CHEESY JOKES THREAD

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Replies

  • twisted88
    twisted88 Posts: 294 Member
    Roses are red, violets are blue

    I have a gun--get in the van

    Love it.

    One I made up when I was a kid:

    Where do cat's get their fleas?

    -The flea market.
  • Behl9
    Behl9 Posts: 95 Member
    What's the safest place in a haunted house?
    The living room!

    I've got a great magic trick-- throw a pumpkin in the air and it comes back down SQUASH!

    Why didn't Cinderella make the soccer team?
    She kept running away from the ball.

    Why did the lettuce blush?
    It saw the salad dressing.
  • twisted88
    twisted88 Posts: 294 Member
    What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?

    I can clearly see you're nuts!

    As a psych major, I"m stealing this one for further use.
  • staps065
    staps065 Posts: 837 Member
    How can you tell a Blonde's been working on your computer? There's White Out all over the screen! :tongue:
  • Lukazetta
    Lukazetta Posts: 427 Member
    "I used to have a job crushing cans... it was soda pressing."
  • CoachDave2012
    CoachDave2012 Posts: 34 Member
    What do you do with a dog with no legs? Take him out for a drag.
  • lalalalyndsey
    lalalalyndsey Posts: 565
    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    A fsh
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
    If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45 of them, what does he have?

    Diabetes. John has diabetes.

    I laugh every time.
  • CoachDave2012
    CoachDave2012 Posts: 34 Member
    How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? 11... one to make the batter and 10 to peal the M&Ms.
  • twisted88
    twisted88 Posts: 294 Member
    One that a friend growing up made up:

    "You're so old, when you were growing up rainbows were in black and white."

    Another one he made up (if it offends I apologize):

    "You're so old. when you were growing up you didn't wear Air Jordan's you wore Air Moses'."
  • CoachDave2012
    CoachDave2012 Posts: 34 Member
    What do you cal a brunette and three blondes on a street corner? Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

    That one is kinda dated...think pizza hut.
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
    I love this thread. SO MUCH.
  • hannp
    hannp Posts: 34
    Why didnt the bicycle move?
    It was two tired!
    haha
  • CoachDave2012
    CoachDave2012 Posts: 34 Member
    Did you hear the one about the turtle that mugged the snail?
    The cops get there and ask the snail if he can identify the turtle and the snail says " I don't know, it all happened so fast."
  • AEB_WV
    AEB_WV Posts: 323 Member
    Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9 !
  • shell4short76
    shell4short76 Posts: 28 Member
    Why do gorillas have big nostrils??

    Because they have big fingers!
  • missykm7
    missykm7 Posts: 42
    What's a pirates favorite letter?

    R you say?

    Nope, it's actually P...kinda like an R, but missing a leg.
  • hannp
    hannp Posts: 34
    Seen a few similar to this but
    What do you call a man with a shovel?
    Doug
    What do you call a man without a shovel?
    Dougless
  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
    What do u get if u cross a rotweiller with a Labrador puppy?

    A dog that scares the *kitten* out of you and then runs away with the toilet paper.

    (people in the UK will probably only get this)

    I got this one! We had a lab/rottie and that is EXACTLY how he was!
  • CoachDave2012
    CoachDave2012 Posts: 34 Member
    Knock knock!
    Who's there?
    Nobody
    Nobody who?
  • tageekly
    tageekly Posts: 3,755 Member
    These are making me laugh WAY too much... :huh: :laugh:


    What do you get if you cross an artist with a policeman?

    A brush with the law!
  • CoachDave2012
    CoachDave2012 Posts: 34 Member
    My 8 year old wants to add one...

    Why did the football coach go to the bank?
    To get his quarterback!
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    What did the blonde say when her doctor told her she was pregnant? ... Is it mine?
  • GurleyGirl524
    GurleyGirl524 Posts: 578 Member
    What do you call a cow that just had a baby? De-calf-inated
  • SeanNJ
    SeanNJ Posts: 153 Member
    I'll see if I can clean this one up a bit.

    An elephant and an ant are walking down the street, and the elephant falls into a hole. The ant says, "Be right back." He returns with a Corvette, ties a rope to the bumper, throws the rope in the hole and pulls the elephant out.

    They continue on, and this time it's the ant that falls in a hole. The elephant lowers his...*ahem* equipment...into the hole, and the ant climbs out.

    The moral of the story? If you have big...*ahem* equipment...you don't need a Corvette.
  • rotnkat
    rotnkat Posts: 393 Member
    69 used to be my favorite #, but now it's 77.

    Because you get ate (8) more.
  • Deanthedog
    Deanthedog Posts: 122 Member
    where do fish keep there money ?


    in the river bank
  • kealambert
    kealambert Posts: 961 Member
    69 used to be my favorite #, but now it's 77.

    Because you get ate (8) more.

    haha


    what's wrong with 6.9?

    it's a great thing ruined by a period
  • Scoobiesnax
    Scoobiesnax Posts: 148 Member
    A bear and a rabbit are squatting in the woods beside each other, taking their morning dump. The bear looks at the rabbit and says "Don't you just hate when it sticks to your fur afterwards ?". To which the rabbit replies "Actually, rabbits are quite fortunate. . We've been genetically designed so that we never have that problem". The bear ponders this for a moment, then wipes his butt with the rabbit.
  • Scoobiesnax
    Scoobiesnax Posts: 148 Member
    2 baby seals walk into a club...

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