CHEESY JOKES THREAD

kealambert
kealambert Posts: 961 Member
in Chit-Chat
It's friday, I'm stuck at work for another two hours.

let's share our awful cheesy jokes, I'll start:

Have you heard the one about the unsharpened pencil? don't worry about it, it's pointless
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Replies

  • stuffsdb
    stuffsdb Posts: 165
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    What's brown and sticky?? **A stick
  • Claire594
    Claire594 Posts: 349 Member
    What do u call a deer with no eyes?

    No idea.

    An oldie but a goodie
  • Claire594
    Claire594 Posts: 349 Member
    What do u get if u cross a rotweiller with a Labrador puppy?

    A dog that scares the *kitten* out of you and then runs away with the toilet paper.

    (people in the UK will probably only get this)
  • stuffsdb
    stuffsdb Posts: 165
    What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.
  • amurdaugh2010
    amurdaugh2010 Posts: 38 Member
    actually, I totally get that. I had a lab/rotweiller mix, fiestiest little puppy, but way to playful for her own good.
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
    These are some of my favorite 1-liners:

    Blind Venicians make better louvers.

    My karma just ran over your dogma.

    You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

    Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

    :bigsmile:
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
    If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45 of them, what does he have?

    Diabetes. John has diabetes.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    a dyslexic walks into a bra
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45 of them, what does he have?

    Diabetes. John has diabetes.

    this one always gets me.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    what's sadder than a fly in your soup?

    Cancer.
  • stuffsdb
    stuffsdb Posts: 165
    If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45 of them, what does he have?

    Diabetes. John has diabetes.

    Bahahahaha....that is great!

    What is red and smells like blue paint? Red Paint
  • stuffsdb
    stuffsdb Posts: 165
    what's sadder than a fly in your soup?

    Cancer.

    Ah anti jokes :laugh:
  • 3laine75
    3laine75 Posts: 3,069 Member
    whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

    a carrot
  • 3laine75
    3laine75 Posts: 3,069 Member
    what's sadder than a fly in your soup?

    Cancer.

    this is my new favourite :D
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    Roses are red, violets are blue

    I have a gun--get in the van
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
    a dyslexic walks into a bra

    Hahaha, awesome.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    you know what they say when life throws you melons

    you're dyslexic
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    lol.. a guy walks into a bar, says ouch

    two guys walk into a bar, third guy ducks

    a blond a brunette and red head walk into a bar, the bartender looks up and says "what is this some kind of joke" :)
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
    I have dozens of stupid non-sequitur jokes...


    What's white and can't climb trees?

    A refrigerator



    What's green and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree?

    A billiard table


    What's red and looks like a bucket?

    A red bucket


    What's blue and looks like a bucket?

    (no.... not a blue bucket) A red bucket holding its breath.


    I see the 'what's brown and sticky' one is already here.


    And don't get me started on the baby jokes... those are worse.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    :laugh:
  • caviarblack
    caviarblack Posts: 41 Member
    what do you call a cow with no legs?
    ground beef.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    this is making my day
  • AliciaBeth78
    AliciaBeth78 Posts: 437 Member
    There are two guys on a boat: Pete and Repeat. Pete falls off the boat and drowns, who is left? - Repeat

    There are two guys on a boat....
  • jennapony
    jennapony Posts: 73 Member
    Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows??

    They're really making headlines
  • cowsstealmythong
    cowsstealmythong Posts: 173 Member
    Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
    He didn't have the guts.
  • bachooka
    bachooka Posts: 719 Member
    Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

    To Get to Your House.

    Knock Knock

    (Who's There?)

    THE CHICKEN!!!

    Oh my... I love that joke... I can't get over it. It's my favourite just because it is sooo lame!
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
    What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

    Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
  • caviarblack
    caviarblack Posts: 41 Member
    ah, i can't forget my all-time favorite (thank you laffy taffy wrapper)!

    what is the best time to go to the dentist?
    tooth-hurty.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    why did the chicken cross the road?

    to get to the other side.

    why didn't the chicken cross the road?

    he's on the side he wanted to get to, already.
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

    Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

    God, I always loved this one

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