Bad Parents.....
Just a little vent. Soon to be ex husband's son moved back in with his mom about 10 months ago. He left us at 75lbs and he is 11 yrs old. Right now he is 150 lbs and just got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I have been told that he is none of my business and I cant have an opinion so I thought I would vent here. Who lets their kid get to that point. I know my mom always forced diets on me and I hated it, but there has to be a time where you step back and realize you are hurting your kids by not stepping in.
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Wow! I'm so sorry to hear that about your stepson. I'll be praying for him. Surely, God will intervene somehow.0
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That's really sad.0
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The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.0
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Wow! I'm so sorry to hear that about your stepson. I'll be praying for him. Surely, God will intervene somehow.
I'll also pray for all of you! I hope that you will find some peace...I also agree that it is hard to see a child get so heavy in such a short amount of time. Does he have a medical condition that would cause such extreme weight gain?0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth0
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The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.
Agree, but do you know the full story? Has he got health issues that have made him put on weight? At the end of the day, vent on here, and let them get on with it, someone in authority will notice sooner or later.0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.
There is NO way to know that unless you're there day in day out. My sister became VERY overweight for a period of time when she was around 10 or 11. If somebody came to our house they would see a very healthy household, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, involved parents, not a lot of candy or treats around, and absolutely no reason to accuse anybody of child abuse. My sister became overweight because she was inactive and because she ate junk at school and at friends' houses.
Now, I don't know anything about this situation, as not a whole lot of background info was provided, but I think it warrants quite a bit more information before we can start playing the blame game.0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.
this is going to start *kitten* but whatver...
I do NOT agree with kids being taken away from parents because of the weight/feeding issue.
EDUCATE the kids and parents, monitor them.. give them tools and resources to use. Give them access to cooking classes etc to make healthier meals for the family. Taking the child is putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound.0 -
Thats horrible! My step father in law's daughter is 12 and 180 lbs. He's big into fitness and it embarrasses him I think. Because hes always asking her hows her diet going and all that and she just rolls her eyes. Her mother is large too so I guess theres no example set. Why is it none of your business? Are you not allowed to care for your stepson? I would be super pissed if my husband told me his son was none of my business cause I love him too. If I were you I would just try to set a good example for him when hes with you.0
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The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.
this is going to start *kitten* but whatver...
I do NOT agree with kids being taken away from parents because of the weight/feeding issue.
EDUCATE the kids and parents, monitor them.. give them tools and resources to use. Give them access to cooking classes etc to make healthier meals for the family. Taking the child is putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound.
I could not agree with you more. Everybody's immediate answer is to remove the child from the home, but no one considers the psychological harm that does to the child. It is not as if he thinks he is being abused or mistreated.0 -
Contact child services under most state laws that would be considered abuse. There is no need to say anything the the parents, because well it's not your place. Make a call get the authorizes involved. That's all you can do. Talking about it will only add stress to an already stressful situation. Divorce,change in parents, a different home, etc. this all effects kids just as much as they do adults. Make the call. Sorry for you situation.0
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The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth
What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!0 -
Thats horrible! My step father in law's daughter is 12 and 180 lbs. He's big into fitness and it embarrasses him I think. Because hes always asking her hows her diet going and all that and she just rolls her eyes. Her mother is large too so I guess theres no example set. Why is it none of your business? Are you not allowed to care for your stepson? I would be super pissed if my husband told me his son was none of my business cause I love him too. If I were you I would just try to set a good example for him when hes with you.
It's her "soon to be ex-husband''s son" with another woman.
I'll be damned if my husband's ex tried to tell me what to feed MY kids and then came online talking about me? No thanks.0 -
From my own experience of being that big as a child, it was terrible. I luckily did not have diabetes or any other major medical problems. I felt embarassed, inadequate, and thought I would never date growing up (I never actually did date until I was 18 and started to lose weight and gain confidence). My parent's had their own issues with food and did not know how else to deal with feelings other than to eat.. Someone needs to say something, if you are the one to say something she may get offended but you care about the boy. He will grow into an obese adult and have less chance at a healthy lifestyle if it doesn't change now.0
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Ok, I quit this thread.
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Thats horrible! My step father in law's daughter is 12 and 180 lbs. He's big into fitness and it embarrasses him I think. Because hes always asking her hows her diet going and all that and she just rolls her eyes. Her mother is large too so I guess theres no example set. Why is it none of your business? Are you not allowed to care for your stepson? I would be super pissed if my husband told me his son was none of my business cause I love him too. If I were you I would just try to set a good example for him when hes with you.
It's her "soon to be ex-husband''s son" with another woman.
I'll be damned if my husband's ex tried to tell me what to feed MY kids and then came online talking about me? No thanks.
Oh sorry miss read. Yeah its not your place to say anything.0 -
You know, this could be a severe response to depression. Your separation from his Dad, moving back in with his Mom, etc. I'm only aware of this because I have an 11 year old who is close to me that is on Cymbalta to combat depression, and often in kids it presents as sudden weight gain. FYI, the doctor of this kid missed the depression diagnosis. It was only at the insistence of his mother that he got to a specialist and it was caught.
I'm not defending the Mom, but 11 year old's know how to get food, if they really want it. To double his weight in 10 months is very severe, and perhaps his Dad should be looking into mental illness and not just a physical one. His GP may have caught the diabetes, but sometimes doctors don't see the mental illness as clearly.
I wish him the very best of luck in the world. I hope you feel better by venting a little. I'd be as pissed off as you, so I completely understand. Good luck to you too, my friend.0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care.
this is going to start *kitten* but whatver...
I do NOT agree with kids being taken away from parents because of the weight/feeding issue.
EDUCATE the kids and parents, monitor them.. give them tools and resources to use. Give them access to cooking classes etc to make healthier meals for the family. Taking the child is putting a band-aid over a gunshot wound.
I could not agree with you more. Everybody's immediate answer is to remove the child from the home, but no one considers the psychological harm that does to the child. It is not as if he thinks he is being abused or mistreated.
Thank you. Always so quick to call the authorities to take other people's children away. First it was because of abuse a VERY good reason for children to be taken from the home. Next people want to extend that to overweight children, then they'll want to take kids away if their parents smoke, after that any kid caught saying a naughty word can be yanked from their parents and placed in a re-education camp....
Do all of you really think that foster homes are wonderful places to be raised in?
Try to get the kid to eat healthy and exercise. It's all you can really do. Best of luck to you.0 -
Coincidentally, obesity is not the only cause of diabetes. Maybe this kid was just genetically predisposed.0
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This could be all part of emotional eating... my sis has always done emotional eating - only got worse when my parents divorced... no matter how much my mom would try to control it she was like a ninja when it came to food...
You have a valid concern - however, there isn't much that you can do. I really don't think that his parents don't care, perhaps they are just not educated enough to deal with the situation in a correct manner. We live in a society where all is treated with medication instead of trying to find the root of the problem...0 -
I can relate to your situation sooooo much! My stepson began gaining weight immediately after my husbands divorce from his mom. By the time I came into the picture, he was 7 years old and 20lbs over weight. The numbers eventually ballooned to well over 300lbs by the time he was 17. We have always been involved in his life, but both my husband and I were told to mind our own business where "her" children were concerned.
He eventually lost 130lbs on his own, because he wanted to be with his friends and join the Marines. He looked fabulous!! We were sooooo proud of him. Unfortuantely, his mom convinced him to get out of the Marines, because they weren't allowing him to move up in ranks fast enough. He is now back home with her and 300+ lbs again! :frown:0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth
What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!
could he not back back with his father?0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth
What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!
Thank you! My parents fought over custody many times during my childhood and I was ordered to go back an forth by an idiot judge, to say it had a negative effect on me is an understatement. Live with my mom a few years, dad takes her to court says I have to go live with him... on and on. Maybe tell his dad but leave it at that!0 -
That's so sad. We as parents need to get over ourselves and put the children 1st. He lived with you and I'm sure you loved him by being his step mom so why shouldn't you care about his well being. I didn't have to worry about weight until I started having babies in my adult life. But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.
I'm not sure where all this child abuse talk came from but until you know the entire situation I'd save judgement.0 -
But when my daugher started to be overweight I did what I had to do to keep her healthy. I took her to the doctor, got her food plans and tried to get her to exercise. If you ask her now she says I traumitized her and made her have problems with her self image. I told her to get over herself because as a parent it was my responsibility to make sure she was the healthiest and best person she could be.
Wow. I know a mother who did the same thing. Her daughter died as a result of anorexia a few years later.
Children are very vulnerable, especialy about their self-esteem. Telling your kid to 'get over it' probably DID traumitize her. :noway:0 -
I'm trying to figure out how to handle the fact that my 12 yr old daughters best friend (also 12) is sexually active. My daughter and her no longer speak as my daughter voiced her opinion, took a stance against it and is now being chastised for her good morals.0
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The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth
What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!
could he not back back with his father?
Unless his mother is leaving marks and bruises, the definition of abuse is subjective. Just allowing him to eat what he wants is not direct or intentional harm. Therefore, the child does not see it as abuse. Removing him would only be yanking him from the arms of a loving mother which in itself would be psychologically more tramautizing than trying to cope with obesity in adolescence.0 -
The only thing I will suggest is to contact child services, this is a form of abuse, and should not be left in their care. I agree with this post. I'd say the child is really unhappy and eating to deal with some issues. Just my 2 cents worth
What? Yes, lets take the child away from the people that love him and throw him into a depression so he only gets bigger. Genius idea!
Thank you! My parents fought over custody many times during my childhood and I was ordered to go back an forth by an idiot judge, to say it had a negative effect on me is an understatement. Live with my mom a few years, dad takes her to court says I have to go live with him... on and on. Maybe tell his dad but leave it at that!
Yet another reason my sister was overweight when she was younger. I was out of the house by the time my parents got divorced, but going to court and bouncing back and forth between my parents houses, that definitely didn't do a whole hell of a lot for her mental state, so she ate out of comfort. My parents were both good parents, but when you're dealing with custody issues, the child suffers so much and 11 years old is an EXTREMELY vulnerable age. Suggesting counseling is a much better idea than just calling CPS and causing an even bigger sh!tstorm.0 -
I'm not sure whether getting child protective services involved is the right thing or not, but those who are posting about them taking the child away, you really don't know what you're talking about. That's the last thing that they want to do. My stepmother has been a social worker for 20 years now and she'll tell you that they don't want to remove the child unless they are in imminent danger. They would work with the parent(s) to make sure that the child is getting take care of. If it takes educating the parents, helping them shop properly for groceries or meet with a nutritionist to work out a plan for the child, that's what they would do.0
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My sister was in this situation. Her daughter was very overweight as far back as 1st or 2nd grade. My sister didn't' know how to handle it because her daughter learned her poor eating habits from my sister and her husband, who were both overweight at the time but EXTREMELY loving and devoted parents.
My sister had a lot of guilt and, therefore, felt badly about making her daughter change her habits. Plus, she never knew how to bring up the subject without doing more harm to her already very poor self-esteem. She'd try cooking better but her daughter would still overeat and not lose weight and she was very resistant to doing pretty much any type of physical activity.
Some parents don't have healthy habits themselves however, it doesn't make them abusive or even negligent parents. My niece (She's now 21) eventually began dieting because SHE wanted to and (with the help of this site) lost over 50 pounds.
I'm not saying the parents shouldn't do anything about his weight... I'm just saying its a precarious situation. Its not an easy position to be in and it has to be handled delicately.0
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