How would you feel if someone said this...

Between the ages of about 7-10 (right before puberty) my dad would say similar things to me. "You could be a model if you would just lose your potbelly. You are taking after me!"

Obviously, at that age, you don't know how to lose weight. I was an active kid as well. Basically I played outside all day. And then in the evening I was a couch potato...and we had loads of junk food around.

By the time I hit around age 12, I decided to eat somewhat healthier. I think my brain just got sick of sugar or something. My dad's favorite cereal has always been frosted flakes. At some point I started to think sugary cereals were gross and only wanted raisin bran. (Yup seriously) I would make my mom buy me my own cereal and leave the other ones to everyone else. I cut down my soda consumption significantly to around once a week from 1 daily. It wasn't in aims to lose weight. I was just over it. And I didn't lose weight. I was always bigger than my peers. And stronger than most of them.

He didn't make body comments once I got older. In retrospect, I realize my body image could have been a lot more screwed up.

For me this comment is analogous to "but you have such a pretty face" or "you are pretty for a black girl." INSULTING.
I know it was meant as compliment. And in reality he could have expressed the same thing in a totally different way, like "I am really impressed with your progress, you keep looking more and more pretty/hot/beautiful/whatever! And I can wait to see how hot you will look at goal."

I understand the sentiment, generally speaking people look better when they lose weight. I think that my hang ups about weight manifested themselves in a really different way. I never comment on someone's weight at all. I will comment on an outfit or haircut. One of my friends has lost around 30 pounds since I met her. She didn't really have anything to lose, but she has become a lot leaner and more muscular from going to boot camp. She is super excited about it (obviously). And I want to compliment her on it, but I really hate commenting on other women's appearance since we are judged on it so much. I compromised. I told her that now since her shoulders are so buff, she should wear halters all the time. And I help her pick out clothes to suit her shape.

So sorry I had to post and run!!!!

To clear things up...this is a friend from school. He is awesome, but not my type haha! And our relationship is in NO way like that.

The conversation started when he was asking about my soon to be ex husband, because I was cheated on, etc whatever, anywho we were talking about the girls he cheated on me with and I said something to the tune of that I know I'm not the best looking, and I sure wasn't 30 lbs ago, but I think I'm pretty lol just a shallow conversation with no actual meaning between the two of us. We were just studying and finishing up some group work.

We are close, and I do value his opinion because sometimes I don't know how I look to other people I went from a size 18 to a size 10. I still have a lot more to lose, and it actually made me feel a little more confident and was definitely motivation to not snack last night

Thanks for everyone's opinions, I honestly didn't know that I would get so many responses! ...or friend requests from guys hahahhaha

Well, I was already your friend, and I'm proud of you girly...you're doing it...on both the fitness and the 'other' count...and we BOTH know how hard those are alone, much less together .

.

Yesterday I was with a study buddy. He told me, "Don't take this the wrong way...you are beautiful, as soon as you lose the rest of your weight you're going to be SO hot! I'm going to look at you and be like damn girl..."
I was like uh thanks hahahha
I guess it's a compliment? I don't know, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way, yet motivated me.

Brah's gonna try to bone you when you lose the weight. Revenge will be, "Don't take this the wrong way, but no."

It's a back handed compliment. It's like saying your face is good looking . . . except for your nose. He should have stopped while he was ahead.

Yesterday I was with a study buddy. He told me, "Don't take this the wrong way...you are beautiful, as soon as you lose the rest of your weight you're going to be SO hot! I'm going to look at you and be like damn girl..."
I was like uh thanks hahahha
I guess it's a compliment? I don't know, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way, yet motivated me.

Best friend tells me this ALL THE TIME.

that happened to me at the gym. this guy knew i haven't had any boyfriend since birth. he said i was losing weight and he's "100%" sure i will have a boyfriend in no time. i'd like to slap the bejesus out of him after that because even before i was a bit chubby i knew i was um "dateable(? LOL)" but... yeah, there are 3 guys courting me now. -_-. i guess truth hurts? hahaha

It's kinda like when people tell me "You look great, you know, for having a kid."

If you can't leave it at "You're beautiful" or "You look great" then just don't say anything. Nobody wants to be complimented with conditions.

I'm sure he wasn't trying to be mean, he honestly probably thought he was giving you a real compliment, but his foot became crammed in his mouth. People should really think before they speak.

THIS. I hate when people tell me "wow, you look so good for having had a baby."
I'm thinking, "what, if i hadn't had a baby, i'd look like crap??" lol.
i know they probably mean it in a nice way, but i don't want conditions on how i look good!

To the OP, well, i'm sure he thought he was being nice. Take it as a compliment - he thinks you're beautiful NOW, and as motivation. Good luck

Probably not the smoothest way to compliment a girl, but you say he's just your study buddy so I guess he doesn't have to be. It is a compliment. He said you're beautiful. And when you lose the rest of your weight you're going to be so hot. It's a compliment. And it doesn't have conditions.

It would motivate me for sure, and then I could fluant my hotness in his face and never ever give him a chance with me..it's paybacks, but thank him for the motivation.

This has been said to me before. It sucks.

That sounds like something my best friend would say. He is infamous for sticking his foot in his mouth I swear. :laugh:

Generally speaking if you have to preface a statement with "No offense" or " don't take this the wrong way" then you probably shouldn't say it in the first place.

some guys just have a difficult time expressing themselves in words. he knew it was going to sound a little off, but he more than likely meant well. ive been in his shoes and sometimes you just feel awkward saying something.

ive started out things with "with all due respect" and "i know this is going to sound wrong, but i cant think of a way to reword it....so brace yourself here it comes and ill try to explain what im meaning..."

and the people i compliment that way know my wording, how i talk, and i how sound when im actually trying to be serious.


would u have rather him said nothing?

Don't over-analyze. consider it compliment. Your buddy see's you, knows your goal, knows your working hard at it, and was honest in visualizing the new you. Hot = win