Ladies - Would you date someone who is divorced?

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Replies

  • SlimSammy2012
    SlimSammy2012 Posts: 893
    <~~~Would love someone to wear my shirts... :ohwell:
  • pilotgirl2007
    pilotgirl2007 Posts: 368 Member
    My current boyfriend is divorced... so I guess that is a yes vote for me
  • Phatdaddymike
    Phatdaddymike Posts: 74
    SURE!!!!! The more baggage the better right????? /sarcasm
  • Vegan_Runner
    Vegan_Runner Posts: 133 Member
    I married a guy that was divorced (13 years ago) and got two wonderful Step-Children out of the deal :)
  • Kekibird
    Kekibird Posts: 1,122 Member
    I have in the past. We were both single parents, he was divorced and I am a never-been married mother. It worked for a while.

    I don't think I'd say no to dating anyone based on their past relationships. And it really depends on each individual person/situation.
  • feltlikesound
    feltlikesound Posts: 326 Member
    I am married to someone who was divorced :). We talked about it openly and honestly from day 1, and it certainly didn't scare me away. I think it just takes more dialogue. I mean, I had VERY long very serious past relationships, would it have really been a huge difference if I had the legal paperwork to go with them? I don't think so. Everyone has their baggage and history that they bring with them.

    In a way I think it shows that the divorced party is not afraid of commitment, which can be a positive as long as they are walking into it from a healthy perspective (i.e. they are over the relationship and the divorce).

    I hope that all made sense.
  • JVonni
    JVonni Posts: 34 Member
    I don't see an issue- although I honestly may be a bit apprehensive at first. Not because the person has been divorced, but because this person has experienced something (love and loss) on a level that I can't even imagine (nor do I want to).

    True, the vows say 'til death'...but honestly, not many people go into a relationship knowing or thinking that it won't work out in the end.

    People change and grow: sometimes together- sometimes apart. If a person has exhausted all resources and has truly done everything to make their relationship work but still has no luck, I can do nothing but have respect for them for choosing to leave a bad situation before it turns into a worse situation.

    This may not always be the case, but this is also why I wouldn't write someone off because they have a divorce under their belt.

    But hey, to each his own.
  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
    My ex was divorced when I met him, and had two kids. I learned a lot from that relationship... the odds of me finding a man my age that is not divorced (i.e. never married, definitely not *currently* married!!) is slim. I'm okay with that... it just depends on the man and what HE is like, not what has occurred in his previous life.
  • whitm2103
    whitm2103 Posts: 41
    Marriage is a big commitment and I don't want to be having this big commitment with someone that's already been through it. I want it to be something me and the guy do together. Don't care if he has dated or slept with anyone. Don't think that sleeping with someone has anything to do with marring them.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I haven't read all the responses, but I've been married and divorced twice. I have been looking at dating websites, and many of the women in my age range say, "never been married". Some of these women are very attractive, at least in the profile pictures. So, it's surprising.

    So, to take the opposite side of this, at my age, if you haven't had the experience of marriage, I'm really not interested I you ata ll because you don't really understand life. Also, I do have issues with those same women who also don't have children. As someone with children and ex-wives, I need someone to understand all that stuff.

    So, I guess I can't relate at all to the OP's question. I'd prefer some experience under the belt and some good life lessons.

    You have to remember that a divorce is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of growth.
  • sweetfacephoto
    sweetfacephoto Posts: 45 Member
    I haven't even decided to start dating again yet, so I haven't given this much thought.

    But I'll give this topic a go. As a divorcee, it would be a bit hypocritical of me to say I wouldn't. I think, though, that if I met a great guy who has been divorced once, I would not count that as a reason to not date him. Now, if he was divorced multiple times or his marriage dissolved because he cheated...then I would be much more hesitant; perhaps even closed to the idea.

    I think I'm just going to go with the PC answer - it depends. :)
  • totallytasha
    totallytasha Posts: 134 Member
    So, to take the opposite side of this, at my age, if you haven't had the experience of marriage, I'm really not interested I you ata ll because you don't really understand life. Also, I do have issues with those same women who also don't have children. As someone with children and ex-wives, I need someone to understand all that stuff.

    So, I guess I can't relate at all to the OP's question. I'd prefer some experience under the belt and some good life lessons.

    You have to remember that a divorce is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of growth.

    That seems ridiculous to me. To say someone doesn't know life because they haven't been married is as narrow minded as saying someone who's been divorced is broken. I don't believe there's some specific event you have to go through to understand relationships and commitment and how to be a good partner. Many people have long term relationships that last longer than the divorced's marriages, or have kids but haven't been married, or vice versa. I should think they still know plenty about life.
    I may not have been married or have kids, but I was in a very long term relationship where i would have liked to be married, and I'm the oldest of 13 kids. I think that qualifies me to date my boyfriend who is an ex-husband and father. I still have long term relationship experience, as well as lots of time spent helping to raise children. Just because i haven't shared his exact circumstances doesn't mean I don't understand, especially when we communicate well about how we feel about the situation and how I can be supportive. Communication + understanding is effective, too. I'd hate to be written off because of my past - I certainly feel like I 'understand life' fairly well.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    So, to take the opposite side of this, at my age, if you haven't had the experience of marriage, I'm really not interested I you ata ll because you don't really understand life. Also, I do have issues with those same women who also don't have children. As someone with children and ex-wives, I need someone to understand all that stuff.

    So, I guess I can't relate at all to the OP's question. I'd prefer some experience under the belt and some good life lessons.

    You have to remember that a divorce is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of growth.

    That seems ridiculous to me. To say someone doesn't know life because they haven't been married is as narrow minded as saying someone who's been divorced is broken. I don't believe there's some specific event you have to go through to understand relationships and commitment and how to be a good partner. Many people have long term relationships that last longer than the divorced's marriages, or have kids but haven't been married, or vice versa. I should think they still know plenty about life.
    I may not have been married or have kids, but I was in a very long term relationship where i would have liked to be married, and I'm the oldest of 13 kids. I think that qualifies me to date my boyfriend who is an ex-husband and father. I still have long term relationship experience, as well as lots of time spent helping to raise children. Just because i haven't shared his exact circumstances doesn't mean I don't understand, especially when we communicate well about how we feel about the situation and how I can be supportive. Communication + understanding is effective, too. I'd hate to be written off because of my past - I certainly feel like I 'understand life' fairly well.

    That's fine. I was speaking in terms of looking at dating profiles that say, "Never Been Married" and then, "No Kids". I think, "Hmmmmm". I didn't say that if I met someone and heard their story, that I wouldn't change my mind. It just gives me pause. That's all.

    If they say, "I lived with my SO for 15 years", OK, that counts. I met someone recently that was like I described. Longest she was with someone was a few years. She was really nice, and very attractive, and seemed like nothing was wrong, but I kept thinking, in 45 years of life, you couldn't find someone that kept your interest for more than a few years? Wow. I don't know. That's more what I'm talking about.
  • jenniferpowell1980
    jenniferpowell1980 Posts: 68 Member
    I think not dating someone because they have/have not been married, have/do not have kids, are not the same race, are not earning enough money, etc etc is madness. Its so hard to find someone who 'fits' in with your life and makes you happy why make it harder by adding conditions?
  • totallytasha
    totallytasha Posts: 134 Member
    So, to take the opposite side of this, at my age, if you haven't had the experience of marriage, I'm really not interested I you ata ll because you don't really understand life. Also, I do have issues with those same women who also don't have children. As someone with children and ex-wives, I need someone to understand all that stuff.

    So, I guess I can't relate at all to the OP's question. I'd prefer some experience under the belt and some good life lessons.

    You have to remember that a divorce is not a sign of failure, it is a sign of growth.

    That seems ridiculous to me. To say someone doesn't know life because they haven't been married is as narrow minded as saying someone who's been divorced is broken. I don't believe there's some specific event you have to go through to understand relationships and commitment and how to be a good partner. Many people have long term relationships that last longer than the divorced's marriages, or have kids but haven't been married, or vice versa. I should think they still know plenty about life.
    I may not have been married or have kids, but I was in a very long term relationship where i would have liked to be married, and I'm the oldest of 13 kids. I think that qualifies me to date my boyfriend who is an ex-husband and father. I still have long term relationship experience, as well as lots of time spent helping to raise children. Just because i haven't shared his exact circumstances doesn't mean I don't understand, especially when we communicate well about how we feel about the situation and how I can be supportive. Communication + understanding is effective, too. I'd hate to be written off because of my past - I certainly feel like I 'understand life' fairly well.

    That's fine. I was speaking in terms of looking at dating profiles that say, "Never Been Married" and then, "No Kids". I think, "Hmmmmm". I didn't say that if I met someone and heard their story, that I wouldn't change my mind. It just gives me pause. That's all.

    If they say, "I lived with my SO for 15 years", OK, that counts. I met someone recently that was like I described. Longest she was with someone was a few years. She was really nice, and very attractive, and seemed like nothing was wrong, but I kept thinking, in 45 years of life, you couldn't find someone that kept your interest for more than a few years? Wow. I don't know. That's more what I'm talking about.

    I got it - I guess what threw me is just the thought that they wouldn't understand life. That seemed harsh. And honestly I don't deal with dating sites at all, and it seems like a different world to try to navigate. I suppose from the point of view of someone only having 1 or 2 year relationships over and over it would be more of a red flag, although I feel like you can be quite serious in a year or two. Could be several reasons why they never worked out. Maybe they all had the same controlling characteristic that they didn't start showing until a year or so in or something. And I also rather feel like being 45 and not having kids or been married isn't so strange - wasn't that kind of the point of the Sex and the City phenomenon? Some women don't want kids, and they feel their 30's are their prime - no need to be married in what is essentially still so young in our ever lengthening life expectancy.
  • dawnmarie1981
    dawnmarie1981 Posts: 19
    Yep - my hubby is divorced. Though like PP said, extra points to those who can be civil to the ex - i have never met my hubbys ex-wife, but he does have a kid with someone else (long after his ex-wife) and she is the biggest *kitten* from hell, no being civil there
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