Kids Are Weird
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It is not ok to "adjust" yourself while you are singing in the front of the church.
(My 5 year old)
This is the worst, I can't keep track of most as he is constantly coming up with something new0 -
my face hurts from laughing! love this thread0
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My 4 year old did something he shouldn't have and when we asked him why he said "Because I love doing things I have no business doing" We laughed so hard0
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So, I have to tell a little back story first. My son, who will be 3 soon, has a "girlfriend" who adores princess movies. She has been known to tell him AND her parents that he is her prince. I hadn't heard him say anything to this affect until the other night while he was in the bath tub and I was washing his hair. I had just put the shampoo on and he scooted away from me, stood up, and looked in the mirror. As he was messing around with the bubbles on his head, he looked at me and said, "Mommy, I'm a prince. I'm Sophie's prince." Yes, I am sure you can imagine the look on my face when he said it...Little stinker0
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My kids are responsible for setting the table, making drinks, etc. for dinner. My 17 year old son is a competitive swimmer and one evening I'm doing the usual "get down here and do your jobs" yell. The 17 year old didn't come and didn't come so finally I'm like "what is he doing?!?" and his brother reports that he is in the bathroom shaving his legs (for his swim meet the next day). So I yell upstairs "Alex, quit shaving your legs and get down here and make the drinks!". Yeah, not what I ever expected to have to say to my teenage son.
I've also had to tell them "stop peeing on the plantation shutters in the bathroom". sigh, no aim.0 -
I like the fact its getting warmer so I can tell my girls that the ice cream van only plays a tune to tell you its run out of ice cream. he he BAD MUMMY!!!!
Excellent!0 -
"Can i please have a ham sandwich but without the ham".....love it!0
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*snip*
I've had to tell my 8 yo (when he gets naked to get in the shower) to stop swinging his penis around (seriously, on purpose and thinks its hilarious!).
I don't think they outgrow this.
No I have seen grown men doing that. It is like..really it didn't fall off.0 -
"Can i please have a ham sandwich but without the ham".....love it!
He he. Or a cheesburger with no cheese
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My wife and I were watching our two year old niece when our 4 year old comes and tells us:
"I was being a cat and smelled her but. It smelled like poop."0 -
My son had absolutely horrified look on his face when I told him that peanut butter is made from crushed up peanuts.
"No, not 'penis'. PEANUTS!" Poor kid.
Haha. Freud would love that one.
I once I asked my mother how elephants picked their nose. I think she said with a tree branch.0 -
When my son was 3, he saw a giant clock hanging from the ceiling at a local mexican restaurant and screamed, "look at that big c0ck!" Totally forgot the L but the entire family was crying with laughter.
Now he is 4 and I've been saying over and over, "quit spanking your butt!" He thinks it's hilarious to spank himself..Especially in front of other people.0 -
If I have to come in there, I'm gonna fill the room with uppercuts.0
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Hahah these are all great! My goddaughter (who is 3) was dancing around the living room, twirling on one foot. I asked her if she was a pretty princess, because she surely danced like one. She runs over and says, "NO!! I not a peesiss, I's the big DADDY DRAGON!! Peesissis get EATEN!!" HAHAHAHHAha I about fell off the couch! Where do they come up with this stuff?0
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*snip*
I've had to tell my 8 yo (when he gets naked to get in the shower) to stop swinging his penis around (seriously, on purpose and thinks its hilarious!).
I don't think they outgrow this.
No I have seen grown men doing that. It is like..really it didn't fall off.
Lol...awesome!! I have had to tell both my boys before that's "it's still there and you can stop checking" when they grab themselves in public....never noticed the hubby doing it though, lol.....
These are seriously hilarious though and I am SO glad that my children have never screamed "****" while in public!!!0 -
oh this is so funny - I don't have kids but I can't wait until I do so I can hear these zingers!0
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*snip*
I've had to tell my 8 yo (when he gets naked to get in the shower) to stop swinging his penis around (seriously, on purpose and thinks its hilarious!).
I don't think they outgrow this.
They definitely don't.0 -
When my son was 5 I had to tell him to
"DROP THAT URINAL CAKE!!!!" The thing
is, he didn't know what a urinal cake was
and just looked at me like a deer caught
in headlights! Probably thought it was a
pink cookie, I'm just glad he didn't try to eat it.
After I told my wife, she scrubbed his hands
for a good 1/2 hour with anti-bacterial lotion,
and hot soapy & water.0 -
oh my...My son is autistic and leaves me saying the craziest things!
Your sister is not food.
Put your pants back on and finish your snack.
Those were just yesterday, we'll see what today has in store!0 -
bump0
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I have been known on more than one occasion to tell my son's that they have to stay with me in the store because they are very cute and someone may steal them, that if they were ugly they could wander around by themselves because nobody would want them. So we are in the store having the usual stay with Mommy argument, and about 5 minutes later and there is this little girl about 8 walking a long distance ahead of her mother and my 6 year old (who was almost five at the time) said very loudly "Look Mom there is an ugly girl that nobody wants.” - Good times good times.0
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one of my kids came out of the bed room with a couple tennis balls under her shirt.. Marches up to me and says "look dad I look like Aunt (name omitted to protect the "innocent") " Aunt "omitted" is less than "endowed" and was horrified when I told her about it ..Needless to say i got a good laugh though.0
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one of my kids came out of the bed room with a couple tennis balls under her shirt.. Marches up to me and says "look dad I look like Aunt (name omitted to protect the "innocent") " Aunt "omitted" is less than "endowed" and was horrified when I told her about it ..Needless to say i got a good laugh though.
While shopping my 3 year old shouts "I want to have big bobbies, not little bobbies like you mommy."0 -
I like the fact its getting warmer so I can tell my girls that the ice cream van only plays a tune to tell you its run out of ice cream. he he BAD MUMMY!!!!
I love this and need to remember it. My best friends parents told her you have to be 18 or older to go inside Toy's R Us. She grew up in a small town without one and actually was 18 before she went inside one!0 -
Not me, but a friend of mine, sounds terrible, but I almost peed myself laughing so hard.
My friend is giving her 3-4 year old a bath, we are standing in the doorway talking, so we can see her, but not really paying attention, then I look over and she's has one of her toys and she's trying to put it in her.. ahem... girly bits. So my friend spins around, grabs the toy, and tells her daughter, "it's not a pocket sweety" OMG, so wrong, but so funny.0 -
My nephew was used to getting swatted on the behind with the flyswatter that my sister kept on top of the fridge for just such a purpose. She would just have to 'go toward it' and he straightened right up.
Well one day she pulled it down to kill a spider on the carpet, and my nephew squatted down beside her and said,
"Mama, why you spankin' dat ant?"
hehehe0 -
Mine's 4.
"Don't paint with boogers."
"It's only poop. No need to cry over it."
"Do you have a bone sticking out of your body?" ... "No." ... "Are you bleeding profusely?" ... "What does 'profusely' mean, mommy?" ... "Is the house on fire?" ... "No." ... "Then don't interrupt when I'm on the damn phone."
One of her recent ones, which made me laugh uncontrollably (after feeding her an under-ripe banana on accident), "My teeth feel like paper towels!"0 -
My 8 year old brother always finds a way to sneak my weight into a conversation
"Hey, sis! When you get skinny, maybe you can learn how to ride a bike"
orrrr
"Maybe when you lose weight, we can go to the mall!"
He doesn't realize that weight doesn't have to do with either of those things x)
So I started telling him that when he gets as tall as me, we can go out to eat.0 -
as for my own son, when he was 6, we were in the drive thru at Burger King.
He says to me, Mama, I've been thinking and thinking and I think I figured out where babies come from.
"Welcome to Burger KIng! May I take your order?"
uhh..hang on just a minute ma'am.
No problem.
To son : where?
"You know those ball thingies under the doodle (penis) ? "
Yes, I said leery....
"When you get married, you give one to your wife, she eats it and that's the egg that grows in the tummy right??"
Burger King Lady: "Ready when you are."0 -
My son is 6 and currently going through a gross phase... where it is funny to burp and fart and the worst is... he won't wipe his butt when he goes #2. I have to constantly remind him or check on him when he is in the bathroom. Boys can be so gross.
Edit: And yes he is potty trained has been since 3. This problem has only developed in the last 2 months or so.0
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