Forgiveness - how do you do it???

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  • egiakatt
    egiakatt Posts: 90 Member
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    Will be sending you a PM over the weekend
  • cornfritter22
    cornfritter22 Posts: 230 Member
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    bump
  • foxbat2828
    foxbat2828 Posts: 391 Member
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    One thing to fully remember is that, while many people believe that forgiveness benefits the perpetrator of the hurt, ultimately remember that forgiveness is most beneficial when it is for the victim of the hurt. In other words, don't forgive to do the other person a favor or because you feel that you have to ... forgive because it puts you in a better position and place in your life to do so. Also, there is no timetable on forgiveness. I've heard people say things like, "It's been x years since it's happened so it's time to forgive and move on," but ultimately, it's a question about how you feel, not how much time has passed. For some people, they can forgive almost immediately; for others it takes much longer for the exact same offense. Make sure that the focus of forgiveness is you!
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
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    I don't necessarily think forgiveness is entirely about the other person. It's an internal point that you get to, where you realize that you are the person you are, and go forward from there for yourself, not for them. It's a place you come to where you realize that someone else's mistakes don't matter to you anymore, because you are a separate entity from them and their choices, and you enjoy that feeling of separation.

    Before you can find joy in separation, forgiveness isn't really possible, or necessary.
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
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    I cant imagine what you had to go through...but for me...forgiveness is complicated... but that doesnt mean i dont forgive..i actually find it easy to forgive and do it from my heart...its the forgetting part...that is difficult. Because trusting that person again is the hardest thing.

    Then again, I am not any where near perfect and i need forgiveness for stupid things i do...so i try to live by the whole " grace" method.

    Give grace.....Then i go rush into my closet and cry my eyes out....LOL.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
    Buddha


    Also, sometimes what we first perceive as "bad" changes, we eventually see as changes from which we can extract something great. You always have a choice. Choose to let go.

    Agreed.

    Also, forgiving someone does not mean you have to allow them back into your life or even speak with them again. It is simply just letting it go.
  • LovesGG
    LovesGG Posts: 241 Member
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    If you are a Christian...

    "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you"-Matthew 6:14

    Sure people hurt us, but we hurt God too. Something to reflect on.
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
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    If you are a Christian...

    "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you"-Matthew 6:14

    Sure people hurt us, but we hurt God too. Something to reflect on.

    Amen!!!
  • NamsdnaL
    NamsdnaL Posts: 102 Member
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    Thank you for asking this question. :cry: I think I need to learn to let go of some of my anger issues and start to heal myself too. Here's to turning over a new leaf. :flowerforyou:
  • hypersensitiveb
    hypersensitiveb Posts: 342 Member
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    1. Give all your anger and pain over to God .
    2. Ask for God to give you a forgiving heart towards this person and or situation.
    3. Read what the bible says about forgiveness, it's Gods words talking to your heart.

    I have been hurt in many ways by others to where I could be cold hearted scared and angry all my life. But I gave all of this over to God and asked for his peace that passes all understanding. God has already promised all of these things for you all you have to do is ask and accept them.
  • NeedANewFocus
    NeedANewFocus Posts: 898 Member
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    bump
  • leelaknight
    leelaknight Posts: 37
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    Recovery from a bad/abusive relationship does not happen over night. Counseling may help you regain your perspective. Good luck!

    i believe in this A LOT! but also believe in friend they help heal scars with laughter.... most of all believe in you.
  • Sunshine_and_Puppies
    Sunshine_and_Puppies Posts: 41
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    Pray a LOT!!!!!! I've never been good at the whole forgiveness thing so I've been reading every bible verse on it over and over and over, praying for a forgiving heart towards the people who have hurt me.... I can honestly say that it is working wonders in my life!!! I am able to be happy for the first time in a long time, because I'm not carrying around that burden anymore.
  • Panda_Path
    Panda_Path Posts: 86 Member
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    I accept the person for what they did and their decisions. I accept the past for what it is. YOU CAN NEVER CONTROL THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER! So, just accept it and move on.

    My issue was with my father. I grew up in fear through verbal and emotional abuse, having to live with him until I was 16 and finally got my mom to get a divorce (she got it worse than me, started to turn physical right before we moved away from him). To me, forgiveness is not saying "I forgive you", but rather more about -your- acceptance of the situation. Without my father being such a jerk, I probably wouldn't be the warm, loving, understanding person that I am today. There was absolutely nothing I could do to change him or the situation, I was a child, until i was old enough to have the strength to confront my mom about it. The scars are still there, and always will be. But the present is now and you just have to accept what was and move on. Letting go of anger or the feeling of being "wronged" is a huge part of this.

    *hugs* for everyone going through a hard time! Lots of love!
  • AshleyMoe86
    AshleyMoe86 Posts: 17
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    Someone shared this quote with me once and it gave me new perspective here it is, "Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your head." Now grudge isn't necessarily what you were saying here but not forgiving or not letting go can be exactly the same thing. You don't need to forgive them for their sake, you need to forgive for your sake. You are the one that is still dealing with the pain day in/day out. I've been through some rough stuff so I can understand how hard it is to let go, but you need to do it- for you and for those kiddos of yours.
  • Nikkei24
    Nikkei24 Posts: 282 Member
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    Forgivness is accepting that you can't change the past
  • BlackStarlight
    BlackStarlight Posts: 554 Member
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    Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
    Buddha


    Also, sometimes what we first perceive as "bad" changes, we eventually see as changes from which we can extract something great. You always have a choice. Choose to let go.

    You and Buddha are very wise.

    This is so true however its also never easy just take it one day at a time. It does get easier x
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
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    I take a deep breath, tell myself lfe is to short to be angry, pray that the person who hurt me learns from thier mistake and does not hurt someone else and I move on. (the moving on is the hard part)

    I find that prying for people I don't care for or who have hurt me makes me feel better. If I can say a prayer and mean I remind myself that I am strong and capable of taking the long journey to recovery.

    Best wishes to you a your little ones. Remember to keep yourself as a priority as well as your children and you will come out of your situation a better person and a better mom.
  • rbeatty63
    rbeatty63 Posts: 132
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    Holding on to hurt/anger is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.
    Forgive and move on. The sooner you forgive, the sooner you will heal. It
    doesn't mean you have to be on speaking terms, it just means you have, by an
    act of your own free-will, chosen to re-take the power that you gave away for
    whatever reason, whether it was love, or trust, or fear. God Bless you as you
    begin this walk.
  • obwize
    obwize Posts: 102
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    What worked for me is love. When I was 6 years old I met a pedophile. I repressed most of the memories of what happened. Soon after that at church we talked about how we need to pray for our enemies. What I could remember of what happened made him the closest thing to an enemy I could think of. When I prayed for him I could feel an almost overpowering sense of love for him. The love kept growing until I felt as though I were going to pass out. It stopped growing and stayed strong. Then a deep sadness started to come as well, without diminishing the love at all. It grew to just about equal to the love. The amount of love and sadness were almost too much to handle, but then they went away.

    I was left with an understanding that God loves his children, not just the "good" ones. It does NOT mean that he approves of all they do, in fact it deeply saddens and angers him when they do things that hurt others, but he still loves them.

    Knowing this has made it a lot easier to forgive. And when I find myself perpetually upset with an individual (for meaningful reasons, not just the petty stuff) I pray for them and pray to be able to love them the way God does. That way I can see that they are not perfect, but are not outright evil either, and I am more open to understanding that they are on their own path and that God wants them to be better as well.

    Good luck!

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