Stay at home parents- (kind of long)
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I think it depends on the mother...Me, even if I could stay at home financially..Mentally I couldn't handle it I tried and after 3 months of just taking care of kids housework shopping and cleaning I was insane, depressed and so moody my husband couldn't stand me. I need to be working.
My mom still stays at home, she watches the kids for me while I work. I just feel trapped and stir crazy so what ever is best for mom is best for the family
Yay for this post!0 -
There should be a group for SAHParents. I see a couple for
Mom's, one for Dads. (which only has one member) Why can't
there be one for both?
i'm down for it. are you volunteering to start it? lol
I wouldn't know where to begin!
lol suurrrreeeeeee 0 -
I'm not a parent, so I can't comment on that part, but my mom is a stay at home mom. I'm in college now, but my mom is there for my younger sister. My mom worked up until she had me, and she tried to go back to work after I was born, but after a few weeks back she quit because she didn't want to be away from me and have to put me in daycare or leave me with a sitter and have someone else raise her child.
I'm so glad she was a stay at home mom. I have a lot of really good memories of growing up, made possible because she stayed at home. When I was little, she was always there to take me to my piano lessons and friend's houses, she took me to the library at least once a week, she took me to museums and the zoo or did crafts with me. We didn't go on vacations or have super nice cars, but I always knew my mom would be there for me if I had a bad day or if I needed to go to one of my many after-school activities.
Both of my best friend's parents work, not out of necessity, but my best friend grew up with a nanny every day after school, and then as she got older she would be by herself when she got home. Her parents are really good parents, but there have been a number of times where she mentioned to me that she wished she had a relationship with her mom the way I do with mine.
My mom's not my "friend" (the "cool mom" in Mean Girls, anyone?) or any of those shenanigans, but I feel like I have a better connection with her than other people I know have with their parents who worked. I really appreciate all that she did and still does for me and for my sister. It was nice never having to be the person whose parents are late because they're still at work, or having to try and find a ride home with someone, or coming home to a sitter or an empty house. I feel like I can talk to her about way more stuff than my best friend can talk about with her mom because I'm a lot closer to my mom.
My parents chose for my mom to stay at home, because it's what they thought was best. My mom really wanted to stay with me. I understand that some people would probably feel "trapped" or something like that, and it's really dependent on your personality and your situation. I just know that I was very lucky to have a SAHM 0 -
There should be a group for SAHParents. I see a couple for
Mom's, one for Dads. (which only has one member) Why can't
there be one for both?
i'm down for it. are you volunteering to start it? lol
I wouldn't know where to begin!
lol suurrrreeeeeee
It says I need to find 3 people to create this group.
Anyone else in? 0 -
Also, why does a woman have to feel that their knowledge and intellect is being wasted at home? SAHM are the CFO, CTO and COO rolled into one.
I am a manager at work and all of those things at home!0 -
I feel like such a weirdo here! Am I the only woman alive who has zero interest in being a stay at home mom???
Not the only, but always in the minority!!
As almost everyone else has said, it's a personal choice that only your family can make. Everyone comes from a different set of beliefs. My mom was both a stay at home and a work out of home mom, and I didn't suffer for either. Obviously, you'll hear 'bad' stories from both sides. There are working moms who don't care and can't (or don't want to) juggle everything and let their families suffer instead of their careers, and there are stay at home moms who sit home, play on facebook and ignore their kids and households all day.
I'm a full time working mama and have been since my little man was 2 months old. My hubs does make enough that I could stay home, but personally, I like contributing to our household income. I like the idea that if my marriage ever went sour (and I don't think it will happen, but always plan for a storm, right?), I could support myself and my child. I wouldn't have to scramble and struggle to make it through, financially anyway. We also think that it's important that our son (and any future children) have a good work ethic, and we lead by example. Also, I'm one of the lucky ones who really does love their career.
[Now, I don't want to get flamed, so please remember, this is in no way saying that the child of a family with a sahp won't have a good work ethic or whatever, it's just how we feel for our family.]
A lot of moms faced with this decision worry about missing the firsts, I was one of them! The first time I see it though, is always going to be his first for me. For all I know, he could have pulled himself up in his crib and and perfected his little strut while I was asleep before he decided to show off those new moves.
The other issue that weighs in heavy is the "someone else raising our kids" bit. Well, I just don't believe it, and never have. This didn't even cross my mind when deciding whether to stay home or go back to work. My husband and I raise our son. End of story. The daycare provider (when he was in daycare) watches him. She feeds him, plays with him, changes his diapers, etc. She isn't teaching him his morals, values and beliefs. We do that at home. She isn't teaching him his letters and numbers and whatever else. We teach him at home, and when he's there she is reinforcing what we've already taught. So again, just my opinion, but those are the things that matter (to us), not who is changing his 10 o'clock diaper.
I'm not sure who said earlier that you can't work and "be there" for your child, but I'd like to point out that this statement is 100% false. I'm very much there for my son, and so is my husband who also works outside the home. I can't imagine a sahm telling her husband that because he works he isn't there for his kids. Sure, it's tough to work all day, make sure a good, healthy dinner is on the table every day, workout every day and find time to still be the Robin to my son's Batman while he's playing every day, but it's certainly doable. It just depends on how dedicated you are to making it work.0 -
I worked full time until my oldest ( who is now almost 7) was 10 months then I went down to 30 hours per wk sometimes filling in for vacations for 5 different people so basically still 40 hours per wk. When she was about to start 4k I went down to 25 hours per wk and switched jobs. My husband stated working out of town in the summer only home on the weekends when she was in kindergarten and I switched jobs again and worked 10-15 hours per wk. I soon become pregnant with baby #2 when oldest was 5. I quit work at 7 1/2 months pregnant as physically exhausting it was ( I worked in a daycare at that point) and my belly was severely large! I now stay at home and love it! My husband makes more now then when we both worked fulltime so it works out good plus daycare is WAY too expensive! We have always shared money so I feel no guilt spending the hard earned cash for our family! I have a very important job and he could never do what I do. Staying at home sometimes is exhausting....work would be a great escape but I get to volunteer at my daughter's school and go on field trips......stay at home when she is sick without getting the wrath of my old boss, who would say I needed a backup plan for a sick kid.......watch my baby grow and explore.I missed out on my oldest on alot of her "firsts" being at work. Staying at home isnt for everyone but it would not pay if I worked at the cost of daycare.....0
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you can't really look at it like depending on him, cause you will be working and that means that you deserve payment for that work, and unlike your hubby you wont be able to clock out, you all should come up with a plan of how much "free" money you each can have and spend a month, it should be non nogotionable,
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I'm a stay at home dad. When our oldest was born, 10 years ago, I started working part time. When our twins were born 7 years ago, I stayed at home. Saved us tons of money. I've been a SAHD ever since.
It is without a doubt the loneliest, toughest, saddest, most disrespected job I've ever held. Ever. My beautiful, amazing wife toward whom I fall in love again every day works hellishly long hours, and almost always comes home in a foul mood. No matter what I get done around the house, all she sees when she gets home is what WASN'T done, or what got done and then messed up again once the kids got home. There's no pay. There's no reward. There's no appreciation. There's no acknowledgement. There's no understanding. And there's no break from it. When your'e a stay at home parent, it's 24/7. Your spouse comes home from his/her job. You're ALREADY AT yours. I cannot count the days when I'll feel like everything's spotless by noon, only to stare straight at total destruction by bedtime. It's a constant battle against "Why Bother?..."
With that said? I'd never change any of it. Oh sure, there have been some times here or there where my wife and/or I could have handled things better, but isn't that a part of Life? I would do it all again, if faced with the same decisions. And I would do it again with even more vim and vigor.
Sacrifice is what you make of it. And for me, the true sacrifice would be "going back to work" when I could be raising my family instead. What a loss that would be...0 -
you can't really look at it like depending on him, cause you will be working and that means that you deserve payment for that work, and unlike your hubby you wont be able to clock out, you all should come up with a plan of how much "free" money you each can have and spend a month, it should be non nogotionable,
This is similar to what my husband said when I brought up the question. We agreed that we would be depending on each other for different, but equally important things. I think I a plan is a good idea though as far as spending Thanks for your response. 0 -
I'm a stay at home dad. When our oldest was born, 10 years ago, I started working part time. When our twins were born 7 years ago, I stayed at home. Saved us tons of money. I've been a SAHD ever since.
It is without a doubt the loneliest, toughest, saddest, most disrespected job I've ever held. Ever. My beautiful, amazing wife toward whom I fall in love again every day works hellishly long hours, and almost always comes home in a foul mood. No matter what I get done around the house, all she sees when she gets home is what WASN'T done, or what got done and then messed up again once the kids got home. There's no pay. There's no reward. There's no appreciation. There's no acknowledgement. There's no understanding. And there's no break from it. When your'e a stay at home parent, it's 24/7. Your spouse comes home from his/her job. You're ALREADY AT yours. I cannot count the days when I'll feel like everything's spotless by noon, only to stare straight at total destruction by bedtime. It's a constant battle against "Why Bother?..."
With that said? I'd never change any of it. Oh sure, there have been some times here or there where my wife and/or I could have handled things better, but isn't that a part of Life? I would do it all again, if faced with the same decisions. And I would do it again with even more vim and vigor.
Sacrifice is what you make of it. And for me, the true sacrifice would be "going back to work" when I could be raising my family instead. What a loss that would be...
Thank you. A great response. I am happy to hear you would do it the same if faced with the decision again. Surely, your wife appreciates all that you do.0 -
I feel like such a weirdo here! Am I the only woman alive who has zero interest in being a stay at home mom???
Not the only, but always in the minority!!
As almost everyone else has said, it's a personal choice that only your family can make. Everyone comes from a different set of beliefs. My mom was both a stay at home and a work out of home mom, and I didn't suffer for either. Obviously, you'll hear 'bad' stories from both sides. There are working moms who don't care and can't (or don't want to) juggle everything and let their families suffer instead of their careers, and there are stay at home moms who sit home, play on facebook and ignore their kids and households all day.
I'm a full time working mama and have been since my little man was 2 months old. My hubs does make enough that I could stay home, but personally, I like contributing to our household income. I like the idea that if my marriage ever went sour (and I don't think it will happen, but always plan for a storm, right?), I could support myself and my child. I wouldn't have to scramble and struggle to make it through, financially anyway. We also think that it's important that our son (and any future children) have a good work ethic, and we lead by example. Also, I'm one of the lucky ones who really does love their career.
[Now, I don't want to get flamed, so please remember, this is in no way saying that the child of a family with a sahp won't have a good work ethic or whatever, it's just how we feel for our family.]
A lot of moms faced with this decision worry about missing the firsts, I was one of them! The first time I see it though, is always going to be his first for me. For all I know, he could have pulled himself up in his crib and and perfected his little strut while I was asleep before he decided to show off those new moves. The other issue that weighs in heavy is the "someone else raising our kids" bit. Well, I just don't believe it, and never have. This didn't even cross my mind when deciding whether to stay home or go back to work. My husband and I raise our son. End of story. The daycare provider (when he was in daycare) watches him. She feeds him, plays with him, changes his diapers, etc. She isn't teaching him his morals, values and beliefs. We do that at home. She isn't teaching him his letters and numbers and whatever else. We teach him at home, and when he's there she is reinforcing what we've already taught. So again, just my opinion, but those are the things that matter (to us), not who is changing his 10 o'clock diaper.
I'm not sure who said earlier that you can't work and "be there" for your child, but I'd like to point out that this statement is 100% false. I'm very much there for my son, and so is my husband who also works outside the home. I can't imagine a sahm telling her husband that because he works he isn't there for his kids. Sure, it's tough to work all day, make sure a good, healthy dinner is on the table every day, workout every day and find time to still be the Robin to my son's Batman while he's playing every day, but it's certainly doable. It just depends on how dedicated you are to making it work.
You make valid points (and will get no flaming from me). I also agree that we as parents raise our own children even if they are in daycare. We enrolled our son in pre-school at the age of 2. I would have preferred part-time but my work hours meant he had full days 8:30-5:00. Of course I missed him but I never felt like I was doing him wrong or not being there for him because I worked.
As you touched on, you and your husband choose to teach work-ethic by both having careers. My parents both had careers and I appreciate and think I have inherited their work ethic. In our situation it is likely that my husbands work demands will mean him missing a lot of family time and I feel one of us needs to be available. I know it is possible to do both, I do it now. Our thinking is if my husband will make more than enough to support our family, I should have a career only if it is my passion and I can't see myself without it. In our case it seems more important that I will be there to help with homework, dinner, extra-curricular etc without the added stress of a career when my husband most often wont be around for a lot of that stuff. If we were both going to work simple 9-5's, I don't think I would even consider staying home. If he decides to be an Obstetrician, he will be on call all the time!
I appreciate your response, I love that you are the Robin to his Batman 0 -
I'm not a parent, so I can't comment on that part, but my mom is a stay at home mom. I'm in college now, but my mom is there for my younger sister. My mom worked up until she had me, and she tried to go back to work after I was born, but after a few weeks back she quit because she didn't want to be away from me and have to put me in daycare or leave me with a sitter and have someone else raise her child.
I'm so glad she was a stay at home mom. I have a lot of really good memories of growing up, made possible because she stayed at home. When I was little, she was always there to take me to my piano lessons and friend's houses, she took me to the library at least once a week, she took me to museums and the zoo or did crafts with me. We didn't go on vacations or have super nice cars, but I always knew my mom would be there for me if I had a bad day or if I needed to go to one of my many after-school activities.
Both of my best friend's parents work, not out of necessity, but my best friend grew up with a nanny every day after school, and then as she got older she would be by herself when she got home. Her parents are really good parents, but there have been a number of times where she mentioned to me that she wished she had a relationship with her mom the way I do with mine.
My mom's not my "friend" (the "cool mom" in Mean Girls, anyone?) or any of those shenanigans, but I feel like I have a better connection with her than other people I know have with their parents who worked. I really appreciate all that she did and still does for me and for my sister. It was nice never having to be the person whose parents are late because they're still at work, or having to try and find a ride home with someone, or coming home to a sitter or an empty house. I feel like I can talk to her about way more stuff than my best friend can talk about with her mom because I'm a lot closer to my mom.
My parents chose for my mom to stay at home, because it's what they thought was best. My mom really wanted to stay with me. I understand that some people would probably feel "trapped" or something like that, and it's really dependent on your personality and your situation. I just know that I was very lucky to have a SAHM
I love that you chimed in as the child of a SAHM. How nice that you appreciate her they way that you do. I would love to be able to pick up my son after school when he had a bad day. I also do feel like we would have a closer relationship if I were there for him. The reality is that there are very few jobs with hours that match school days, my parents were always home hours after we were. Thanks for your response, very sweet 0 -
It is without a doubt the loneliest, toughest, saddest, most disrespected job I've ever held. Ever. My beautiful, amazing wife toward whom I fall in love again every day works hellishly long hours, and almost always comes home in a foul mood. No matter what I get done around the house, all she sees when she gets home is what WASN'T done, or what got done and then messed up again once the kids got home. There's no pay. There's no reward. There's no appreciation. There's no acknowledgement. There's no understanding. And there's no break from it. When your'e a stay at home parent, it's 24/7. Your spouse comes home from his/her job. You're ALREADY AT yours. I cannot count the days when I'll feel like everything's spotless by noon, only to stare straight at total destruction by bedtime. It's a constant battle against "Why Bother?..."
With that said? I'd never change any of it. Oh sure, there have been some times here or there where my wife and/or I could have handled things better, but isn't that a part of Life? I would do it all again, if faced with the same decisions. And I would do it again with even more vim and vigor.
Sacrifice is what you make of it. And for me, the true sacrifice would be "going back to work" when I could be raising my family instead. What a loss that would be...
^ This!0 -
Bumpin'0
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what ever is best for mom is best for the family
What an interesting idea. We function as a unit in my household. Whatever is best for the family is best for the family.
Most definitely. I thought being a mom was about putting others first-maybe not obsessively, but for the most part.
What I meant by saying this was that if mom is so depressed and down b/c she feels stuck and trapped even if some people think its best she stay home..How is seeing mommy crying in all the time or never smiling or to exhausted from depression to get out of bed good for well her first of all, the kids or anyone....
Women are made to feel so guilty if they want a life out side of their family once they have them and the sad part is it is usually b/c of other women.0 -
Also, why does a woman have to feel that their knowledge and intellect is being wasted at home? SAHM are the CFO, CTO and COO rolled into one.
I am a manager at work and all of those things at home!
I heard on the news the other day that if stay at home moms were paid, based on a 95 hour work week, they would be paid $114,000 a year! I would like to multiply that by 24! Woo hoo!0 -
There is no more important job in life than that of being a parent. When you look at gravestones they dont say "Beloved Manager/Doctor/Lawyer"
:ohwell:0 -
what ever is best for mom is best for the family
What an interesting idea. We function as a unit in my household. Whatever is best for the family is best for the family.
Most definitely. I thought being a mom was about putting others first-maybe not obsessively, but for the most part.
What I meant by saying this was that if mom is so depressed and down b/c she feels stuck and trapped even if some people think its best she stay home..How is seeing mommy crying in all the time or never smiling or to exhausted from depression to get out of bed good for well her first of all, the kids or anyone....
Women are made to feel so guilty if they want a life out side of their family once they have them and the sad part is it is usually b/c of other women.
While I was kind of taken aback at your first post, because I wasn't sure how it was meant, I agree with you so much on this:
"Women are made to feel so guilty if they want a life out side of their family once they have them and the sad part is it is usually b/c of other women."
We are so hard on each other...bashing each other for the silliest things...it makes me sad to think about how women treat each other. I don't know if it's something we've always done, or if it is more rampant nowadays, but it can be downright discouraging. /OT0 -
To people suggesting a career in school teaching for the "short hours" - I don't know of any teacher who actually finishes work at 3.30pm when the children go home. The ones who also have their own children end up having to do their after hours when the kids are asleep, or they stay late at school to work.
Also, why is it that when people discuss the finances of daycare, shouldn't the cost of daycare be "shared" by both working parents? It's not as if parent 1 earns £3000, and parent 2 earns £1000 and the £900 daycare cost has to be paid out of parent 2's income so therefore she/he "only" earns £100 and so it's not "worth it". Surely you would think OK from an income of £4000 we pay £900 for daycare, so we are still getting £3100 TOGETHER, and it is "worth it" to not have the one parent missing years out of the work force and the subsequent detriment to their future career.0 -
what ever is best for mom is best for the family
What an interesting idea. We function as a unit in my household. Whatever is best for the family is best for the family.
Most definitely. I thought being a mom was about putting others first-maybe not obsessively, but for the most part.
What I meant by saying this was that if mom is so depressed and down b/c she feels stuck and trapped even if some people think its best she stay home..How is seeing mommy crying in all the time or never smiling or to exhausted from depression to get out of bed good for well her first of all, the kids or anyone....
Women are made to feel so guilty if they want a life out side of their family once they have them and the sad part is it is usually b/c of other women.
While I was kind of taken aback at your first post, because I wasn't sure how it was meant, I agree with you so much on this:
"Women are made to feel so guilty if they want a life out side of their family once they have them and the sad part is it is usually b/c of other women."
We are so hard on each other...bashing each other for the silliest things...it makes me sad to think about how women treat each other. I don't know if it's something we've always done, or if it is more rampant nowadays, but it can be downright discouraging. /OT
SO TRUE.
I have been made to feel like this monster who hates my kid by other women because I would rather work outside the home than be a SAHM. I come from a long line of women who work. My mother worked, my grandmother worked (she left home at 18 and took the train from a small TX town to Los Angeles, got a job downtown, and lived there while my grandfather was in the Navy. At 80 years old, she is just now retiring for the 2nd time....she kept working after her first retirement because she said "well, what else am I gonna do all day?"). I just never really felt like staying home was for me.
Yes, I work full time. My career is kick *kitten*. And know what? I'm still the one who wakes my sweet boy up in the mornings and takes him to school. I'm the one who takes him to t-ball games and practice (have never missed one!), I bake cookies with him, read him stories every night, take him to church on Sundays, have a healthy dinner on the table at night, etc. I do ALL those things, not a nanny, not a daycare provider, I do them. I am very fortunate to have such a generous employer that doesn't mind if I have to take off early to get him to t-ball, or if I have to leave because he's sick at school or something. I save up vacation days to spend a few days with him at Christmas and to take him to the beach every summer. That's what my parents did for me (they both worked) and I have zero memory of them ever being "absent" in any way. I've also got a college fund set up for him, retirement, excellent health coverage, and short term disability benefits that will enable me to take off work for 3 months (fully paid) should I decide to have another child in the future. I just wish women from BOTH sides would realize that your way/my way is not better, it's just different.0 -
I was a SAHM for 18 years. I never regretted the level of care and devotion I gave to our daughter It also allowed me to volunteer in our community a lot and helped my mom after my dad died. We made some financial sacrifices in order to be able to manage it,
I would say, do what is best for your child and YOU. If working energizes you and gives you more esteem.. by all means, find excellent child care and go for it. If you feel like your child will do best with you or hubby at home and both of you can handle the impact of that on your life.. then, that's the thing to do. Sadly, 50% of marriages end in divorce.. if that were to happen, would you be able to step back into your career and provide for yourself and your child? lots to think about.
There were some disadvantages in my case. We certainly didn't live the lifestyle of those families with two incomes, and, at times, my daughter resented that (especially in the teen years). She even admitted there were times she was ashamed of me because I 'didn't have a career like all the other moms' That was quite a slap in the face when we made the choice with her best interests in mind. There were some folks who looked down on me (for some reason this decision, plus the fact that I 'didn't work' plus being overweight seemed to give people the right to think I was stupid and lazy - neither is true - I am well educated and very active)
Some teachers who became aware of our choice judged us , and even though I was no more involved in school activities etc. would accuse me of being 'over-protective' of my child.
If anyone asked what I did and I said I was a SAHM, I'd often get the comment "must me NICE to sit at home all day" like they resented me, and they couldn't picture all the things I did. Many had the same choice (some didn't.. I have a tender heart and deeply admire those who raise children on their own,and truly ache for two parents who both need to work to provide for the needs of their family.
All the best, whatever path you choose.0 -
To people suggesting a career in school teaching for the "short hours" - I don't know of any teacher who actually finishes work at 3.30pm when the children go home. The ones who also have their own children end up having to do their after hours when the kids are asleep, or they stay late at school to work.
Also, why is it that when people discuss the finances of daycare, shouldn't the cost of daycare be "shared" by both working parents? It's not as if parent 1 earns £3000, and parent 2 earns £1000 and the £900 daycare cost has to be paid out of parent 2's income so therefore she/he "only" earns £100 and so it's not "worth it". Surely you would think OK from an income of £4000 we pay £900 for daycare, so we are still getting £3100 TOGETHER, and it is "worth it" to not have the one parent missing years out of the work force and the subsequent detriment to their future career.
I see what your saying. I do know that teachers work long hours, much longer than the school day. But, in most cases they can leave at the end of the school and pick their children up (if they are a parent), they have the same breaks and most of the summer off if they choose. For me, I would rather do some work at home and be able to pick my child up, be home with plenty of time to make dinner, help with homework and do some work in the evening as opposed to being in the office until 5 or 6 and never having the summer off. My point was that in my opinion, there is no job that will closer match a child's school hours.
And certainly the cost of daycare is shared. I think the point some are making is that maybe they would rather stay home and if one persons income is only slightly over the cost of daycare, by the time they pay for daycare, gas or other work expenses, they could stay home with their child and still have the same amount of income coming in. Hypothetically, if one makes $60,000 and one makes $20,000 and day care costs $18,000 a year, once you add in gas and expense you are working to send your kid to daycare. If you work, after daycare expenses you have a household income of $60,000. If you don't work, you have a household income of $60,000. In which case, if you prefer to stay home, you should.
And I agree, it can be burdening to a career to take some time off to be a stay at home parent. Like anything else, it's a trade off. For some people it is worth it, for some it is not. I do not believe there is a right or wrong answer. I know happy successful people who have grown up in all different types of homes. To each his own.
Thanks for your response 0 -
Go with your heart and gut. We (my sisters and I) always wished that our mama could have stayed home with us, but both of our parents worked full time. I am a nurse and work 2 12-hour shifts a week, and that's more than enough for me (our kids are 2 and 4).
You could always return to work when they're a little bit older.0 -
I am a SAHM and will be until my youngest hits Kindergarten. My husband and I agreed that this was best for our family. There are times that we wixh we had a second income, but I think our kids are benefitting from having a parent home. I don't think that not having a stay at home parent will hurt a child however. There are many great kids out there who went to day care. Having a strong relationship with your children no matter how often you are with them is the key. Being a SAHM has to be right for you and your family so just consider it carefully with your husband or maybe try it out for a while before making the full on commitment.0
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I was a SAHM for 18 years. I never regretted the level of care and devotion I gave to our daughter It also allowed me to volunteer in our community a lot and helped my mom after my dad died. We made some financial sacrifices in order to be able to manage it,
I would say, do what is best for your child and YOU. If working energizes you and gives you more esteem.. by all means, find excellent child care and go for it. If you feel like your child will do best with you or hubby at home and both of you can handle the impact of that on your life.. then, that's the thing to do. Sadly, 50% of marriages end in divorce.. if that were to happen, would you be able to step back into your career and provide for yourself and your child? lots to think about.
There were some disadvantages in my case. We certainly didn't live the lifestyle of those families with two incomes, and, at times, my daughter resented that (especially in the teen years). She even admitted there were times she was ashamed of me because I 'didn't have a career like all the other moms' That was quite a slap in the face when we made the choice with her best interests in mind. There were some folks who looked down on me (for some reason this decision, plus the fact that I 'didn't work' plus being overweight seemed to give people the right to think I was stupid and lazy - neither is true - I am well educated and very active)
Some teachers who became aware of our choice judged us , and even though I was no more involved in school activities etc. would accuse me of being 'over-protective' of my child.
If anyone asked what I did and I said I was a SAHM, I'd often get the comment "must me NICE to sit at home all day" like they resented me, and they couldn't picture all the things I did. Many had the same choice (some didn't.. I have a tender heart and deeply admire those who raise children on their own,and truly ache for two parents who both need to work to provide for the needs of their family.
All the best, whatever path you choose.
Thanks for your response. I am sorry you faced so much false judgement as a stay at home mom. It's very unfair how we judge people in our society. You do make a good point, anything can happen. I have worked since I was 15 (I am 30 now) and will be working at least the next 2 years (maybe 5) before we make this decision. I have a college education and a strong family network. If something were to happen to my husband or my marriage, I believe I am strong enough to make it out okay on the other side. Certainly, I don't see that happening but I am sure most don't see it happening! I am happy to see that you have no regrets, it feels great to know you made the right choice huh?0 -
I am a SAHM and will be until my youngest hits Kindergarten. My husband and I agreed that this was best for our family. There are times that we wixh we had a second income, but I think our kids are benefitting from having a parent home. I don't think that not having a stay at home parent will hurt a child however. There are many great kids out there who went to day care. Having a strong relationship with your children no matter how often you are with them is the key. Being a SAHM has to be right for you and your family so just consider it carefully with your husband or maybe try it out for a while before making the full on commitment.
I couldn't agree more. Happy, healthy children come from all types of homes. I work now and my husband has very long school hours. Our son has been in school since he was 2 and I think he is doing just fine. I do know that my husband wants me to do whatever will make me happy so if I decide to stay working or stay home, even though we discuss together, will ultimately be up to me. Thanks for your response. 0 -
We make some big sacrifices (no new cars, can't eat out as often, live in a less expensive area, etc), but it is SO worth me being able to stay home. I never thought I would be able to (damn student loans!!), but my husband has a great job that allows me to be able to stay home with my daughter. I don't feel as if I'm wasting my degree at all - I worked and put it to use, and I will again when my child (or children) goes to school.
I love being able to see the milestones and watch her grow. I love being able to bond with her all day. I am most definitely NOT saying working parents don't bond with their kids...it was just my reality growing up. My mom worked full time, which in and of itself isn't a problem, but when she was home she spent her whole day cleaning or talking on the phone or visiting with friends. I didn't have a mother who read to me or played with me, so we really are not close at all. For me, staying home with my daughter ensures that I will have the relationship with her that I wanted with MY mother. Staying home allows me to get the chores done during naps and play when she is awake.
That being said, sometimes it is a bit isolating. I joined two moms groups and that DEFINITELY helps! I would highly recommend finding one in your area if you decide you do want to stay home.0 -
I am a stay at home Mum. I see this as a gift and I try to make the most of it. I stay with the children because our school system here means they don't start school until 5 years old and even then it is only for 4 mornings a week. Since we have 4 small children under 5 years old we cannot afford private childcare. When they go into full time school I will go back to work.
I studied Law at the London College of Law and worked as a lawyer for a big firm before I moved to Switzerland. I can't practice here as I would need to re-qualify in the Swiss system and there is not so much criminal law here.
I enjoy staying with the children but also appreciate that its not all about wiping snotty noses or doing hours of play dough.
Parents who are out securing a financial stronghold for their childs future are not playing less of a role as a parent, just a different one. Same as parents who stay at home are still contributing and acheiving, just differently (oh but how I wish I got a pay rise for every stinky diaper I changed in the last 3 years!)0 -
IMO-
I like being a stay at home mom, and I love my children dearly. I also love to work. My degree will be finished by the end of the year if I stay on track- and I wll be going to work. I don't have to work, but I want to. I like it. Also, there is never a question of finances because my husband and I believe we work as "one". I'm lucky to be able to stay home and finish my degree, and be there for my children. However, I also want them to have time outside of "mommy time", where they can interact with others.
If you're staying at home, why not get your masters? You may need it later on, and if you have the time, I would.0
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