toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

Laurej · April 2012

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

duchessglencairn · April 2012

Wow! I'm not quite sure what to say here but that is horrible. My friends and family have been supportive but I have had to cut others out of my life. Is that an option you are willing to consider (beyond unfriending your sister on Facebook?)

Kimberly

_SusieQ_ · April 2012

A half marathon at a 12 mile pace is fantastic! Don't begrudge your successes.

Having said that I honestly have no advice to offer, but wanted to say sorry you have to go through this. I'm glad your husband is supportive. My sister and I don't get along well, but for many other reasons. I think deleting her is a good first step. There are also other privacy settings on FB where I think you can control someone else tagging you in pics, just as an fyi.

Good luck and keep it up. Sounds like you are on the right track!

AmberJslimsAWAY · April 2012

Holycrap that sounds terrible!!

I have really found that when the world gets you down, my MFP buddies will lift me up. No matter what. I took before and after pictures and I show them to EVERYONE! I would ignore your sister, avoid her at all cost. Like Mother's day. Tell your mom you want to do something special with JUST her, and your sister can do her own thing.

What a horrible person. I am so sorry

MJ7910 · April 2012

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

Not saying you have to do this but if it was me i would stop talking to them completely, cut them out of my life and continue my weight loss journey with out them. they are mean people and you dont' need them.

jfcarlson713 · April 2012

I would probably consider spending time with your Mother seperately for Mother's day and void sister. Maybe other family members would put pressure on her to grow up. She must feel threatened to be acting so disrespectfully of someone she is supposed to care about. Talk openly to your Mother now that she is supporting you and tell her you will not subject yourself to that treatment. Your husband sounds awesome!!!

tig_ol_bitties · April 2012

You need to remove yourself from this situation until they figure out what b!tches they are being. Seriously. I understand that this is your family, but cut them out of your life until they get it. Don't communicate with them, don't do things for them, live for yourself. It's hard at first, but it is so liberating and freeing. People like that are truly toxic and it will only do you more harm than good to stick around and take their sh.it. There will come a point when they will wake up one morning and realize, "da.mn, I've been a HORRIBLE mother/sister." Then, it will be on THEM to make the first step to forgiveness/change. Right now, live for yourself. It's okay to do that. You got this.

1horsetown · April 2012

You need to cut your family out of your life.

There's nothing but evil intent there.

AshleyRKnutson · April 2012

I am SO SO sorry that you have such horribly hateful people around you. I have not dealt with that myself, but do know the troubles of losing weight. Please feel free to add me if you'd like and I promise to give you nothing but encouragement and smiles.

cherdan · April 2012

Cut.them.out.of.your.life.now. You are settling into the role of victim time and time again.. they've manipulated you so much to the point where you feel you have to play this "role" or they won't like you/love you anymore. They are abusers. People want to keep you "down" beneath them on the so called hierarchy, and now that you are rising above they are so threatened. This is a battle for your life.. it has NOTHING to do with them. Keeping these soul vampires around is just making your battle twice as hard. Please. You can be free of them. Your mother certainly does not deserve your presence at Mother's Day because her behavior is not that of a mother it is the very antithesis. Please. I too have suffered from an abusive/manipulative mother all my life and my heart aches for you. Please.

MJ7910 · April 2012

You need to remove yourself from this situation until they figure out what b!tches they are being. Seriously. I understand that this is your family, but cut them out of your life until they get it. Don't communicate with them, don't do things for them, live for yourself. It's hard at first, but it is so liberating and freeing. People like that are truly toxic and it will only do you more harm than good to stick around and take their sh.it. There will come a point when they will wake up one morning and realize, "da.mn, I've been a HORRIBLE mother/sister." Then, it will be on THEM to make the first step to forgiveness/change. Right now, live for yourself. It's okay to do that. You got this.

totally agree. your sister sounds like a really mean person. that is awful. maybe your mom is savable but your sister sounds like a real jerk.

cruiseking · April 2012

Wow. If I had your family I would disown them. And I mean that. I would rather be healthy, and confident with out them; than to be miserable with them. The issue seems to be theirs; not yours. Bye, Bye. I have two older sisters that I have cut out of my life (for worse reasons), and I am happy about that decison everyday. You can't fix stupid. Don't give your power over to this idiots. You have the right, and more so, the obligation to look out for you. Life is about choices. What's your choice?

marsellient · April 2012

You've lost 50 lb, are fit enough to run and cycle an impressive amount, and you are on MFP where you will learn as much as you want about health and fitness. Focus on these positives. Perhaps you could manage to have a Mother's Day celebration with just your Mom, and be "busy" on the day your sister is available. There are usually lots of fun runs on Mother's Day...maybe that would be an alternative. Whatever, you can't change other people...just yourself. Obviously, your sister has issues.
Keep up the great work!

Yanicka1 · April 2012

Wow so sorry you have to deal with that. I would make it clear to them that you do not need toxic people in your life and, that if they do not change you will have no choice but cute them out.
Hug

RachelsReboot · April 2012

Disconnect, she treats you that way because you allow it. If you do not go around her she no longer has the opportunity. Then get yourself fit and go on with your life without feeling like a failure, your sister is a *****, everyone will see it soon enough!

vim_n_vigor · April 2012

It sounds like you are starting to do what you need to do with your sister. As hard as it sounds, you can't let her determine your worth. Ignore the pictures, posts, and comments. If you have friends that are the same way, sweetie, it is time to look for new friends. Those are not your friends if they are making rude comments about you and saying and doing mean things to you. Until you realize your true worth, it is easy to let others determine it for us. If you have it available to you, I would suggest some counseling. It can be truly liberating to get yourself back! Best of luck!

cloud2011 · April 2012

I think if you can it might be helpful to see a counselor to discuss this situation. Basically, you're being emotionally abused and harassed.

You deserve the best, and your sister is insistent on giving you the worst. She's intentionally trying to hurt you, and you've made your feelings known, so it's pretty hard to believe she wants to do the right thing.

In a strange way, your losing weight might be threatening your sister's identity; she's afraid if she's not the thin one anymore, then who will she be? How will she feel superior? And, how will she bond with your mother?

If it's any help to you, I've gone through some similar things with my older sister and late mother, but it wasn't as obvious. It was more a death of a thousand cuts.

Hang in there, you're doing great and you will find lots of support here in your life, as you lose weight. There may be a friend or someone else you haven't noticed yet, who can be a huge fan of your efforts.

Angierae81 · April 2012

I'm sorry to hear that, its very hurtful i know. My mother has always been small and made comments, my dad thinks every female should look like barbie. I'm so glad to hear your husband sticks up for you. You really need to stick up for your self, dont let your sister treat you that way. YOu can do it, you taken the first step and you have your husband and all of us on MFP backing you up. Good luck.

Mr_Cape219 · April 2012

Sounds like your sister is desperately trying to find someone she sees as worse than her to make herself feel better about some inferior part in herself. She is the kind of girl who is painfully superficial and always wanting to have someone around that she can make herself feel superior to. The fact that youre loosing weight and actually doing things to make yourself better is angering to her because she is loosing the edge she has over you. The best thing to do is to keep going with your good streak because come a year later and 100+ pounds gone and nice lean muscle and healthy lifestyle that you are in will make you the prime example of "You are only pretty on the outside, outside pretty can be changed, but your inside are the fattest piece of crap that I think I will ever see, dear sister." Now, be nicer when you tell that to her, dont turn into her lol. And if keeping with the great goings to show her up isnt your style, then keep at it for yourself and your husband. Thats the important part right? To make yourself healthier for the ones you care for?

poedunk65 · April 2012

I found you have to be very abrupt with these type of people. They are usually insecure within themselves and always try to bring other down to their level.

I was once told by one of my former employers who had few friends; "I don't have a heck of alot of close frineds, but the ones I have I can count on. I surround myself with people that give me positive influence and will help me achieve my goals."

I have also tld my 17 year old that when you get to be my age, 53, you will be lucky if you have more than a handfull of people in your life thatyou can truly count on.

That IS what is important to me not how many firends you have, how many you can count on.

Jeaniehop · April 2012

I have to say congrats you're doing great feel free to add me if you would like a supportive friend! On the other hand this is NOT how family should treat each other I have had to cut family members out not because of weight issues but just because they were toxic. I think your sister is going to find something else to pick on once the weight all comes off and you meet your goal... Don't let it get you down just know that you're awesome and eiether she'll come around or she won't. Do this for YOU! Best of luck to you!

toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

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