Husband not physically attracted to me anymore
Replies
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My feelings exactly! I keep waiting to find out if he actually said this or if it's her own insecurity making her feel this way.My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.0 -
If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!
I don't agree...she didn't say he didn't love her just that he wasn't attracted to her anymore. I know I had to face reality and ask if I would be attracted to me and I am not. Don't get healthy for him, but don't allow his non-attraction to be an excuse to allow you to be non-healthy thinking he should just accept it. Do what you need to do for you, and if it benefits him then great. He does need to remain honest rather than stepping out and everyone wondering why...ya know?0 -
Yep0
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I was divorced because of my weight. The last time my ex wife and i weretogether (this has been over 10 years now) she stopped me in the middle to run to the bathroom and started throwing up in the toilet and telling me that I disgusted her.
Motivation
Physical attraction is what it is. We can't change it. We can downplay it, bash others, call them shallow... but at the end of the day some people put physical attraction high on their list of requirements for a mate. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't care about it myself (in my defense most of the women I have dated have been bigger, so I don't mind women that are not perfectly fit and even find some extra weight to be very attractive but I'm not physically attracted to obese women)
It was again one of the reasons why I busted myself apart to get back into shape. I can't be ok with being obese and trying to date women I find attractive... that is hypocrisy.
So take what you have been given and make a choice. Either be ok with yourself and he has to be ok with it too... or get in better shape and upgrade your physical attraction score. It is what it is.
Best of luck to you.0 -
You are you at whatever weight you are. Talk with him about the problem. If he is honest and upfront, and not mean about it, then engage him in your battle to lose these extra pounds. Take it from there and if you both are trying to make the situation better, then you will see progress.0
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If the person I was dating gained weight, I would fall out of love with each pound gained... and dump them sooo quick... im sorry but if the physical part is bad... this girl is peacing OUT!0
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You might be getting that vibe because you are not happy with your body. But if he admitted that he isn't as attracted to you because of the weight gain than I think that is normal for a person to feel that way. If we aren't happy with what we see why should they. He didn't say he didn't love you and love is unconditional. Now if he isn't being supportive and just cruel to you about it then I don't he loves you. I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope that you are looking to lose weight for YOU. Sometimes if we aren't happy with our body and aren't comfortable we tend to push our significant other away...so talk to him if you haven't. Hang in there.0
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I ended my marriage in part because of this. I put on about 50 pounds after baby number 2. Within 4-5 weeks of having him I started P90X, lost 40 pounds, got my figure back and was damn proud. My husband's response? "You've still got a lot of work to do."
It wasn't my weight that ended things, it was the lack of respect from the man who was supposed to love and support me.
I completely understand that physical attraction is important in a marriage, and what works for some may not work for others. And I appreciate encouragement when I am working so hard to better myself. But encouragement is one thing, nagging/insulting is another.
I want the man I'm with to boost me up, not bring me down.0 -
I was divorced because of my weight. The last time my ex wife and i weretogether (this has been over 10 years now) she stopped me in the middle to run to the bathroom and started throwing up in the toilet and telling me that I disgusted her.
Motivation
Physical attraction is what it is. We can't change it. We can downplay it, bash others, call them shallow... but at the end of the day some people put physical attraction high on their list of requirements for a mate. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't care about it myself (in my defense most of the women I have dated have been bigger, so I don't mind women that are not perfectly fit and even find some extra weight to be very attractive but I'm not physically attracted to obese women)
It was again one of the reasons why I busted myself apart to get back into shape. I can't be ok with being obese and trying to date women I find attractive... that is hypocrisy.
So take what you have been given and make a choice. Either be ok with yourself and he has to be ok with it too... or get in better shape and upgrade your physical attraction score. It is what it is.
Best of luck to you.
WOW that is dramatic! Sorry that happened to you.0 -
I don't think physical attraction is a choice.
I do think how you treat someone is a choice.0 -
My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.
I concur! :drinker:0 -
YES - my husband is not physcially attracted to me anymore either0
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My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.
I agree! Did he say it because she's gained weight or she's losing weight? Did he say it all or just interpretation? I'm not saying I'm not sympathetic to her situation, it's gotta be a horrilbe feeling but we need a few more details and some OP interaction to give decent advice.0 -
Where is the OP? Started the topic......didn't give any details and hasn't posted again since? :huh:0
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It has never made any difference to my husband. He loved me at 220lb when we met, at 240lb when we got married, at 298lb at my heaviest and now still loves me at 260lb. We have been married almost 8 years and together going on 10.0
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Sometimes I think marriage is a big sham.0
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Where is the OP? Started the topic......didn't give any details and hasn't posted again since? :huh:
I think a lot of us are wondering the same thing lol0 -
Hi dear...I feel that there is always a positive and a negative to everything... I personally have never been really overweight (except when I had my kids I gain 80 and 100 pounds respectively, but I lost it in 4 months of obsesive starvation and extreme workouts) My struggle is always the 20 extra pounds...gain and lose...
Even though that it may feel that its a mean thing for him to do...look at it at the bright side. He does love you that's why he married you, I rather have my husband tell me he is unattracted to me so that I can somehow react...that he still unatracted to me and I would not know...at the end he would cheat and keep me happy without telling me...
I feel that is best if he tells you he does not like what he is seeing instead of leading you to think everything is ok and one day you find out that he was cheating or something to that extend.
My advise take it on the positive side as a wakeup call and do what you must...go back to what you were before and see what happens...I think he has the right to tell you what he feels before its too late and that is an incentive to you to lose the weight. Maybe if he had not said anything you would still be doing the same wrong thing... (gaining weight) so cheer up and let's all get support from each other and lets do this!!! at the end of the journey let's see what happens...if you lose weight and he still has issues you will be more beautiful with plenty of chossing to do...if he is pleased with the change that will be wonderful and things will improve..
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If my bf (or husband) gained a ton of weight, I wouldn't find him attractive anymore. I'm not talking 10-20lbs, I'm talking a lot of weight, something that would make him obese. I don't see anything wrong with that, I just hope that I'd be able to find a more gentle way of explaining it than just "I don't find you attractive anymore!"
Would I still love him? Of course.
You don't stop loving somebody because they put on weight. They're still the same person. I would however, expect them to at least make some effort to be healthy. If he just sat around all day and became a lazy slob stuffing his face with junk food, that's a personality trait I don't like in a person, so yes it would negatively affect the relationship / marriage. As long as he was trying though to be healthy for us, and the future though, I don't see the issue.
If that were the case, I would do my best to support him and help him in anyway I could. I don't believe that a person can just let themselves go and expect to be found attractive still.
To the OP though, I didn't check myself but saw a few people saying you only have like 14lbs to lose? That shouldn't even make a difference. I can understand concern that it may get worse in the future, but an extra 14lbs of fat wouldn't stop me finding someone physically attractive. 40lbs maybe, not 14.0 -
Aaw man! I just got done reading the first page of all the replies. Thanks for the replies guys!
Clarification: My husband told me. He hid it from me for months. But I kept asking why we weren't having sex anymore and he just kept saying "I don't know" which led to other problems in our marriage. Last week, I finally got it out of him that it was my weight that was bothering him. I'm not mad, it just hurts. I know what I have to do and its going to be a long and depressing journey to get there. My profile says I only want to lose 16 pounds right now because that's the weight I was when my husband and I met. If I could at least get there, maybe he'll be attracted to me again. I have to lose 30 though not to be overweight. I'm considered obese right now. 4'11" weighing 155 lbs.0 -
It was actually my weight loss which started the problems with my marriage. It's a long story, but to be brief, doctors told me to clean up my ways, or die early (like my father two months previously). I chose to clean up, the (now ex) Wife said she didn't want to change, nor would she be supportive of it. A year later she moved out.
Her loss, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier with my life now. 0 -
That is SO EFF'D UP!
If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!
^^^^^ That is true.0 -
Thankfully no. Even at my heaviest I couldn't get my husband off of me.
It effected our sex life because of my own insecurities though.
Ditto!0 -
I feel like this, it was worse a few months ago, I'm losing and he is starting to notice. He asked me out on a date this evening. I think a lot of it is my attitude as well. Over the past couple weeks I've been feeling like a new person, and I guess he is becoming attracted to me again. We shall see!0
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I bet your husband is just scared because your really pretty and is afraid to lose you...that happened to one of my friends he wanted her to gain weight again!Yes, It did and is affecting my marriage.
He thinks that because I lost all of the weight that I somehow think I am better than him. Which is in no way true, and I haven't acted as if I was better than him.
It is sad. Those closest to you have the hardest time being happy for you changing your life for the better.
Luckily my weight hasnt affected my relationship! He met me when I was at my heaviest weight & he keeps complimenting me on my weight loss so far!!!0 -
My ex husband dated me big, married me a little smaller, watched me shrink and then big again.
My current husband - this size is all he knows and he loves it.
I am not doing this because I am on a quest to be skinny. I am doing this to be on a quest to healthier.
If someone does not like me because they feel I am too big for them they can just kick my fat *kitten* then honestly. I am not on this planet for approval from anyone.0 -
That is SO EFF'D UP!
If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!
^^^^^ That is true.
I think you're putting the cart before the horse here, ladies.
He had you at your best...now you're slowly turning to your worst.
Not the other way round.
If that's your attitude, you should be in highschool, not a marriage.0 -
Sounds shallow to me.
My girlfriend loves me no matter what size I am and thought I was hot at my highest weight and will think I'm hot at my goal weight.
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I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!
I am not married, but I agree with you ^^^^. I am trying to get my sexy back for me, not for him. That is only a bonus.0 -
A spouse should love you unconditionally.0
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