How would you feel if someone said this...

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  • FadingJamie
    FadingJamie Posts: 3
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    I had an old lady say something similar to me in a restaurant. "You'd be so pretty if you just dropped the weight."

    Umm wow... as if I'm on the brink of attractiveness if it wasn't for these unfortunate rolls!
  • realia
    realia Posts: 169 Member
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    I hate when people say that because then I can't help but wonder, "Do you REALLY think I'm beautiful if you think I'll be "better" if I lose more weight?" It's so shallow and sickening. I'm not losing weight to please you or anything. It's more for ME, so uh, f*** off. I know most of the time, it's not meant to be insulting, but that's what gets on my nerves. We're so conditioned to believe "the skinnier, the hotter". No wonder it's hard for most people to love themselves for who they are.

    I think he meant it as a compliment. Quite honestly, I never know how to handle backhanded compliments. You know they mean it with great intention, but on the other hand, it's like, "Oh, so you don't like me the way I am now?"
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    While it had NO tact, sounds like a compliment to me. Doesn't sound like there was any piece of insult in there.

    Use it to motivate you and move on :)

    THIS THIS THIS

    I don't understand why everyone is so offended. He said you were beautiful. When I had weight to lose I used to think, "When I lose the rest of my weight I'm going to be smokin' hot" So, if someone else said it I would think, "Yes, I agree with that."

    What is the big deal if someone says something they honestly think? Suddenly they are worthless, rude *ssholes? Doesn't make any sense.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    I'd take it as "you're decent, and i want to put a nice word in, just in case you lose the weight and i decide i want to be intimate with you at least once"
  • realia
    realia Posts: 169 Member
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    He should have said something like this:

    "Wow, you are like heart of a volcano hot! If you loose anymore weight, you are going to be like surface of the sun hot. When that happens, all bets are off! :)"

    Or pretty close to that.
    lmao. i would have giggled at that. but hey, i like humor.
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    WOW. You guys are so sensitive.

    He said: YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL

    Then he said: WHEN YOU LOSE THE REST OF YOUR WEIGHT, YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO HOT

    I don't see anything in there that is a backhanded compliment.

    Both sentances contain great compliments. He is saying she's already beautiful, and when she drops some more weight, she will move from beautiful to hot.

    WOW! What an awesome thing for someone to say.

    THIS!

    What's a guy supposed to do? Then people wonder why they don't get compliments! You need a PR rep to screen everything you say in order to be nice to someone these days.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    What's a guy supposed to do? Then people wonder why they don't get compliments! You need a PR rep to screen everything you say in order to be nice to someone these days.
    Not all guys. Perhaps guys who are selfish and narcissistic need a PR rep to help them "be nice", but not all guys.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Umm basically he is saying you have a pretty face, but right now you are to heavy for him. So to end a debate in another thread, when you lose the weight, and are good enough for him, will you hook up with him?
  • LadyofLight08
    LadyofLight08 Posts: 245 Member
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    I take it as a compliment.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
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    I'd take it as "you're decent, and i want to put a nice word in, just in case you lose the weight and i decide i want to be intimate with you at least once"

    This is what he was saying
  • ginny1214
    ginny1214 Posts: 338
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    Umm basically he is saying you have a pretty face, but right now you are to heavy for him. So to end a debate in another thread, when you lose the weight, and are good enough for him, will you hook up with him?

    No I wouldn't. I posted already he is just a friend. We're actually pretty close and have neither talked about the attractiveness of one another before.
  • GiaFox
    GiaFox Posts: 48
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    Back in high school I was told:

    "If you lost 15lbs, you could be a porn star!"

    :noway:

    Uh thanks... this was by a female friend in my elective class.


    LOL That's funny. Like being a pornstar is such a venerable profession. lol
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
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    back handed compliment, but hell I'd take it and run with it LOL
  • GiaFox
    GiaFox Posts: 48
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    Hmmm....But I don't like how ''hot'' sounds like. I think ''beautiful'' is a much better compliment. ''Hot'' just means ''f*ckable'' (excuse my French), but you can be hot without being pretty....It's purely a sexual thing. Beautiful implies that you have great looks in a classy way and a great charm, special one. He basicly told you you look good, but not fkable....I would take his so-called compliment with a grain of salt. No need to make a big deal out of it, either, but, personally, I wouldn't want to be told that to my face. I mean, the second part of the compliment. lol
  • Peschuntz
    Peschuntz Posts: 270 Member
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    What makes his statement so damn inappropriate was that your weight is your business. Unless you asked him, he should have kept his unsolicited opinion to himself.
  • nursenikki829
    nursenikki829 Posts: 432 Member
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    Have you ever seen Talladega Nights?

    "Mr. Dennit, with all due respect, and remember I'm sayin' with all due respect, that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin' it on."
    -Ricky Bobby

    Just because you say with all due respect doesn't mean you can say whatever you want. Same thing.
  • Gt3ch
    Gt3ch Posts: 212 Member
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    That reminds me of a lot of my thoughts when I see many of the before and after pics here. I look at the before and read the story and think, "Really? She felt bad about her appearance? She though she needed to loose weight? She's really cute/hot." Then I see the after and just go "damn!!!!"

    It's a total compliment even though it sounds backhanded and kinda bad. Most of us guys are kinda stupid and stumble around sensitive topics when we should just shut up or say only half of what we're thinking.

    If he said something like "I know you're trying to loose weight but you're really hot now" you would have totally melted. It's what he was thinking, it just came out stupid.
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
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    Look, I'm sure he didn't mean it as an insult but get a clue dude.....It's like he just said.....wow, you're almost pretty enough to ask out on a date......buuuuuuut, hmmm, not quite. Missed it by .....that much <holds up index finger and thumb>

    yeah this "silver tongue devil" definitely has the feel good touch to him <hear the sarcasm>

    Don't waste your time. You deserve better....what a doofus....
  • Nataliaho
    Nataliaho Posts: 878 Member
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    That kind of comment would offend me too! However my advice is to just give him the benefit of the doubt, that it was intended as a compliment and not think about it too much. In my experience there are enough people making downright mean comments without worrying about one that is dubious...
  • CanuckLove
    CanuckLove Posts: 673 Member
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    I don't know if I would feel complimented. A guy said to me before "When I first met you, I was so not sexually attracted to you, but now I am!" .. It's like.. Uuum thanks.................................. Douche.

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