Closed Diary's

Wow, I didn't realise how touchy a subject this is till I read all these comments...

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

No, it's really nothing like that, at all. There are many more important things I can do on this site than play food police for my friends. If you "need" to see my diary on pain of defriending me, than I wouldn't want you as a friend anyway, because I don't deal well with obsessive control freaks. I have never once even glanced at any of my friends' diaries, unless they specifically ask me. It's their job to keep themselves on track, not mine. My job is to give advice when they ask, and be social.

This has been the first time I feel differently about what I am doing and I enjoy the support/ encouragement/ accountability. It doesn't bother me if someone has a closed diary or not. I do look at the diaries that are open. I don't look to be nosy or to rub someone's face in an extra hundred calories or more, but to get ideas on food choices. Just the other day I looked at a diary and saw X (whatever it was) and how many calories it had. I had written that particular food off on an assumption of its nutritional value. In saying that, I do completely understand why some people choose to keep it private. I just want to let y'all know that not everyone that looks wants to be your MFP "momma".

Because some people don't want the support aspect of the site, they just want the tools.

This! I don't have friends or my diary open, tried it and got sick of being supportive to others for nall all in return so now I use it for me as a means of controlling my calories and that's it....I don't need the support as I'm fine on my own so why should I share my diary with randoms?

And trust me if mine is under my calorie goal it's only just!

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

It's more like saying: "I don't know you or what you know about anything, and your opinion isn't nearly as important to me as you think it should be. And that you compare food diary sharing with marriage intimacy is really kind of creepy."

:bigsmile:

OP - why find it frustrating, how does it effect you exactly?

There could be many reasons. When I first joined Mfp I didn't know that the diary wasn't open or that anyone would want to look at it/. I also never used to religously keep it up to date.

Not everybody is able to wholeheartedly embrace a changed lifestyle, so perhaps they may be embarrased about the unhealthy food they're still eating, perhaps not logging it all, or logging for their own information. That's their choice and nothing to do with any other Mfp user, friend or not.

Concentrate on your own diary items, support friends with open diaries, and support those that have chosen to keep their diary private for whatever reason - don't ask them why not unless you think they may not know it can be made public.

Mine is closed for several reasons.

- I feel that if it was open, I wouldn't be totally honest on a really bad day. I had really bad days both today and yesterday. I logged everything so that I could keep myself accountable and be able to look back at whatever time and realize why I didn't lose this week. If I knew people were seeing it, I probably wouldn't have put everything on there.
-I make diet choices based on what works in my life. Not everyone is the same. I don't always stay within my macros and I don't always make the healthiest choices, but for me it is about making small, sustainable choices at a time. I don't want to be feeling good about staying under my fat and calorie intake and then have someone obnoxiously point out that I've gone over on sodium.
-I saw an excellent post on here quite awhile back about the "organic rainbow lettuce brigade" or something or other basically pointing out how crazy the "clean eaters" can be around everyone else. I don't buy into clean eating and it's not something I feel I can sustain for a lifetime. I don't want those people making negative comments about my food choices because I sometimes eat processed foods. It works for me, and I don't want people making me feel bad about it.
-It's a privacy thing. No one needs to know exactly what I put in my mouth 24/7. My IRL friends don't even know that.

My friends are encouraging when I stay under my goal, post a workout, or post a loss. I keep positive people only on my list. Some people are looking for the hardcore people to "yell" at them every time they've done something "wrong"- if that's what they want, then they can have those types of friends. If someone wants to delete me because they can't get a chance to lecture about whatever I had for dinner, that is totally fine with me. The great thing about the site is that you can choose to be friends with people who mesh with your style. I didn't accept friends for a long time when I first started b/c I hated all of the negativity and superiority I saw. Eventually I realized I could accept friends who were interested in the same thing I am and stay away from all of that.

I really should save my responses to these "closed diary" threads.

Why do people care whether others have open or closed diaries? It seems a bit controlling.

Some reasons people don't open their diaries:

*It is the Internet - you get very strange people commenting on something personal. Who wants a troll sending PMs about that piece of cake you had?
*You are embarrassed.
*You've had issues with eating disorders and the idea of others commenting on your food choices is unbearable.
*Why on earth would you take the advice of some random MFP person on your nutrition? Are they a nutritionist/dietician/doctor?
*You don't owe it to anyone.
*You don't need someone's opinion on being over calories one day - you know what you are doing and not doing. Plus, a food diary doesn't convey all the info: diabetes, food allergies, food intolerances, pregnancy, breast feeding, saving calories to go to a party, carbo loading before a big race, on and on!
*People on MFP have various ideas about nutrition (cleanses, no carbs, high protein, low cal, low fat, high fat, eat more, primal, clean, everything in moderation, on and on). Which would you listen to?
*Open diary is NOT the whole point of MFP. That's why it is an option.
*You are a stellar cook and don't need shopping or recipe ideas from others.
*You tried opening your diary and the inappropriate comments from people who don't understand boundaries or etiquette or nutrition sent you over the edge.
*Your mom/sister/cousin/coworker/best friend/spouse is on MFP and you don't really want her/him reading your food diary.
*Food is personal to you.
*You are a grown adult and don't need someone policing your intake.
*You don't wanna.

I record my calories for me, not for anyone else. I don't need anyone else to see my diary. I am here for me and not for other people to judge my food choices. There is a support system here that can be had and is good to have without them needing to see what I ate today.

It's kind of like saying: "even though we are married we don't need to have sex because holding hands should be enough."

Seriously?? I hope you aren't married. It's not even close to being a little tiny bit even remotely like that. It's more like saying "Just because we are neighbors doesn't mean you need to have a key to my house." I keep my diary open to my friends and closed to the general public. I'll give a key to my house to my good neighbors but I'm not going to throw the door wide open and leave it that way. I don't need some stranger on the interwebs commenting that I didn't eat enough or that I need to work out more or that I shouldn't eat meat because it's murder. It's nice to have support but some people here seem to think they are way more important and knowledgable than they really are. I'll choose who I want to support me and whose advice I want to receive thankyouverymuch.

Not everybody is here for support, some just want to log their calories and use the site as a tool to weight loss.
Anyways, mine's open for everyone.

I had no idea mine was private, changed!

Just like my sins are between me and God

What I eat is between Me and my Stomach.

:flowerforyou:

Funny, OP's diary is not open unless you're friends.

:huh:

Same with the one who thinks it's like sex in a marriage. :laugh:

because I already have issues with shame and food, so having someone call me out (which has happened before) doesn't help that AT ALL.

currently my diary is open, but it was close for awhile before that bc I wasn't comfortable.

I dont want anyone to comment on what I eat. It's pretty healthy, but I eat like bad chocolaty things too everyday.
Thats why its working for me though. Also I really feel that what you eat is pretty private information in general.