Husband not physically attracted to me anymore

Options
12357…10

Replies

  • Lovinglife12
    Lovinglife12 Posts: 110
    Options
    It did affect my marriage because I was so unhappy with myself. Everytime my husband wanted to go out or do something fun, I didn't want to because I was ashamed with my weight. I was at my heaviest right after my son. My husband still told me I was beautiful and was still loving, but I was extremely insecure. He would however tell me if I was so unhappy, I should try and get healthy again and that he missed his fun wife. I never blamed him for wanting the old me back. I'll be honest, if he gained 100 lbs, that would bother me and I would be doing everything to help get his butt in shape. I wouldn't love him any less, but it's important to maintain a healthy lifestyle and set good examples for our kids.
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
    Options
    Topic: Husband not physically attracted to me anymore

    That's a pretty vague statement that could have many interpretations:

    "Husband wouldn't strain his neck to stare at me walking by on the street anymore, but still loves me, and we still have sex, etc". This is the most basic interpretation I can think of when I hear the words "physically attracted". Sure, there are hotties out on the street who can't help but catch my eye, but that has nothing to do with my marriage. My wife is not a skinny swimsuit model, but that's not why I dated and eventually married her. She turns me on with her attitude and confidence, not with a body that looks like it jumped off a Playboy spread.

    Now, if there's more to your statement, like "husband and I don't have sex anymore", you may have to look a little deeper. Are you so uncomfortable with your own weight that it's affecting how you act? I can't speak for your husband, but in my case, as long as you were still obviously enjoying sex and didn't look miserable at the thought of getting naked with hubby, I'd still be loving every minute of it.

    If, on the other hand, your behavior is the same, but he has changed and is behaving as though he's somehow repulsed by you, then it's a harder problem to address. You're here because you want to lose weight, which will eventually change the situation, but in your shoes, I would be feeling pretty resentful about it. It's up to you whether you want to put in the effort to forgive him and stay, even after you've lost the weight, or kick him to the curb and find someone you feel is more deserving.
  • TainaLeirmoe10
    TainaLeirmoe10 Posts: 41 Member
    Options
    Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My marriage ended because he wasnt attracted to me anymore. But if theres one thing I do wanna say being in the situation youre in, its from a quote im sure youre familiar with... IF YOU DONT LIKE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.. ive lived by that and have lately found him trying to crawl his slimy self back.. =) lol good one huh?

    EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING! Good stuff!
  • SCVSarah
    SCVSarah Posts: 231 Member
    Options
    I'm not married, but I gained about 40 lbs during my last relationship. He always told me I was beautiful, but he would rarely want to be intimate. He said it was a huge turn off because I didn't want to do it with the lights on and because I was so insecure.

    16lbs doesn't change a persons appearance too much, so I agree with everyone else that it's either how you feel or there are some other problems. We certainly don't have enough facts.

    As a side note, my dad used to call my mom fat (and much worse), my entire childhood. I believe this helped contribute to past eating disorders and other problems. The reason I mention this is because if a spouse is constantly putting down your weight or physical appearance (not saying this particular man is) it can seriously damage not only you, but your children too.
  • SteffieMark
    SteffieMark Posts: 1,723 Member
    Options
    Thankfully no. Even at my heaviest I couldn't get my husband off of me.

    It effected our sex life because of my own insecurities though.

    ^^Exactly this! I stopped feeling attractive and it affected me, not him. He never once thought I was anything but beautiful and sexy. Now, as I am losing weight, he gives me support and tells me how wonderful I am doing and how proud he is of me, everyday. If I see a new piece of exercise equipment I want, he runs out to buy it too. If I'm happy, he's happy. I think he is a better person than I deserve! I am going to owe him BIGTIME!
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
    Options
    Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My marriage ended because he wasnt attracted to me anymore. But if theres one thing I do wanna say being in the situation youre in, its from a quote im sure youre familiar with... IF YOU DONT LIKE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.. ive lived by that and have lately found him trying to crawl his slimy self back.. =) lol good one huh?

    Interesting.

    I wonder if he calls you names too?

    Maybe your attitude and blaming him is the reason your marriage didn't work?
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    Options
    My husband would not be physically attracted to me if I gained a great deal of weight (50+ pounds). I know this. This is understandable. He'd still love me and he'd probably still have sex with me and I'd hope he find better ways to encourage me to do something about my weight than telling me he wasn't attracted to me. I wouldn't be attracted to him if he were obese either. But like I said, it would take a great deal of weight. 30 pounds wouldn't do it, pregnancy and post pregnancy didn't.
  • xosmsox
    xosmsox Posts: 119
    Options
    My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
    And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.
  • prettygirlhoward
    prettygirlhoward Posts: 338 Member
    Options
    (((((hugs)))))

    Thankfully, my weight gain has not affected my marriage in a negative way. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Ireally don't knw what to say except that you look like a beautiful woman and keep your head up. Do this for you and make him eat his words.

    **THIS!!!
    I'm lucky that way too even after a 20+ weight gain after our daughter my Love has never said anything or made me feel less beautiful, He's always made me feel sexy....
    But you get in shape for you!!!
  • CynGoddess
    CynGoddess Posts: 188 Member
    Options
    I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!

    This was very true for me. I put up walls and my husband didn't know why. I would talk to him.
  • keegannati
    keegannati Posts: 114
    Options
    My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
    And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.
    My feelings exactly! I keep waiting to find out if he actually said this or if it's her own insecurity making her feel this way.
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    Options
    If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!

    I don't agree...she didn't say he didn't love her just that he wasn't attracted to her anymore. I know I had to face reality and ask if I would be attracted to me and I am not. Don't get healthy for him, but don't allow his non-attraction to be an excuse to allow you to be non-healthy thinking he should just accept it. Do what you need to do for you, and if it benefits him then great. He does need to remain honest rather than stepping out and everyone wondering why...ya know?
  • MzSunshine69
    MzSunshine69 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    Yep
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    Options
    I was divorced because of my weight. The last time my ex wife and i weretogether (this has been over 10 years now) she stopped me in the middle to run to the bathroom and started throwing up in the toilet and telling me that I disgusted her.

    Motivation ;)

    Physical attraction is what it is. We can't change it. We can downplay it, bash others, call them shallow... but at the end of the day some people put physical attraction high on their list of requirements for a mate. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't care about it myself (in my defense most of the women I have dated have been bigger, so I don't mind women that are not perfectly fit and even find some extra weight to be very attractive but I'm not physically attracted to obese women)

    It was again one of the reasons why I busted myself apart to get back into shape. I can't be ok with being obese and trying to date women I find attractive... that is hypocrisy.

    So take what you have been given and make a choice. Either be ok with yourself and he has to be ok with it too... or get in better shape and upgrade your physical attraction score. It is what it is.

    Best of luck to you.
  • JoHo57
    JoHo57 Posts: 31
    Options
    You are you at whatever weight you are. Talk with him about the problem. If he is honest and upfront, and not mean about it, then engage him in your battle to lose these extra pounds. Take it from there and if you both are trying to make the situation better, then you will see progress.
  • liftandcycle
    liftandcycle Posts: 209
    Options
    If the person I was dating gained weight, I would fall out of love with each pound gained... and dump them sooo quick... im sorry but if the physical part is bad... this girl is peacing OUT!
  • kminer80
    kminer80 Posts: 8 Member
    Options
    You might be getting that vibe because you are not happy with your body. But if he admitted that he isn't as attracted to you because of the weight gain than I think that is normal for a person to feel that way. If we aren't happy with what we see why should they. He didn't say he didn't love you and love is unconditional. Now if he isn't being supportive and just cruel to you about it then I don't he loves you. I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope that you are looking to lose weight for YOU. Sometimes if we aren't happy with our body and aren't comfortable we tend to push our significant other away...so talk to him if you haven't. Hang in there.
  • Tashry
    Tashry Posts: 151 Member
    Options
    I ended my marriage in part because of this. I put on about 50 pounds after baby number 2. Within 4-5 weeks of having him I started P90X, lost 40 pounds, got my figure back and was damn proud. My husband's response? "You've still got a lot of work to do."

    It wasn't my weight that ended things, it was the lack of respect from the man who was supposed to love and support me.

    I completely understand that physical attraction is important in a marriage, and what works for some may not work for others. And I appreciate encouragement when I am working so hard to better myself. But encouragement is one thing, nagging/insulting is another.

    I want the man I'm with to boost me up, not bring me down.
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
    Options
    I was divorced because of my weight. The last time my ex wife and i weretogether (this has been over 10 years now) she stopped me in the middle to run to the bathroom and started throwing up in the toilet and telling me that I disgusted her.

    Motivation ;)

    Physical attraction is what it is. We can't change it. We can downplay it, bash others, call them shallow... but at the end of the day some people put physical attraction high on their list of requirements for a mate. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't care about it myself (in my defense most of the women I have dated have been bigger, so I don't mind women that are not perfectly fit and even find some extra weight to be very attractive but I'm not physically attracted to obese women)

    It was again one of the reasons why I busted myself apart to get back into shape. I can't be ok with being obese and trying to date women I find attractive... that is hypocrisy.

    So take what you have been given and make a choice. Either be ok with yourself and he has to be ok with it too... or get in better shape and upgrade your physical attraction score. It is what it is.

    Best of luck to you.

    WOW that is dramatic! Sorry that happened to you.
  • Gwoman2012
    Gwoman2012 Posts: 163 Member
    Options
    I don't think physical attraction is a choice.

    I do think how you treat someone is a choice.

Categories