Husband not physically attracted to me anymore

That is SO EFF'D UP!

If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!

^^^^^ That is true.

I think you're putting the cart before the horse here, ladies.

He had you at your best...now you're slowly turning to your worst.

Not the other way round.

If that's your attitude, you should be in highschool, not a marriage.

Clearly you're main focus is to provide rude/negative comments to anyone who shares good/genuine advice, or agrees with any comment outside of your own. Doesn't that seem a little..... childish? LOL And you say some need to be in highschool? You're more like gradeschool if thats the case.

More clarification: My husband is 5 years younger than me and has an athletic body. HE has not gained any weight. My personality has not changed; I am still fun and outgoing. I still dress cute. I have an 8 year old son.


BTW, there are some pretty mean and rude people on here. Just an observation. And I didn't reply for a couple hours because I'm at work.

I think it may be more than just your weight. Probably not good news for you, but just my opinion. I do not think you should focus on losing weight for him. Do it for yourself if anything.

At least you are starting to deal with it. I have been with someone who gained weighed and I continued to be affectionate and supportive in all aspects but it was how she felt about herself that got projected onto our relationship. That , of course, led to a very ugly spiral. Now we are at the opposite end of the spectrum: she has been encouraged by my weight loss and fitness regime to get healthier herself. Problem is, she is either too exhausted from working out and she has a lower sex drive (which was already different than mine to begin with). And she's looking better than ever, which has been (selfishly or not) wanting her even more than I did before (which again, was a lot).
If there is one thing I do know, communication is the most important thing. I worry about your magic number of 16lbs. There seems to be too much value placed in it. Its not a magic answer for the issues in your relationship. You do, however, have support. You are not alone.

Aaw man! I just got done reading the first page of all the replies. Thanks for the replies guys!

Clarification: My husband told me. He hid it from me for months. But I kept asking why we weren't having sex anymore and he just kept saying "I don't know" which led to other problems in our marriage. Last week, I finally got it out of him that it was my weight that was bothering him. I'm not mad, it just hurts. I know what I have to do and its going to be a long and depressing journey to get there. My profile says I only want to lose 16 pounds right now because that's the weight I was when my husband and I met. If I could at least get there, maybe he'll be attracted to me again. I have to lose 30 though not to be overweight. I'm considered obese right now. 4'11" weighing 155 lbs.

I do not think the weight is the problem, I think it is the excuse. Good luck and if he is willing try and figure out what the cause is.

I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!

I'm in that same boat. Since being on MFP, i've started likeing who i've become. Not just physically but mentally as well

More clarification: My husband is 5 years younger than me and has an athletic body. HE has not gained any weight. My personality has not changed; I am still fun and outgoing. I still dress cute. I have an 8 year old son.


BTW, there are some pretty mean and rude people on here. Just an observation. And I didn't reply for a couple hours because I'm at work.

People here tend to be very quick to condemn someone else's relationship without knowing anything more than one little piece of information. The fact that your husband came clean is cool, and its good that he was honest. Best of luck in your journey and I'm sure you'll get back to where you were (or where you want to be) and on the plus side, it sounds like he'll be very supportive of your efforts!

Hang in there!

I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!

This is so true! At my heaviest I made excuses to not have sex and blamed my husband! Also I never had the energy because I was so out of shape! I'm not saying you've done this, but giving you another point of view. I hope this motivates you to talk to him and work it out...both of you.

hubby and I have been dealing with issues since I got to a normal weight so about a year ago. He was treating me very rudely and disrespectfully and worked hard to make me feel unattractive. It turns out he was doing it because he felt like he wasn't good enough for me anymore and I was going to leave him for someone better just as soon as I meet them...
Keep in mind I adore my hubby and I simply can not live without him (this is not healthy I know, but it is how I feel)... In the beginning I tried to make him feel special, even when he would call me in from the other room to get him a glass of water or turn on the light I did it. I just wanted to prove to him that no matter what I was his... After a few months he started expecting me to continue doing this and started to through fits and tantrums if I refused, it was very frustrating. We still have our ups and downs, but at least now he is settling down and accepting me as his beautiful healthy wife. He still has days where he tells me he doesn't like this or that about my body (when this happens I take it personal now, rather than trying to rationalize it or try to understand, this way he can see how it hurts me and if he doesn't react to that I will make him feel ashamed for treating me his wife so harshly) I learned that if I don't make a big deal out of things then he won't think it's a big deal or that it really hurt me. The trick is knowing when to stop making a big deal out of it.
It seems you are similar to me in that you like to understand and rationalize rather than react, sometimes what our spouses say and do will never make sense not even to them, it is all about love and emotions and we need to react and put our foot down because it is not ok.
For us I am his and he is mine, we will work through everything together. Our love is not perfect, but it is strong enough to last for many more years to come.

Where did she say that he doesn't love her any more?

He isn't physically attracted to her.

^^^THIS!!! Love and attraction are two different things. No one should be abused or mistreated, especially because of their weight, but it's unfair to expect someone to be physically attracted to you no matter what. Guys are particularly visually oriented when it comes to sex and they have to be excited to perform. Unless his expectations are completely unrealistic, why wouldn't you want to become more attractive to him? Especially when doing so comes with other health benefits?