cheating and in-love, mutually exclusive or no?

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  • stevewynjones
    stevewynjones Posts: 1,143 Member
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    People get SEX and LOVE mixed up! Seperate the two and you have no problem.

    I've loved few, but had sex with many.
  • LisaF1163
    LisaF1163 Posts: 141
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    If you are in a committed relationship with someone, and you really love them, you should have enough respect for them to be clear about your needs and desires. If you can't handle monogamy, then the other person should know that going in so he/she can decide if this is something they can or cannot live with. You should respect whatever their decision is.

    There's really no excuse for cheating. It's a betrayal of trust more than anything, and for me, it's a stab in the back. The damage is not the physical act, but the lying and the deceit.

    I have never cheated, but I've been cheated on, and it's incredibly painful.
    Absolutely everything she said.
  • jetabear10
    jetabear10 Posts: 375 Member
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    If its truly love then you wouldn't disrespect them by cheating on them. Period.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    People get SEX and LOVE mixed up! Seperate the two and you have no problem.

    I've loved few, but had sex with many.

    That's fine as long as it's clear with your partner in advance. Don't commit yourself to someone if you can't be with just them.
  • kimmers1027
    kimmers1027 Posts: 122
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    If you are IN LOVE, then you wouldnt feel the need to cheat. I guess it depends on your situation and if you are truly happy with your man. :smile:
  • JonesJennings
    JonesJennings Posts: 59 Member
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    This whole "I love you, I'm just not "in love" with you craze has got to go. Romance novels and romcoms have ruined our minds to think that relationships are supposed to stay like they are in the beginning. Yeah, righ. Quit being tween girls and realize that relationships are work and passion ebs and flows through out a relationship. Any real relationship between two people that last any consider amount of time is going to have days, weeks, and months where you actually think about smothering the other person with a pillow, let alone cheating. The key is working through those times. If being "in love" is the barometer in which you gauge how your relationship is going, be prepared to go through many.
    A seriously thoughtful post from you?? This changes my view on you... I'm so confused.
    That was the first post by that dude that I read. I was thinking, "that dude seems seriously thoughtful", until I saw that the cleverness had been met with incredulity. Now I'm confused.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    Ok, what about this situation. I have a friend that is bi and is happily married. She has been with a woman outside of her marriage, with her husband's consent. Is this cheating, or just filling a need that the opposite gender can't fill? (no this isn't me, it is an actual friend). Those of you that are going to give me the "homosexuality" is wrong speech, please don't respond...I really want a thought out answer, because I don't know how I feel about this myself.

    I would have to say yes it's still cheating. Cheating with consent is still cheating. If a person wants to lower their standards based on what they want at the time, then they are the sole beneficiaries of the choices they make.

    You would be wrong. Because you can't cheat on someone who knows exactly what you're doing and accepts it.

    If I say you can have my candy bar, you can have it. It isn't stealing.

    If I don't think you should be offering your candy bar because I feel it's wrong, for whatever reason, whether it be free or not, i'm still not gonna take it. So I feel it would be cheating still. Although either of the participants feel that way in the case mentioned.
  • ScottyNoHotty
    ScottyNoHotty Posts: 1,957 Member
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    Is it cheating if she hooks you up with her divorced friends?
  • jeephipwr
    jeephipwr Posts: 20
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    Sure you can. Doesn't say much for your commitment and character, though.

    Amen. There is a reason they are called "wedding vows" and your word is your bond. In my world, break your word, you are worthless.
  • Gilbrod
    Gilbrod Posts: 1,216 Member
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    Sure you can. Doesn't say much for your commitment and character, though.

    I like this. ^^^
    As for the word love and cheating, it don't mix in my opinion. I think someone could be in lust with someone for years, and decide one day they get sick and tired of it. I've been with my wife for 10 years. Sure, she can be a pain in the *kitten* and drives me insane sometimes. And sure ladies out there try their luck, but I don't persue anything like that cuz I don't want to casue a world of hurt like that. Monogamy is not stupid. I would not like my wife whoring around if I don't do it. If you and your other swing, enjoy life.


    PS- I also hope this doesn't turn into another Evolution vs Creationsim debate.
  • TKHappy
    TKHappy Posts: 659 Member
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    I have one for you?? What if you found out your husband was seeing another woman the first two years of your relationship (not married yet), I'm talking when you weren't there she was and he was duplicating the same romantic stuff he did for you for her. Saying the same things....I'm talking exact same things! She knows theres another woman, his friends know about both, but you are completely oblivios and falling in love with this man because you find him to be one of the most loyal, honest, romantic man you've known! Then when you get a idea he lies right to your face and tells you they are just friends and she lives no where near him, you believe him and get married a couple years later to find out the truth and that there were many explicit online flirting sessions with her and others??? They supposedly stopped once he popped the question....but do you believe him?? And how would you feel about him, learning that the reasons you fell in love with him weren't actually who he is?? It happened years ago...so do you forget about it and move on?? Do you still remember the romantic times as special now knowing they weren't just for you?? Do you think he has any respect for you??

    Whewww glad to get that off my chest LOL!!
  • sallywilson06
    sallywilson06 Posts: 269 Member
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    I have been cheated on by my now ex boyfriend that said he loved me but did it because he was mad at me. In the end when we realized that we really loved one another and couldn't be with other people the girl that he cheated on me with got pregnant. Then all of the sudden I was the bad guy and it was my fault that he got her pregnant. Throughout over half of the other girls pregnancy he fooled with my mind, snuck text messages and everything to tell me how much he still loved me behind her back and now he is with her. We haven't spoke in over a year and I am the most hated person on earth to them.

    The funny thing is that when I ran into them for the first time since we broke up he looked at me like I was a ghost from the past and he wanted to cry. So to answer your question, I do believe that you can love two people at once and I do believe that you can cheat if you are in love. It just depends on how low the person goes and how selfish they are I guess.
  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
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    In theory, having a sense of "morality" (for this time and this society) and love towards my partner tells me that cheating is wrong.

    However, the relationship between sexual desire, passionate/romantic love, and companion/comfort love is not an easy one.

    Is sex ever just sex?
  • KrystleKiri
    KrystleKiri Posts: 135
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    People cheat for such a variety of reasons. Yes. You can totally cheat on someone you love. Sometimes, you're just being too selfish to see that what you're doing is wrong. I don't think you can speak for anyone else, and I've never understood the social stigma on sex outside of a marriage. A couple can be perfectly happy if they both agree on boundaries.
  • RumOne
    RumOne Posts: 266 Member
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    This whole "I love you, I'm just not "in love" with you craze has got to go. Romance novels and romcoms have ruined our minds to think that relationships are supposed to stay like they are in the beginning. Yeah, righ. Quit being tween girls and realize that relationships are work and passion ebs and flows through out a relationship. Any real relationship between two people that last any consider amount of time is going to have days, weeks, and months where you actually think about smothering the other person with a pillow, let alone cheating. The key is working through those times. If being "in love" is the barometer in which you gauge how your relationship is going, be prepared to go through many.

    Completely agree :drinker:
  • stevewynjones
    stevewynjones Posts: 1,143 Member
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    In theory, having a sense of "morality" (for this time and this society) and love towards my partner tells me that cheating is wrong.

    However, the relationship between sexual desire, passionate/romantic love, and companion/comfort love is not an easy one.

    Is sex ever just sex?


    In my experiences SEX was just that. When i met my wife, outside of the lifestyle, I fell totally and was faithful to her throughout our marriage, shedid not approve of that so I respected her wishes, my wishes didn't matter......
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    This whole "I love you, I'm just not "in love" with you craze has got to go. Romance novels and romcoms have ruined our minds to think that relationships are supposed to stay like they are in the beginning. Yeah, righ. Quit being tween girls and realize that relationships are work and passion ebs and flows through out a relationship. Any real relationship between two people that last any consider amount of time is going to have days, weeks, and months where you actually think about smothering the other person with a pillow, let alone cheating. The key is working through those times. If being "in love" is the barometer in which you gauge how your relationship is going, be prepared to go through many.

    What they really mean is, "I like spending time with you, but I don't want to hump you anymore." True story.
  • stevewynjones
    stevewynjones Posts: 1,143 Member
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    People cheat for such a variety of reasons. Yes. You can totally cheat on someone you love. Sometimes, you're just being too selfish to see that what you're doing is wrong. I don't think you can speak for anyone else, and I've never understood the social stigma on sex outside of a marriage. A couple can be perfectly happy if they both agree on boundaries.


    This x1000
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    If you cheated on someone you love you never loved them at all. Being faithful isn't that hard to do.
  • freyaandcorysmum
    freyaandcorysmum Posts: 70
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    I think you can. It's possible to truly love more than one person. It's also possible to love one person, but find some kind of animal desire with another. Our system of monogamy is silly. I don't think it truly reflecst actual human behavior, for the most part. If we would open up more about this, I think people in general would be happier. If we viewed each other as sexual beings with the possibility that an encounter does not mean betrayal and mistrust, then it would be a happier world overall. And, I really don't think "cheating" would increase at all. I know people in open relationships and they hardly ever have encounters outside their relationship. Almost never, to be honest. So, I really don't think it's a big deal.

    After saying all that, I don't know if I could handle knowing my girl is out boinking some dude. So, I'm part of the problem I speak of. Lol. But, I recognize it.

    ^^^This !!

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