VERRY embarrassing question!

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  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
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    when your alone one day or night walk up to him naked and jump on him, this may work, if anything it will get it out in the open, a real close girlfriend who i thought was a great friend and only a friend never even considered sex. did this to me and it was awesome. we had a great FWB relationship for a couple of years.
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
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    Me and my husband have a strict "Never say no to sex" policy.


    I would talk to him about this. The only time me or my husband have had lowered sex drives were when we got severely depressed.
  • jessicagrimwood
    jessicagrimwood Posts: 15
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    Intimacy is very important in a relationship. However, there are other ways to be intimate other than sex. I would say that if you love the person as much as you say you do, then sex is not a reason to leave. Trust me, I know a girl has needs but cheating is definitely not the answer. There are times when my husband and I go months with none for different reasons. It has been this way since we got married and trust me I understand the needs but I would never ever cheat nor leave because of sex.

    You have to ask yourself how much you love your man and if he is worth waiting for. If he is not, then you probably should end it and move on because the relationship isn't that important. I would definitely talk to him too.
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
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    I'm married for 20 years and part and in some portion of our relationship is missing sex(on my part). I believe that one way or the other this will be part of relationship, but you need to establish a communication and hoping that he will fix this with you. Nowadays, people are more open to discuss and there are professional help around this(i think) so this is one step that both of you could take.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
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    Me and my husband have a strict "Never say no to sex" policy.


    I would talk to him about this. The only time me or my husband have had lowered sex drives were when we got severely depressed.

    thats awesome!!!
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
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    Hmmm.,,is he depressed? Medications? Stressed over life issues/work? Medical problems?Those things can affect his sexual libido. I honestly don't feel sex is the beginning and end of all relationships, but its obviously important to you. The first thing is to talk to HIM because only he can address your concerns.
  • jazzykay1971
    jazzykay1971 Posts: 58
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    Wow, I dont know quite what to say, I have never met a man that didnt want to like 12 times a day.
    I really think you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel, let him know you love him, everyone has stress, but, I think hes using that as an excuse. Im not saying hes cheating by any means, but something is up.
    Hopw things get better for you!! HUGS
  • SirBeechBum
    SirBeechBum Posts: 28
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    It sounds like he should probably already know that there is un-easiness here. Take it from a guy. We are just not wired to behave this way. There is clearly something wrong here. Your thoughts should first be determining what that something is and then gauge the future of the relationship based on your findings. Sounds a little cold but you are obviously reaching a boiling point. Good luck…

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  • liftingheavy
    liftingheavy Posts: 551 Member
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    I've talked to him a number of times.
    He insists he doesn't have any "issues".

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts and comments.

    I think another thing that makes this hard is that I'm not a spring chicken anymore and I have kids. So yeah....the pond I have to fish in is very small. LOL!

    Oh...my!

    I'm sorry if my posting this question offended anyone...last thing I wanted to do.
    I guess when you feel hopeless you post to random public...lol

    Do not be embarrased at all. Someone may have asked this because I didn't read the whole thread, but, are you comfortable with your body and sexuality?

    There was a time in my life when I wasn't happy with my body, awkward, reserved, and would only do it with the lights out. The lack of self esteem completely turned my partner off and he just wasn't interested.
  • tonihayden
    tonihayden Posts: 67
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    It sounds like he should probably already know that there is un-easiness here. Take it from a guy. We are just not wired to behave this way. There is clearly something wrong here. Your thoughts should first be determining what that something is and then gauge the future of the relationship based on your findings. Sounds a little cold but you are obviously reaching a boiling point. Good luck…

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    my thoughts exactly!
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,051 Member
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    If your partner says they didn't cheat, trust them. If you don't trust them, break it off and find someone else. Seriously, if you consider your relationship to be a healthy one, then why are you even discussing this with strangers? There is absolutely nothing weird about a person being too tired or stressed to give a crap about sex for a year. I can say that if you don't trust him, then you might want to reconsider your priorities. Try talking to him straight. Ask him if he has issues with sex before marriage. It's hardly a weird thing to wait until you're married, even if most people don't want to admit it. IF that's not his issue, then find out what it is. Talk with him, not us. There's no other way to a clear answer.

    I disagree with most of this post... I do agree that you should trust your partner, and if you can't, break it off. But, there's nothing wrong with going to strangers when you have no one else to discuss with, and there IS something wrong with someone not wanting it for an entire year, after having had it before. Whether there's something wrong with him or with the relationship needs to be determined, but something is definitely up!
    It sounds like you have spoken with him about it, and haven't gotten any resolution. I think the time to talk to him is up- you need to figure yourself out. And the fact that you have kids does not limit your pool- you just have to keep a lookout for the right person :) I hope that's not why you're staying with him!!!
  • bitty1taz
    bitty1taz Posts: 309 Member
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    If your partner says they didn't cheat, trust them. If you don't trust them, break it off and find someone else. Seriously, if you consider your relationship to be a healthy one, then why are you even discussing this with strangers? There is absolutely nothing weird about a person being too tired or stressed to give a crap about sex for a year. I can say that if you don't trust him, then you might want to reconsider your priorities. Try talking to him straight. Ask him if he has issues with sex before marriage. It's hardly a weird thing to wait until you're married, even if most people don't want to admit it. IF that's not his issue, then find out what it is. Talk with him, not us. There's no other way to a clear answer.

    I disagree with most of this post... I do agree that you should trust your partner, and if you can't, break it off. But, there's nothing wrong with going to strangers when you have no one else to discuss with, and there IS something wrong with someone not wanting it for an entire year, after having had it before. Whether there's something wrong with him or with the relationship needs to be determined, but something is definitely up!
    It sounds like you have spoken with him about it, and haven't gotten any resolution. I think the time to talk to him is up- you need to figure yourself out. And the fact that you have kids does not limit your pool- you just have to keep a lookout for the right person :) I hope that's not why you're staying with him!!!



    No, I'm not with him for any reason other than I love him and really want to get this problem resolved somehow.


    Thanks again everyone! I've heard some really good ideas, some funny ones, and others that make me scratch my head in wonder...LOL!
    Over all I have a lot to think about.
  • michelleepotter
    michelleepotter Posts: 800 Member
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    I've talked to him a number of times.
    He insists he doesn't have any "issues".

    This says a lot to me. The problem isn't just that he doesn't want to have sex -- it's also that you have come to him with something that is really bothering you, several times, and he is apparently not willing to look for a solution.
  • Specialkayrina
    Specialkayrina Posts: 242 Member
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    I would understand if it was a couple of months..but over a year that's really weird.. I would just move on.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 899 Member
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    He doesn't give, he receives. Invest in a strap on if you care to salvage your relationship.
  • jryan12341
    jryan12341 Posts: 21 Member
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    He doesn't give, he receives. Invest in a strap on if you care to salvage your relationship.


    Ouch!!!! but funny....at least wait until he is sleeping and then bam bam baby....mama's home
  • DominiqueSmall
    DominiqueSmall Posts: 495 Member
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    From what I've read (and guys correct me if I'm wrong) but stress and or depression can have a major impact on a man's desire. If you love him, I would try talking to him. Also, supporting him and encouraging him and letting him know you are there no matter what may be what he needs right now instead of the pressure to have sex.

    While sex is fun and great, the person is more important. And as you said, you can always take care of your needs yourself.

    One last thing, perhaps instead of sex you could do other things and slowly build back up.

    But I would talk it through. Sounds like something is bothering him.
  • rmsrws
    rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
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    I spent several years with a hubby that had no (whisper) sex drive. He kept telling me it wasn't me, it was him.

    We finally started seriously talking about all of our issues and feelings, and it seemed to resolve itself. Communication is the key.
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,303 Member
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    He doesn't give, he receives. Invest in a strap on if you care to salvage your relationship.

    :noway:

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