Husband wants to take over my gym time- advice

Okay... WOW. Like some previous posts, I am sorry if this sounds mean, but your husband IS being VERY selfish. Your husband is probably unaware of this, but he is inadvertently sabotaging your workout time. It is not your job to hold your husband's hand through his weight loss/healthy journey. He is a grown man! You have been doing very well on your own workout schedules (although I am concerned about that pound a day stat... put on the breaks or you'll be sorry in the long run) and it's not fair for him to make you feel guilty for doing so. Like you said in your post, he says he wants to workout, but has an excuse for why he cannot, or just doesn't do it at all (like not even setting the alarm to get up). He talks to talk, but doesn't walk the walk.


I am not saying not to compromise... but that would require BOTH of you to give a little. You can try to alter your schedule a bit to accommodate him, but I would explain to him (1) how important this it to you and that you still have to focus on your OWN health during workout times, (2) he HAS to follow through with the "new" schedule and (3) if he doesn't, you're going back to your own personal workout schedule.

If he's not willing to compromise, then your husband needs to find his OWN time in HIS schedule to fit in his workouts that doesn't hurt your time. There are 24 hours in a day. If he doesn't want to do weights at night, then there is a WHOLE day he can work with. Also, there is no rule that says you two need to workout together. If anything, my workouts are usually my "me" time. Look, if you can find the time to workout sometimes twice a day (you're a freaking machine) WITH children, he can find an appropriate time to do his workout without sabotaging your schedule.

There will always be a reason not to workout. It's too early. The gym is too crowded. It's raining. It's too cold. My iPod isn't charged. Etc, etc... And it sounds like your husband is kinda using YOU as an excuse for him not working out, which is WRONG. He is accountable for his own actions and exercising.

Sorry for being so winded, but I felt flames come out of my ears when I read this! Good luck with your workouts and I hope you two find a common ground where BOTH OF YOU are happy and healthy.

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

When a person is 30lbs or more overweight,losing a pound a day can be done without major complications. As long as the person is not malnourished and does not have any underlying health issues.

agreed

While I agree that higher than average weight loss is acceptable with those who have extreme weight issues (Morbidly obese)... 30 lbs overweight is not really sufficient for a pound per day loss. In that case, muscle loss would be most likely. Even when I had an extremely unhealthy weight loss several years ago (1200 calories or less and 2 hours per day at a gym) I only lost 20 lbs per month and was at the time about 90 lbs over my midpoint of IBW.. A true loss of a pound per day requires a calorie deficit of 3500 calories per day. Unless somebody is 600 or so pounds, it is not likely that this would be healthy and certainly would not be sustainable.

For the issue at hand, however, Some type of compromise is in order. I agree something other than just wanting to go to the gym is likely at work here. Jealousy? Control? Fear? There are a lot of possible variables that we probably are not privy to. It may be nothing more than husband feeling that the gym is taking his place... None-the-less some type of compromise needs to be established but also, relationally, I think you may need to come to terms with whatever the real issue is. Is it the gym? Is it time together? Is it control? The details of compromise will differ depending upon whatever the underlying cause is. Best wishes on continued weight loss and making it work within the bigger picture of family.

I agree with every other day. One week you go Mon,, Wed., Fri., in the AM. He goes (or has the option to go) Tue., Thurs. You go in the evenings on Tues. & Thurs. He goes in the evenings (or has the option to go) on Mon., Wed., Fri. The next week switch. This is a compromise and you both can go to the gym everyday if you choose. You can do something at home on your off mornings/evenings. Sometimes marriages are all about compromises even when you think/know they are being buttheads.

Could you guys invest in a weight system/gym equipment for home? That might solve a lot of the issues.

This is what I was thinking. You could buy something second hand for relatively inexpensive.. or just get some DVD's and dumbells, bands, etc if there is no room to but large equipment. If you did the latter, you could just trade out, on days you go to the gym, he could work out at home, and vice versa.

Do you have room in your house for some gym equipment? That's what we do. Put a TV in that room and have fun!

I did not read the four pages of posts, but here are my thoughts.

You go in morning MONDAY and WEDNESDAY and FRIDAY for strength training, toning etc.
He goes in Morning TUESDAY and THURSDAY and SATURDAY for strength trainin, toning etc.

SUNDAY is family day to get energized for your week ahead.


Do your cardio at home.. if kids are small, get some jogging strollers and walk (fast paced) or jog together with the kids as many nights a week as you desire..... If kids are bigger but not big enough to be home alone for an hour, then one jogs for an hour while the other one watches kids and you switch. That way you both are utilizing the time effectively at the gym and not going when its busy but still getting solid hours in. Some together and some apart..

While it could be true that your husband is jealous of your success it sounds like he needs some motivation to get going and some support as he starts his journey... sounds like you are the right person for the job as you have been there and done that and he is struggling to get started.....

give it two week trial and if he has not made a firm commitment, then go back to where you are now.

1. Why not with your new fit physique, wrestle him to the ground, get him in a head lock and keep squeezing him untill he submits?

or

2. Sit down together and come up with a compromise that suits you both.

I prefer option 1 as he sounds like he's being a bit of a d**k. Not an easy situation but you need to get him to understand that he can't just push you about like that. You have done fantastically well so why should you give it up just because he decides so?! Good luck, i hope you sort it out. x

OMG, falling off the couch laughing ..... but if that doesn't work, toss a coin ...... winner gets the preferred time slot ..... or better yet, just keep going in the morning, as it seems like you "had" it first ..... best of luck to you both !

Losing a pound a day is not necessarily unhealthy if you are doing it the right way. Look at the people on the Biggest Loser. All those huge weekly weight drops are encouraged by and overseen by professional trainers and doctors. On the other hand, if you are doing something off the wall that is not medically accepted, that's another story.

Contestants on the bigger loser are on a very restricted diet and probably burn more than they consume. That isn't healthy.

This is exactly what you ARE supposed to do when losing weight - burn more than you consume, this is how the physics of weightloss actually works.

If you want to put weight ON, you consume more than you burn. If you want to maintain your weight you consume the same amount as you burn daily.

Anybody that wishes to lose weight but does not expect to burn more than they consume daily, will be unsuccessful at weightloss.

I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!

Your husband is making excuses and is delusional, 90 mins is more than enough for 99% of the people who go to the gym to lift weights.