXIER YOU GET (ESPECIALLY IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A PRETTY FACE WILL MAKE THEM EAT THEIR WORDS). If YOU need a real friend you can inbox me and we can do this together, the more the merrier and keep your head up and don't let them get in your head anymore. Next to God, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU.0
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Its because you look better than them now. little bit of the green eyed monster I thank. We are all here for you.0
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Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.
They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.
I never read that she says that's what she talks about. Teasing can hurt and since when do people mean well when they do it? She needs to talk to them one at a time about how she feels when they say and do those things. Put it out there and if it continues, she will have a choice to make. Let them continue to tear her down or let them be.0 -
1) If they can't support you, then don't share this part of your life with them--make some friends at the gym who have similar lifestyle and fitness goals. 2) Being skinny when you're 20 is easy--maintaining that as you grow older is the real work. They should live it up now because, trust me, in a very few years they won't be able to eat whatever they want. And finally 3) Be confident in who you are. You're not in high school. You don't need their approval.0
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Time for new friends, meet some at the gym, or the health food store. People change and so do friends when your goals in life change. Doesnt sound like they arei n your corner. Mabey your changes are touching some of their insecurities regarding their own lifestyles. Hopefully you will find some people with same goals as you. Take it with a grain of salt, you will feel better and look better then them soon
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My friends are all blessed to be skinny and have the ability to not exercise and eat whatever they want and keep their bodies, but sadly I don't. Lately they have been mocking me for being on a diet and making fun of me for spending time at the gym instead of going out and it's really taking its toll on me mentally...I feel like they need a 'fat friend' around to make them feel good about themselves, but it's really hard for me to keep my morale up when they are constantly trying to tear me down Whenever we go out they make fun of me for eating healthy and try to get me to eat unhealthy things and it just really hurts and I'm sick of it...I need people to be there for me and they don't understand me! Okay, rant over, thanks for the listen, I would appreciate any advide xoxo thanks and good luck on your journey
I know exactly how you feel. I have been there. I, too, have had those loving friends who just didn't seem supportive the way a friend should be. I have been the "fat friend" for a long time... and I guess I just got used to it. We would go out to bars/clubs and I would hear things like "Let's see who gets hit on the most... you can be the ref (directing that to me, of course) It really stung... but I just blew it off like usual. I brought it up to them years later.. of course they said they didn't mean it that way... but that's the way it felt. So this year I told myself I am gonna use that to help drive me to my goal. I refuse to be the "fat" one anymore. I am hoping to go visit them this summer... none of them know I have been losing weight.... and see their reaction when I walk up and I'm not the chunky one anymore. I know it sounds vain... but hey... I think I deserve to feel good about it. And this isn't the only reason I am trying to lose weight. I want to be able to play with my kids, and not be so tired anymore. And ya know what.. it's working. And I feel soooo much better about myself that I don't care what anyone else thinks anymore. Just hang in there! Eventually they will be wishing they could look and feel as good as you do 0 -
Change is hard, even positive ones, for other people to handle. You are not doing this for them. You are doing this for you.
Also, if you had cancer or some other illness, no one would tease you for going to chemo, right? Same thing for changing your fitness level or your food habits.
And, really, women can be so destructive to each other. The whole "frenemy" thing and competing with other women -- No one says you have to participate. Take time to compliment them individually and others you meet- one sincere compliment a day because it will make you start to notice all the positive in your life, especially in YOURSELF!
Rock on, woman!0 -
Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.
They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.
I never read that she says that's what she talks about. Teasing can hurt and since when do people mean well when they do it? She needs to talk to them one at a time about how she feels when they say and do those things. Put it out there and if it continues, she will have a choice to make. Let them continue to tear her down or let them be.
^^exactly. What's this rubbish about 'good natured teasing'? Uh, no. Good natured teasing isn't teasing that hurts or makes fun of your weaknesses.
And most people do not mean well.0
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