Off topic but feeling sad Wedding cancelled

Where do you live? Many states in the U.S. have common laws that protect women in your situation. Due to the length of the relationship you would legally be considered married and you would have similar rights to a divorcing spouse. You would also be entitled to child support in the U.S. if you chose to leave him and raise your child in a separate household. There are organizations that help women in these situations and that is probably the case if you live abroad as well.

It seems like you may need some independence. Being completely dependent on someone for shelter, sustenance, etc can't be pleasant if the person isn't meeting your emotional needs. I have no idea of your circumstances, but circumstances like these can easily lead to abuse of all kinds (verbal, physical, etc.) If he won't go to counseling, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a shot. You look like a lovely person who deserves happiness in life. Don't let this person stop you from finding it!

What you want is pretty important here. Your feelings are not good for your marriage, but they are totally OK. I've known a lot of long term relationships like yours who have broken up very shortly after the wedding. Couples counseling, especially since you have a child is good advice. If he won't go, go alone. There are things that you need to sort out.

Out of curiosity, why is getting married so important to you? (Which I will understand, that's what I want as well, even though some of my friends say "oh it's just a piece of paper").

My other question, aside from this marriage thing, are you really happy in the relationship?

Excellent question!!

I will pray for you!

He won't marry me it seems big small or teeny ceremony

It's very hard to leave sone one you love & have a family with

He won't talk it through says I'm moaning at him which ever way I ask he doesn't want it mentioned, if I never mentioned it again the subject would never be talked about

Wish it was different just really want to get past this empty feeling so I don't comfort eat

He (you both) NEED to talk about it...... relationships are no good if there is no communication. tell him to explain WHY, and then you wont 'bother' him.
if you are happy and in love with each other, then work on it. Someone who Loves you, shouldnt make you feel like this.

Then don't get married.

His parents have been married 57 years his brothers been married 19 years

Big shoes to fill or be compared to.

if you want to be married, then you have to leave because this guy has proved he does not want that.
if you can live a happy life without marriage then stay and accept it for what it is.
if it were me, i'd leave.

Marriage doesn't equal forever. You could get married today and then suddenly be divorced a year from now. I see it happen so often in peoples lives that they have been together for so many years, then they get married and it changes the relationship and it ends up in divorce anyways.

You have a family and a business together. You're already living as married.

I have to agree with others. Get couples counseling. Find out why marriage isn't important to him and he can find out why marriage is so important to you.

Out of curiosity, why is getting married so important to you? (Which I will understand, that's what I want as well, even though some of my friends say "oh it's just a piece of paper").

My other question, aside from this marriage thing, are you really happy in the relationship?

Excellent question!!

To me it proper commitment , happy other than this yes
He even said us being married is the final part we will be complete a proper family then in a flash he bolts and changes his mind saying he doesn't want to get married so I cancel
It and he's like 'WHAT' then I say you said so he said yes but it's your fault
He doesn't do 'talking' communication isn't a string point where as I am
Very open to solving things if there's a tiff he'll stonewall & sulk I talk ha so that's why it's my fault he doesn't want to talk through things?

I just realized that this is the same man that didn't want you leaving the house 2x a week to do a zumba class. You need to do something about this relationship. it's actually scarey how controlling and manipulative he seems to be!

I was that person who didn't ever want to get married. Marriage was a piece of paper and an expensive ceremony. If we're happy why would we need to be married. My boyfriend at the time was point blank in how important he felt marriage was. Since it meant so much to him and not as much to me, I married him. I figured I already want to spend my life with this man, why not give him something he felt was so important: a marriage license. My husband and I ended up going to the justice of the peace to do it. I still didn't understand why it meant so much to him or what difference it made until my mom got sick. My mom was seriously ill in the hospital, ventilator, nearly on life support and my father didn't have a single say in her medical care. They have been together 32 years, never married and there is no common law recognition in most states, including NY where I live. It broke my heart to see my father not be able to make medical decisions for his wife. He was heartbroken because he felt invalidated.

I never knew how important a "piece of paper" could be until that moment. Maybe he feels you are pressuring him too much. Maybe if you explained these implications, he would be more receptive. There are so many rights associated with being married that you don't realize until you are denied them.

You posted an issue not too long ago with him. I don't know it seems to me getting married will never be "right" for him. I am worried there is a deeper issue than what he is telling you. Being engaged numerous times and it never happens, and then blaming you for talking about it??? I hope and pray you have some relief and figure things out.

LEAVE!! You need to understand this man will NEVER marry you. You will either be unhappy in this situation or happy out of it. Of course you have to start planning to leave, don't just walk into a shelter in the middle of the night. Once your at a point where you have enough to sustain than make your move.

^^^^ Totally agree with this post!

I usually don't respond to these kind of threads, but I immediately remembered you from before. You started a thread before in which you were saying he was trying to stop you from leaving the house to do zumba. The "trolls" you speak of were people who were telling you he was imbalanced and unhealthy, and that you should leave him. In my opinion, they were right, and you just weren't hearing what you wanted to hear. I, also, remember from before that you were discrediting anyone who was younger than you or not in a relationship as long. I may be younger than you, but I have received more abuse from men than you could probably grasp. After years of therapy, I finally realized my happiness is first.
It is pretty obvious to me, and many other impartial bystanders, that this man is unhealthy. You deserve to be treated the way you want, and you deserve to be happy. Don't settle for anything less. Your happiness, needs, desires, are completely valid and very important! Sounds like some counseling would be very beneficial to you both. If he doesn't want to do it, which is a huge red flag in my opinion, you should at least go get some yourself. Take care.

I've never really been into marriage either. I had a really long term girlfriend and we discussed this. She mentioned that one day maybe we could have a wedding-type ceremony where there would be all of our friends and family and she could dress up and have an awesome day.

Maybe some sort of compromise like this?

Either way, sorry to hear you are bummed out and hope you get through it ok.