Unsupportive friends :(

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  • brittanidigby
    brittanidigby Posts: 247 Member
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    I would get new friends. lol
  • Jadesmommy2003
    Jadesmommy2003 Posts: 36 Member
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    First of all, you are not the "fat friend". Second, you are 20 and I am sure your friends are around that again. I am not 400 years old or anything but let me tell you their lifestyle, will catch up with them. You do not have to weigh 300 pounds to be in a cath lab because you blocked an artery with eatting crap. BTW the chick that was the captain of my cheerleading team that was one of "those" and made fun of others has 3 kids and weighs like 280-290. Not so funny now I guess for her.
    I know it is not as good as having someone to hang out with in person but you can have many supportive friends. You can add me if you like. I support everyone and all my friends are really supportive too. They hold me to my goals and even hang in there when I put my stair sets in when I'm trying to make an outragous goal with my fitbit. I made 200 flights of stairs and 400 push-ups yesterday and they all coached me on. I was so tired but I made it.
    Hang in there,
    Crystal
  • StevLL
    StevLL Posts: 921 Member
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    Your creating a new you, sometimes it takes changing our environment and that can include friends. You are doing the right thing by learning a new lifestyle now. I'd tell them how you feel. If they truly are good friends they will start supporting you if they don't time to re-define your definition of friend. good luck and MFP is full of supportive friends. This place Rocks!
  • kb119
    kb119 Posts: 18 Member
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    Um, you need new friends. Seriously, friends support you no matter what, and if they can't support you when you're doing something HEALTHY and AWESOME for yourself, they are more like enemies. Find some new friends at the gym, or on a fitness forum. There are lots of people looking for workout buddies. Surround yourself with like-minded people and you will succeed.
  • Bridget28152723
    Bridget28152723 Posts: 372 Member
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    Realistically, you're probably not going to make new friends, because you don't feel like you need to. While I understand, great friends will have your back. I'm kind of in your same position right now. However, I'm not looking to ditch all my jealous pals. Subconsciously, yes, they want a "fat friend" Trust me on that. Second. do NOT discuss your lifestyle with them. It opens the door for too much criticism. It's just not worth it. Just keep focusing on yourself and use MFP to discuss your goals/struggles/accomplishments. Good luck!
    I agree about not discussing your diet and exercise regime with unsupportive people...I dont discuss my diet , no new lifestyle..with my in laws, because they are too critical and think its ok to let myself go ..actually Its my thyroid , I have always exercised and refuse to let negative people influence my feelings. It is easy to talk about calories, protein and workouts a lot because its a 24 hr. job its always on our mind..I klove having friends that also like to be fit or are trying to be . You can add me if you'd like. BTW you are so pretty now and when you reach you goal ...youll be so ready for the beach this summer!!!!
  • lgladybug
    lgladybug Posts: 68 Member
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    That's horrible. Doesn't sound like friends to me. Well not at least true ones. From the looks of your profile you are far from fat. They're probably jealous of you if anything. Your more than welcome to add me if you'd like I'm very supportive. Keep your beautiful head up and don't let anyone steal your joy!!
  • luhluhlaura
    luhluhlaura Posts: 278 Member
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    I'm sorry your friends are so unsupportive. ): They probably aren't trying to be mean, they just want you to have fun with them and not worry about that stuff. They don't understand your goals, which is a little selfish of them because they're not trying to understand.

    But you can still go out and have fun with them, I would just suggest trying to NOT make your fitness efforts a topic...like, when you're out with your friends and looking at a menu, don't think out loud.
    Like, try not to ask aloud "hmm, I wonder if that would be healthy or should I get ____? ugh but I really want the ______, but it's just so bad for me!"
    They'll try to tell you to just order and eat whatever you WANT, not what you need.

    So just keep your diet thoughts to yourself, make a healthy order, and don't be swayed by their attempts to get you to eat their deep-fried appetizers as you chow down on a side salad or veggies. :flowerforyou:
  • ShalisaClam
    ShalisaClam Posts: 190
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    I made 200 flights of stairs and 400 push-ups yesterday and they all coached me on. I was so tired but I made it.
    Hang in there,
    Crystal

    You are my hero. I did one (1!) real push up the other day. 400? I can't do that... yet.

    :flowerforyou:
  • kimmydear
    kimmydear Posts: 298 Member
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    I don't agree that you need to find new friends. Things happen and we have to learn to work together and be patient with each other. Maybe they don't realize they are hurting you. Maybe they think their encouragement to overeat with them is what you want to hear...giving you permission to ease up on your diet. Anyway, I'd just mention that it takes a lot of work and willpower and that you'd appreciate their support. Maybe they just need to hear it. ;-)
  • klauria23
    klauria23 Posts: 6 Member
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    When my sister was pregnant, she had gestational diabetes and was on a special diet. We went on vacation and I only ate what she ate. My sister did great with her pregnancy and it was the first vacation I went on that I didn't gain any weight!!! Your friends should be helping you and lifting you up. Stay strong and do what you know is right.
  • hippofabulous
    hippofabulous Posts: 54 Member
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    You do have friends that motivated you..... we are all here online. And plus they are probably jealous that you such great self disciplin and they don't.

    This is so true! We are all here for you! Just a post or friend request away! Lean onus when you friends are not supporting you. But just don't give up!
  • SoozeE512
    SoozeE512 Posts: 439 Member
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    If you're all in your 20s, they probably just selfishly want you to be spending all your time with them and enjoying all the things they enjoy food-wise because they can get away with it right now and they may not understand that you just can't. Friends can be kind of blind to each others' needs sometimes and they may not even see you as being overweight (from your pictures, you really don't look so heavy even if you do have excess weight to lose). You just have to stand up for yourself and do what's right for your health.

    Besides, if they're not exercising and eating well, it will catch up to them in a few years - and then they'll finally understand what you were going through. I wouldn't jump to the assumption that they're not "true" friends or that they're maliciously trying to sabotage you out of jealousy as others have suggested, they may be just a little clueless right now. Only you can find out for sure.
  • debilang
    debilang Posts: 874 Member
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    I know in the long run I will be healthier and look healthier too, it just seems unfair and it really hurts that they cant understand where I'm coming from :(

    In the long run is what counts!! Continue doing what you are doing..."sticks and stones...." Interesting that 'true friends' DO SUPPORT, not make fun! Stick to your determination...and never quit. The LONG RUN gets here pretty fast!! :) Good Luck!
  • jbella99
    jbella99 Posts: 596 Member
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    time to get better friends. call them on their crap and tell them that if they were really good friends they would support you and not rip you down. My family is the same way, cant pick family but you can pick friends.

    I completely agree!!! Those people are not your friends and sounds like you might be right about the "fat friend" syndrome
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    I thought the poster who said some friends are 'top shelf' friends, while others are 'bottom shelf' friends made a lot of sense to me. It's not always easy to make new friends--true friendship takes time. But, if these 'friends' are still fun to go out with in some way, I think readjusting your expectations to be with them, makes sense. Have them be 'bottom shelf' friends to have someone to go out with, while seeking out new friends who will see you for who you are now. Just be aware that many people have limitations in being genuine even in friendships, and wanting these old 'friends' to be different isn't enough to MAKE them different.

    Only you know if these 'friends' have any redeeming features that make them worth going out and hanging with.
  • michellegoljar
    michellegoljar Posts: 36
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    I feel that way in work. I work in a callcentre so am pretty much tied to my desk all day. My workmates bring in unhealthly snacks, chocolate and cakes on a daily basis. When I say No Thanyou' They tease me and also send me pics of food I can have on email to wind me up. I just try to keep focus on why I am doing this and I know its just not worth it. I usually turn to the friends that are supportive and they understand so I feel better - Don't let it get you down
  • MaggiePuccini
    MaggiePuccini Posts: 248 Member
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    nOBODY can put in your mouth except you. To me, friends make no difference. If I'm in the right frame of mind it makes no difference to me whether my friends are pushing another biscuit/glass of wine on me. I knowI'll just swish it off with a smile and a 'no i'm grand honestly!'. somebody said not to mention being on a diet and I think that's really important.

    Also, i may be one of those 'annoying' (?) people who eats in public to be sociable. Some of my heavier friends might thing i can eat what i like. what they don't know is that if i have lunch out and over do it, then for dinner i'll have porridge and strawberries.
    i love when my friends lose weight though! not all women are b- itchy.
  • gussde
    gussde Posts: 61 Member
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    time to get better friends. call them on their crap and tell them that if they were really good friends they would support you and not rip you down. My family is the same way, cant pick family but you can pick friends.
    .


    Very well said and I agree. They are not "friends" if they can't be supportive and understand what you are going through. Maybe get some friends at the gym!
  • renegadecupid
    renegadecupid Posts: 34
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    My friends are all blessed to be skinny and have the ability to not exercise and eat whatever they want and keep their bodies, but sadly I don't. Lately they have been mocking me for being on a diet and making fun of me for spending time at the gym instead of going out and it's really taking its toll on me mentally.

    If your 'friends' treat you like that, then who needs enemies.

    life is waaaayyyy too short to put up with bs like that. drop those 'friends' and meet new people.
  • paulyarwooduk
    paulyarwooduk Posts: 109
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    Stop talking about your "diet" and the gym. Talk about other more important things.

    They are most likely just giving you a little good-natured teasing. Don't assume malevolence. It's almost never reality. Most people mean well and you have to look at it that way.

    This ^^ Don't dump your friends; it's like the buddy said in this quote, it's likely just good natured teasing. I'm overweight and I hate being like this which is why I am here. But being overweight gets me down and it just 'feels' like the world is against me when actually it really is not.

    Keep positive and stay on track.

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