Husband not physically attracted to me anymore

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  • LALOCHA34
    LALOCHA34 Posts: 340 Member
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    My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
    And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.

    I concur! :drinker:
  • br53
    br53 Posts: 1 Member
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    YES - my husband is not physcially attracted to me anymore either
  • RunHardBeStrong
    RunHardBeStrong Posts: 33,069 Member
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    My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
    And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.

    I agree! Did he say it because she's gained weight or she's losing weight? Did he say it all or just interpretation? I'm not saying I'm not sympathetic to her situation, it's gotta be a horrilbe feeling but we need a few more details and some OP interaction to give decent advice.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Where is the OP? Started the topic......didn't give any details and hasn't posted again since? :huh:
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
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    It has never made any difference to my husband. He loved me at 220lb when we met, at 240lb when we got married, at 298lb at my heaviest and now still loves me at 260lb. We have been married almost 8 years and together going on 10.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Sometimes I think marriage is a big sham.
  • abberbabber
    abberbabber Posts: 972 Member
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    Where is the OP? Started the topic......didn't give any details and hasn't posted again since? :huh:

    I think a lot of us are wondering the same thing lol
  • adiaz0202
    adiaz0202 Posts: 4
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    Hi dear...I feel that there is always a positive and a negative to everything... I personally have never been really overweight (except when I had my kids I gain 80 and 100 pounds respectively, but I lost it in 4 months of obsesive starvation and extreme workouts) My struggle is always the 20 extra pounds...gain and lose...

    Even though that it may feel that its a mean thing for him to do...look at it at the bright side. He does love you that's why he married you, I rather have my husband tell me he is unattracted to me so that I can somehow react...that he still unatracted to me and I would not know...at the end he would cheat and keep me happy without telling me...

    I feel that is best if he tells you he does not like what he is seeing instead of leading you to think everything is ok and one day you find out that he was cheating or something to that extend.

    My advise take it on the positive side as a wakeup call and do what you must...go back to what you were before and see what happens...I think he has the right to tell you what he feels before its too late and that is an incentive to you to lose the weight. Maybe if he had not said anything you would still be doing the same wrong thing... (gaining weight) so cheer up and let's all get support from each other and lets do this!!! at the end of the journey let's see what happens...if you lose weight and he still has issues you will be more beautiful with plenty of chossing to do...if he is pleased with the change that will be wonderful and things will improve.. :)
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    If my bf (or husband) gained a ton of weight, I wouldn't find him attractive anymore. I'm not talking 10-20lbs, I'm talking a lot of weight, something that would make him obese. I don't see anything wrong with that, I just hope that I'd be able to find a more gentle way of explaining it than just "I don't find you attractive anymore!"

    Would I still love him? Of course.
    You don't stop loving somebody because they put on weight. They're still the same person. I would however, expect them to at least make some effort to be healthy. If he just sat around all day and became a lazy slob stuffing his face with junk food, that's a personality trait I don't like in a person, so yes it would negatively affect the relationship / marriage. As long as he was trying though to be healthy for us, and the future though, I don't see the issue.
    If that were the case, I would do my best to support him and help him in anyway I could. I don't believe that a person can just let themselves go and expect to be found attractive still.

    To the OP though, I didn't check myself but saw a few people saying you only have like 14lbs to lose? That shouldn't even make a difference. I can understand concern that it may get worse in the future, but an extra 14lbs of fat wouldn't stop me finding someone physically attractive. 40lbs maybe, not 14.
  • Rheaethan
    Rheaethan Posts: 16
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    Aaw man! I just got done reading the first page of all the replies. Thanks for the replies guys!

    Clarification: My husband told me. He hid it from me for months. But I kept asking why we weren't having sex anymore and he just kept saying "I don't know" which led to other problems in our marriage. Last week, I finally got it out of him that it was my weight that was bothering him. I'm not mad, it just hurts. I know what I have to do and its going to be a long and depressing journey to get there. My profile says I only want to lose 16 pounds right now because that's the weight I was when my husband and I met. If I could at least get there, maybe he'll be attracted to me again. I have to lose 30 though not to be overweight. I'm considered obese right now. 4'11" weighing 155 lbs.
  • kneeki
    kneeki Posts: 347 Member
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    It was actually my weight loss which started the problems with my marriage. It's a long story, but to be brief, doctors told me to clean up my ways, or die early (like my father two months previously). I chose to clean up, the (now ex) Wife said she didn't want to change, nor would she be supportive of it. A year later she moved out.

    Her loss, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier with my life now. :)
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
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    That is SO EFF'D UP!

    If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!

    ^^^^^ That is true.
  • cristileigh
    cristileigh Posts: 158 Member
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    Thankfully no. Even at my heaviest I couldn't get my husband off of me.

    It effected our sex life because of my own insecurities though.

    Ditto!
  • JanetLM73
    JanetLM73 Posts: 1,277 Member
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    I feel like this, it was worse a few months ago, I'm losing and he is starting to notice. He asked me out on a date this evening. I think a lot of it is my attitude as well. Over the past couple weeks I've been feeling like a new person, and I guess he is becoming attracted to me again. We shall see!
  • kolkol
    kolkol Posts: 300 Member
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    Yes, It did and is affecting my marriage.
    He thinks that because I lost all of the weight that I somehow think I am better than him. Which is in no way true, and I haven't acted as if I was better than him.
    It is sad. Those closest to you have the hardest time being happy for you changing your life for the better.
    I bet your husband is just scared because your really pretty and is afraid to lose you...that happened to one of my friends he wanted her to gain weight again!

    Luckily my weight hasnt affected my relationship! He met me when I was at my heaviest weight & he keeps complimenting me on my weight loss so far!!!
  • IrishChik
    IrishChik Posts: 464 Member
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    My ex husband dated me big, married me a little smaller, watched me shrink and then big again.
    My current husband - this size is all he knows and he loves it.
    I am not doing this because I am on a quest to be skinny. I am doing this to be on a quest to healthier.
    If someone does not like me because they feel I am too big for them they can just kick my fat *kitten* then honestly. I am not on this planet for approval from anyone.
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
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    That is SO EFF'D UP!

    If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!

    ^^^^^ That is true.

    I think you're putting the cart before the horse here, ladies.

    He had you at your best...now you're slowly turning to your worst.

    Not the other way round.

    If that's your attitude, you should be in highschool, not a marriage.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    Sounds shallow to me.
    My girlfriend loves me no matter what size I am and thought I was hot at my highest weight and will think I'm hot at my goal weight. <3
  • ashlysnd
    ashlysnd Posts: 72 Member
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    I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!

    I am not married, but I agree with you ^^^^. I am trying to get my sexy back for me, not for him. That is only a bonus.
  • KathyChampi
    KathyChampi Posts: 66 Member
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    A spouse should love you unconditionally.

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