Always single!

24

Replies

  • Pifflesmom
    Pifflesmom Posts: 134 Member
    I LOVE this!
    Hey there. If they have disappeared then it is there loss. Do not blame yourself. As my Mum always tells me "What is for me will not go past me"

    I truly believe in this. If he is for you it will all work out. if not Mr right is out there somewhere

    I like that I'm going to remember that one....your Mum sounds smart :)
  • darkmouzy
    darkmouzy Posts: 227 Member
    I know how you feel! same thing happens to me and I just gave up for now, I gotta focus on me for a while :)
  • deedog007
    deedog007 Posts: 89 Member
    If they are poor communicators (wont call back) , then u dont need them and its disrespectful. Chalk it up as they did you a favor.
    Why dont u communicate with them and see whats going wrong, or if there is anything wrong. Maybe....just maybe thats the problem (Lack of Communication),

    Which is most important in all relationships. ;)

    I called and left a message and sent a couple of texts....no response.
  • tradaboie
    tradaboie Posts: 132
    Did you give up the goods?
    Sometimes if you give it up to soon.............they leave
    Sometimes if you dont give it up soon enough...........they leave

    And you dont want either of that type anyway.

    Too many unknown factors..........but its most certainly not entirely your fault.

    Went out for 2 dates and one lunch....no sex yet.
  • deedog007
    deedog007 Posts: 89 Member
    I hear ya!!! The same thing just happened to me....GREAT first date (HE said so afterwards, more than once), made plans to see each other again, then he just stopped replying to my texts. I was tempted to ask for an explanation, but what is the point??? It is really hard to believe that there isn't something wrong with me, even though everyone tells me that it isn't me. I don't really have much advice to offer since I feel like lately I am in the same boat, but I can let ya know that you're not alone! You look great, your progress is amazing, so don't let it get you down...I just try to tell myself that I wouldn't want a guy who thinks it's OK to just disappear with no explanation - that says a LOT about their character, and very little about anything you could have done wrong. Seems like people are always looking for the next best thing - they might think you are great, but maybe there is something greater. There are just too many options these days, that makes it hard. I swear that guys were much more committed and willing to settle down with me when I was in my early & mid 20's than they are now. I know what you're dealing with! :angry:

    Yeah I'm not even that upset about this guy...was only 3 dates...and you're right if he thinks its ok to just disappear that's not what I want....just keeps happening. I think most of these guys are looking for just sex and when they realize it's going to take longer to get it than they want they bounce. I'm just not sure where to meet other guys lol

    I think your right on this one.. looking for sex and your better than that .. .chalk it up in your favor.
  • tradaboie
    tradaboie Posts: 132
    Be happy with yourself and happiness will find you! If the spark isn't there for both you and him, it's best to know now. Just don't go thinking there is something wrong with you just because some guy is to much an idiot to want to date you or man enough to say why not. You don't need someone who plays games like that.

    As a single guy, I deal with the same from single women.

    I understand when there is no spark....sometimes it's backwards and I'm the one just not interested...but I say so grrrrr.
  • Heartpath
    Heartpath Posts: 33
    All you can do is be the best you that you can be, to be satisfied with who you are and true to yourself. Be awesome in the way that is authentic to you. If you try to change yourself to please someone else, then that person isn't really dating you. He's dating some imaginary person you think he wants to date. Then, hold out for your match, for that person who sees and appreciates the genuine you and wants to be around her. If you date some guy who just fades away, that's his deal, not yours. He wasn't the right match. No commentary on you as a person, because you're living the life that you choose to live and that makes you happy to live, that you believe to be right. There are literally millions of people in the world who aren't a good match for each other, and that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with any of them.
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs:grumble: before one turns into a prince. :love:
  • albinogorilla
    albinogorilla Posts: 1,056 Member
    Did you give up the goods?
    Sometimes if you give it up to soon.............they leave
    Sometimes if you dont give it up soon enough...........they leave

    And you dont want either of that type anyway.

    Too many unknown factors..........but its most certainly not entirely your fault.

    Went out for 2 dates and one lunch....no sex yet.

    From what i know of guys...........they will not usually say they are not interested...........they will SHOW you they are not interested. Either by doing this dissapearing act, or giving you a reason to leave them. I've done it.
  • GB333
    GB333 Posts: 261 Member
    We've ALL been there! You're not alone, girlie! Hang in there - it took me 31 years but I finally found one worth keeping (who also wanted to keep me). Met him on eHarmony, believe it or not! Hang in there! When he's the right one, you'll both know it! :flowerforyou:
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    First of all you should evaluate what went wrong. Many times we women do things that we thought were right but unfortunately its also what drives a guy away. Also I agree with bigbearw, guys are not vocal when it comes to their feelings & usually they're not going to tell you in your face that they are not interested but they will just show it.
  • Toddrific
    Toddrific Posts: 1,114 Member
    We've ALL been there! You're not alone, girlie! Hang in there - it took me 31 years but I finally found one worth keeping (who also wanted to keep me). Met him on eHarmony, believe it or not! Hang in there! When he's the right one, you'll both know it! :flowerforyou:

    I got rejected by eharmony. Now THAT is embarassing.

    Pick up guys at church, that way you see them once a week, and they can't lie to you!...
    or..okcupid or pof.com...I'm having terrific results there!....
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    If it makes you feel better, women do the same thing as far as disappearing ;) and in the world of facebook you can watch their relationship status switch over to hooked up afterward and illuminate you as to why they disappeared.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    If it makes you feel better, women do the same thing as far as disappearing ;) and in the world of facebook you can watch their relationship status switch over to hooked up afterward and illuminate you as to why they disappeared.

    Uh not for me, I just changed my relationship status from single to in a relationship with my bf's name linked into & after that, guys have been chatting or sending me messages that I'm pretty, blah blah blah & that they want me to be their gf. They didn't mind me when I was still single but now that I have somebody, suddenly they begin to appear from nowhere. I don't get it.
  • Some days I feel destined to be single forever. We just have to remember that if it is meant to be it will happen then find a way to enjoy just being you. If you can't be happy out of a relationship you'll never be happy in one. Find ways to love yourself first!

    This is so true! So many people grasp to relationships that aren't right for them. I'd much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who isn't right for me.
    Enjoy your freedom! You'll probably miss it (at least a little) when/if you find someone you want to settle down with.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    If it makes you feel better, women do the same thing as far as disappearing ;) and in the world of facebook you can watch their relationship status switch over to hooked up afterward and illuminate you as to why they disappeared.

    Uh not for me, I just changed my relationship status from single to in a relationship with my bf's name linked into & after that, guys have been chatting or sending me messages that I'm pretty, blah blah blah & that they want me to be their gf. They didn't mind me when I was still single but now that I have somebody, suddenly they begin to appear from nowhere. I don't get it.

    What I meant is you can date someone and then they disappear and then a few days later their facebook status changes over to in a relationship with some other guy and that tells you why they disappeared.

    As to what you are talking about, yes ... that is something that happens a lot. People want what they can't have. Or at the very least want to **** you and then don't need to hang around because you're already with someone else so they can cut and run.
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    I have never had a boyfriend, and part of the reason is because of me being sheltered as a child by my mom, college, and graduate school. However, to the original poster, if a man is acting fickle like that, he is not the one for you. He may be married, in a relationship or is dating many other women at the same time. You will probably never know. Honestly, when men approach me and I be honest to them about sex or my expectations in life, I know right away if they are a keeper or just wanted sex. A man will make every effort for a woman he is REALLY interested in.
  • SavageRabidBeast
    SavageRabidBeast Posts: 481 Member
    don't sweat it, it definitely isn't you. You seem like a good person with a good head on her shoulders, very beautiful also. So it is his complete loss. Just remember to keep your chin up, keep smiling, and keep having fun because that right person for you will notice that and he will wanna continue seeing all the great things about you. So on a final note........smile :)
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    Some days I feel destined to be single forever. We just have to remember that if it is meant to be it will happen then find a way to enjoy just being you. If you can't be happy out of a relationship you'll never be happy in one. Find ways to love yourself first!

    This is so true! So many people grasp to relationships that aren't right for them. I'd much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who isn't right for me.
    Enjoy your freedom! You'll probably miss it (at least a little) when/if you find someone you want to settle down with.

    If you cannot love yourself or you hate yourself or are not happy with yourself or don't know how to enjoy life by yourself first... you (not YOU but you in general) really have no business trying to be in a relationship (IMO) until you work your issues with yourself out.
  • mmk137
    mmk137 Posts: 833 Member
    just like the *****cat dolls say "i don't need a man to make me happy, i get off being free'.

    Seriously guys (and not all of you, cause I know there are some seriously genuine guys out there), are douches.

    It's not you, it's them. So go on living the life the way you want to live it, and you will get the right man, not these losers.
  • cynthiaj777
    cynthiaj777 Posts: 787 Member
    I feel like this too! But you know what I always get? We hang out, we have great sex, we have lots of fun.....then I get "I don't see myself being in a romantic relationship with you." Like I'm always good enough to have fun with....but I'm never good enough to be emotional with! I always get thrown to the friends category. "You are beautiful, fun, intelligent, an amazing lover....BUT" WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT!!!!!!!!!! I'm beautiful, fun, intelligent, able to keep you sexually satisfied, independent, have a graduate degree, a stable career, my own place.....WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT?!?!?!?!?!?!

    My friends say and most of them are guys....that I intimidate men because I am so amazing. HOW IS THAT MY PROBLEM?!!?!?!?!?!:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    Some days I feel destined to be single forever. We just have to remember that if it is meant to be it will happen then find a way to enjoy just being you. If you can't be happy out of a relationship you'll never be happy in one. Find ways to love yourself first!

    This is so true! So many people grasp to relationships that aren't right for them. I'd much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who isn't right for me.
    Enjoy your freedom! You'll probably miss it (at least a little) when/if you find someone you want to settle down with.

    If you cannot love yourself or you hate yourself or are not happy with yourself or don't know how to enjoy life by yourself first... you (not YOU but you in general) really have no business trying to be in a relationship (IMO) until you work your issues with yourself out.

    SOOOO TRUE! I never wanted to be a relationship when I was obese because I def didn't feel comfortable with the person that I was. I always felt like a work in progress, and I don't think any of the relationships I could've been in would have worked because I didn't really like a lot of stuff about myself. That is why when a lot of people lose weight they often drop the significant other or say "they out grew them" because the person was right for the person they used to be and not the one they became.
  • jill92787
    jill92787 Posts: 158 Member
    I understand!!!!!!!!!! And being surrounded by guys in their 20's ALL day EVERY day (I'm in the military) and hearing all of their stories, I've come to some conclusions.

    Sometimes they just don't feel that "it" feeling.
    Sometimes they're attracted to a different body type or style.
    Sometimes it's something stupid like "she hates video games" or "her laugh drove me insane" or "she's too tall"

    However, a LOT of the time it's because either 1. they are looking for something short term and realize you are looking for more than they are or 2. they start dating more than one girl at a time until they figure out which one they like better and then they just blow off the one(s) they didn't choose. Guys are very passive aggressive when it comes to letting a girl down, because they are terrified of how she'll react or they feel bad about it. They like to just avoid it, and her, all together.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    I feel like this too! But you know what I always get? We hang out, we have great sex, we have lots of fun.....then I get "I don't see myself being in a romantic relationship with you." Like I'm always good enough to have fun with....but I'm never good enough to be emotional with! I always get thrown to the friends category. "You are beautiful, fun, intelligent, an amazing lover....BUT" WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT!!!!!!!!!! I'm beautiful, fun, intelligent, able to keep you sexually satisfied, independent, have a graduate degree, a stable career, my own place.....WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT?!?!?!?!?!?!

    My friends say and most of them are guys....that I intimidate men because I am so amazing. HOW IS THAT MY PROBLEM?!!?!?!?!?!:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

    Seems like it's that you give him what he wants without him needing to be in a "relationship" with you, thus letting him do what he wants with others as well.

    Some people call those open relationships ;)
  • cynthiaj777
    cynthiaj777 Posts: 787 Member
    We've ALL been there! You're not alone, girlie! Hang in there - it took me 31 years but I finally found one worth keeping (who also wanted to keep me). Met him on eHarmony, believe it or not! Hang in there! When he's the right one, you'll both know it! :flowerforyou:

    I got rejected by eharmony. Now THAT is embarassing.

    Pick up guys at church, that way you see them once a week, and they can't lie to you!...
    or..okcupid or pof.com...I'm having terrific results there!....

    I use OK. Though, with all my recent drama, I have went on a rampage of telling all the ones I had been talking to, to leave me alone....and I told all of them what happened. I was truthful....and not a single one stopped talking to me. (quoted poster knows what I'm talking about).
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Some days I feel destined to be single forever. We just have to remember that if it is meant to be it will happen then find a way to enjoy just being you. If you can't be happy out of a relationship you'll never be happy in one. Find ways to love yourself first!

    This is so true! So many people grasp to relationships that aren't right for them. I'd much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who isn't right for me.
    Enjoy your freedom! You'll probably miss it (at least a little) when/if you find someone you want to settle down with.

    Sometimes it can be frustrating to be destined to be in single-blessedness (myself included) especially if we have our own plans of having our own family & picture ourselves with our kids. But being single also does wonders like being wholly independent financially (without worrying over family expenses or what gifts to buy for him, etc.), you can freely hang out with guys without having to worry in making someone jealous & more importantly this is the stage where you can make wise decisions especially when it comes to the guys that you really want.
  • cynthiaj777
    cynthiaj777 Posts: 787 Member
    I feel like this too! But you know what I always get? We hang out, we have great sex, we have lots of fun.....then I get "I don't see myself being in a romantic relationship with you." Like I'm always good enough to have fun with....but I'm never good enough to be emotional with! I always get thrown to the friends category. "You are beautiful, fun, intelligent, an amazing lover....BUT" WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT!!!!!!!!!! I'm beautiful, fun, intelligent, able to keep you sexually satisfied, independent, have a graduate degree, a stable career, my own place.....WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT?!?!?!?!?!?!

    My friends say and most of them are guys....that I intimidate men because I am so amazing. HOW IS THAT MY PROBLEM?!!?!?!?!?!:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

    Seems like it's that you give him what he wants without him needing to be in a "relationship" with you, thus letting him do what he wants with others as well.

    Some people call those open relationships ;)

    Yeah, I'm not own for open relationships. Maybe I need to set expectations earlier (I'm looking for a solid relationship), but even when I do that, it seems to make them think I'm moving too fast. IDK about others, but when I'm seeing someone multiple times a week, cooking for him, having sleep overs, talking every day....that seems to be turning into a relationship. If I like someone, I show it....but then they always turn around and say that's not what they want.
  • tracyco66
    tracyco66 Posts: 25 Member
    If you haven't read this book "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys"...get it....I don't know how true most of it is but it will at least make you laugh when they pull this crap...
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I am looking for that connection. That absolutely amazing connection. You kind of have to figure it out though. When you first meet someone, you're always super into them. It takes some time to see if it stays or not. I guess that's what confuses women, when it wears off. Some of my ex's are good friends. I don't hate them, they don't irritate me, in fact, I think I must be crazy to break it off. But, the truth is, they aren't totally rocking my world. I find myself trying to avoid them, and lying to them that I'm going out with the boys when I really just want a night home alone...stuff like that. When I start doing that, I know something is wrong. Despite the fact that she is awesome. But, if I find the one, she'll be my best friend and someone I can be honest with and someone I want to be lazy with at home.

    But, I can't figure that out right off the bat. You kind of have to go down a little path and sus out your true feelings. It's difficult.

    Are women really that dependant on a man. What I mean is, if a guy likes you, then that's it for you? There's no filter on your side too? I find that pretty hard to believe, especially after what happened to me with my ex wife.

    I mean what if you really, really like someone, but you just don't get butterflies in your belly when they kiss you. But, you really like them and care about them? I mean, it's tough, right?

    I can't answer to guys fading out. I was talking to a friend of mine that told me that he can't do what I do. Basically, I just tell hem and break it off. He has to f*** it up, turn it into a big fight and break it that way. I asked why all the drama? He said that he doesn't have the heart to just tell them. I think a lot of guys lack integrity, so they just wimp out rather than face the music and tie up loose ends.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    I feel like this too! But you know what I always get? We hang out, we have great sex, we have lots of fun.....then I get "I don't see myself being in a romantic relationship with you." Like I'm always good enough to have fun with....but I'm never good enough to be emotional with! I always get thrown to the friends category. "You are beautiful, fun, intelligent, an amazing lover....BUT" WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT!!!!!!!!!! I'm beautiful, fun, intelligent, able to keep you sexually satisfied, independent, have a graduate degree, a stable career, my own place.....WHY IS THERE ALWAYS A BUT?!?!?!?!?!?!

    My friends say and most of them are guys....that I intimidate men because I am so amazing. HOW IS THAT MY PROBLEM?!!?!?!?!?!:ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell: :ohwell:

    Seems like it's that you give him what he wants without him needing to be in a "relationship" with you, thus letting him do what he wants with others as well.

    Some people call those open relationships ;)

    Yeah, I'm not own for open relationships. Maybe I need to set expectations earlier (I'm looking for a solid relationship), but even when I do that, it seems to make them think I'm moving too fast. IDK about others, but when I'm seeing someone multiple times a week, cooking for him, having sleep overs, talking every day....that seems to be turning into a relationship. If I like someone, I show it....but then they always turn around and say that's not what they want.

    I don't want to sound conservative but I don't think sleeping over with a guy is a good idea to build a solid relationship. Having sex without officially being in a relationship especially if you're still in the getting to know process can give guys an idea that you're an easy prey & that they will see you as "good for now" & not as someone with a girlfriend/wife potential.