Men gamers..

< Not a guy as you can tell but I was a hard core girl gamer for like 6 years, so was my husband. We played like 8-16 hours a day to stay competitive.
Okay, IMO there are 2 reason why this might be happening: 1.He truly loves the games and wants to play them, it has nothing to do with you. He is just being a guy. They don't think about things like that. 2. He is escaping from something. If that is ALL he does and he is ignoring your completely and takes no time for you, maybe there are underlying issues that you are or not aware of. I dont believe in "all or nothing". I am sure there is more of a gray area.

what would you pick.. computer/xbox games... or having fun with your sig other? Really.. i can't seem to understand why a grown man would rather play computer games than sex? someone please explain this to me!!

Hell no! NOT I!

I play a lot of video games. I thoroughly enjoy playing them on Xbox or PC. However, nothing on this forsaken lump of rock floating in the Milkyway quite compares to good sex, so my preference is most definitely sex.

Either he has a genuine gaming addiction, his sex drive truly is non-existent or you don't arouse or excite him any more.

Also, I find it much more exciting when my girlfriend initiates it. It's that much better when both parties seem keen for it and not like it's a chore.

To those telling the women to "just play with him", "blow him while playing", or "get him before he starts playing", or worse "hide the games" ...if there is a real addiction going on this will NOT help.

If the person is at the point of snapping at any interuption, then this *is* a bigger problem and you *should* aproach it as any other addiction.

I've been in these shoes - that any game was more interesting than *anything* else. Be it sex, cooking, going out with friends.. It was very tough to get through, especially since the games are *our* hobbies. So finding where things shift from normal hobby time to addiction time is tough. Especially since a spouse is someone you cannot treat like a child. You can't "just take the toys away". The spouse needs to be *willing* to change.

For non gamers it is probably even more difficult to find the difference between addiction playing and hobby playing. "get to the nearest safe point" or "wait till this dungeon is over" are both very valid responses - depending on the game ofc, but you might have allot of effort lost if you dont reach the safe point, and it is possible other people are dependant on him finishing the dungeon. "Just a little more grinding" on the other hand is not a valid excuse :P

In our case, talking helped. It took *allot* of trying to talk, but once we got to the real answer to "why are you spending so much time on the computer" things could start moving forward. It was very important *not* to make it about me, to make it about *him*. The lack of attention I was getting was a sideproduct of the addiction, so fixing the addiction has to come first.

If you want to aproach the gamer, be sure to do that in a convenient spot. Check if they are grouped (if this is a MMO), ask if there's far till next safe point, or when the match is done. It helps to show that you are not interupting without thinking, and if you get a snap back for that there is obviously more wrong and things have gotten very serious.

It also helped for me to realise that some of the game time is *his* time. Making sure to give him time in peace - and letting him know I am giving him peace, not just not bothering with him. Being able to say "hey I left you alone for 3 hours, now its time to do something together" gives me leverage :glasses:

Part of getting our lifes back to normal was not just always nagging and saying "do this or that housechore" but suggesting things to do we both enjoy. Making sure that we were building our relationship, not just taking care of business Its not just about sex, its about companionship.

Anyway, good luck with finding a way to get through to them.

You really need to rethink your self worth. You're working your *kitten* off, to be ignored, your family ignored, and all that. That's not right, or good in any way.

I'm an avid gamer. There are occasions when my wife teases me for neglecting her, but there are also times when I tease her for the same.

As has been said before, gaming is escapism. It lets me become the hero of my own story, the center of my own universe. It's a form of self-empowerment, because in that universe I'm in charge and all kinds of awesome.

For each of you, OP especially, talking about the significant other spending all their time in the game world and completely ignoring you, I have this message: THEY'RE NOT GOING TO CHANGE. I don't expect you to listen to me, but some day that message might become fully realized. The question you have to ask yourself is whether they, as a person, have enough value in the relationship to be worth continuing and making your own sacrifices; or if you're doing all the compromising.

For the OP, I'm not in your shoes and I haven't seen your family dynamic, so I might be off-base. However, you say that he ignores you and ignores the kids; why stay with him? The counseling didn't work--he EXPECTS you to stay and conform to his lifestyle no matter what. As I see it, you've got three choices: learn to live with the situation (which I DO NOT RECOMMEND), file for divorce, or get your physical needs satisfied with another partner and keep your family separate from that action. The third option is dangerous though because it could lead to him filing for divorce and using the cheating as a means to win a custody battle for the kids.

You're important, you're special, and you matter. You don't need to put up with this situation. He's never going to change. Don't you think you deserve better? Just remember that for every gaming-absorbed guy out there, there's another one like me who knows how to balance the game life with the home life. And no, you may not have me!

I'm a woman and sometimes I prefer to game than hang out with my SO. XD

This has happened to me a FEW times...not over the course of years. It made me mad. So I stared gaming too, with the sole intention of owing his *kitten*. Then I ended up liking it. Somehow it fixed whatever problem there was...so now we do both.

A couple that games together stays together xD

There's a difference between being an avid gamer who needs "me time" and burying yourself in an escapist activity because you want to ignore the problem. I love games and resented my ex who looked down on my hobby. I was thrilled when I met someone I could play games with. But after a few years, we fell into a similar situation.

I hate to say it, but you probably already know he's not prioritizing video games first, he's choosing to be distracted because he doesn't have interest in sex with you. Don't beat yourself up or take it as your fault (easier said than done), but the problem is definitely a symptom of greater issues. When you say he says it's all you - I know that pain too. Deal with the greater issues now before you find out he was perfectly capable of sleeping with someone else. His refusal to acknowledge any problem will likely not go well though. Prepare yourself to walk. If he smartens up and is willing to work at things, great. If not, you need to take care of yourself. It takes two people to maintain a marriage.

Don't write off all gamers. Just like people who enjoy drinks - many of us can handle fun and escapism in moderation.

Next time, [lace bets, its you fail the mission, take your top off, make it fun. The whole role playing think. Its all about meeting each other's interists.