Folks who are happily married...

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Replies

  • rebecky27
    rebecky27 Posts: 842 Member
    Thank you EVERYONE! I received such kind, thoughtful advice. You all are so wonderful.

    Last night I ended the relationship. He was really upset and tried tactics to get me to change my mind (begging, crying, asking me to hook him up with one of my friends, deleting all our FB pictures and de-friending me...lol). But his emotional immaturity just solidified my decision.

    This morning I went to a counseling session with him, but I made it VERY clear that my decision has been made and these counseling sessions are to help him gain closure. They're actually nice for me too...I mean how many times do you get counseling through a breakup?

    This weekend his parents are coming down to help him move. He also needs his mom to come down and support him...which is a little odd at 27 years old, IMO. When my parents divorced, they were only 24 and my mom took me from my dad, and he handled it on his own.

    I know I made the right decision. I feel sad for hurting him, but I am hopeful he will learn and grow from this like I did from my painful breakups.
    wow, he sounds like my first boyfriend...he has a lot of growing up to do, and he is so mentally weak that I foresee a lot of counseling in his future. I went through the same guilt, but knew I was so much better off without him in my life.
    You made the right decision, go to this counseling session if you feel you must....but don't go to too many...he'll start playing the guilt card...you need to cut him off.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    I met my wife on March 23, 1991 and we got married on August 9, 1991. We knew we wanted to get married after two weeks, and "waited" until May 5th to formally get engaged.

    Happily, deliriously, crazy in love married for 21 years, and I cannot imagine a day without her.

    We both knew 100% that this was the person we wanted to be with forever.

    I think you should know it's the one without second guessing yourself. Good luck!
    THIS. Is awesome.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    My husband and I were together 1 year before he proposed. We had been talking about a future together for some time by then though. One year later we married. We were older (in our 40's) and I can tell you it was shocking to me how incredibly "right" it felt compared to past relationships. We knew within the first few months that we'd be together forever. It was passionate and all that a new relationship should be, but also very comfortable. The kind of comfort that usually doesn't come for a while.
  • ssforcey
    ssforcey Posts: 92 Member
    And some background:

    He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

    Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

    I'm sorry but to me these all sound like warning signs. If those things bug you now, think about how bad it will be in 10 years. Even with all those things aside I don't hear that your "crazy about him".
  • terrellc1
    terrellc1 Posts: 231 Member
    You should never have to convince yourself to make a right decision. :flowerforyou:
  • TrailRunner61
    TrailRunner61 Posts: 2,505 Member
    If you're questioning your relationship, go for counseling or just don't get married. It takes a lot of work from both parties.

    I met my husband when I was 15, he had just turned 18. We were engaged when I was 17, married at 18, 6 mths out of high school. We have been married now for 33 years, together 35. We had our first child when I was 21, last one at 29. We have had some really rough times but worked it out. We are our best friends. I'd rather be with him than anyone else and we will do anything together but still have outside interests. He hunts. I don't (ack!) I go out with my girlfriends and I walk the dog, a lot!
    Think about it. Do you REALLY want to spend the rest of your life with this person? It worked for us and we still only want each other. :)
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Thank you EVERYONE! I received such kind, thoughtful advice. You all are so wonderful.

    Last night I ended the relationship. He was really upset and tried tactics to get me to change my mind (begging, crying, asking me to hook him up with one of my friends, deleting all our FB pictures and de-friending me...lol). But his emotional immaturity just solidified my decision.

    This morning I went to a counseling session with him, but I made it VERY clear that my decision has been made and these counseling sessions are to help him gain closure. They're actually nice for me too...I mean how many times do you get counseling through a breakup?

    This weekend his parents are coming down to help him move. He also needs his mom to come down and support him...which is a little odd at 27 years old, IMO. When my parents divorced, they were only 24 and my mom took me from my dad, and he handled it on his own.

    I know I made the right decision. I feel sad for hurting him, but I am hopeful he will learn and grow from this like I did from my painful breakups.
    wow, he sounds like my first boyfriend...he has a lot of growing up to do, and he is so mentally week that I foresee a lot of counseling in his future. I went through the same guilt, but knew I was so much better off without him in my life.
    You made the right decision, go to this counseling session if you feel you must....but don't go to too many...he'll start playing the guilt card...you need to cut him off.

    He definitely does. I agreed to one more, but after that I don't want to go to any more. I am really good at sensing the guilt trips because I used to pull them too! :tongue: He pulled the 'I can't even eat' and then went through his phone..'here's the first flowers I bought you...here we are on this one trip...'. I just sat quietly with him and let him do his thing. I sincerely do want him to heal.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    You should never have to convince yourself to make a right decision. :flowerforyou:

    Wow, so right!
  • weathergirl320
    weathergirl320 Posts: 331
    Met the hubby when I was 14. When I was 15 we decided to get married one day. Got engaged at 17 and then at 18 the option was get married or he had to leave the country. We got married. 5 years later we are happy and just as in love as day 1. We took a crazy risk but it worked out for us. Any marriage is a risk. We have no kids but are working towards our goals together. We will be celebrating ten years together in November. Can't believe it. It feels like yesterday we met. Crazy.
  • dhencel
    dhencel Posts: 244 Member
    my husband and I dated 11 months, broke up for 8 months, got back together, got engaged for 2 years and have been married 35 years in July......
  • InkedBeauty89
    InkedBeauty89 Posts: 114 Member
    My hubby and i were together and living together for 4 1/2 years before we got married. We both knew from the beginning we were meant for each other. Had a small wedding june of last year with just family. and nothing has changed since. Still love each other to death, now its just on paper lol.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    I've been married since 1984, we were engaged for less than a year - dated less than 2 years. If the things that he does are irritating to you now, then don't marry him, it's not going to get better. If his crying and baby talking irritates you and his farting just p!sses you off, then look elsewhere for husband material. These things are NOT going to grow on you. He's a great guy, but if you can't live with those things - get out OR tell him this, tell him he needs to work on a few things before you can consider marriage, you need time - if he doesn't change, move on.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    I've been married since 1984, we were engaged for less than a year - dated less than 2 years. If the things that he does are irritating to you now, then don't marry him, it's not going to get better. If his crying and baby talking irritates you and his farting just p!sses you off, then look elsewhere for husband material. These things are NOT going to grow on you. He's a great guy, but if you can't live with those things - get out OR tell him this, tell him he needs to work on a few things before you can consider marriage, you need time - if he doesn't change, move on.

    He wants to change, but I don't think it's right for him to want to change ONLY for me. He used to like his sensitivity and emotions and his love for animals. I think he still likes those things about himself. I don't believe in changing a person so they suit my taste. I would rather let him find someone who will like those things.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    I've been married since 1984, we were engaged for less than a year - dated less than 2 years. If the things that he does are irritating to you now, then don't marry him, it's not going to get better. If his crying and baby talking irritates you and his farting just p!sses you off, then look elsewhere for husband material. These things are NOT going to grow on you. He's a great guy, but if you can't live with those things - get out OR tell him this, tell him he needs to work on a few things before you can consider marriage, you need time - if he doesn't change, move on.

    He wants to change, but I don't think it's right for him to want to change ONLY for me. He used to like his sensitivity and emotions and his love for animals. I think he still likes those things about himself. I don't believe in changing a person so they suit my taste. I would rather let him find someone who will like those things.

    Then, I think you already know ...
  • 10KEyes
    10KEyes Posts: 250 Member
    He definitely does. I agreed to one more, but after that I don't want to go to any more. I am really good at sensing the guilt trips because I used to pull them too! :tongue: He pulled the 'I can't even eat' and then went through his phone..'here's the first flowers I bought you...here we are on this one trip...'. I just sat quietly with him and let him do his thing. I sincerely do want him to heal.

    He don't know it yet, but in 10 years he will likely be in a wonderful relationship, probably married and will probably reflect back on this and be thankful he found a special person that feels about him the way he does about her. It will work itself out.

    There is a great movie for this "500 Days of Summer".
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    He definitely does. I agreed to one more, but after that I don't want to go to any more. I am really good at sensing the guilt trips because I used to pull them too! :tongue: He pulled the 'I can't even eat' and then went through his phone..'here's the first flowers I bought you...here we are on this one trip...'. I just sat quietly with him and let him do his thing. I sincerely do want him to heal.

    He don't know it yet, but in 10 years he will likely be in a wonderful relationship, probably married and will probably reflect back on this and be thankful he found a special person that feels about him the way he does about her. It will work itself out.

    There is a great movie for this "500 Days of Summer".

    I know he will. I actually never watch romance movies hehe :smile:
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,069 Member
    You just broke up with him last night and you are already in a counseling session this morning. Sorry, but this whole story is a bit odd to me.

    It's not couples counseling. I told him I'd go with him to the first available appointment. Did not expect it to be at 9am this morning. I know he needs guidance on these issues and he wasn't going on his own, so I agreed to go with him this time.

    So he had a counselor on speed dial?


    Oh, no haha, we have two counseling centers on campus with like a billion counselors. It's not hard to get an appointment.

    Same school? I recommend transferring.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    You just broke up with him last night and you are already in a counseling session this morning. Sorry, but this whole story is a bit odd to me.

    It's not couples counseling. I told him I'd go with him to the first available appointment. Did not expect it to be at 9am this morning. I know he needs guidance on these issues and he wasn't going on his own, so I agreed to go with him this time.

    So he had a counselor on speed dial?


    Oh, no haha, we have two counseling centers on campus with like a billion counselors. It's not hard to get an appointment.

    Same school? I recommend transferring.

    LOL kind of hard to do in the middle of my PhD! He's graduating in a year.
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,069 Member
    Same school? I recommend transferring.

    LOL kind of hard to do in the middle of my PhD! He's graduating in a year.

    Hopefully McClingy will allow you to focus on your studies.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

    ...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

    Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

    I was with my husband for 4 years before we got married... we would have been married sooner if not for going to two different colleges in two different states... I wasn't 100% certain I wanted to be with him... but he never gave me a reason to not want to be with him. Our relationship isn't much different now than it was before (only a heck of a lot more face time... and less sex, thanks to a kiddo and other things)... And while there are days he annoys the crap out of me, at the end of the day there is more to him that I love than am annoyed at... and I know he is in my corner all the way. He is a great husband and a great father.
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
    He definitely does. I agreed to one more, but after that I don't want to go to any more. I am really good at sensing the guilt trips because I used to pull them too! He pulled the 'I can't even eat' and then went through his phone..'here's the first flowers I bought you...here we are on this one trip...'. I just sat quietly with him and let him do his thing. I sincerely do want him to heal.

    oh god... he is melodrama central. I'm glad you can see that he is trying to guilt trip you.

    Since he has support coming (seriously? after only 7 months?... he must have serious baby rabies. i've heard that guys who are 'ready' go a bit nuts)...... erm, tangent, restart. Since he has support coming, I'd possibly chime in at the beginning of his next counselling session with 'am I doing more harm than good in being here?' or something in that vein.

    Because you do need to consider your own healing. x
  • jenaissance
    jenaissance Posts: 302 Member
    we'd been together (and lived together) 3 years when we got married. There was no proposal and no prior discussion of marriage in all that time. But then I got pregnant and that night we planned our life. I don't regret a thing, I've loved him from early on. It's been 8 years and 3 kids now and we're doing better than ever.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    He definitely does. I agreed to one more, but after that I don't want to go to any more. I am really good at sensing the guilt trips because I used to pull them too! He pulled the 'I can't even eat' and then went through his phone..'here's the first flowers I bought you...here we are on this one trip...'. I just sat quietly with him and let him do his thing. I sincerely do want him to heal.

    oh god... he is melodrama central. I'm glad you can see that he is trying to guilt trip you.

    Since he has support coming (seriously? after only 7 months?... he must have serious baby rabies. i've heard that guys who are 'ready' go a bit nuts)...... erm, tangent, restart. Since he has support coming, I'd possibly chime in at the beginning of his next counselling session with 'am I doing more harm than good in being here?' or something in that vein.

    Because you do need to consider your own healing. x

    That's a great idea. I have already told him multiple times that we are not getting back together and we can't spend time together now. And yea, he was definitely ready. He has co-dependency issues (obv!) and he feels that he really needs someone to be happy.
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
    Thank you EVERYONE! I received such kind, thoughtful advice. You all are so wonderful. :smooched:

    Last night I ended the relationship. He was really upset and tried tactics to get me to change my mind (begging, crying, asking me to hook him up with one of my friends, deleting all our FB pictures and de-friending me...lol). But his emotional immaturity just solidified my decision.

    This morning I went to a counseling session with him, but I made it VERY clear that my decision has been made and these counseling sessions are to help him gain closure. They're actually nice for me too...I mean how many times do you get counseling through a breakup?

    This weekend his parents are coming down to help him move. He also needs his mom to come down and support him...which is a little odd at 27 years old, IMO. When my parents divorced, they were only 24 and my mom took me from my dad, and he handled it on his own.

    I know I made the right decision. I feel sad for hurting him, but I am hopeful he will learn and grow from this like I did from my painful breakups.

    The best way for him to heal is probably cutting him off completely, don't try to be friends or anything or he might always think there may be some hope. He'll heal and hopefully learn he can't force love.
  • SusanLovesToEat
    SusanLovesToEat Posts: 213 Member
    Thank you EVERYONE! I received such kind, thoughtful advice. You all are so wonderful. :smooched:

    Last night I ended the relationship. He was really upset and tried tactics to get me to change my mind (begging, crying, asking me to hook him up with one of my friends, deleting all our FB pictures and de-friending me...lol). But his emotional immaturity just solidified my decision.

    This morning I went to a counseling session with him, but I made it VERY clear that my decision has been made and these counseling sessions are to help him gain closure. They're actually nice for me too...I mean how many times do you get counseling through a breakup?

    This weekend his parents are coming down to help him move. He also needs his mom to come down and support him...which is a little odd at 27 years old, IMO. When my parents divorced, they were only 24 and my mom took me from my dad, and he handled it on his own.

    I know I made the right decision. I feel sad for hurting him, but I am hopeful he will learn and grow from this like I did from my painful breakups.

    Congratulations on making what was clearly a very hard decision! You may feel a bit bad and guilty for a time but this will lessen. If he continues to act out you may have to make thit clear through other that this is unacceptable and you would prefer he not contact you again.
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