relationship question
Replies
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Ok back to the subject at hand......
If it's a guy from the past that has suddenly surfaced and wants to rekindle a friendship - I'd say that's a red flag!!!! And since you guys are already in counseling by all means bring it up.
If it's a female friend - I can't see how this would hurt a reconciliation UNLESS this female friend is a negative influence in your wifes life? Is she asking her to go out and party all hours of the night and encouraging her to abandon her marriage then YES you may want to bring that up in counseling too.0 -
I think you need to leave the issue alone. Your jealousy over this friendship is not going to help you save your marriage. When you are on better terms with your wife, then you can discuss how this friendship makes you feel.0
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Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that. Be the man she fell in love with. Be confident, be bold. Try to remember all the things she loved when you met.
It may not work, but at least you'll have given it a shot. Best of luck to you.
This.0 -
WOW ... this is a hard one because you are asking complete strangers to make comments about your 11 year marriage with really little to know information. So let me start by typing this to you. The same way you feel that "friend" she has may not be healthy for the healing and mending of your relationship, reaching out to complete strangers that have no feelings, some no sympathy, others that may care to share, some that could careless at all is NOT a good idea. The wonderful thing about marriage is the ability to fall in love again with the same person. Stop worrying about what's on the outside (the friends) and focus on the woman you married, the counseling sessions and healing and finding the love that made you both say "yes" ...
I know that some of us on this site have eating issues because of emotional wounds, so yes, this is the place to share whatever is going to make you healthier in the long run. But when it comes to your wife, seriously, you need to continue down the path of professional help and forget about the rest. Let go of the stuff that doesn't matter and focus on the stuff that does!! Only my opinion!! Nothing more ... Nothing less, I wish you and your wife well.0 -
Without getting into details I have a dilemma that I need advise for. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are having some "issues". We currently are separated as well as seeing a marriage counselor. Needless to say there is some stress and things are not going very well. When we do talk it usually ends up in some sort of a argument.
Now she has this "friend" who she has know since she was in high school. However this person moved around and was not part of her life for the majority of our marriage. In the last 6 months this person started to come back in to her life. I do not have a problem with her being friends with this person however I really think it would help our working on our marriage if she would not see said person while we do this? Is this wrong of me? What would you do? Or am I over reacting? I feel like we both want to work on and save our marriage but I personally feel like it would be helpful if for the time being this person was not a distraction. If they are that close of a friend they would be willing to wait to continue their friendship?
Given the fact that you two are struggling but trying to reconcile I would say this is one instance where you are allowed to say "Honey, can we focus on us right now without the involvement of others?"
She's not going to listen. But you can say it at least. Bad news is we all know what you're worried about, and cynical me thinks you probably have a good reason to be worried. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Sorry for that. Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that. Be the man she fell in love with. Be confident, be bold. Try to remember all the things she loved when you met.
It may not work, but at least you'll have given it a shot. Best of luck to you.
perfect answer...0 -
Given the fact that you two are struggling but trying to reconcile I would say this is one instance where you are allowed to say "Honey, can we focus on us right now without the involvement of others?"
She's not going to listen. But you can say it at least. Bad news is we all know what you're worried about, and cynical me thinks you probably have a good reason to be worried. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Sorry for that. Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that. Be the man she fell in love with. Be confident, be bold. Try to remember all the things she loved when you met.
It may not work, but at least you'll have given it a shot. Best of luck to you.
Yes to all of this.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
Wrong, honey - this is NOT a "dieting" site...it is a FITNESS site. Being fit doesn't have to refer only to your body. You need a fit mind as well. If you're in emotional turmoil, your mind can not be fit.
As for the original post - it's really hard to say. It's a touchy sitation to be in especially since you are separated. You don't really feel like you can demand they not be friends, but you feel their friendship is detrimental to the healing of the relationship with your wife. I was in a similar situation...I decided to let go and have never been happier. Good luck!0 -
Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that.
Explain this one to me, love.... A little jealousy isn't always bad. Just as a random example, I'd prefer if my guy got a teensy bit upset if someone else was sending me flowers and pursuing me. If he doesn't care AT ALL, then... well, it just doesn't seem like he cares about me *LOL*
Or maybe that's my crazy talking... I should really take my meds.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
WOW!! This ste is for encouragement and respect and you clearly don't care about others on here! We are all here to help each other out with any advice! You should stay quite if you are not going to be supportive or find another site to join where you can just focus on yourself!0 -
Arent you a peach!Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here0 -
Chris Rock said it best. A girl in a relationship or marriage does not have male friends. Every one of her male friends, including the guy in question, is a "(slang term for male body part) under glass. In case of emergency, she's gonna break that glass."0
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Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that.
Explain this one to me, love.... A little jealousy isn't always bad. Just as a random example, I'd prefer if my guy got a teensy bit upset if someone else was sending me flowers and pursuing me. If he doesn't care AT ALL, then... well, it just doesn't seem like he cares about me *LOL*
You are correct. Women hate jealousy. Unless they're in the mood where they want you to be jealous. Then you're in trouble if you aren't.
The reason for this being that women are bat **** crazy. But I couldn't very well go and say that out loud....
Jokes ladies. Love y'all.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
1. (n.) chitchat
light conversation; casual talk; gossip.
2. (v.i.) chitchat
to converse lightly or casually.0 -
Thanks for all of the responses and the advise. I don't think there is a answer especially on a forum like this. The person is a guy and she was close friends with him growing up. However they lost contact and now he is back. I do know him and actually have alot in common with the guy. However for whatever reason he does not want to be friends with me and she somewhat tries to hide the fact that she communicates with him. She says that he isn't involved with our situation and he is just a friend that she can talk to about everyday life rather than our mess. Anyway thanks for the comments!!0
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My ex worried. His worry was well placed....0
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Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that.
Explain this one to me, love.... A little jealousy isn't always bad. Just as a random example, I'd prefer if my guy got a teensy bit upset if someone else was sending me flowers and pursuing me. If he doesn't care AT ALL, then... well, it just doesn't seem like he cares about me *LOL*
You are correct. Women hate jealousy. Unless they're in the mood where they want you to be jealous. Then you're in trouble if you aren't.
The reason for this being that women are bat **** crazy. But I couldn't very well go and say that out loud....
Jokes ladies. Love y'all.
fyi: My current status is, "I hate it when I expose my bat-*kitten* crazy side. /sigh"0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
It seems to me you don't pay much attention cause this is called CHIT-CHAT, FUN, AND GAMES. He can post whatever he wants.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
You're in the chit-chat, fun and games section. If you don't want off topic posts, stay away from this section. End of story.
THIS ^^^^^^^^
Chit chat=fair game on all questions...0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
This is in the "chit chat" section which means, not pertaining to weight loss. Reading is helpful, isn't it?0 -
Without getting into details I have a dilemma that I need advise for. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are having some "issues". We currently are separated as well as seeing a marriage counselor. Needless to say there is some stress and things are not going very well. When we do talk it usually ends up in some sort of a argument.
Now she has this "friend" who she has know since she was in high school. However this person moved around and was not part of her life for the majority of our marriage. In the last 6 months this person started to come back in to her life. I do not have a problem with her being friends with this person however I really think it would help our working on our marriage if she would not see said person while we do this? Is this wrong of me? What would you do? Or am I over reacting? I feel like we both want to work on and save our marriage but I personally feel like it would be helpful if for the time being this person was not a distraction. If they are that close of a friend they would be willing to wait to continue their friendship?
Honestly if it's a guy of the opposite sex and you think there is or could be something I would ask that request, trust me you will find out real quick what this person means to her....(speaking out of experience)0 -
Are the "issues" because she reconnected with her long lost friend 6 months ago?
My motto is trust but verify. Key logger on her computer and gps on phone/car should cover everything.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
Really?? So your personal problems have never affected your dieting and fitness goals? You must be sooooooooooooooooo much better than the rest of us. *insert eye roll here*0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
I have a relationship issue with food. Are you saying I should just give up?
THIS ^^^^^^^:laugh:0 -
Are the "issues" because she reconnected with her long lost friend 6 months ago?
My motto is trust but verify. Key logger on her computer and gps on phone/car should cover everything.
Stalker creepy. And illegal in many states.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
Go away.
x2
x3, if you don't like the topic title just don't click on it.......... it really is that simple0 -
If it bothers you that much bring it up in a counseling session as something that bothers you. If she gets super defensive about it, it may be a problem. If she sees your point of view and is willing to consider seeing less of that friend then you don't have to worry so much.
I agree completely. Since you are going to counseling I would bring it up that this bothers you. Talk it out and see where each other are coming from. Once you see the reaction then you can determine if it's a red flag. All in all go with your gut. Our instincts usually kick in here.0 -
Start by getting this off the Internetz. If there's any danger in this getting back to her, then it would undermine your counseling efforts.
With that being said, I think it's reasonable to say that you are jealous but under control. Who wouldn't be jealous? I don't know if she's trying to get a response but I think a measured response would be wise... if nothing else to show her that it bothers you and you still care for her. If you want her back, compete for it. Don't back down to the weird mix-tape kid from the friend zone.0 -
Sorry but this is a dieting site. Personal problems (relationship problems) really don't have any place here
That is not true. I don't understand how people can be so cold towards people who are reaching out. It is really sad.
I have a question for you.. Why were you nosey enough to click on the thread if you weren't interested in a relationship question. Was it just so you can snark at somebody. Do you feel better about yourself now - Ooo so powerful?? RUDE.0 -
Without getting into details I have a dilemma that I need advise for. My wife and I have been married for 11 years and are having some "issues". We currently are separated as well as seeing a marriage counselor. Needless to say there is some stress and things are not going very well. When we do talk it usually ends up in some sort of a argument.
Now she has this "friend" who she has know since she was in high school. However this person moved around and was not part of her life for the majority of our marriage. In the last 6 months this person started to come back in to her life. I do not have a problem with her being friends with this person however I really think it would help our working on our marriage if she would not see said person while we do this? Is this wrong of me? What would you do? Or am I over reacting? I feel like we both want to work on and save our marriage but I personally feel like it would be helpful if for the time being this person was not a distraction. If they are that close of a friend they would be willing to wait to continue their friendship?
Given the fact that you two are struggling but trying to reconcile I would say this is one instance where you are allowed to say "Honey, can we focus on us right now without the involvement of others?"
She's not going to listen. But you can say it at least. Bad news is we all know what you're worried about, and cynical me thinks you probably have a good reason to be worried. I know that's the last thing you want to hear. Sorry for that. Just don't let jealousy make you less of a man. Women hate that. Be the man she fell in love with. Be confident, be bold. Try to remember all the things she loved when you met.
It may not work, but at least you'll have given it a shot. Best of luck to you.
Great response! Both of them.0 -
Are the "issues" because she reconnected with her long lost friend 6 months ago?
My motto is trust but verify. Key logger on her computer and gps on phone/car should cover everything.
:noway: How is that trusting?
Please don't listen to that, if I were having issues and I found out I was being "tracked" any chance of reconciling would be out the window.
That being said, her hiding the fact that she has that much to do with him is suspect. :ohwell:0
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