Dear I love you but really....

I really hope this lovely lady can re-invigorate her relationship as they've built a lot together and I know she loves him. But I hope that it doesn't come at the expense of who she is and how she feels about herself and her progress and efforts.

This, I agree with completely.

Regardless of whether it means who someone is or what someone is doing, this guy should just be an Ex-P.

Folks, for those of us that don't use "Darling ___" monikers, DP means Double Penetration. Please don't report me for saying Double Penetration. I'm trying to spread useful information.

When someone asks you if you'd like a DP, please don't assume they mean "Dr. Pepper", either.

That misskortney girl knows what's up. Listen to her.

^^LMAO!!!

But I agree with crisanderson's advice/suggestions

I went through the same thing with my husband when I first started weight watchers and got a personal trainer. He was afraid I was going to go overboard and get skinny. I did my best to ignore him, and over time he stopped the complaints and started complementing me on how nice I look. I never got skinny; I still eat good food, just smaller portions.

Explain your goals to him, but be sure they are realistic. Or tell him an intermediate goal and inch on down after you hit that.
Tell him how important this is for your health and you appreciate his support. Find an activity you can do together - walking, biking, basketball, etc. Then do your best to ignore his poor attitude.

I went through the same thing with my husband when I first started weight watchers and got a personal trainer. He was afraid I was going to go overboard and get skinny. I did my best to ignore him, and over time he stopped the complaints and started complementing me on how nice I look. I never got skinny; I still eat good food, just smaller portions.

Explain your goals to him, but be sure they are realistic. Or tell him an intermediate goal and inch on down after you hit that.
Tell him how important this is for your health and you appreciate his support. Find an activity you can do together - walking, biking, basketball, etc. Then do your best to ignore his poor attitude.

I think another fear a lot of guys have is that their wife/girlfriend/etc (I don't use the webspeak acronyms like DW, DP, etc) will become so obsessed (in their minds) with fitness and diet that they will feel "negative" effects themselves; i.e. she won't want to go to Five Guys for dinner, or drink beer at the ballgame with him, or she'll expect HIM to start working out as much as she does, and cramp his style.

Since my wife and I are on the same path, I don't think its an issue for us, but I could see it being one if one partner is trying to get healthy and the other one isn't.

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

^^ Exactly that.

Seriously, ladies, "verbal abuse" is being thrown around so casually. Let's save crying "abuse" for the real thing. Someone being insensitive or even rude does not constitute abuse...

Just talk to him - he does support you to some extent, since he bought you equipment etc. He just might think you are doing it "wrong"!! Tell him what works for you, and occasionally listen to him - he might actually have a valid point sometimes (not about you'll never be thin, though!).

We women can be too sensitive and defensive sometimes, so it goes both ways. (Married for 17 years, so I do have a little experience)

Oh and I agree - listen to chrisanderson!!

Seriously, ladies, "verbal abuse" is being thrown around so casually. Let's save crying "abuse" for the real thing. Someone being insensitive or even rude does not constitute abuse...

Just talk to him - he does support you to some extent, since he bought you equipment etc. He just might think you are doing it "wrong"!! Tell him what works for you, and occasionally listen to him - he might actually have a valid point sometimes (not about you'll never be thin, though!).

We women can be too sensitive and defensive sometimes, so it goes both ways. (Married for 17 years, so I do have a little experience)

Oh and I agree - listen to chrisanderson!!

THIS^^

Threads like this make me so happy that my husband is super supportive. But I have to agree with CrisAnderson on everything he said. While this guy's behavior is idiotic, I don't know that it's abusive. If he constantly does things to undermine her, that's one thing, but it that's not the case, and he actually doesn't realize what he's saying it hurting her, then she needs to be upfront about that. Men (and women) don't read minds. And often things that we can say to our friends/family/whatever, aren't considered acceptable to others and we don't know that until they tell us.

OP you said this in one of your replies:

I just want to say..unless you can say "XYZ to me about what I am doing, please don't say anythign at all."

Why can't you? Why can't you say just that. That you need him to be supportive, and at the very least not detrimental to your process. You said you don't know why he's so critical - so ask him. Have a discussion with the man.

Oh and for the OP who said she says, "Do you like this dress, the answer is YES" to her husband (or boyfriend) - why bother asking? It's funny cause just this weekend I put something on that I wasn't sure of, and I asked my husband, "What do you think?" and was grateful that he just kind of gave me a bland shrug and said, "It's ok, I guess." Confirmed what I was already thinking and I took it off. If I liked it, I wouldn't ahve bothered to ask him, and I would never want him to say something looked great if it didn't. And then I told him he should consider himself lucky that when I asked I really wanted to know and that I didn't get mad that he didn't like it, and that I consider myself lucky that he can be honest with me. To each their own I guess.

I really hope this lovely lady can re-invigorate her relationship as they've built a lot together and I know she loves him. But I hope that it doesn't come at the expense of who she is and how she feels about herself and her progress and efforts.

This, I agree with completely.

I LOVE your answers....some girl is very lucky. I bet you are an AWESOME partner.

If you meant me...I'm single.../sigh.

Women don't seem to like single Dads who have custody of their kids, combined with traditional values (there's a thread on this...but in short, it doesn't mean you're a second class citizen lol, if anything...it means the opposite), and a desire to share virtually every aspect of your combined lives.

Go figure lol.

Yep, you. Us single moms have it hard too