Friends? I'm Confused

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13

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  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
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    I'm an introvert from a big family, so it was easy not to interact outside of my comfort zone. What I have learned from a lifetime of observing people is that some people are more entertaining/charismatic and people flock to them because they feel better being with them. The second friends type is when there is a common interest, like Weight Watchers, classes, dancing, hiking groups, etc. where you can find like minded people. The third type is the extrovert friend who has a great time with absolutely anyone, invites groups over for dinners, parties, sports, and makes it a regular event so the people start feeling comfortable with a group. This type has no expectations or judgements that get in the way of the friendship. And last are the rare friendships that have mutual reciprocation and loyalty. I think technology has taken a huge hit on this group, because the need to connect on a deeper level has been replaced by shallow social sites. I miss the days when good friends felt like an extension of my family.
  • ChubbyCrystol
    ChubbyCrystol Posts: 12
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    I GET FLAKED OUT ON OFTEN AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
  • musicstardust67
    musicstardust67 Posts: 299 Member
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    Ya I have almost always had this problem. I've come to realize over my life how people are and can really be. Only want to be around you at their convenience and only when they want something or to complain about someone they don't like. Sad but true. Too bad when we were born we didn't know this is what we would have to go through with people :(
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    EH, I don't have any friends, really. I have people who hang out with me for their advantage. Its never JUST to be around me. Most of the friends I have don't like being around me because they think my working out and healthy eating/not smoking weed or drinking, is a means of being better than them. They just think I am trying to one up them, or be cooler than them. Which isn't true. The only friends I can seem to make are guy who are nerdy and *kitten* hole-ish. Which I have no problem with besides the fact that they want to have sex with me as well as be my friend.

    Can't seem to find friends in my area. No one cares about the things I like and don't care if I like the things they like. I think its the age in my case though. People my age and within 5 years of my age are dumbasses for the most part. They like to be "swagged out" and "get paper" while they work at Target and live at their moms house.
  • SinIsIn
    SinIsIn Posts: 1,865 Member
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    I "meet" more awesome people online than I do IRL! The people that I interact with daily on here are pretty awesome and I think that we'd get along the same way in real life.

    I've also been able to make friends with a lot of the girls at the gym that take the same classes I do. The trick is to not try to hard and be yourself. :)
  • Butterfly3730
    Butterfly3730 Posts: 220
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    I LOVE people and love to gab so no for me its pretty easy...now add a few beers and they all have my phone number, email and are now facebook friends..Im a mess....LOL
    :laugh: :laugh: I have excellent friends online and offline. But I love meeting and getting to know people and so it is fairly easy for me too.
  • jessicae1aine
    jessicae1aine Posts: 885
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    I definitely have this problem - but I have Asperger's, so actual friendships that require interaction with other people regularly can be really, really hard for me. I could be friends with someone locally if they didn't make me feel smothered, or like I was obligated to spend a ton of time with them, but the few people I've attempted to befriend have been that way.
  • SunnyDispo619
    SunnyDispo619 Posts: 154
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    I agree - much harder once you are out of school, and even more difficult when everyone starts having families. Have to find other ways, and get used to a smaller, closer group of friends/peers.
  • Tiggerrick
    Tiggerrick Posts: 1,078 Member
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    There is also that 'time' factor. You are on the internet when it's convenient for you, and they are on when it's convenient for them. No need to set up a time and place to meet. Real life friends require for you to coordinate your times to be at the same place at the same time to do the same thing. Requires a little more work.
  • KelseyPalmtree
    KelseyPalmtree Posts: 89
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    Thanks everyone for all the posts so far, glad to not feel quite so alone.

    It's been really hard, since I moved to go to college, and all my old friends are back home. But I figured college was a great place to make friends. Cut to 4 years later, and I have MAYBE 3 or 4 friends. Problem is, they all live over an hour or more away, so it's almost impossible to plan stuff with them, unless it's like a month in advance! lol.

    I guess one of my problems is that I'm an introvert. I don't need people around all the time. I'm perfectly happy to just cuddle up in my bed or a chair and read a good book, or watch a movie. But I can't do that ALL the time lol. It'd be nice to have a workout buddy, or someone to go out to lunch with, or see whatever new chick flick is out that my bf doesn't want to see. lol. Or, more importantly, come be my concert/mosh pit buddy! lol. I just want someone that I can feel comfortable hanging out with, you know? I love my bf, and he's great, but just like a cuddling up with a book, I can't spend ALL my time with just him.

    A couple of you have said you get along better with guys, I usually do too. BUT my bf gets jealous of any guy that I haven't known since high school. So, it makes it hard to make guy friends sometimes.

    Also, a lot of people mentioned not wanting to hang out with people that they don't feel like they can be themselves with, or just don't share interests with. I am DEFINITELY in that same boat. I've been on athletic teams my whole life, and thought that my volleyball team would be a great source of friends when I moved down here for college. Not so much. They're all about partying and getting wasted. Not only does my body have some weird intolerance that makes alcohol do NOTHING for me so I don't even get the fun buzz, I don't see the appeal in getting so drunk you throw up all over the place, or make a fool of yourself. And I don't like all the rap music they listen to. . . . and my music scares them. lol.

    Hopefully when I move back home, I can reconnect with my old high school friends. Or get a kitten. I'm like 132% sure a kitten could make me feel better every time I got lonely lol.
  • KelseyPalmtree
    KelseyPalmtree Posts: 89
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    I think part of my problem is, that if I don't enjoy someone I am not going to spend time with them. I would rather do my own thing than hang out with someone who annoys me or doesn't share similar interests with me.

    This is me. I just cannot pretend that I want to be around people with whom I have nothing in common. I met some girls a month or so ago, and they asked me to meet up with them to see a movie and have dinner the next weekend. So I went. The first thing one of them said to me was "OMG, I forgot to wear a thong! Can you see my pantyline?"

    Are you freaking kidding me? Is this really how women in their late 20s/early 30s talk to each other? If so, I'll stick to hanging out with men. They're pretty much content with not talking at all unless you have something important to say. But that's the story of my life. My best friends have always been guys. I have no complaints about it, though.

    Really??? Wow. I wouldn't want to hang out with women that did that either. Oh I miss high school. Everything was so much easier, even if it didn't seem like it at the time!! lol
  • KelseyPalmtree
    KelseyPalmtree Posts: 89
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    apparently snarky ***** is more accepted online than face to face

    . . . not sure who was being snarky here
  • Monti_e_lmt
    Monti_e_lmt Posts: 189 Member
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    I have found that most people already have a 'core group' of friends, and don't like to let others in that circle.

    I have had what I thought were 'friends' but once they didn't need me (read 'use me') they stopped calling/texting/wanting to hang out. Whatever, it's their loss. I stared to not trust people as much because of this...especially women.

    Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot in common with other people in my age group, so it's even harder for me to make friends. I try to fill my life with other things to occupy my time with...working out, reading, music, art.

    ^ Agree.I think that is why I have been single so long too.
  • Monti_e_lmt
    Monti_e_lmt Posts: 189 Member
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    Does anyone else feel like it's really easy to make online friends, but not so easy offline?? I have the same personality online as I do offline, and have TONS of online friends. But when it comes to offline friends, not so much. I don't get it. I'm nice to people, I try to help when people need it, and I like doing fun things. . . . so why don't I have many offline friends?

    Seems like the "friends" i have offline only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for them (like when they need something, or have NO ONE else to hang out with).

    Anyone have any insight? Or experience with this?

    I have the same problem
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
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    Online friends can be made in a week. You can tell them a ton of information in an e-mail. They can read your facebook wall, see photos of the past five years, talk about intimate things, and be open with the safety net of turning off the computer.

    Friends offline take years to make, and TBH, no-one has that much energy anymore - they are too busy updating facebook with the size of their last BM. ;)
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    lots of experience with this but not a lot of insight :(
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    Online friends can be made in a week. You can tell them a ton of information in an e-mail. They can read your facebook wall, see photos of the past five years, talk about intimate things, and be open with the safety net of turning off the computer.

    Friends offline take years to make, and TBH, no-one has that much energy anymore - they are too busy updating facebook with the size of their last BM. ;)

    so true...I am severely disappointed that back when MySpace was cool, I had found a few friends from elementary/pre-school/kindergarden...and when I sent them a message, "hi, how are you doing? What have you been up to?", their replies were basically, "WTF are you contacting me for? I am so *above* you" so sad really...c'mon, you're a grown woman! High school was 10 years ago...<insert eye roll here>
  • KLavallee322
    KLavallee322 Posts: 86 Member
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    Since having kids and getting married I noticed it has been more difficult keeping my core group of friends (none of them have kids yet). I'm not in school anymore, am a SAHM, am new to the area, and am not involved with church so I find making new friends very difficult. So I went on meetup.com and found a mom group that meets up every week. I LOVE it. I have met some really great girls and we have lots in common since we are all married and have kids the same age. I look forward to it each week :)
  • KelseyPalmtree
    KelseyPalmtree Posts: 89
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    Online friends can be made in a week. You can tell them a ton of information in an e-mail. They can read your facebook wall, see photos of the past five years, talk about intimate things, and be open with the safety net of turning off the computer.

    Friends offline take years to make, and TBH, no-one has that much energy anymore - they are too busy updating facebook with the size of their last BM. ;)

    so true...I am severely disappointed that back when MySpace was cool, I had found a few friends from elementary/pre-school/kindergarden...and when I sent them a message, "hi, how are you doing? What have you been up to?", their replies were basically, "WTF are you contacting me for? I am so *above* you" so sad really...c'mon, you're a grown woman! High school was 10 years ago...<insert eye roll here>

    Wow. That's horrible. I can't believe (well, I can, given the state of our society, unfortunately) someone would act like that. It's horrible. Who thinks that it's okay to talk to someone like that? Horrible.
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    I just moved to a tiny town and yes I find it is very hard to try to make it into the already established groups....

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