Husband wants to take over my gym time- advice

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Replies

  • Francesca3162
    Francesca3162 Posts: 520 Member
    I did not read the four pages of posts, but here are my thoughts.

    You go in morning MONDAY and WEDNESDAY and FRIDAY for strength training, toning etc.
    He goes in Morning TUESDAY and THURSDAY and SATURDAY for strength trainin, toning etc.

    SUNDAY is family day to get energized for your week ahead.


    Do your cardio at home.. if kids are small, get some jogging strollers and walk (fast paced) or jog together with the kids as many nights a week as you desire..... If kids are bigger but not big enough to be home alone for an hour, then one jogs for an hour while the other one watches kids and you switch. That way you both are utilizing the time effectively at the gym and not going when its busy but still getting solid hours in. Some together and some apart..

    While it could be true that your husband is jealous of your success it sounds like he needs some motivation to get going and some support as he starts his journey... sounds like you are the right person for the job as you have been there and done that and he is struggling to get started.....

    give it two week trial and if he has not made a firm commitment, then go back to where you are now.
  • tabbydog
    tabbydog Posts: 4,925 Member
    Sit down together and come up with a schedule. Tell him that in one month if he isn't going on "his" times, you are going to go back to your old scheudle. Give him some time as it takes a while to settle into a new routine. You can do cardio together a day or two per week. Run or walk together and push the kids in one of those running strollers, or bike together as a family if the kids are old enough. Unfortunately when you have kids your time is not all your own. Good luck!
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,628 Member
    1. Why not with your new fit physique, wrestle him to the ground, get him in a head lock and keep squeezing him untill he submits?

    or

    2. Sit down together and come up with a compromise that suits you both.

    I prefer option 1 as he sounds like he's being a bit of a d**k. Not an easy situation but you need to get him to understand that he can't just push you about like that. You have done fantastically well so why should you give it up just because he decides so?! Good luck, i hope you sort it out. x

    OMG, falling off the couch laughing ..... but if that doesn't work, toss a coin ...... winner gets the preferred time slot ..... or better yet, just keep going in the morning, as it seems like you "had" it first ..... best of luck to you both !
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member
    Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

    Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

    But she has given him the opportunity to go in the morning, but when she adjusts her schedule for him, he still fails to get up and go. If he really wanted to go he would set his alarm and be ready when she gets home.

    Or maybe he forgot. Or maybe it's hard getting motivated in the beginning. Like nobody else has struggled with getting into a workout routine, especially early in the morning?

    The OP is feeling very motivated however, she changed her own times for working out to accommodate her husband, the fact he couldn't be bothered to move his *kitten* shows disrespect.

    Perhaps he should NOT forget and bloody get up from his pit and do what he professes he wants to do. He needs to walk his talk.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,247 Member
    Losing a pound a day is not necessarily unhealthy if you are doing it the right way. Look at the people on the Biggest Loser. All those huge weekly weight drops are encouraged by and overseen by professional trainers and doctors. On the other hand, if you are doing something off the wall that is not medically accepted, that's another story.

    Contestants on the bigger loser are on a very restricted diet and probably burn more than they consume. That isn't healthy.

    This is exactly what you ARE supposed to do when losing weight - burn more than you consume, this is how the physics of weightloss actually works.

    If you want to put weight ON, you consume more than you burn. If you want to maintain your weight you consume the same amount as you burn daily.

    Anybody that wishes to lose weight but does not expect to burn more than they consume daily, will be unsuccessful at weightloss.
  • jaxandmaksmom
    jaxandmaksmom Posts: 262 Member
    about five years ago i had the same problem.. my kids were both young and i was getting up very early before my hubby went to work to get my work out in then .. .and then after i put the kids to bed a couple nights a week i would go and do a class...

    my hubby told me that he wanted to go to the gyms at night so i stopped the classes so he could go... then he didnt like nights and wanted to go in the morning so i stayed home and let him go... and i went nights.. then those nights he would make excuses for me not to go..

    i soon learnt it was nothing to do with the gym.. it was the fact he didnt want me to go and lose weight he didnt want me healthy and happy..but fat and misserable.. well five years later divorce is over and i am 56 lbs lighter. (well 256 really cause i got rid of the biggest problem in my weight loss)

    men get threathened when the women they are with start to look and feel better because in there insecure mind... they see this as now having to compete to keep us...


    funny my ex got married again.. to a very out of shape overweight unhappy women.. i hope she never gets the urge to better herself... or he will pull this with her too...
  • jenmfpal
    jenmfpal Posts: 124
    Thanks for all the great advice!

    Sorry I didn't give you enough information. I don't loose, or look to loose a pound a day consistently. I just thought it showed how my husband was probably being insecure. I was on a downward trend and he kinda tried to undercut it. I had broken a three week plateau, and probably was loosing water weight; I am now back into a two pound a week trend. (Not the real reason for the post, but since some of you are concerned, I thought I'd fill you in.)

    We are both members of Planet Fitness, so no childcare. The local gym that has childcare does not open early, and does not do childcare in the early am. We could try doing a membership there for one of us I guess and do a new workout routine.

    What annoyed me most, was yesterday when he overslept, he never said he was sorry for not setting his alarm. We discussed that last night. I wouldn't have cared if he hit snooze and just couldn't get up, but not setting the alarm, and not saying he was SORRY. That really made me mad. So talking helped because he did apologize.

    We made arrangements for our kids so we could go together this morning and tomorrow. We planned to take two cars so we could do what we needed to do and get to work at our separate times. When the alarm went off this morning, I got up. He hit snooze a few times. When I woke him up, he was mad at me for not waking him up. He didn't think he would have enough time to work out and get to work. I told him I was happy he wants to get fit; I want him to do it, and I will make compromises about time, but I won't help him GET UP or be responsible for keeping him accountable. I'm taking ownership back of my workout.

    Alternating Days/Nights daily would be hard because of how early and late we would have to adjust our sleep cycles. I like the idea of maybe taking a month at a time turns. I think the best option might be letting him have two or three days a week and taking those mornings off and see if he can commit to it. And then reevaluate from there.

    If talking and compromises fail, the wrestling sounds like a nice fall back plan.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    Good for you for communicating with him about why you were upset. And super good for you for making HIM take ownership of his health instead of holding his hand the whole way. I think it's one thing to be supportive, but it's quite another to do everything except lift the weight for him. :) He's a big boy, he can get up, and he can go to bed early enough that he's willing to get up instead of needing more sleep.

    Keep the lines of communication open. You guys will figure it out.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

    Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

    I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

    He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

    How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

    I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

    Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!

    Your husband is making excuses and is delusional, 90 mins is more than enough for 99% of the people who go to the gym to lift weights.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    I think you're both being selfish. Just alternate days like people are suggesting. simple. If you want to do more...go for a run on days that it's not your gym time...or slip in a dvd.

    She's not being selfish. He's being cancerous.
    He's asking her to adjust for him, then not doing it.

    He's obviously not as serious about it as she is, she should get the preferred times.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    Work out at home. It's what I do and it's just as good as working out at the gym as long as you work as hard.

    No it's not.
  • poetinmyheart
    poetinmyheart Posts: 29 Member
    Work out at home. It's what I do and it's just as good as working out at the gym as long as you work as hard.

    No it's not.

    For cardio? It most certainly can be. With workout DVDs, running, biking, there are a myriad of things people can do at home that are just as effective as going to the gym.

    If you don't have weights at home, then obviously not for weight training.
  • zaithyr
    zaithyr Posts: 482 Member
    Work out at home. It's what I do and it's just as good as working out at the gym as long as you work as hard.

    No it's not.

    Yes it is. As long as you are keeping your heart rate up for a certain period of time with cardio it's just as effective. I've lost more weight working out at home than I ever did at the gym. For strength training I either use free weights or exercises that use your body weight as resistance (I'm not a heavy lifter or anything though). You don't have to pay for a gym membership to get a good workout
  • librarybook
    librarybook Posts: 9
    Your relationship is more important than anything....so I would go out on a picnic & hiking trip and tell him about your goals you have for you life together, not just weight loss, but your children and other things as well. That way you both understand and get a say on what is important . Could be a motivation spark. Work out a schedule, don't rush, you'll miss smelling the roses. Also, maybe the gym isn't stimulating enough, my husband would just hate it. We go walking, hiking, riding bikes, and swimming together instead. Maybe a mix of gym and active activities as a family. Some people have different workout styles. It'll work out, don't worry.
  • ericarae33
    ericarae33 Posts: 211 Member
    I agree, a pound a day isn't healthy, so I'm glad you stopped that trend.

    Can you guys alternate days? Since you both hate to go in the evenings, but there's only so much morning to go around, perhaps you can alternate. You go in the mornings on MWF, and in the evenings on T/TH. He goes the opposite times. Then you both get to enjoy some mornings in the gym, but nobody's having to get up at 3 in the morning. And if he gets to the point that he's not getting up to go on his mornings, you can re-visit the situation and talk about getting your mornings back since he doesn't want to get up.

    ^^^^^^^^ This
  • Nwilliams112
    Nwilliams112 Posts: 10 Member
    First, congratulations on your weight loss success. Taking from my own experience, First suggestion would be to set a time limit. For example, tell him you will give him a month. If he does not start going to the gym then you will take your time slot back.
    Second, if he is having trouble getting up and around that early in the morning, wake him up yourself. When my husband and I started exercising at home this is what I did. I woke him up with a cup of coffee, we would spend time together then we would exercise. He would not get up otherwise and we would miss out. That way if he complains about you taking his spot to exercise you can point out that you gave him a period of time and he did not take it. Now, he must choose another slot of time to exercise.

    I hope this helps.
  • jenmfpal
    jenmfpal Posts: 124
    Work out at home. It's what I do and it's just as good as working out at the gym as long as you work as hard.

    No it's not.

    Thank you! For what I'm doing, working out at home is not the same as working out at the gym. I AM weight training and I don't know enough about improvising to do it at home w/out the machines/ free weights to be as effective as I can be at the gym.
  • lovetobethin86
    lovetobethin86 Posts: 202 Member
    Most gyms have a babysittng option....
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    Most gyms have a babysittng option....

    She said earlier that hers doesn't.
  • fabafter5
    fabafter5 Posts: 200 Member
    I think that marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. I have 4 school age children and a toddler. I workout at 6am M-F. I have until 8:30 to make it back in and we make breakfast and pack lunches together. My Husband wanted to take some mornings for working out and I said no go! We agreed that he would bike to work for exercise and he gets M-W-F evenings for a spin class and weight training.

    He knows that I am sacrificing any and all free time by choosing to stay at home with my chilldren. Even if I could, I would not take my kids to the gym. It is a pain in the butt! After packing diaper bags, snacsk,extra clothes etc I don't even feel like going anymore.

    For the SAHM morning workouts are darn near essential! I would rather wake up to an alarm clock at 5:20am to workout than to crying, fighting, kids looking for missing socks or homework anyday! My morning workout makes me a much better wife and Mom.
  • jenmfpal
    jenmfpal Posts: 124
    I think that marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. I have 4 school age children and a toddler. I workout at 6am M-F. I have until 8:30 to make it back in and we make breakfast and pack lunches together. My Husband wanted to take some mornings for working out and I said no go! We agreed that he would bike to work for exercise and he gets M-W-F evenings for a spin class and weight training.

    He knows that I am sacrificing any and all free time by choosing to stay at home with my chilldren. Even if I could, I would not take my kids to the gym. It is a pain in the butt! After packing diaper bags, snacsk,extra clothes etc I don't even feel like going anymore.

    For the SAHM morning workouts are darn near essential! I would rather wake up to an alarm clock at 5:20am to workout than to crying, fighting, kids looking for missing socks or homework anyday! My morning workout makes me a much better wife and Mom.

    Great points! Never put into words what you said at the end, but that IS how I feel right now about working out. I'm not a stay at home mom, but right now, working out is making me a better person.

    We did discuss this last night and we are working on it! It's about more than just gym time; he opened up about all the things he was worried about. We will work through it, and talking is the first step. I hope he likes the gym as much as me! Thanks again for all your advice.
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