Dear I love you but really....

maybe he is afraid you will look so good that you will leave him for someone else. I think you need to talk to him sincerely, tell him how what he says isn't helping you and it's hurting you. Be gentle with him because he might just be worried that you don't need him anymore or you are moving on without him. You might have told him before but he didn't hear it.

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

Thanks for the male perspective.

I think a lot of comes from the fact he's a man, wasn't raised to be positive ect. He's not the "Good Job" type of guy. But man...its killing me. I just want to say..unless you can say "XYZ to me about what I am doing, please don't say anythign at all."

We've been together Nine years April. Communication channels open and close constantly given our busy lives, kids, and work.

I understand, and appreciate your open mind...and I do think the key to this is communication (like it is to most things). Only after that's been completely exhausted is it time for more drastic measures.

Honestly I just felt there needed to be an honest counter point to all the 'He's worthless and abusive and controlling and probably cheating on you! Tie him to the bed, take the kids and go...and make sure the curtains are burning nicely before you drive away!' responses that always come with these kinds of threads :l.

Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him for another guy?
The sorts of things he's saying sounds like someone who would think that.

I would talk to him and tell him exactly what it's doing to you!

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

Let him be your motivation to get better for your health.....Take some classes and meet other people that can also motivate you if you have someone in your house that is super negative you need positive people around you so that you can stay sane. Ask him to join you
maybe he wants to and doesn't understand how you have the strength or motivation to start this journey. Hope this helps.

BTW - "big bones" do exist. People have different frame sizes and their weight goals should (ideally) correspond with their frame size.

Big bones do not nescessarily correspond to a big frame. There are people that actually have 'big bones' but it is about 10% or less of people in the whole world. When people that are overweight say they have big bones, they usually do not unless they actually got x-rays done and a doctor said so himself.

I feel like it might help to watch your own words and reactions to things. I am not saying HIS behavior is YOUR fault -- NOT AT ALL. What I mean is... I had a boyfriend a while ago and I used to complain about being deprived or too tired or too fat or too WHATEVER and I think he thought he was helping by telling me not to bother or he would complain about what I was eating because *I* was complaining about what I was eating. Like "then just shut up and eat what you want!". I think he thought he was commiserating but I just took it as picking on me. Like... I wanted him to be the BALANCE to my misery saying "oh, it's not that bad, you're doing great, blah blah blah".
I feel like the best thing to do in cases like this (even if it's hard) is just tell him what you want. I have to do this with my hubby now. "Do you like this dress? The answer is YES". HA. He has been trained to know the answer I want to hear! It's a little embarrassing but it helps our relationship and my sanity. He knows I am trying to get fit and i've pretty much told him that if I choose to have, say, ice cream, I do not want to hear his opinion on it. I am a big girl and I make my own food choices. I don't know if he WOULD criticize but it's perfectly clear that I will not have it. I don't mean to make him sound totally whipped. I think we have a pretty normal relationship... but if there is something I am touchy about, he knows not to comment on it or criticize and so he doesn't. Maybe you just need to be up front with him??

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

I wanna know the funny one!

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.
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Must be the same as mine

I agree, sounds insecure to me.