People who complain they're fat but do nothing about it

GeneveSparkles
GeneveSparkles Posts: 283 Member
in Chit-Chat
In the gym locker room the other day this girl was complaining that the scale “loves to hate” her (she’s only lost 4 lbs since January). Being the helpful person I am I asked her if she was watching her calories, she said no. I told her I’ve lost almost 15 lbs in since Jan. by exercising AND counting cals and that it was hard but worth it. She basically told me she has no desire to change her eating habits and that she hates vegetables. I told her there were so many veggies out there and so many ways to cook them, but she wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t push the issue any further because if people don’t want to change they won’t. But why complain about something you have the ability to change but aren’t doing anything about it. It’s very frustrating to me. No matter what weight I’ve been at I’ve never complained about my weight because I’ve always known it’s my responsibility to do something about it. How does everyone else feel about people we complain about their weight but take no initiative or responsibility for it?
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Replies

  • fitby38
    fitby38 Posts: 307 Member
    i dont know why it would frustrate you ... she complained ... you offered your two cents ... she wasnt interested ... move on ... you cant force anything on anyone
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I ignore them.

    Simple really...
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
    I've met a lot of people like that. It's their life, and there's not anything anyone else can do to change anything. Only THEY can.

    Live by example and move on.
  • HealthyBodySickMind
    HealthyBodySickMind Posts: 1,207 Member
    I would say in a generic situation like the one you mentioned, she was just looking for sympathy. The best you can do in that situation is basically what you did, give her an idea of how to get where she wants to be, and if she doesn't want to hear it, maybe a sympathetic nod, and "you'll get there when you're ready for it."

    In that situation, I would probably get the, "you're just lucky" comment. And I will just smile and nod because that is what she's looking for even though I know it's not luck that gives me my shape, but daily choices to be active and physical. Some people are not ready to hear that from where they are, though. It's not my job or yours to change their whole mindset.
  • rgrange
    rgrange Posts: 236 Member
    But I can't work on my weight, it's my genetics! Working for something is hard so I'm not going to try
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    That's the classic situation - as a guy I've experienced it a million times with girls. What's one of the major rules - when a girl complains she doesn't want you to tell her how to fix her problem, she just wants to ***** about it.

    Sounds like you offered enough advice to be helpful but not push it. After that it's on her. Some people like to be unhappy about something.
  • WhitneyAnnabelle
    WhitneyAnnabelle Posts: 724 Member
    I have friends like this. They all need to lose significant amounts of weight, but will not go to the gym without a partner (which they rarely have) and will not eat vegetables. They all ask me for advice, but it's hard to give advice that someone won't follow.

    Edit: I shouldn't say 'need.' They WANT to lose the weight
  • LolaVersion2
    LolaVersion2 Posts: 114 Member
    Sounds like she is a classic crash dieter who wants quick results without any effort. pfft.
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    I am so annoyed with people like that. They don't understand that no matter what you do at the gym, it's only about 20% towards your goal. You have to eat right too, that's the main way to your goal. Diet and exercise have to work together!
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Pisses me off!

    Perfect example is my mother... EVERY day she complains she isn't losing weight. Is she calorie counting? No. Is she exercising? No. What does she eat every day? Red rooster and maccas. I have explained to her about good, healthy nutrition but still even though I've gone from a size 20 to a 12 in a year apparently how I'm doing it is wrong and cheese and eggs are bad for you and are the sole reason you gain weight. :grumble: Right,
  • jesta99
    jesta99 Posts: 1
    When the time comes - that lady in the locker room will either do what she needs to do (and not be vocal about it) or just continue to be vocal and achieve nothing, its up to her, its very kind of you to offer her advice :)
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    My family always complained to me how I had a 'naturally high metabolism'. I exercised every day, I was a dancer, I ate better. They drank several glasses of pop a day, had large meals smothered in bad things that would impress truckers , and always ended up having snacks that equaled meals at night, with no exercise.
  • kak2m4
    kak2m4 Posts: 167 Member
    I complained about it for the longest time and just couldn't get up the motivation to do anything about it. It may take her awhile - sometimes it has to "click" first.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Generally I'd say they were just just complaining, but like you said, she was in a gym. So she's not really "doing nothing about it". She's trying but not having much success. Hopefully she figures out something that works for her.

    Now when someone is on the couch with Dorito dust covering their face.. THEY'RE not doing anything about it!
  • TopazCarey
    TopazCarey Posts: 263
    Um...that used to be me. I used to always complain about my weight and always say "I've tried everything and nothing works" (while eating crazily and barely exercising). Eventually I had to do it the right way. If it's important to her, she'll get it together.
  • HealthyBodySickMind
    HealthyBodySickMind Posts: 1,207 Member
    Sounds like you offered enough advice to be helpful but not push it. After that it's on her. Some people like to be unhappy about something.

    It seems like every time I see you post something, I disagree. But that's fine, diversity is a good thing. I actually like having people around I disagree with because it starts an internal dialogue for me on why I disagree with what they are saying. From a philosophical standpoint, people I disagree with are essential to my life.

    Although, I feel like I don't agree with you on much, here on the boards, haha, I'll back this up. There are people in this world who are just not happy unless they have something complain about. "I'm only happy when it rains..."
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    She isn't doing nothing about it. She is at the gym. That is at least a start. Everyone has to figure out their own way to get to their goal. Something has to click for her - not you - to get her to do the rest of the things she needs to do to lose the weight she wants to lose. At least she is up and moving at the gym. That is a heck of a lot better than a lot of people that complain about their weight.
  • kurenaikumo
    kurenaikumo Posts: 271 Member
    Shoot, I was mooing at myself in the mirror! I knew it was time to do something, ANYTHING! They obviously really don't give too many craps about it if they're not even willing to try. Sympathy seeking and pure laziness. My favorite excuse is "I have bad X joints" B Plz,. Sure you maybe can't do some certain exercises, but you can get up off that couch and walk, or at the very least, eat healthy foods in moderate portions. There's actually less stress and pain on X joint as you get towards a healthy weight for your height. Ask the hundreds of others on this site with health issues and bum joints that are doing great here!
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
    I used to be just like that. I was lazy and I didn't want to change but I wanted the weight to disappear. Eventually, I realized that was a really silly thing to expect, then I joined MFP. People need to realize that weight-loss is not magic. Unfortunately, everyone needs to realize that on their own.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    A person needs to want to lose weight, and be willing to do anything to lose the weight. If not, they will fail.
    Everyone looks for a quick fix these days.

    That being said, in a few months when she has gained the 4lbs back, and another 10lbs on top of that you can flaunt your weight loss in her face. That will be the 'told you so' satisfaction that you need! :)
  • MyTime1985
    MyTime1985 Posts: 456 Member
    Generally I'd say they were just just complaining, but like you said, she was in a gym. So she's not really "doing nothing about it". She's trying but not having much success. Hopefully she figures out something that works for her.

    Now when someone is on the couch with Dorito dust covering their face.. THEY'RE not doing anything about it!

    Exactly!
  • Jenni268
    Jenni268 Posts: 202 Member
    I used to be like that... complaining about it but not doing anything. After several years of it, my husband looked at me and said, "You know what, I'm done hearing you complain about your weight. If you aren't doing anything to fix it, don't complain about it."

    After two weeks of being mad at him for it :wink: I realized that he was right. That was the start of my lifestyle change. Since then, I've lost about 60 pounds and feel fantastic. I still have more to go, but I'm not looking at it as "losing weight" but as a way of living. Even though a lot of people think that my husband was nasty to say that to me, it was just what I needed to hear.

    That being said, he's my husband. Not a stranger, or even just a friend. We had been married for seven years at that point. He had a platform in my life to be able to say something. He also was aware of what I was or was not doing. I don't think you'll ever get through to someone who isn't extremely close with you.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    biggest pet peeve ever. ugh. get moving or shut up already.
  • Changing__Christina
    Changing__Christina Posts: 245 Member
    She isn't doing nothing about it. She is at the gym. That is at least a start. Everyone has to figure out their own way to get to their goal. Something has to click for her - not you - to get her to do the rest of the things she needs to do to lose the weight she wants to lose. At least she is up and moving at the gym. That is a heck of a lot better than a lot of people that complain about their weight.
    Generally I'd say they were just just complaining, but like you said, she was in a gym. So she's not really "doing nothing about it". She's trying but not having much success. Hopefully she figures out something that works for her.

    Now when someone is on the couch with Dorito dust covering their face.. THEY'RE not doing anything about it!

    I agree with these. I think she is there, trying to do SOMETHING about it. She will figure out a right fit for herself.
  • nananie2
    nananie2 Posts: 272 Member
    We're so smart and bright now that we've seen the light...

    I have complained (A LOT!) before I was actually ready to make a change.

    Didn't mean I wasn't bothered by my weight, and I think everybody is entitled to complain about things that annoy them.

    That's why people start threads on MFP. :tongue:
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
    The switch has to flip in their head. I spent 10-15 years like that. I was always "just about to start" on losing the weight.
    "Next month is the time! "

    You can't force it, and it doesn't help to get mad at them. It is sad.
    They know what needs to happen. Often it is hard to start because they don't believe they can see it through.

    Often it is a confidence thing even more than a lazy thing.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,794 Member
    That was me...complained about my weight for years while doing nothing to fix the problem...in fact it got dramatically worse. For me...nothing you or anyone else could have said or done would have motivated me until I was ready to change.
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
    I had someone like that on my friends list. Always b!tched about how his/her weight never went down. I saw them exercising. But then you see their food diary. Donuts, milkshakes, Mcdonalds was on their diary at least 4 times in the week. I would tell em cut that stuff out to maybe two days instead of four or five. I got the "I will be grumpy all day if I don't have X food for the day." But the b!tch and moaning continued. Sometimes, they just want people to say "There there."
  • sma83
    sma83 Posts: 479 Member
    I was one of those people for years! Theres really nothing you can do to help when people are like that. It has to be something they decide to do on their own and for themselves. All the helpful advise in the world wont make a difference until someone is ready for this journey. At least thats how it was for me. I whined and cried and complained and no matter what encouragment others had for me I always had a reason why I couldnt do it or why it wouldnt work for me. I simply wasnt ready to take the necessary steps yet. Try to just focus on you and one day when she is ready she will make the nedded changes. :flowerforyou:
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    I'm one of the fat people who hate veggies. I'm talking I will wait for my daughter to look the other way then throw mine in the trash kind of hate. BUT....I have discovered that if I throw them in the blender to chop them teeny tiny then mix them in with food that tastes good, I will eat them. Maybe you could suggest that to her next time she mentions her hate for that ground grown crapola.

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