Kids Are Weird

My son used to call his overalls overbras and pancakes were pantycakes. He is almost 15 and I still make pantycakes for him a couple times a month. Needless to say, it mortifies him. He's the conservative one in the family.

Anytime I have something for my almost 4 year old to do, playing with toys, cleaning up, eating, his response is:

it's to boring for me.....
What? How is any of this boring and how does he even know that word?

Oh yes, and when my son was about five:

"....and on the 6th day, God created potatoes. It took him that long to come up with a vegetable worth eating."

as for my own son, when he was 6, we were in the drive thru at Burger King.

He says to me, Mama, I've been thinking and thinking and I think I figured out where babies come from.

"Welcome to Burger KIng! May I take your order?"

uhh..hang on just a minute ma'am.

No problem.

To son : where?

"You know those ball thingies under the doodle (penis) ? "

Yes, I said leery....

"When you get married, you give one to your wife, she eats it and that's the egg that grows in the tummy right??"

Burger King Lady: "Ready when you are."

I shared this with my husband, and we both laughed so hysterically.....only God knows what our son is going to say when he starts talking.....the weirdest thing my mom would say to me: "babies come from a cabbage patch!"

lol these are all hilarious :laugh:

"A kangaroo is not licking your hand" (said a zillion times in response to the same nightmare my daughter used to have).

Interesting children you have.

I know--you would think we lived in Africa. I sometimes wonder if it was the dog licking some food scent off her hand at night!

"Your eyes do not make you look like a girl."

Side note, as a gender variant person, I think that my eyes are the biggest dead giveaway that I was assigned female at birth! ;x

My 9yo daughter just started wearing a training bra. One of her 7yo sisters refers to it as her "boobie holder." What's a dad to say?

"Put the poop back in the toilet! I'll look at it there!" Dad said as he pondered fetching a beer first...
"Quit licking your juice up off the floor!"
"Wipe your own butt - it's YOUR butt, YOU wipe it!" Dad said as he pondered fetching another beer...
"Why can't we have one - just one - bath time without somebody pooping or peeing in the tub?"

Any question that starts with "What do you mean..." and ends with repeating something a child just said, is headed straight toward disaster. Some examples:
"What do you mean you pooped on the bus and didn't know what to do with it?"
"What do you mean you stuck a pencil up your nose and only part of it came back out?"
"What do you mean your sisters dumped the bottle of couch medicine on the table and licked it up with their hands?"

I don't have kids but I figured this belonged here.
I worked at PetSmart for 14 years. Most of that time I worked in "male" stores. Stores will only carry one gender of small animal as a precaution against breeding. About once a week, I would have a kid come running up to me and exclaiming that a hamster was giving birth and they knew because it looked just like it did when their own hamster gave birth. I would dutifully walk over to the habitat where the parents would be standing proudly, thinking how very observant their offspring was. Every single time, it was a male hamster, sleeping with his, um, male bits smashed up against the glass. Every time I would have to explain that the pinkish blob (hamsters are very well-endowed) was not a baby hamster but was proof that that particular hamster would never give birth. "Well, um, actually, that's not a baby hamster coming out. He's a boy hamster." Pause, hoping the parents would jump in. "Those are his boy parts."

So funny! Saving this for my laughter medicine!

"Don't lick the dog" is one I regularly have to say to my 5 year old...

And he recently lost his 2 bottom front teeth and I got all excited and told him the tooth fairy would come visit while he was sleeping and take his teeth that he leaves under the pillow and then leave him some money. He just looked at me very seriously and said "I don't like fairies, they are for girls. Can Lightning McQueen give me money?"

So in our house, Lightning McQueen takes your teeth that fell out and leaves you money.

He also regularly tells me I need to go to the store and get some more money so I can buy him more toys.

Our other twin, Andy, was upstairs in his room... and, we heard this thundering rumbling noise.

"Are you playing soccer up there?"

"Yes"

"With a bowling ball?"

"I'll stop"