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MyFitnessPal Community

Z. Class that causes me marriage stress part II.

d2footballJRC

Well some of you may remember me! (I'm the guy who wanted to cut his hands off in another topic, involving the gym, my wife, and my lifting schedule) Several of you recommended that I go to Zumba Class, at first I thought you guys were just card carrying members of the crazies club. After 7 days of the scorn of my wife (Which involved neat tricks like the skin from her face melting and turning into a fire breathing skeleton head to my laundry getting turned pink Yes pink, my favorite gym shirt is now pink.) I've realized maybe you guys aren't the crazy club members I need to watch out for. I decided, okay I can give Zumba a try against ALL my MANLY INSTINCTS telling me.. NO JR.... Doing Zumba will be something you will regret. I didn't listen to my man power, I just didn't listen....

So I put on my work out clothes (A t-shirt I cut the arms off and some thick wind breakers) and my wife comes out of our bedroom wearing what one can only describe as a moving planet/star/small sun. It was a matching neon yellow piece of clothing that I can only imagine was made by little Chinese kids wearing welding helmets it was so bright. (Sorry if that offended any of you.) I was about to ask, Are you going to wear that to the gym? BUT this time my Manly instincts said...JR Don't say that, you will get kick in your nards.. just don't do it. I started to say something but could tell she had her legs in kicking range so I stopped myself. Thus we headed off to the gym.

So we get to the gym and I found it hard not to go straight to the weights area. Instead we traversed into a room/planet I've never entered. It was a rather large room with mirrors all around. Felt like I was in a house of horrors mirror room. Then stage 1 of the Zumba tap was sprung. In a flurry of colors, many which could be seen by the blind women in all these cute outfits started to show up, I started thinking... OH hey, this could be good.. oh.. yeah... Using the ole' checking out the room method to check this out (Men you know what I'm talking about, the whole, oh I've never been in here, kinda neat trick!) I started to calm down and realized while I may look like a one legged man who's been lobotomized in this class, that there is a positive side.

Then it came crashing down. So class started we did our little booty shake warm up thing, then we started the pelvic thrust maneuver to the booty bump/shake/rump/money maker maneuver. Women started to huffing and making fish faces while doing this and something snapped in me. I just lost it, I started cackling and laughing at this site. Literally gasping for air I had to leave, I couldn't handle this. It was like someone who REALLY hated the Spanish Dance culture wanted to punish it by adding move that no respectable man would be caught doing and thus playing a HUGE prank on womankind by getting them to pay for this. I felt like these women should of had shake weights and this would of been the ultimate insult to humanity everywhere.

So I ended up leaving and went and lifting and was talking to the guys. Classes apparently ended by the string of bright colors that passed us. I noticed 3 colors were moving in my direction pretty fast. Low and behold, one was my wife and apparently two "friends". As they rushed over towards me my flight or fight kicked in and for some reason I just froze. I was given a look that I'm pretty sure stopped my heart for a few minutes but I was too stunned to know a difference. Now not only do I not want to spend time with her, I embarrassed her in front of the whole class. I never should of went to Zumba and somehow it turned out my fault that I went with her. Her friends just kinda stood back and did the whole head nod thing.

So in the end, wife still isn't happy. I'm starting to see a pattern here! I've been looking for Mexican Coyotes to sneak me into a new gym but so far haven't found any on my local Craig's list.

Just thought you guys would like an update. So far, I'm still in the dog house! Men don't make my mistake, if you are tempted or begged to Zumba...Just don't do it, You'll never forgive yourself!

Lastly, why the heck do women have such a hard time picking out work out pants. I went with the wife to shop for new pants for this Zumba class (Apparently me starting to go along was going to be like a high school graduation or something where you have to dress up, but only with workout clothes) She seriously tried on 12-15 pairs of pants and complained about all of them. HOLY HECK LADIES that do that. I went to ****'s sporting good, found some that were colors that were palpable. (Meaning not pink, not purple, and not sea foam green.) and bought a couple. Didn't even try them on!

So, you might be reading this and asking yourself, BUT JR are you ever going to go to Zumba again?

Let's look at the pro's and con's.

Pro's
-Eye Candy
-Music was average

Con's
-You look like you have de-evolved
-You will laugh if you laugh easily, thus resulting in scorn from women.
-The Spanish Salsa culture dies a little inside every time you attempt Zumba.
-Other men will know that you are 100% whipped if you go to Zumba class.
-Your self respect is replaced with a hole that you will never be able to fill again.

From looking at that chart and thinking about the experience I will have to abstain from Zumba again. I am glad it works for some people, but it was not a great fit for a meathead like me.

Til next time!

Replies

RikanSoulja

You know man Imma be honest with you. I went to zumba class *once* (let me emphasis that once)with a girl It wasn't that bad till they starting busting out the super gay moves. Mind you I am hispanic so I dont mind all the shaking but there are just some moves that men should not do and that was like 50% of the class so for half of it I was doing my own moves trying to "manly" it up. Regardless I've never gone back and no one can make me.

jolarocknrolla

dude, you should have married a goth. shopping is easy, you just buy whatever comes in black.

ThePhoenixRose

I laughed hysterically and read this to my husband, who laughed hysterically. Good luck, dude!

OMGLeigh

HAHAHA!
I wish I had bright neon yellow workout clothes. All of mine are black pants with rainbow or cheetah print details, black, and grey. So rather than looking like the sun I look like a fat black hole. However once I try on something that fits I'm going to get it in different colors, not really needing to bother trying on other things.

I don't Zumba, but if I did I would NEVER ask the man to join me. He has his things, I have mine, and there's nothing wrong with that. I can still understand why she'd be ticked at you laughing, but come on, life is funny, sometimes you just have to laugh.

BishopSmurf

Obviously this issue calls for someone to give you advice and honeslty, who better than me. I am..THAT DUDE.

THis will be painful to hear...but it is the truth...YOU DONT LIKE YOUR WIFE AND YOUR WIFE DOESNT LIKE YOU.

Its time to move on. She has unrealistic expectations and hates the fact that you got in shape and is jealous that you are cheating on her....and I know your not...BUT....you ARE thinking about it and just havent gone thru with it.

ITs time to move on.

Now I have to get back to the middle east peace talks.

Cya

...better than me?
Don't
Dosen't
It's
(have) gotten
Haven't
Through
It's

No wonder the Middle East hates us.

wurgin

I think i love you.
Are you familliar with millington? He writes like you, google him

81Kyra

Hahaha that's hilarious! I tried Zumba once but I wore chucks and twisted my ankle I finished the class but never went back after that.

d2footballJRC

dude, you should have married a goth. shopping is easy, you just buy whatever comes in black.

Well I would have but you see I suffer from a condition called diarrea of the mouth. Marrying a goth would of resulted in me being on a missing persons report early on I have a feeling.

NashvilleShelley

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ... I absolutely loved that story!!!

If you tell these stories often, please friend me.

me too! i find you hilarious!! I would be embarrassed if my husband came to zumba...actually, i wouldn't be caught dead doing it either!!!

More Stories!!!

Oh! And I really hope that you and your wife work things out but please have a few more stories first! LOL!!

bigredhearts

kuddos to you for even walking into that class! sorry about your marriage, best friends dont always get along, and sometimes you hurt the ones you're closest to. as another poster said, you def dont want to throw in the towel and grab yourself a new chick. if you dont take the time to find out what the problem is and attempt to fix it, its bound to happen again in the future. i LOVE zumba... would i ever go to a class... NOPE! but i dont need anyone to see me look like what you witnessed... i imagine its not pretty... lol

edit to mention that bright colored tight clothes are HILARIOUS! it takes me maybe 5 min to find a pair of black workout pants and i NEVER try them on... takes to much time...

Josee76

I think all the ppl complaining about readin this dude's story are losers and have no sense of good writing.

^^^ THIS - well said!

d2footballJRC

I think i love you.
Are you familliar with millington? He writes like you, google him /

I am not familiar with him, Ill google him. I type everything via an ipad so a lot of my spelling issues is just me being lazy :-(

SaraEllie80

First refreshing post in awhile.

I actually enjoy Zumba-- mostly because I sweat my *kitten* off and have fun-- which is strange from someone who can't shake her hips if she tried.

But... those Zumba 'street cred' outfits are really ridiculous. I mean, come on--- you're going to wear pink baggy camo pants with straps and strings hanging off like you're a paratrooper?

We usually have only one or two guys in my class.. I always find myself watching them when we are doing the pelvic-thrust gyrating movements... it's hilarious to see their earnest efforts to shake it like Shakira.

ILoveJesus72

Shake it.

Shakira.

Gyrating pelvic thrusting motions.

All very valid reasons why I am terrfied of Zumba!!! LoL I can neither gyrate nor shake it with any sense of rhythm. Honestly, if I take a class I'll just distract folks and get asked to leave anyway. :sick:

d2footballJRC

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ... I absolutely loved that story!!!

If you tell these stories often, please friend me.

me too! i find you hilarious!! I would be embarrassed if my husband came to zumba...actually, i wouldn't be caught dead doing it either!!!

More Stories!!!

Oh! And I really hope that you and your wife work things out but please have a few more stories first! LOL!!

I can share more but usually its just me being stupid that results in chaos. Ive been sharing this because this is actually not my fault! (That I know!)

thepanttherlady

I TOLD you thinking about you doing Zumba made me giggle.

Now? I think I just pee'd a little. :laugh:

txbutterfly69

First of all congrats on your weight loss!!! Second, I think that it is cool that you accompany your wife to the gym. Maybe zumba wasn't it, but the important thing is that you guys are committed to work out together. :-)

txbutterfly69

I enjoyed your story....are you a writer?

agauth79

oh man, i read your first post and it was hilarious, and the part two is icing on the cake. I love Zumba, but it is really not geared towards dudes, despite it being created by a man from Colombia. The booty shaking and the thrusts just don't work for many guys. There have been guys in my class off and on, but I think they were there for the scenery. Point in case, one of those guys came up to me after a class and told me my moves were inspiring.

In all seriousness, though, I think it's important in a relationship to have separate interests apart from each other. It's good to like different things, and I think all couples need some time to just do their own thing and be in their own heads for a little while without worrying about chatting it up with their partner or what not. I do also understand her desire to be involved in something that's probably become a big part of your life, and something very important to you, and I can see why she want to have a piece of that. I guess you two just need to keep looking for something, apart from the gym, that you can share together and bond over.

And yea, I have gone into dressing rooms with 20 pairs of workout pants and hated every one before. Clings too much here, not enough there, etc. It's a chick thing

We want to find workout pants that make us look like we already have the body we're working out in order to attain ( or to show off properly the one we worked hard to get).

Good luck to you, sir! Hope you and your lady can work something out. You're obviously giving it a shot by even trying Zumba in the first place. What you should have told her was that you couldn't keep up with the moves, and were laughing in embarrassment at yourself, and that you left because it was too hard

Probably doesn't save you much grief now, but maybe if she makes you try a jazzercise class or something next , you can use that excuse!

Natx83

Dude.. this is the best shiz I have read on this site.

I love that you gave it ago, then hoped so bad that it didnt end well as I knew if I was doing it, I would of lost my shiz in that class as well. I could just picture it as you described it.. Fish faces and panting everywhere.. LOL :laugh:

d2footballJRC

I enjoyed your story....are you a writer?

Far from it. I scored a 31 on my ACT, everything was 34 or higher except English which I tanked hardcore. I never thought I had a nack for writing, I ramble too much.

I'm actually a computer nerd. I work on servers at a data center all day.

theoriginaljayne

I enjoyed your story....are you a writer?

Far from it. I scored a 31 on my ACT, everything was 34 or higher except English which I tanked hardcore. I never thought I had a nack for writing, I ramble too much.

I'm actually a computer nerd. I work on servers at a data center all day.

Er, 31 is still considered far above average. You didn't exactly "tank" it!
http://www.act.org/newsroom/data/2011/states.html

Edit: Ah, wait, you mean you got a 31 composite, and the English section brought down your other two sections. Obviously I do exceedingly well on reading comprehension tests. Still, though, I'm fist-bumping you through the internet for your 31 composite, which is awesome.

d2footballJRC

I enjoyed your story....are you a writer?

Far from it. I scored a 31 on my ACT, everything was 34 or higher except English which I tanked hardcore. I never thought I had a nack for writing, I ramble too much.

I'm actually a computer nerd. I work on servers at a data center all day.

Er, 31 is still considered far above average. You didn't exactly "tank" it!
http://www.act.org/newsroom/data/2011/states.html

Edit: Ah, wait, you mean you got a 31 composite, and the English section brought down your other two sections. Obviously I do exceedingly well on reading comprehension tests. Still, though, I'm fist-bumping you through the internet for your 31 composite, which is awesome.

Yes 31 composite, my English section was like a 22 or something.

Kaheaki

I was going to comment on the last thread after reading and laughing at your struggles, but in the end I decided not to. I was happy to see a new post and it was as humorous as the first! I am sorry for your plight. I used to work out with my guy (when we were both avidly into fitness), but I was able to spot him all the way until he hit 70lb dumbbells and I am not talkative. We also did our own thing at times because I don't do back or neck days and he didn't do targeted thigh workouts. We had that understanding. I also don't drag him to chick classes. Even though I would love his company, I don't want him to be uncomfortable.

When I read the first post, I started really thinking about what the issue could be. A couple things came to mind that I didn't see anyone else comment on.

First, women are emotinally driven (aka, crazy...)
Second, the gym is full of people working out, but more importantly, it is full of people on the prowl
Third, you have lost a lot of weight (congrats!) and she may feel insecure about the previously mentioned women on the prowl

You are obviously devoted to her, but the "new" you may be more confident which attracts people to you, but even if your confidence didn't change your outward appearance did (much as we'd like to think that doesn't make a difference, it does). I might look at that aspect of it. You might be able to find something that you both can do that isn't as heinous as zumba...

Good luck!!

CarolinaButterfly

Bet you're gonna get hated on some for this one...
That said - I loved it! I truly hope you were aiming for "amusing" on this post, cause it was downright hysterical. Sorry I'm laughing at your expense, but as I was reading your post, I was picturing my own husband trying to do a Zumba (or any) class with me, and finding himself doing the same exact thing you did - trying not to laugh and failing miserably. This is why that man stays in the weight room or on the treadmill and I do my own thing at the gym.
I think it's awesome you're trying to hard to be supportive of your wife. Hang in, buddy. And thank you once more for an excellent visual.

I was picturing my boyfriend while reading this and I would say he would have laughed his way out of that room also. Then again I don't Zumba and would never insist on him doing something he just doesn't want to do.

you get points for going.. i cant get mine to even look at the dvd let a lone go to a gym and do it....hope all is well

d2footballJRC

Dude.. this is the best shiz I have read on this site.

I love that you gave it ago, then hoped so bad that it didnt end well as I knew if I was doing it, I would of lost my shiz in that class as well. I could just picture it as you described it.. Fish faces and panting everywhere.. LOL :laugh:

It was pretty hillarious, with all the bright colors it was like being in an aquarium.

Expialidojess

I say you get mega points for at least trying. I talked my husband into trying Zumba with me and he looked rediculous. He hated every minute of it, he and I both laughed at each other the entire time, and we've never done it since. Your wife needs a dose of her own medicine. Is there something that you like that she hates doing? Tell her it's only fair since you did it that she has to do something out of her comfort zone too. Then maybe she'll see how it feels.

mandag9008

[/quote]

She definatly is but its not like i havent tried to talk about it. Shes really stubborn (Darn that German and Italian blood), one day hopefully soon she'll unload.
[/quote]

hahah right here! german and italian!

Erindipitous

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ... I absolutely loved that story!!!

If you tell these stories often, please friend me.

Ditto!! Haha.. This made my night!! :happy:

AmberCHM

I thought your story was absolutely hilarious!.......then I read a couple of the responses on the first page ("Something else is wrong in your marriage and you don't seem to care", "I can't even believe I wasted my time reading that.") and thought to myself, "man, I must have missed something." Went back and reread your story; nope, just as funny the second time around. I love how descriptive your writing is. I felt like I was actually there in the sea of neon puffer fish with you. P.S. I do wear brightly colored shirts to the gym and I've definitely tried on my fair share of pants before buying them....I tend to leave the hubby at home while I'm doing that though. I'm going to have to say that I'm definitely on your side in this Zumba war. I'm having a hard time understanding why she can't just find a girl friend to do Zumba with and let you do your thing? I hope y'all can come to an agreement soon. This Zumba stress is serious business!