women doing the "work" while men stand around?
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It's called feminism and it has killed shivery. Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.
You're thinking of Feminazis, dear. Feminism, plain and simple, is the belief that the sexes should be equal and treated equally. If you believe that a woman should have the same respect as men, you're a feminist regardless of your gender. The people that scream that men are evil and condescending and should worship the ground women walk on because of how they've toiled over the centuries are just nutjobs who hate men for whatever reason and are just looking to hate.
Just think about it for a bit.
Feminism has blurred the lines of gender and this is the collateral damage that has resulted. I honestly feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do hold the door open for a woman because I fear that it looks like I'm implying the woman is somehow inferior. I think people should look at holding a door or chair for a women as a sign of respect, not an attempt to make the other sex feel inferior.
Again you're referring to what Feminazis have placed into brains, not feminism. Feminism is not gender-specific but Feminazis make it gender-specific and they have ruined most people's views of what Feminism truly is. Think of them as the KKK of women's rights.
If a woman gives you a sour look or harasses you about "I can open a door myself I'm not weak" then that is her problem. Being an independent woman doesn't mean that a polite gesture is a direct slight to your capability to breathe on your own or wipe your own *kitten*. I have men hold the door for me every day at the gym and I smile and say thank you, I do the same for them or anyone that's coming for the door that I've either just gone through or am close enough to grab the handle. I'm not old enough to really call back on "in my day" but I know when I was growing up those things were hammered into our little heads and they were called manners and they were what people SHOULD do because it was a good thing. And I'm generations past the huge feminazi movements.
Really though, there are people that are going to think stupid things and make others look bad. You shouldn't feel like you can't do something just because someone may or may not take some level of offense. If we all did that, we'd all be in a corner of our house eating couch stuffing. But again, feminism isn't ruining anything, it's the whack-jobs who have distorted that message of equality for all genders into "you must treat women in such and such a manner otherwise we will take offense, attack, and maybe even call it sexual discrimination or harassment." Those people just need their heads examined.0 -
I support you 100%. In fact, I insist that my wife do all the heavy lifting and manual labor. Sometimes she grumbles a bit, but, after I forward your post to her, I'm sure she'll see that this is just an expression of my love for her and thank me tonight, after she gets the lawn mowed.
Well played, sir, well played.0 -
It's called feminism and it has killed shivery. Before people get all uptight, just think about it for a bit.
I don't like shivering, so if feminism can kill that shivery, bring on the feminism.0 -
This is an interesting situation. I've never experienced it. But my thoughts are this and maybe I'll get flack for this: why not let the man be a man sometimes? Sure if you're alone, there is no reason to call your husband but why not let him do the pushing if he wants to? Or at least let him help you if you were clearly struggling? Or help steer the cart? Yeah it's an opportunity for other exercise, but is it really that important in the long run? You could park at the back of the lot and walk further or spend an extra half hour at the gym.
Realistically thought you're never going to see the people you see at the store again so if you don't care what others think and your husband doesn't mind it's not a big deal. But I think people are going to wonder. And sometimes in a relationship, letting the man do manly things helps his ego.
I open doors for people, help them when I can - and it's not about gender, it's about being helpful. People should be willing to help each other out, regardless of gender.0 -
Feminism has blurred the lines of gender and this is the collateral damage that has resulted. I honestly feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do hold the door open for a woman because I fear that it looks like I'm implying the woman is somehow inferior. I think people should look at holding a door or chair for a women as a sign of respect, not an attempt to make the other sex feel inferior.
But see, why don't those courtesies extend to men? Holding the door open, or offering to carry things for someone are signs of respect in and of themselves, and they stand alone no matter who's participating. They are not distinct to genders; they're just nice things to do. Why can't I, as a woman, open the door for anyone, regardless of their gender, just because that's the nice thing to do?
Saying that men are obliged to do things like that for women because of age-old traditions implying that women needed help because they were too dependent to do things for themselves is just superfluous in this day and age. It's not that the actions themselves are ridiculous; it's the fact that women aren't expected to do those things for men, because, well, men should just be the more courteous gender when it comes to displays of respect.
And blurring the lines of gender is not a bad thing. Ask women who enjoy getting equal pay at work, owning land, and being able to divorce their husbands. Seeing people as individuals and respecting their individual worth outside of their sex or gender identification creates a better society for everyone, where all voices can eventually be equal. Bring on the blurring.0 -
HAHAHAHA... This is too funny. When we go to check out at the grocery store, my sweet darling knows to stand back. I'm so incredibly OCD about how things go on the conveyor belt. Here I am a 5'2" woman (and not large one) and he's about 5'11" and over 200lbs, and I'm the one heaving light and heavy things alike. :laugh: I don't really pay attention to other people when I'm unloading the basket, but I'm sure we have to be getting some looks.
Not relevant to the conversation, really, but my fiance unloads our shopping and packs it away. He plays Tetris with it - lining it all up on the conveyor belt so that there are no gaps. He's in a race against time - can he put all the items in the right order, so that there are no gaps, before the assistant finishes serving the person in front? I love watching.0 -
Let's see....yesterday I worked 9 hours, came home and cut grass for two hours then came inside the house and washed dishes WHILE MY HUSBAND WAS FISHING all day...needless to say, I was a little more than pissed...and sometimes I seriously wonder why he is still around...sorry to be so negative but I have to ask myself-what happened to all the men? There used to be a time when men took care of yard work-are those days gone? I'd LOVE to hear that they are not and mine is an extreme case...
I don't mind mowing the lawn. I actually like it. And I love surprising my husband by doing the lawn for him. He is usually the man for that job. Now he is teaching our son to do it. So we sit on the deck with our ice teas and point out the spots that he's missing. Good times, good times.
I don't mind mowing the lawn, either, but I don't appreciate doing it while he has taken off to go fishing for the day and I have already worked 9 hours, and still have to come in and wash the dishes.0 -
I guess you have a different definition of "being a man".But my thoughts are this and maybe I'll get flack for this: why not let the man be a man sometimes?0 -
My husband will offer to help, but more often than not, I end up doing the yard work and all....but he's the one cleaning the house, doing dishes and the laundry, so it all ends well.
However, he does open the door for anyone walking in or out.
I wouldn't have complained about it at all if my husband helped with the dishes or anything at all for that matter!
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I wouldn't have complained about it at all if my husband helped with the dishes or anything at all for that matter!
Sounds like you need a break. Maybe you do all the stuff around the house so much that he just figures that you're going to do it. I'd start delegating, ie, "Honey, I need you to mow the lawn next Saturday. I have blah blah and blah to do. Thanks."0 -
I wouldn't have complained about it at all if my husband helped with the dishes or anything at all for that matter!
Sounds like you need a break. Maybe you do all the stuff around the house so much that he just figures that you're going to do it. I'd start delegating, ie, "Honey, I need you to mow the lawn next Saturday. I have blah blah and blah to do. Thanks."
Ha! I will try it again! When I do that, I hear "I will get it tomorrow" so I end up doing it anyway. But thanks for the input!0 -
The original post and question seems to be more about perceptions of other people than it is about anything else. No matter what issue is at hand, I have learned that what other people think is the last of my concerns. If people want to look at me oddly, shoot me dirty looks, or any other gesture because they think they are experts on my life and my choices simply by looking at me, then they are free to amuse themselves. I have better things to do.0
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So you were struggling and your husband decided it best not to help? Last time I checked it was respectful to offer assistance to a woman, especially if she is physically struggling. And yes, it is common courtesy to hold the door open for NOT ONLY WOMEN, but men. I am sorry you don't like to be respected.
That's not at all what I said and I think you may have read my post wrong or maybe I wasn't clear. He originally wanted to have the cart and everything, but I said I would do it. As I said in the post he always opens doors for me and carries things and is very gentlemanly. It just so happened that I didn't get to work out that day so I was using our shopping trip as a chance to get in a little more exercise
The post was more to see what other people thought if they were to witness a situation like that or if other people had experienced dirty looks and shaking heads if they had tried to do something similar because others assumed that the male was being rude when he really wasn't
Oh, are you actually expecting people to read the original post before they flap away firing a response? That does not seem to be the norm here.0 -
It makes you happy to see someone injured when they try to help you? Why?
Me too, messing with people's ignorant preconceptions about what ridiculously short woman can and can't do isn't much of a hobby but it makes me happy. :bigsmile:On the other hand I kind of enjoy doing the heavy lifting because I'm a petite person and it really throws people off! :laugh:
EDITED TO ADD: My favourite is when a man says "Oh, let me take that for you" and then staggers or drops it because it hadn't occurred to him that it might be heavy. Last time was at a builders merchants with a bag of gravel, fortunately it didn't split when he dropped it. What did he think it was, special women's gravel made of feathers and fluff?0 -
Not that women aren't capable of doing any heavy lifting, but men are built for that kind of thing. We women carry enough on our shoulders through life...the least we can do is let the men carry the heavy loads for us when shopping...lol0
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The other day my husband and I were at home depot getting some supplies for the house/garden. I insisted on pushing the flatbed cart carrying all our lumber and soil around the store and then loading/unloading it into our truck....just to get a little bit of extra exercise in. Similarly at work, I tend to carry the large buckets of seawater from room to room instead of putting them on a cart. I realize this isn't much, but I figure every little bit helps. Additionally I'm stubborn and also well aware that I am able to do these things, so I don't see a need to have someone else do them for me.
The problem is that we definitely live in an area where women are treated as such: I've been called ma'am for at least 5 years now and I've never opened my own car door when my husband is around, let alone a door to a store when any male is present. So when I'm pushing around this heavy cart and obviously struggling and my husband is leisurely strolling ahead of me, we tend to get some dirty looks. My boss even scolded a male coworker for having me do all the heavy lifting one day, even though I insisted on it. These people giving us these looks or shaking their heads at us obviously don't know whats going on and just think my husband is being a jerk.
Curious if anyone else does this type of thing or experienced it? Or alternatively, if you saw one of the situations described above would you think the guy was being inconsiderate, or would you think something else (the woman didn't want someone doing things for her or she was trying to exercise)
Um, ma'am is just a sign of respect. I can't see how that's bad.
I know some people don't like it because it makes them feel old. "Ma'am is my mother." (Similarly, I know a lot of guys that don't like being called "sir" for the same reason - "Sir is my father.")
Well..... Get over it, it doesn't mean you're old. Like I said, it's a sign of respect. What are we supposed to say "yes lady"??
Exactly.0 -
Yeah, if I have cash in my wallet and my husband doesn't when we go to buy something little I hand him the cash to pay so we don't get dirty looks. I remember shortly after telling my boss I was pregnant we moved offices. They got my filing cabinet mixed up with someone elses. So I pushed their cabinet to their desk and started pushing mine back and he flipped. In all fairness, moving furniture was not my job and I could have got in trouble with the people that have the contract to move furniture but I wasn't waiting 6 hours or up to 3 days to get my cabinet moved 20 meters. But it was about me being pregnant, not about whose job it was to move the cabinet.0
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Have you husband dress as a woman........................that should solve it.
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Yeah, I'm sure the lesbian thing is much more tolerated in the south.0 -
Have you husband dress as a woman........................that should solve it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal & Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Yeah, I'm sure the lesbian thing is much more tolerated in the south.
Not in North carolina, where you can legally marry your 16 year old first cousin, but two gay people can't get married.!
lol0 -
The other day my husband and I were at home depot getting some supplies for the house/garden. I insisted on pushing the flatbed cart carrying all our lumber and soil around the store and then loading/unloading it into our truck....just to get a little bit of extra exercise in. Similarly at work, I tend to carry the large buckets of seawater from room to room instead of putting them on a cart. I realize this isn't much, but I figure every little bit helps. Additionally I'm stubborn and also well aware that I am able to do these things, so I don't see a need to have someone else do them for me.
The problem is that we definitely live in an area where women are treated as such: I've been called ma'am for at least 5 years now and I've never opened my own car door when my husband is around, let alone a door to a store when any male is present. So when I'm pushing around this heavy cart and obviously struggling and my husband is leisurely strolling ahead of me, we tend to get some dirty looks. My boss even scolded a male coworker for having me do all the heavy lifting one day, even though I insisted on it. These people giving us these looks or shaking their heads at us obviously don't know whats going on and just think my husband is being a jerk.
Curious if anyone else does this type of thing or experienced it? Or alternatively, if you saw one of the situations described above would you think the guy was being inconsiderate, or would you think something else (the woman didn't want someone doing things for her or she was trying to exercise)
Um, ma'am is just a sign of respect. I can't see how that's bad.
I know some people don't like it because it makes them feel old. "Ma'am is my mother." (Similarly, I know a lot of guys that don't like being called "sir" for the same reason - "Sir is my father.")
Well..... Get over it, it doesn't mean you're old. Like I said, it's a sign of respect. What are we supposed to say "yes lady"??
Exactly.
In most cases I've experienced, simply dropping off the "sir" or "ma'am" is sufficient, because the interactions are more or less between equals. "Have a nice day," vs "have a nice day, sir." I tend to get a little disconcerted when someone calls me "ma'am," but for me, it's mainly because not everyone around here says it. I get over it because I'm generally the "call me what you want" type of person.
That's one of the things I like about languages like Japanese. You have those politeness words (titles?), but you have them for just about every position -- not just a "sir"/"ma'am" equivalent (which generally have a connotation as the "sir" or "ma'am" being in a position of superiority, such as an age difference), but also for addressing an equal.0
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