relationship question

sansey
sansey Posts: 113 Member
in Chit-Chat
Without getting into details I have a dilemma that I need advise for. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are having some "issues". We currently are separated as well as seeing a marriage counselor. Needless to say there is some stress and things are not going very well. When we do talk it usually ends up in some sort of a argument.

Now she has this "friend" who she has know since she was in high school. However this person moved around and was not part of her life for the majority of our marriage. In the last 6 months this person started to come back in to her life. I do not have a problem with her being friends with this person however I really think it would help our working on our marriage if she would not see said person while we do this? Is this wrong of me? What would you do? Or am I over reacting? I feel like we both want to work on and save our marriage but I personally feel like it would be helpful if for the time being this person was not a distraction. If they are that close of a friend they would be willing to wait to continue their friendship?
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Replies

  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    is it a dude or chick friend?
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Is said person male or female?
  • PHATmommy68
    PHATmommy68 Posts: 112
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Go away.
  • TobyTimmyNala
    TobyTimmyNala Posts: 40 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Hmm. wrong.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    A true friendship never dies, nor "waits".

    She is either going to or not going to. You cannot control her decisions. Worry about yourself, plan for the worse, but focus on the present.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Go away.

    x2
  • aba160
    aba160 Posts: 37 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    You're in the chit-chat, fun and games section. If you don't want off topic posts, stay away from this section. End of story.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    I have a relationship issue with food. Are you saying I should just give up?
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    because if its a dude friend, im gonna say red flag man. if its a female, it could go either way. if the chickie is single, shes prob going to do lots of single type things together. if married, prob not so much.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,412 Member
    If this "friend" is a guy... you are going to have bigger problems than your current ones if they continue to see eeach other. If the "friend" is a girl... get some popcorn.
  • WhiteCoc0
    WhiteCoc0 Posts: 160 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    wow is all I can say!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here


    Awwww :) You're cute. Wanna go out sometime?
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    GTF out of this thread if you don't like it.
  • Jay0hwhy
    Jay0hwhy Posts: 63
    i don't know how her hanging out with someone and being friends with them would get in the way of you working on your marriage unless you are threatened by them.

    is this friend a good looking man who is interested in her? if so, then yes, you have grounds for complaint.

    however, if not, i don't see what's wrong with her having friends and it sounds a little controlling to take issue with her talking to friends. even in a marriage, there should be room for friends.
  • sunkissedxo20
    sunkissedxo20 Posts: 36
    .
  • PittShkr
    PittShkr Posts: 1,000 Member
    Relationship????? I prefer to call them RELATION****S!
  • jenlarz
    jenlarz Posts: 813 Member
    If it bothers you that much bring it up in a counseling session as something that bothers you. If she gets super defensive about it, it may be a problem. If she sees your point of view and is willing to consider seeing less of that friend then you don't have to worry so much.
  • emmaonamission
    emmaonamission Posts: 117
    Asking her to do this will probably make her resent you. I mean, it's fair enough if she wants to spend all her time with this person while you're supposed to be working on your marriage, then I think you'd have a point, but otherwise - that'd be too much like asking her to put her life on hold, or to restrain from what she really wants and I think that will become the foundation of future problems. You just need to trust her and hope that she sees that working on your marriage is more important. :\
  • tgh1914
    tgh1914 Posts: 1,036 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
    Oh crap it's just a dieting site? In my quest for general fitness, you're saying I've been in the wrong place for the last 3 years?!?!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Wow. Well thank goodness YOU obviously don't have any personal issues.
  • Jay0hwhy
    Jay0hwhy Posts: 63
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    troll
  • CallieM15
    CallieM15 Posts: 910 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here


    Thats why he posted under chit chat fun and games.
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here

    Actually personal problems can lead to stress which can hinder weight loss so I disagree with you! :flowerforyou:
  • Pookylou
    Pookylou Posts: 988 Member
    Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here


    Awwww :) You're cute. Wanna go out sometime?

    I call dibs! Clearly a keeper :flowerforyou:
  • MrsHutcho9988
    MrsHutcho9988 Posts: 99
    My husband and I are long distance and I have a lot of guy friends. If the "friend" is a guy I would be worried because although I am not the cheating type...my guy friends have all made it perfectly clear that they would hook up, they do flirt with me, I always shut them down, but they are guys at the end of the day. Im not saying men and women cant be friends, because I do have great friendly relationships with my guys, but I know that if I came to them and even hinted that I wanted them, they would try something.

    It sounds like your relationship is fragile, and Its great that you two are seeing a counselor and want to work on it. I would definitely bring it up with the counselor and voice your opinion. If you are going to get back together you have to be honest with your feelings. I wouldn't just call her up and say point blank to stop hanging out with the friend, do it in a safe place where you can freely talk about it.

    If the friend is a single girl, I wouldn't worry at all. Yes, single girls go out, get hit on, drink too much and party, but your wife has a relationship and that's with you. She is probably going out to let her hair down, to de stress and to laugh...not to hook up with a stranger, etc...

    Trust is the most important thing. I hope you can work it out!
  • amandab1669
    amandab1669 Posts: 86 Member
    If your wife is serious about saving your relationship she shouldn't mind if you asked her to put that relationship on hold. At least until you get your relationship straightened out. If she really cares about you and your relationship this should not be an issue. The only thing is she may not be willing to give up this relationship so you have to be ready to hear that and decide how your are going to respond. She may be getting something she needs right now that she feels she is not getting from you. Try to find out what kind of relationship they really have. If you are uncomfortable with it all you can do is communicate it with her. If she just doesn't care then that says a lot about your relationship. I hope it works out and wish you the best
  • logicman69
    logicman69 Posts: 1,034 Member
    i don't know how her hanging out with someone and being friends with them would get in the way of you working on your marriage unless you are threatened by them.

    is this friend a good looking man who is interested in her? if so, then yes, you have grounds for complaint.

    however, if not, i don't see what's wrong with her having friends and it sounds a little controlling to take issue with her talking to friends. even in a marriage, there should be room for friends.

    Great responce, I was going to say much the same.

    I say let them meet up and catch up. It is possible for a male and female to be "just friends" (I know from experiance). The worst thing you can do is ask her not to see her friend. It implies that there is trust issues going on. You can voice your uneasiness of the situation, but it must be in a way that is not threatening to her.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    Without getting into details I have a dilemma that I need advise for. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are having some "issues". We currently are separated as well as seeing a marriage counselor. Needless to say there is some stress and things are not going very well. When we do talk it usually ends up in some sort of a argument.

    Now she has this "friend" who she has know since she was in high school. However this person moved around and was not part of her life for the majority of our marriage. In the last 6 months this person started to come back in to her life. I do not have a problem with her being friends with this person however I really think it would help our working on our marriage if she would not see said person while we do this? Is this wrong of me? What would you do? Or am I over reacting? I feel like we both want to work on and save our marriage but I personally feel like it would be helpful if for the time being this person was not a distraction. If they are that close of a friend they would be willing to wait to continue their friendship?

    Given the fact that you two are struggling but trying to reconcile I would say this is one instance where you are allowed to say "Honey, can we focus on us right now without the involvement of others?"

    She's not going to listen. But you can say it at least. Bad news is we all know what you're worried about, and cynical me thinks you probably have a good reason to be worried. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Sorry for that. Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that. Be the man she fell in love with. Be confident, be bold. Try to remember all the things she loved when you met.

    It may not work, but at least you'll have given it a shot. Best of luck to you.
  • Psychoanalytic
    Psychoanalytic Posts: 261
    I can't believe I'm actually about to be constructive about this topic.

    It depends on your relationship and how it functions. No one can analyze that but you and her. Some rhetorical questions: Why does it make you uncomfortable? Has she given you reason not to trust her? Is she saying one thing and doing another? (I guess that would be a reason.) And most importantly, would you be uncomfortable with it if you two weren't having problems?

    Personally, I don't see it as a big deal.

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