how without upsetting her do i...
Replies
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You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
this.
if it comes from genuine care and concern, go for it, but if it's for your own benefit then reconsider who you're with.
Both of these
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This!!Show a before picture and comment on how she still looks the same. She'll say "that's BS, I'm overweight". Then you chime in a say, "If you feel that way, we would make it a goal together to lose some weight."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Don't bring up her weight. As sad as it is to say, women don't respond well to it. And if you even say anything she will feel attacked, which won't help.
If you really, seriously, think her health is at risk you need to phrase it as "I love you, everything about you, and I want you around for a long time."
But if her health isn't in serious jeapordy I would just let it be, and tell her that you would love for her to join you in some activities like the gym.
From experience I can tell you, I have never been motivated to get in shape or lose weight from people critizing.... It is only when I have felt complacent and comfortable that I found the strength to change things.
Good luck
I agree with you- especially the last part. People criticizing me made me upset, which made me eat more and resent them. I have only been able to lose weight by being happy with myself and knowing the people around me love me for who I am and don't just love me if I get skinny. OP- that's important, take some of these suggestions- like cooking healthy foods or having physically active dates and see where they go. If all it is for you is aesthetics and you aren't actually concerned for her health, but just want a hot gf- do you really love her for her? I'm sure she knows she has gained weight, she just needs a little direction without being told she's getting fat.0 -
Dont' say a word just put gorgeous pictures on the fridge.
Gorgeous pictures of large elephants, hippopotamuses (see my avatar), whales, you name it, just slowly gather a million on the fridge.
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just don't do it man. this happened with me and my ex boyfriend. he literally ruined my self-image and made me hate him. i was never intimate with him ever again after he made comments about my weight.0
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Don't bring up her weight. As sad as it is to say, women don't respond well to it. And if you even say anything she will feel attacked, which won't help.
If you really, seriously, think her health is at risk you need to phrase it as "I love you, everything about you, and I want you around for a long time."
But if her health isn't in serious jeapordy I would just let it be, and tell her that you would love for her to join you in some activities like the gym.
From experience I can tell you, I have never been motivated to get in shape or lose weight from people critizing.... It is only when I have felt complacent and comfortable that I found the strength to change things.
Good luck
I agree with you- especially the last part. People criticizing me made me upset, which made me eat more and resent them. I have only been able to lose weight by being happy with myself and knowing the people around me love me for who I am and don't just love me if I get skinny. OP- that's important, take some of these suggestions- like cooking healthy foods or having physically active dates and see where they go. If all it is for you is aesthetics and you aren't actually concerned for her health, but just want a hot gf- do you really love her for her? I'm sure she knows she has gained weight, she just needs a little direction without being told she's getting fat.
Perfectly said. :happy:0 -
Show a before picture and comment on how she still looks the same. She'll say "that's BS, I'm overweight". Then you chime in a say, "If you feel that way, we would make it a goal together to lose some weight."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
this is actually a great idea. i guess if you're going to do it, you have to get her to say it instead of you.0 -
holy cow ladies - if you let men control your self esteem you're going to be absolutely stuffed for the rest of your lives.
Where did feminism go? Did it melt and slide down the plughole while i was not watching?
If you can't handle criticism, how on earth do you dish it out? Or do you never criticise anyone? Do you eat your anger?
lol. Lighten up darlings.
as to the op - apart from the pics of animals on the fridge, you can get these really cool animals, like cows, that when you turn them upside down adn then upside up again, they moooooo, or baaaaaa. Get a cow one. When she least expects it... let 'er rip! 0 -
Ha ha!! I think My boyfriend actaully did this to me!!! Except without the conversation. He says things like ' shall we go for a walk?' I woudl say 'ermmm . . . . don't really feel like it' 'do we have to?' 'can't be bothered' etc and he would do the sad face and say things like 'but I like walking wih you' 'its good for us' 'it woudl help me out'. And sure enough we would go for a walk. As soon as I started to see the pounds come off I was hooked and now I exercise each morning - just started 30DS!
Anyway - good luck!!!!0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
Listen to this and to marybowen. If you say things like 'You've put on weight', 'You're not as healthy as you used to be', 'You eat crap', she will be upset, offended and probably won't listen to you. Do you want to hurt her feelings? If you're going for a run or to the gym, invite her, or plan a hike together. Cook healthy dinners to eat together.
She won't respond well to comments about her appearance, even if she thinks they're true. I know I wouldn't have if my boyfriend had said anything to me when I was at my heaviest. Instead, I figured it out for myself. I got a gym membership and started eating better by myself. When I told my boyfriend what I was doing, he would suggest healthy meals we could make and we now run together. The difference is, I did this by myself. You can't just expect your girlfriend to get healthier because you want her to. She has to want to as well.0 -
You find a new girlfriend. You can't make someone like the same things you like and do the same things you do. Love her for who she is or find someone new.
I'm a vegetarian and my husband isn't. I've never tried to push my eating habits on him. I love him for who he is.
While I agree that you should love someone else for who they are, her eating habits and exercise habits are NOT who she is. They are her habits. I def wouldn't mention her weight and take the DO approach. There's nothing wrong with wanting a healthier lifestyle for someone you care for.0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
I agree with this completely!!! Great idea! 0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
^^^^^ this all the way!!0 -
holy cow ladies - if you let men control your self esteem you're going to be absolutely stuffed for the rest of your lives.
Where did feminism go? Did it melt and slide down the plughole while i was not watching?
If you can't handle criticism, how on earth do you dish it out? Or do you never criticise anyone? Do you eat your anger?
lol. Lighten up darlings.
as to the op - apart from the pics of animals on the fridge, you can get these really cool animals, like cows, that when you turn them upside down adn then upside up again, they moooooo, or baaaaaa. Get a cow one. When she least expects it... let 'er rip!
I'm actually a Gender and Sexuality Studies major and a well-versed feminist; regardless, I cared a lot about him and he therefore had the power to make me feel bad about myself. That's (partially) why I dumped the *kitten*.0 -
You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I have a similar problem but its with my husband, I constantly hear "I need to do something about my belly" but still does not want to do anything about it, he eats a lot of junk and has probably venturing 3/4 people servings but if I try to say anything I feel guilty, I can't help but think what if he was living healthier loosing weight and I was in the same position I was in last year how would I feel?? Devastated!! I have managed to get my hubby to the swimming pool once a week and he is loving it but I didn't force it on him while there he also mentions his belly and tells me that he might join his friend at the gym one day a week. I think you can point in the right direction but I think it would be pretty hurtfull to say it.0 -
Just tell her you wanna workout and it would be motivating and fun if she did it with you !0
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Come on guys. Us women are not demons you know. Tell her straight and erm, R.I.P. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Ha ha!! I think My boyfriend actaully did this to me!!! Except without the conversation. He says things like ' shall we go for a walk?' I woudl say 'ermmm . . . . don't really feel like it' 'do we have to?' 'can't be bothered' etc and he would do the sad face and say things like 'but I like walking wih you' 'its good for us' 'it woudl help me out'. And sure enough we would go for a walk. As soon as I started to see the pounds come off I was hooked and now I exercise each morning - just started 30DS!
Anyway - good luck!!!!
This is exactly how it should be done, you have a total gem there!0 -
I don't know how successful it will be...telling someone they need to workout and lose weight.
Everyone knows they need to eat better, exercise and generally take care of their body, but I believe a person has to come to the decision and possibly even the realization on their own.
I'm trying to get my husband to exercise and eat better, too. We've both put on weight, but I've never been quite as sedentary as he is. I worry about him being around and healthy and able to be active in 20 years. I've tried telling him that this, but he just says, "I know, I should work out." But, he doesn't.
So, I'm working out more. I invite him to workout with me after work. I don't buy junk food for the house and cook more often and better foods. We play on a volleyball team together. Now that spring is here - I suggest outdoor activities on the weekends.
It depends on your relationship with her, but I would say: be the example, find fun activities to do together, try to set a shared goal, and keep the conversations about it light and without pressure. In a nutshell: No one likes to be pressured and everyone likes to be inspired.0 -
Come on guys. Us women are not demons you know. Tell her straight and erm, R.I.P. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
If you're looking for a way to commit suicide, wait til she dresses up and say "wow, your *kitten* looks fat in that".0 -
This!!Show a before picture and comment on how she still looks the same. She'll say "that's BS, I'm overweight". Then you chime in a say, "If you feel that way, we would make it a goal together to lose some weight."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Yeah. This.
If you want to die a slow and painful death that is.... or at least to be left without any .... umm... you know what... for quite some time.
If my husband found a photo of me when i was thinner and told me I looked just the same, I would KNOW he was lying and would KNOW that even though the words coming out of his mouth were "you look just the same" the words in his head were "wow, you are so much fatter now".
Because, you see... she already knows she's fat! And she probably doesn't feel good about it. You trying (unsuccessfully) to be subtle would not help.
Cook healthy for her, plan active, fun things to do together and leave her to get healthy in her own time.0 -
I definitely wouldn't mention her weight! That's probably a disaster waiting to happen. I think the trick is to find something active she enjoys and then make time to do it together. My hubby went through a real couch potato phase and didn't want to do *anything* active. Then Wimbledon started and while we were watching it he said how great it was and how much he loved playing as a kid. I seized the moment and said we should play ourselves rather than just watch it, and he agreed! Now he's into all sorts of sports and in the summer I can't wrench him away from the surfboard!
The one sticking point was running - he flat out refused to even contemplate it. I'd go out for my run with the dog every night when he got home from work and when I got back I'd tell him how great it was and how he was missing out because me and Barnaby were having so much fun without him. I also said I wish he'd reconsider because it would be a lovely way to spend some 'family time' at the end of every day rather than him being home and me being out with the dog after already being separated all day. He said he'd give it a go and now he also runs in his lunch breaks at work!
Good luck! I'm sure if you're sensitive and approach it from a "I'd like to do more with you" stance rather than a "I'm worried about your health/weight" one she'll be more inclined to have a go. 0 -
Sorry but I think the saying you can lead a horse to water but cant make it drink is quite apt for this situation. I have tried with my wife. No matter what tack I take or how direct or subtle, no matter how many times I point out the benefits or tell her I worry about her health I loose the battle. Best of luck anyhow and if you succeed, let me know0
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You don't say anything. It is out and out rude to comment on another person's weight. What you can do is suggest she come to the gym with you, or that you go for a run together, or a bike ride. Otherwise, as long her weight isn't damaging her health, it would be very stupid to say anything.0
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Wait until she is out and put all her clothes through the hot tumble dryer then hang them back up before she gets home. Say nothing...0
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Tell her honestly, but tread carefully. Plan what you're going to say!0
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How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha
You don't. You can't. Don't even approach the subject. The only reason YOU would consider such a conversation is because you are only 22 years old.
If you are truly concerned:
-assist in and/or start doing the shopping.
-start taking an interest in preparation of the meals, or begin doing the cooking and prepare healthy meals.
-go for walks with her in the evening.
-get involved in some health partner based activiites.
-tell her how good she looks.
At 22, you haven't got the skills to approach a conversation which might discuss her healthy eating, appearance or fitness level. No man does. At any age.
If she weighed 400 lbs and was trying to squeeze into a size 2 mini skirt and asked you if you thought it made her look fat. Do not hesitate for the slightest moment; Look herstraight in the eye and say "No."0 -
Slap her on the *kitten* and tell her that it is a lot more comfortable than it use to be and maybe she should go to the gym with you.:laugh:
It worked when my wife did it to me, why not fair turn around. You women are so sensitive. :sad: :sad:
lol...my experience of men is that they're extremely, extremely, unimaginably sensitive when it comes to their bodies. they are so unused to criticism (unlike women) that if you even say something that could possibly be interpreted as criticism it can spiral into a monster.0 -
How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha
You don't. You can't. Don't even approach the subject. The only reason YOU would consider such a conversation is because you are only 22 years old.
If you are truly concerned:
-assist in and/or start doing the shopping.
-start taking an interest in preparation of the meals, or begin doing the cooking and prepare healthy meals.
-go for walks with her in the evening.
-get involved in some health partner based activiites.
-tell her how good she looks.
At 22, you haven't got the skills to approach a conversation which might discuss her healthy eating, appearance or fitness level. No man does. At any age.
If she weighed 400 lbs and was trying to squeeze into a size 2 mini skirt and asked you if you thought it made her look fat. Do not hesitate for the slightest moment; Look herstraight in the eye and say "No."
Sometimes I think TheRoadDog knows more about women than we do ourselves. :happy:0 -
Anytime you feel the need to have that conversation with her, you need to grab a fishing pole and do that instead. You'll be much happier and most likely will enjoy a longer life.0
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