Jealousy/Relationships (Can anyone relate?)
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Like others have said, your view that all men are "pigs" is my first concern, sure we like to admire a pretty lady, and I won't deny I like naken woman and sex, but why does that make men pigs, I'm pretty sure most woman out there wouldn't think twice about checking out a hot guy, as well as enjoy sex. Also, just because we like this doesn't mean we would act on it, I've been with my wife for 10 years, and always check out cute girls when I see them, and she does the same with guys, but we trust each other, so it doesn't bother us. It seems to me that you have a trust issue, whether he has done something in the past, or someone close to you has either been cheated on, but something is bothering you. Working through this and realizing that he has stuck with you this long should show some level of trust, not to mention he;s stuck with you through the weight gain.
What I would worry about is pushing him aways because of your jealouse nature, its one thing to do it in public, but to be concerned about tv as well, that is a little rough. I also don't see how losing the weight will change much, sure you may have a little better self confidence, but it won't cure the jealouse. What you need to work on is your trust of him, when you can learn to trust him, the jealouse will go away, and if you want to save the relationship, this is key.0 -
My ex made me feel like that...thats why he is my EX.
My man now....
He came home HORRIFIED one night and shaken up. A girl baught him a shot, and he went over there, thanked her, and told her about me. He was so worried I would be upset.
Really?
Now, that is a good man.
Side note - The girl must have been some early twenty something space cadet, becasue she baught him a upside down pinapple cake. A real woman buys a man Whiskey. Straight. when she is trying to catch his eye.
That IS a good man! Sounds just like my husband.0 -
I'm in a similar place, sadly. I'll send you a friend request because I can totally relate.
Whereas I'm not blind to the fact my husband can and will see other women as attractive, his track record of 'seeking other women for emotional support' hasn't been very good and I have developed not only jealousy toward other women but complete paranoia over his actions and inactions. It really doesn't help that the only people that make my husband turn his head are really beautiful by the standard of society and something I've never been. It really makes people assess their self-worth. If he was a chubby-chaser, I don't think I'd have as much of an issue with it! XD0 -
"feel like they are all the same. PIGS. All they care about is hot women, naked women, and sex. "
Actually, I've been with my husband nearly 18 years and I don't think this is true. We built a home together, we run a side business, we have friends in common (and separate friends too). In fact, my husband's best friend is a woman (we had a best woman instead of best man at our wedding).
I feel badly for anyone that does not understand a relationship is all about balance. Separate activities, together activities, separate friends, together friends.
And not being jealous.
My husband's best friend is a mother of 4 now, and my hubby was her 'honor attendant' she did not have a maid of honor.
Every friendship and relationship is different.
In my opinion, life's too short. Your relationship is what you make of it.0 -
I can totally relate. I'm a jealous psycho-b*tch, all the time?
Should i be jealous? Probably not.
Do i have a reason to be jealous- ABSOLUTELY!
I've been cheated on and was once with a guy who told me his parents were dissapointed that i wasn't goodlooking enough & model like. (This of course, was bull****). I was also told by the same guy that i was fat - and he pressured me into watching porn - he regretted that for the night afterwards!
But anyway, its hard NOT to be jealous when we're insecure and don't resemble porn-stars. I absolutely can't stand listening to guys comparing women to people like that. Makes me homacidal! Thankfully my boyfriend isn't one of these. (not in front of me anyway, i don't care what he says when I'm not around as long as he loves me in the end! Thats all that matters.)
I've been with mine for 2 years and yeah, they are sex mad! It drives me insane when a girl in a bikini, shorts or a skirt appears in real life, in a magazine, or on TV! I just hate that i can't be them!! Hence, the desperate journey to lose the flab! I've given so many women dirty looks just because they're better looking than me or wearing less clothes (including my sister & other family members). I've even avoided speaking to my cousin in front of him. (She's stunning..) :-/
I don't like that I'm like this at all because most of these women are really nice people who i get along with, and the others I've never met or given a chance!
I hate the way the media implies all women are perfect - it makes you feel like you're the only one that isn't sexy. Drives me insane!
I know how you feel with losing 18 more pounds. I've the very same goal. At least if i am a normal weight ill be that littlest bit more sane - though, I'm aware that my body dysmorphia won't just go away with losing weight, since I've been like this since i came out of the womb!
I really don't want to scare him away with my psycho-moments but its IMPOSSIBLE to not be jealous!!0 -
did you feel this way before you guys had the baby?
maybe it could be some postpartum depression? very easy to not see the signs in yourself.. not feeling like you measure up, that they dont want you any more etc is all signs.
i would make sure i FEEL sexy a lot -- take date nights -- exercise exercise exercise.. these feelings come from inside you, make you feel good abt being you and how you look and i think a lot of these feelings will go away -- love your man, sex him up all the time and make yourself feel that you are attracted to him by giving it up 24/7 (that works idc what anybody says lol) getting in the sack will help you feel the connection between you guys (not that he only wants it, you have to want to give it, and want it in return) it brings you together and makes you feel like 1 instead of 2 -- and lastly, dont forget, yes he may look at other women, but other men look at you the same way. its what you do with it, how you react or what you will pursue. its normal nature to see the other sex, but that doesn't mean you are having a fling with them.0 -
You may want to consider that your insecurity (which makes you jealous) comes from your belief that men are "PIGS". Losing 18 pounds will do nothing to change your fundamental mistrust of men.
If you don't even like to go out in public then you should, for the sake of the man that has chosen you, seek some counseling or at least check out some self help books.
:flowerforyou:
^^^ This
Im sorry but your jelousy really sounds more like insecurity.
I dont see jelousy as jelousy, i see it simply as somebody being insecure or not trusting the other person.
Losing weight isnt necessarily gonna just "fix" the problem.
Either you learn to trust him and know that just because hes looking dont mean hes gonna pursue or maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship. Not trying to put you down but what your saying is very unhealthy for you and for him and its gonna make the relationship that much harder.
You need to be confident in yourself and know that he is with YOU.
That should be enough for you at this point if you guys are engaged.
I wouldnt pursue any farther until you stop feeling the way you do and you fix the problem mentally.0 -
I used to be extremely insecure and had a really hard time with the things you described. Then something big happened and I had to go seek therapy. Turns out, I had a lot of unresolved issues that caused me to have extremely low self-esteem, and that's what caused the jealousy. I still get a little jealous from time to time, but it tells me I'm in a healthy relationship when I can discuss it and it doesn't eat me alive.
Go talk to someone and be ready to dig deep. You've got to be truly happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Good luck!0 -
Have him get a penis ring, and attach a leash0
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Have him get a penis ring, and attach a leash
Nice.
Maybe if he got the c**kring, things would be better at home.
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I have dealt with jealous issues with myself and from my husband. It really is something that has to come from you..when you get to that point it doesn't matter how perfect your partner is..they can say and do all the right things, and it still won't be enough..It's a lack of self esteem ..It took me a long time to realize that. I wish i could say it stops the day you hit your goal weight, But it's more than just the weight..it's changes that have to come from inside. You have to learn to love and accept yourself..as corny as that sounds. Get you fixed inside and out, and you will be amazed at how different things are. It has taken years for me to get to this place, But there is no better feeling than to be comfortable in your own skin
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I can totally relate. I'm a jealous psycho-b*tch, all the time?
Should i be jealous? Probably not.
Do i have a reason to be jealous- ABSOLUTELY!
I've been cheated on and was once with a guy who told me his parents were dissapointed that i wasn't goodlooking enough & model like. (This of course, was bull****). I was also told by the same guy that i was fat - and he pressured me into watching porn - he regretted that for the night afterwards!
But anyway, its hard NOT to be jealous when we're insecure and don't resemble porn-stars. I absolutely can't stand listening to guys comparing women to people like that. Makes me homacidal! Thankfully my boyfriend isn't one of these. (not in front of me anyway, i don't care what he says when I'm not around as long as he loves me in the end! Thats all that matters.)
I've been with mine for 2 years and yeah, they are sex mad! It drives me insane when a girl in a bikini, shorts or a skirt appears in real life, in a magazine, or on TV! I just hate that i can't be them!! Hence, the desperate journey to lose the flab! I've given so many women dirty looks just because they're better looking than me or wearing less clothes (including my sister & other family members). I've even avoided speaking to my cousin in front of him. (She's stunning..) :-/
I don't like that I'm like this at all because most of these women are really nice people who i get along with, and the others I've never met or given a chance!
I hate the way the media implies all women are perfect - it makes you feel like you're the only one that isn't sexy. Drives me insane!
I know how you feel with losing 18 more pounds. I've the very same goal. At least if i am a normal weight ill be that littlest bit more sane - though, I'm aware that my body dysmorphia won't just go away with losing weight, since I've been like this since i came out of the womb!
I really don't want to scare him away with my psycho-moments but its IMPOSSIBLE to not be jealous!!
But hon, you are PERFECT! I'm gonna get a little religious here, but I gotta say it: You (and all the other gals who are sweating this) were beautifully and wonderfully made. Everything about you is the way it is supposed to be. And it is GORGEOUS. Be brilliant, talented and fabulous. SHINE! When you do that, you give others permission to do the same.0 -
I can relate to your feelings of jealousy. They can consume us. I recommend finding a counselor who can help you love yourself more. I specialized in ruining relationships because I was very insecure and believed I didn't deserve more. I felt unworthy. I didn't love ME enough to think someone else could. Counseling helped me to love myself and believe that I deserve to be treated well, and adored, and loved. What advice would you give to your best friend? BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND! LISTEN to your own advice. YOU don't need to take anyone's crap. Especially not your own. So, look in the mirror. Give yourself a hug and an I love you. Best of luck!!0
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Sometimes you can't think about things too much. You over think and then you'll start to go down the road you are.
If it's that bad, I'd say leave the relationship, but it doesn't sound like it'd be any better in another relationship.
If you've never been given a reason to think all of these things, you need to get YOUR issues figured out and fixed.
Try talking to him. You'd be amazed at what communication can do.0 -
^^Sometimes you can't think about things too much. You over think and then you'll start to go down the road you are.
If it's that bad, I'd say leave the relationship, but it doesn't sound like it'd be any better in another relationship.
If you've never been given a reason to think all of these things, you need to get YOUR issues figured out and fixed.
Try talking to him. You'd be amazed at what communication can do.0 -
Yep us men do really pay attention to hot women, naked women and sex. But looking and actually pursuing aren't the same thing. Being a PT, I'm hit on ALL the time by females in the gym, both young and old. At first my wife was insecure about it, but I assured her that attraction is only physical. Relationships are much more than that. I couldn't be with someone who is just about material possessions being the definition of who they are. I've had girlfriends who were drop dead gorgeous, but cared so much about having to wear designer clothes, shoes, etc. and spend money on that rather then on a getaway to the beach.
You have to work on your self esteem and self worth. If not, then you'll end up always looking over your SO's shoulder and trust me as a male, that could be a deal breaker in a relationship.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Don't listen to this turd. My husband is 100% obsessed with me and can't even bring himself to be attracted to other girls. Until you find a guy like that, he's not worth your time.
Wow. Why do you feel the need to call other people names?
My wife and I have stuck together through infertility and miscarriage. We have had to live through the suicides of close friends and family members. We have weathered unemployment, chronic illness, and the existential questions that come up when you begin to worry that you will never have children.
I never badmouth my wife to my friends or family, even when I am upset. I never consider leaving her. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as she is.
I also think other women are beautiful, and I enjoy looking at them, too. I do not rub her nose in it by staring or being rude, but she knows that I look. She knows that I go to huge parties with 100+ of my friends, drink myself into oblivion, and watch scantily clad women (and some men) dance around a bonfire. She is fine with it, because she knows that I have never cheated on her, and I never will. Our relationship is stronger than that.
Then again, maybe "turd" is the new term for devoted husband who loves his wife completely. I am not up on the new lingo.0 -
Insecurity is a funny thing. So the question to ask is - do you really believe he would do such a thing like hurting you? You can't stop people from being in the world, you can't stop females from hitting on him just as you can't stop males from hitting on you. So you really either trust him or you don't. And you can't predict the future, so worrying about it constantly won't help either.
I've been cheated previously and when I asked them why - they said because I made it easy because I never questioned them. I'm the kind of person who doesn't ask questions and trust them based on whatever they told me. I'm not dumb, I knew it as soon as it happened. And they act so surprised when I'm gone the next day. But really - why should I have to ask?
My current boyfriend, he's a pilot. He's gone often 5 days a week. He calls me several times a day and sometimes he tells me all about his day, sometimes he doesn't. He looks adorable in his uniform, so I know he gets hit on. I see every time the little flight attendants always friend requesting him on facebook. But he comes home to me, he kisses me and he reminds me that he loves me. I trust him. I assume he's not going to be dumb. Can I stop him? No. But I live my life for me and I want him in my life but I also know that if he was stupid and I left, I would still wake up the next day, get dressed and go about my day just like I have all the rest of my life. I'm still a whole person without him, but he makes my days better. Things to look forward to, someone to be there for me. He's my best friend.
So remember, do NOT lose weight so that you feel better about your relationships. You either are confident in your relationship or you aren't. I imagine you really are confident but since you lack confidence in yourself you are pushing this upon your relationship as though it's the issue. The next time the little green eyed monster comes up, ask yourself why you care? Unless there really is an unresolved issue (which communication is key to resolve) then realize that you are a good person and he's lucky to have you. Don't let a scale define your worth. He's not with you for what the scale says.0 -
Yep us men do really pay attention to hot women, naked women and sex. But looking and actually pursuing aren't the same thing. Being a PT, I'm hit on ALL the time by females in the gym, both young and old. At first my wife was insecure about it, but I assured her that attraction is only physical. Relationships are much more than that. I couldn't be with someone who is just about material possessions being the definition of who they are. I've had girlfriends who were drop dead gorgeous, but cared so much about having to wear designer clothes, shoes, etc. and spend money on that rather then on a getaway to the beach.
You have to work on your self esteem and self worth. If not, then you'll end up always looking over your SO's shoulder and trust me as a male, that could be a deal breaker in a relationship.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Don't listen to this turd. My husband is 100% obsessed with me and can't even bring himself to be attracted to other girls. Until you find a guy like that, he's not worth your time.
Wow. Why do you feel the need to call other people names?
My wife and I have stuck together through infertility and miscarriage. We have had to live through the suicides of close friends and family members. We have weathered unemployment, chronic illness, and the existential questions that come up when you begin to worry that you will never have children.
I never badmouth my wife to my friends or family, even when I am upset. I never consider leaving her. I have never seen anyone as beautiful as she is.
I also think other women are beautiful, and I enjoy looking at them, too. I do not rub her nose in it by staring or being rude, but she knows that I look. She knows that I go to huge parties with 100+ of my friends, drink myself into oblivion, and watch scantily clad women (and some men) dance around a bonfire. She is fine with it, because she knows that I have never cheated on her, and I never will. Our relationship is stronger than that.
Then again, maybe "turd" is the new term for devoted husband who loves his wife completely. I am not up on the new lingo.
*rock that out man
first poster wasn't trying to be mean he was pretty spot on. and i think its just funny if you think your husband "can't even bring himself to be attracted to other girls" *giggles* whatever you have to tell yourself i guess.0 -
Yep us men do really pay attention to hot women, naked women and sex. But looking and actually pursuing aren't the same thing. Being a PT, I'm hit on ALL the time by females in the gym, both young and old. At first my wife was insecure about it, but I assured her that attraction is only physical. Relationships are much more than that. I couldn't be with someone who is just about material possessions being the definition of who they are. I've had girlfriends who were drop dead gorgeous, but cared so much about having to wear designer clothes, shoes, etc. and spend money on that rather then on a getaway to the beach.
You have to work on your self esteem and self worth. If not, then you'll end up always looking over your SO's shoulder and trust me as a male, that could be a deal breaker in a relationship.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Don't listen to this turd. My husband is 100% obsessed with me and can't even bring himself to be attracted to other girls. Until you find a guy like that, he's not worth your time.
How does this make him a turd...what he said is 100% true.You can be physically attracted to someone and know that you would never cheat on them because a true relationship is deeper than a physical attraction. :noway: :grumble:0 -
hey sweetie, work on your self esteem and the insecurities will melt away
jealousy is an ugly emotion, there are plenty of self help books out there with great advice and if that doesn't work, speak to a therapist
he loves you, only you...but you have to love yourself first
embrace the beauty of you
:-)0
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