Bully

so just wondering anyone dealt with bullying growing up, or even with their kids now??

I dealt with it a couple of times during my middle school years. As an adult have spent quite a few years in martial arts. When my son was young, I taught him that if someone physically attacks you to respond and shut them down, only if they physically attack him. I told him that words mean nothing and he should always try to avoid violence. However, it is his responsibility when his parents are not around to protect himself from physical harm and he should act immediately and swiftly to shut the threat down. I told him do not do any more than is necessary and certainly no less. Additionally, I told him to then tell the teacher afterwards and if he gets into trouble for defending himself at school, that is fine, he wouldn't be in trouble at home and that teachers don't protect you, they simply mop after it is over. Bullies do not attack when teachers are around.

As he got older and could understand morality and have empathy/compassion, I began teaching him our art which is weapons based but is easily applied to empty handed, so he is learning how to defend himself from weapon attacks as well as empty handed. He is in high school now and a good student, not a bully, and at 6' 5" he has not been victim of a bully in high school, but did experience some in Middle School. He is a cheerful young man who has a comedian streak and who is responsible, moral, and makes me proud every day!

Lastly, I do thoroughly enjoy seeing a bully get what he deserves!

That is awesome. I also spent a great deal of time in martial arts obtaining a black belt in Tang So Do, and you are absolutely right. You are taught to walk away from most anything until it is not possible, then blocking punches can hurt just as much as throwing them

My 8 year old gets picked on at school because he walks on his tip-toes a lot. This one boy in particular picked on him when he was in kindergarten and 1st grade. BTW, the kid doing the picking is 2 grades ahead of my son. So one day, my son had enough. He grabbed the bully by his coat, slung him around and threw him to the ground. My son is generally as big as kids 2 years older than him. Anyway, my son is the one that got in trouble for this. I was definitely conflicted about what to do about it. In the end, his punishment was pretty light. He said to me that he doesn't figure the bully would be messing with him again. And he was right. Sucks that he got in trouble for it, though.

I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

The Dexter of bullies. :laugh:

I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

The Dexter of bullies. :laugh:

kept to the code, man!

Have y'all seen that show on MTV called Bully Beatdown? It is awesome. The bully gets his *kitten* handed to him by a MMA fighter. Love it.

Yes, it is a great show. However, I think it is a bit contrived.

Oh, I do too..it's just nice to see the bullies eat humble pie..however, it is served.

To those that think only "fat" kids or "nerds" get bullied, I want to say anyone can be bullied.

My second son is very handsome (I know he is my kid, but he really is incredibly handsome), very athletic, very smart, great sense of humor...a kid that "has it all". Well one year in middle school a group of boys were bullying him and his group of friends. Calling him *kitten* (even though he is not gay and the girls LOVE him), they would try to pick fights with them in the locker room. As an adult, I know that they were picking on him because of jealousy...but how do you get that across to your kid.

So, we looked up a lot of rude comments that he could say back. I told him that if he stood his ground and he used his intelligence to make them look and feel stupid, that the kids would back off. So, he did! The boys got mad at him for making fun of them!!! haha!! He did this a few times and he stood up for the new guy (also getting picked on). Sure enough, they stopped. And now, they are all friends....not haninging out friends, but they get a long.

I need to add, that these guys were guys that he has grown up with and plays sports with....so, I was shocked that they chose to pick on him.

My thrid son (a fighter...always wanting a fight!!!) actually had some girls bullying him when he was in the 4th grade. These girls were a lot bigger than he was and they bullied him and a lot of other boys. Again, he was tired of it, but knows he is not allowed to hit girls. So, we had him tell the teacher, "If those girls do not stop, I will punch them hard in the nose." We had him say it that way because no one wants to be a tattle tail, but if you are giving the teacher a warning that you are about to go off on someone, the teacher will step up. The teacher warned the girls to lay off and to leave him alone. It did not work....so after permission from us, he was allowed to punch back. And he did (not in the nose). The girls left him alone and he did not get in trouble.

I know that some paretns do not think kids should fight back, but we have taught our sons how to punch and where to punch. And we have told them to stand up for themselves, their friends, weaker classmates, and females. They will NOT get in trouble with us for standing up for what is right.

I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

I hear people claime that "bullying the bullies" is just as bad. If what you mean by "bullying the bullies" is standing up to them for those who don't/can't, then that's noble. If it means following them around and constantly nitpicking everything they do and making fun of them non-stop, then it's not okay. In my humble opinion.

I was bullied at every school I went to, i even thought about killing myself when I was 9. We moved though luckily as my dad was in the air force but secondary school wasn't any better, I had to go to my teacher to ask to be moved out of my class and he told me that they will be dealt with but you have to push your grades. The kids were told that they would be suspended and they kind of left me alone but there were other kids and it was mostly boys too. I got my grades up though.
i've learned that ignoring them helped, none of them got physical with me, i did punch one in the stomach and my teacher pretty much high fived me!
I don't condone violence and I will never start a fight but if someone hits me I will hit back and considering im a brown belt in karate and weight training has made me pretty strong i will hit back harder! I'm a lot more ballsy than I was as a kid, if they ever tried it with me now i would make them look the coward !

Reading all of this has made me incredibly sad, and scared for my child (17 months right now). I look at his innocent face and it just makes me sick to think that he may have to deal with these kinds of things one day. I just wanted to say that I am SO sorry that you (or your family members) have gone through these awful things. I just don't understand why someone would do these things to someone else :brokenheart:

I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

I hear people claime that "bullying the bullies" is just as bad. If what you mean by "bullying the bullies" is standing up to them for those who don't/can't, then that's noble. If it means following them around and constantly nitpicking everything they do and making fun of them non-stop, then it's not okay. In my humble opinion.

nothing noble, really. if someone i liked got messed with, I'd check the offender into a wall. Somehow I never got into any fights, though. Having a solid 6-10" of height on pretty much everyone didn't hurt I expect.

When i said 'mostly' bullies - I did bully one teacher. I can't even remember why or most of the details - and it's very out of character for me because I usually befriended them pretty easily. One of my biggest regrets in life, honestly.

I was bullied a lot through middle school and through freshman year of high school.
Then I got mad.
They quit bullying me because I wouldn't give them the inch to do it anymore. So they started attacking my friends. Which is similar to teasing a momma bear's cubs. Needless to say, after the second time they left us all alone.

I don't condone starting fights to show who's boss.
I condone protecting you and yours.
And criminal punishment for constant harrassment, especially online.

My daughter gets bullied all the time. For the last 4 years. At first it was a girl in 2nd grade so I ended up pulling her out of that school because the teacher was bullying her too... the teacher called her skinny as a pencil, then nicknamed her pencil girl. I am a teacher and it is NEVER okay to give students nick names based on appearances. She became very concerned with her weight (which was normal range)... but that was all just the teacher. Then when she got into 3rd grade at the new school there was a group of 3/4 girls that always gave her a hard time and because she is always trying to be nice to everyone kept trying to be there friends. Needless to say, she is going to a different school then those girls next year and I am hoping that it will help because talking to the school admin isn't working... and as a teacher, I know that teachers and admins hands are tied because if we don't see it or hear it, there is NOTHING we can do.... parents and students have all the power these days and unless you teach at a private school, well.... it's just sad. She is a very beautiful girl, great looks, she is funny, smart, and makes friends easy, so I am sure these kids are just jealous but I am sick of it.

I was bullied as a child, I was carefree and social and I never experienced discrimination or cruelty until I was five and moved to the states from Brazil. The kids talked about me in the back of the class and I started to realize there were clicks. Eventually, and sooner than later I wised up and became more reclusive. I was trapped in the bathroom once by three older girls. I was in third grade and the rage overflowed. The girl who tried to hurt me...Head...meet bathroom sink. It was my first and last fight...I won. I was left alone.

A few more pranks were attempted, one involving a popular boy asking me out to abandon me at the mall...idiot..I never showed and then finding out two of my "friends" were in on it ...you know for laughs.

I eventually lost my give a damn and came out of my shell. I had been bullied in HS until I told the girl who was harping on me for my walmart clothes ( cause we did not have that much money to buy designer) that I was more than willing to mop the floor with her entrails....yeah..she never showed for the fight.

I haven't had issues since,maybe because I have that slightly off the hinge look when I get angry..and ironically it takes a lot to get me angry. I'm a lot happier now..and I don't threaten to smear people into the pavement. But it was a horrible experience, being left out, laughed at...evil little people...sigh. I hope things change...but if they don't my son is in martial arts. I don't intend on anyone cornering him into a helpless situation like they did me and not being able to get out of it.

I was bullied, name calling-by the boys AND girls, the boys would kick me, trip me in the halls, push me down, spit on me, break my glasses. The teachers did nothing, they would be a witness to boys pushing me down and not say a word. Once I had to go to the ER because of the injuries I sustained from a fall. I would try to stick up for myself, but the teachers would take me down to the principal's office for using foul language. I couldn't really push them away as I weighed less than 100 lbs. It continued thru high school.

I have no desire to see any of those people at any reunion. I highly doubt they've changed their ways.

See, if you went to school with my sons, they would have stoop up for you!! I EXPECT my sons to stand up to bullies and to protect others.

I am so sorry that no one stood up for you!!!!!

awww...thanks!

:flowerforyou:

This is all well and good, but adults go to jail for using violence to solve their social problems. So teaching your kids that violence is the answer might not be a good idea in the long run.

My son has been told that it's the school employees' jobs to prevent bullying and fights and that he is to make them do their jobs. And if they don't do their jobs even after he tells them what is going on, to tell me, and I will call them up and chew them out until they do their jobs.

Is it because I prefer he were a 'tattletale' than a fighter? Not really, I'd be perfectly happy if he broke some bully's nose. But I know the consequences for doing so could be severe, and even if he got away with it, it wouldn't help him later in life.

I disagree with you logic. In our society, you can defend yourself from physical attack. I believe he was talking about defending one's self when physically attacked. Even as adults you can defend yourself when physically attacked without punishment. Verbal attacks do not warrant physical defense. If someone kid or adult takes decides to physically attack someone, there are consequences to their actions, sometimes it is positive, sometimes it is negative. Teaching a child to defend themselves from a physical attack will serve them well both as kids and as adults.