Bully

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  • 1546mel
    1546mel Posts: 191
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    so just wondering anyone dealt with bullying growing up, or even with their kids now??

    I dealt with it a couple of times during my middle school years. As an adult have spent quite a few years in martial arts. When my son was young, I taught him that if someone physically attacks you to respond and shut them down, only if they physically attack him. I told him that words mean nothing and he should always try to avoid violence. However, it is his responsibility when his parents are not around to protect himself from physical harm and he should act immediately and swiftly to shut the threat down. I told him do not do any more than is necessary and certainly no less. Additionally, I told him to then tell the teacher afterwards and if he gets into trouble for defending himself at school, that is fine, he wouldn't be in trouble at home and that teachers don't protect you, they simply mop after it is over. Bullies do not attack when teachers are around.

    As he got older and could understand morality and have empathy/compassion, I began teaching him our art which is weapons based but is easily applied to empty handed, so he is learning how to defend himself from weapon attacks as well as empty handed. He is in high school now and a good student, not a bully, and at 6' 5" he has not been victim of a bully in high school, but did experience some in Middle School. He is a cheerful young man who has a comedian streak and who is responsible, moral, and makes me proud every day!

    Lastly, I do thoroughly enjoy seeing a bully get what he deserves!

    That is awesome. I also spent a great deal of time in martial arts obtaining a black belt in Tang So Do, and you are absolutely right. You are taught to walk away from most anything until it is not possible, then blocking punches can hurt just as much as throwing them :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Shinedown song stuck in my head now. Thanks so much!
  • jdelot
    jdelot Posts: 397 Member
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    My 8 year old gets picked on at school because he walks on his tip-toes a lot. This one boy in particular picked on him when he was in kindergarten and 1st grade. BTW, the kid doing the picking is 2 grades ahead of my son. So one day, my son had enough. He grabbed the bully by his coat, slung him around and threw him to the ground. My son is generally as big as kids 2 years older than him. Anyway, my son is the one that got in trouble for this. I was definitely conflicted about what to do about it. In the end, his punishment was pretty light. He said to me that he doesn't figure the bully would be messing with him again. And he was right. Sucks that he got in trouble for it, though.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

    No.

    (But it still makes me like you better than the other kind of bully.)

    I should become a school counselor and torture the hell out of bullies with boring, four hour long, badly made films about getting in touch with your feelings and letting go of your anger and healing whatever hurt it is that makes you a bully.

    I bet I could make them cry with remorse, or at least boredom. Because if you're going to bully a bully, you should be sadistically non-violent about it. Also, it would separate them from their victims for much of the school day. And any classes they missed, they'd have to make up, so their school day would be like 12 hours long. Which all means more jobs! Rehabilitating bullies could be a growth industry. Could also force them to go to summer camp where they would spend all day sitting on a mat meditating about how we are all one and how when you hurt someone else, you are only hurting yourself.

    I think making the kid wear a t-shirt at school that says "I'm a recovering bully" would also be good.

    Awful, aren't I? :devil:
  • TopazCarey
    TopazCarey Posts: 263
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    I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

    The Dexter of bullies. :laugh:
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    I was bullied, name calling-by the boys AND girls, the boys would kick me, trip me in the halls, push me down, spit on me, break my glasses. The teachers did nothing, they would be a witness to boys pushing me down and not say a word. Once I had to go to the ER because of the injuries I sustained from a fall. I would try to stick up for myself, but the teachers would take me down to the principal's office for using foul language. I couldn't really push them away as I weighed less than 100 lbs. It continued thru high school.

    I have no desire to see any of those people at any reunion. I highly doubt they've changed their ways.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
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    I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

    The Dexter of bullies. :laugh:

    kept to the code, man!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?

    The Dexter of bullies. :laugh:


    :laugh: That was my thought too!
  • MayMaydoesntrun
    MayMaydoesntrun Posts: 805 Member
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    Have y'all seen that show on MTV called Bully Beatdown? It is awesome. The bully gets his *kitten* handed to him by a MMA fighter. Love it.

    Yes, it is a great show. However, I think it is a bit contrived.

    Oh, I do too..it's just nice to see the bullies eat humble pie..however, it is served.
  • gryffdoesfit
    gryffdoesfit Posts: 1
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    I was bullied from 3rd grade until I dropped out of school my senior year. Everything that developed because of the bullying - cutting, EDs, anxiety - was used as ammo.
    And no. People dont grow out of it.
    One of the most consistent bullies in my life has been my grandmother. She is almost 80 and STILL bullies. She's bullied my mom her whole life, then started on me when I was 10 and hasnt let up since. I am 28 now.
    Bullying takes on a lot of different forms when the bully is an adult. And it's easier now that we can bully each other online. A blog circle I used to be a part of on tumblr had an incredible number of bullies, which was amazing because all of the people were involved in "social justice" - or anti-oppression. But that had NO trouble bullying you for not being exactly as they thought you should be.
    And children arent the only ones who bully children. There was a group of moms when I was in elementary school who singled out a few of us "weirdos" and would take pot shots at us, or find ways to humiliate us at class parties. It was sometimes done as retribution if one of them was mad at one of our parents for something.
    I've had teachers who egged on my bullies in school. There was one teacher that openly bullied me in 8th grade.
    Honestly, the scope is too narrow. All we care about are kids who bully kids, but we dont pat attention to the authority figures who could stop the bullying and not only allow it to continue, but egg it on, engage in it, or just blame the victims ("if you dont want to be bullied for being gay, then stop being gay" ). I honestly believe they are doing more damage than the actual bullies because they make it seem like bullying is okay.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
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    To those that think only "fat" kids or "nerds" get bullied, I want to say anyone can be bullied.

    My second son is very handsome (I know he is my kid, but he really is incredibly handsome), very athletic, very smart, great sense of humor...a kid that "has it all". Well one year in middle school a group of boys were bullying him and his group of friends. Calling him *kitten* (even though he is not gay and the girls LOVE him), they would try to pick fights with them in the locker room. As an adult, I know that they were picking on him because of jealousy...but how do you get that across to your kid.

    So, we looked up a lot of rude comments that he could say back. I told him that if he stood his ground and he used his intelligence to make them look and feel stupid, that the kids would back off. So, he did! The boys got mad at him for making fun of them!!! haha!! He did this a few times and he stood up for the new guy (also getting picked on). Sure enough, they stopped. And now, they are all friends....not haninging out friends, but they get a long.

    I need to add, that these guys were guys that he has grown up with and plays sports with....so, I was shocked that they chose to pick on him.

    My thrid son (a fighter...always wanting a fight!!!) actually had some girls bullying him when he was in the 4th grade. These girls were a lot bigger than he was and they bullied him and a lot of other boys. Again, he was tired of it, but knows he is not allowed to hit girls. So, we had him tell the teacher, "If those girls do not stop, I will punch them hard in the nose." We had him say it that way because no one wants to be a tattle tail, but if you are giving the teacher a warning that you are about to go off on someone, the teacher will step up. The teacher warned the girls to lay off and to leave him alone. It did not work....so after permission from us, he was allowed to punch back. And he did (not in the nose). The girls left him alone and he did not get in trouble.

    I know that some paretns do not think kids should fight back, but we have taught our sons how to punch and where to punch. And we have told them to stand up for themselves, their friends, weaker classmates, and females. They will NOT get in trouble with us for standing up for what is right.
  • milf_n_cookies
    milf_n_cookies Posts: 2,244 Member
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    I have five kids, we had an issue with other one or two kids trying to bully my younger guys and the SADDEST thing is that it's what they are learning at home. It got so bad for my son with one boy that I approached the mother, and SHE tried to bully ME. Big mistake on her part, I don't take crap and you don't push me around, and after a verbal dress down and threat to get the police and DYFS involved she backed right off and her kid never went near mine again.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?
    I hear people claime that "bullying the bullies" is just as bad. If what you mean by "bullying the bullies" is standing up to them for those who don't/can't, then that's noble. If it means following them around and constantly nitpicking everything they do and making fun of them non-stop, then it's not okay. In my humble opinion.
  • TopazCarey
    TopazCarey Posts: 263
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    I was a quiet kid in school and mostly stayed under everyone's radar. When I finally opened up about my sexuality, that's when the bullying began. And I live in Dearborn, Michigan which has one of the highest Arab populations in the nation and my high school was 95% Muslim at least, so it was not fun at all (not saying that's the sole reason, but people get crazy over religion and end up attacking others etc). I heard every name in the book, but it never got physical, thank God. I was too happy to graduate. Thank God college has been so much better. But I'm glad the bullying problem in this nation is finally being addressed. It just sucks that so many kids have had to suffer and that we've lost so many to suicide and things.
  • harrietlg
    harrietlg Posts: 239
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    I was bullied at every school I went to, i even thought about killing myself when I was 9. We moved though luckily as my dad was in the air force but secondary school wasn't any better, I had to go to my teacher to ask to be moved out of my class and he told me that they will be dealt with but you have to push your grades. The kids were told that they would be suspended and they kind of left me alone but there were other kids and it was mostly boys too. I got my grades up though.
    i've learned that ignoring them helped, none of them got physical with me, i did punch one in the stomach and my teacher pretty much high fived me!
    I don't condone violence and I will never start a fight but if someone hits me I will hit back and considering im a brown belt in karate and weight training has made me pretty strong i will hit back harder! I'm a lot more ballsy than I was as a kid, if they ever tried it with me now i would make them look the coward !
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
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    I was bullied, name calling-by the boys AND girls, the boys would kick me, trip me in the halls, push me down, spit on me, break my glasses. The teachers did nothing, they would be a witness to boys pushing me down and not say a word. Once I had to go to the ER because of the injuries I sustained from a fall. I would try to stick up for myself, but the teachers would take me down to the principal's office for using foul language. I couldn't really push them away as I weighed less than 100 lbs. It continued thru high school.

    I have no desire to see any of those people at any reunion. I highly doubt they've changed their ways.

    See, if you went to school with my sons, they would have stoop up for you!! I EXPECT my sons to stand up to bullies and to protect others.

    I am so sorry that no one stood up for you!!!!!
  • bug1114
    bug1114 Posts: 268 Member
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    Reading all of this has made me incredibly sad, and scared for my child (17 months right now). I look at his innocent face and it just makes me sick to think that he may have to deal with these kinds of things one day. I just wanted to say that I am SO sorry that you (or your family members) have gone through these awful things. I just don't understand why someone would do these things to someone else :brokenheart:
  • kaetra
    kaetra Posts: 442 Member
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    For a short while in high school I showed some kindness and sympathy to a neighbor girl who turned out to be a bully. She became very clingy, and mogged on to me as her "best friend". I think I would have rather been a kid she bullied than being the bully's "best friend". It was awful.

    Her house was so strange. Both her mom and dad were HUGE bullies too, and even though they had money and horses and so many things to be thankful for, they were still a family of rotten, horrible people. Her parents raised her in their image. At first I truly felt sorry for her, but by the end I just wanted to get away. I actually had to move to another town to get clear of her and I never looked back.

    After I was grown I heard through the grapevine how her life turned out and it is a very sad story. I don't condone a bully's behavior, but I think some bullies could be helped, especially if it's caught early.

    I support zero tolerance of bullying and helping the kids who are bullies figure out how to change if they can.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
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    I was a bully... but I mostly bullied bullies, so that makes it OK, right?
    I hear people claime that "bullying the bullies" is just as bad. If what you mean by "bullying the bullies" is standing up to them for those who don't/can't, then that's noble. If it means following them around and constantly nitpicking everything they do and making fun of them non-stop, then it's not okay. In my humble opinion.

    nothing noble, really. if someone i liked got messed with, I'd check the offender into a wall. Somehow I never got into any fights, though. Having a solid 6-10" of height on pretty much everyone didn't hurt I expect.

    When i said 'mostly' bullies - I did bully one teacher. I can't even remember why or most of the details - and it's very out of character for me because I usually befriended them pretty easily. One of my biggest regrets in life, honestly.
  • sassyshook
    sassyshook Posts: 213 Member
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    ETA: I am not condoning my brother hurting this boy, however he was only defending himself :happy:

    You should condone it and be proud of your bro. That is what bullies need, a good azz kicking. Our society is getting softer and softer by the year. I remember whefighting was no big deal and just part of growing up. Now schools act like it is a federal offense. More people need to know it is ok to stand up for yourself and more importantly to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

    When/if my son gets suspended for beating the pizz out of a bully in his own defense or the defense of others I am going to have a real hard time not chewing out the schools administration. I won't be punishing my son for this I can assure you. The world needs more strong people willing to fit for what is right.

    That is what bullies understand.


    EXACTLY THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!! Kick *kitten* and take names later!!

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