How do adults make friends?

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  • AllyBooMommyof2
    AllyBooMommyof2 Posts: 171
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    To add to what I said before. I meet these people at my kids sports activities and I don't talk at church... lol I just go there to pray. I wish more than anything I could find active friends that like to go walk and exercise and stuff like that and eat healthy so I'd have something in common with them.
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
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    suport groups ?
  • divinebird
    divinebird Posts: 81 Member
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    If you still have contact info for some of your old friends, maybe try reaching out to them? I reconnected with someone after 15 years and it feels like no time has passed. They had their own lives in the meantime and unless you guys ended on a bad note, chances are you'll have a good time catching up!

    I also recommend joining a club or guild if you have a hobby. I knit & spin yarn, so I met a whole bunch of people through an informal knit night at a local coffee shop. We started out meeting at Starbucks, then moved to a different coffeeshop, and while the group has changed over the years, the core is pretty much intact. We all make plans to go to yarn shops and festivals together--it's great! And all it really took was a few flyers up in local places--some at Starbucks, some at the local yarn shops--and after a few weeks, we were going strong. I hadn't ever met any of them before, but they have become some of the best friends I've ever made.

    You could do this for books if you like reading, or other crafts...most Starbucks and other coffeeshops seem happy to host groups like that so long as people buy stuff. But it makes them look busy and it's a public place where you won't have to invite people over. :) And don't worry if you start small...we had 3 people at our first meeting, and the group grew over time to almost 20 people! It's at about 8 who meet regularly now, plus 4 or 5 who drop in when they can.

    ETA: A lot of people expect our group of knitters to be staid but we are a ROWDY bunch. I have gone home with my sides hurting from laughing so much, and there have been nights when the topic has devolved to some pretty TMI topics (like the night one girl explained to an older woman several certain trendy sex acts, complete with hand gestures). So don't think that a crafting group has to be all cutesy or polite! ;) Just, uh, be careful about that if you're not the only ones in the restaurant... ;)
  • Sepheara
    Sepheara Posts: 208 Member
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    I go to meetup.com and put in my zipcode and joined a few free groups in my area and just started going to events. When you're with like minded people having a good time, friendships are bound to form :)
  • jr1985
    jr1985 Posts: 1,033 Member
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    If you are a church person... That is a really great way to meet other people, and most have TONS of different groups etc that meet for different things. Or like other have said, if you have a hobby that can be a social thing like golfing, etc. Or join PTA or something, Book clubs maybe? Good luck!
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

    It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

    Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

    Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

    how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    WELL-DESIGNED TRAP AND FRESH PEOPLE BAIT

    LOL!!!! Nice!
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Here's what works for me, but we have young kids and are married:

    Everyone eats, and we both can cook. So, we just invite people over for dinner and drinks afterwards, along with their kids. Pop on some interesting music when they arrive and leave it on. I have a bunch of stuff to do - maybe we'll play trivia, watch a movie, cards, a social video game (think Wii tennis, etc) or just do nothing but chat if the vibe is good.

    From there, plans for other things more structured tend to arise. Oh, let's go on a wine tour. See a movie. Go skiing. Dancing. And so on...

    Since we usually have dinner at home anyway, it's no extra work other than making the recipe slightly larger. It's also no big deal if people don't show up, since we're going to eat anyway. So, I'll invite a bunch of people with no pressure.

    If you have trouble socializing, check out succeedsocially.com for some really good free advice. It's a goldmine for introverts. No sales pitch.
  • Captain_Mal
    Captain_Mal Posts: 945 Member
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    When you unlock this secret, let me know because I have zero friends.

    Granted my focus has been on marriage, college, kids, and now finding a job that I'll enjoy.
    I'm socially awkward too, always have been and sometimes painfully introverted. Plus, I've never had close friendships with women and I'd really love to change that.
  • aripak
    aripak Posts: 33
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    I completely understand where you are coming from. I moved far from my hometown last year and I work from home...and I'm not exactly an extrovert! I second the idea to try meetup.com. I've met some great people who have the same hobbies, etc... that I have.
  • jaylee512
    jaylee512 Posts: 10
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    I have had this same issue... my fiance and I are trying to meet new couples to hang out with as all of our friends are single. I do love my current friends but would most def like to meet some people that are doing the same things we are and have the same goals. We joined meetup.com a few months ago but have been a little reluctant to venture out and actually attend one. I hear there is this speed friending type of thing that goes on, I live in Austin, Tx, and it is kind of like speed dating.... if only I wasn't so shy!

    Good luck and let me know what works because I could use the advice as well! =)
  • eganita
    eganita Posts: 501 Member
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    I've met a lot of friends through an adult sports league.. the one in my city has kickball, hockey, basketball, softball, etc, etc. For me, it's been a great place to find other like-minded people.
  • JoyousRen
    JoyousRen Posts: 3,823 Member
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    I'm with the meetup.com thing. I moved to a new city alone 2 years ago. I met almost all of my girlfriends in a 20/30 women's meetup group or through some one on it. It's great.
  • knitfastpurlyoung
    knitfastpurlyoung Posts: 102 Member
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    A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

    It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

    Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

    This.

    And smile at people too. Not a creepy-stalker-ish smile, but a knowing or sympathetic smile can do wonders. Just be... open to it.

    I moved to London without knowing anyone pretty much. And a few years on, I have just the best bunch of people around me. I would walk over hot coals for these people. When my relationship ended I was so incredibly moved by how many people dropped what they were doing to come to my rescue, force feed me homemade soup and biscuits, and invite me out on special day trips.

    I don't say this to be all "look at me with my awesome clan of people". I say this to illustrate that you can absolutely go from 0 to awesome.

    Just smile, crack jokes, sympathise, be genuine, and ask people about themselves. People really like sharing their stories. Joining groups also works wonders, especially craft groups, as the point is just to craft and chat. Take risks too - go to events you're invited to, even if its a little out of your comfort zone. You are probably way better at this than you think.

    Good luck! :)
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    *BUMP*
  • kmende2
    kmende2 Posts: 16
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    Attending a weekly church service
    Recreation centers
    Mommies groups
    Gyms
    Weekly coffee shop visits
    A walk around your neighborhood
    Community pools
    Volunteer non profit.

    Anything that will get you of the house and around others will always help.
    It may take time, because it's always best to surround ourselves around positive, motivating, drama free people, whos focus is goal related, and who strives for success.

    Good Luck!
  • winninga
    winninga Posts: 77 Member
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    Ha! I typed in my city at meetup....the groups around me make me wonder if I should just stay SAP

    Me too!! Just a couple of college students, and another group against JP Morgan.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    We don't.
  • lalalalyndsey
    lalalalyndsey Posts: 565
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    I'm not your age, but I too work in a firm full of older folks and don't really have friends of my own.... I guess this is just a bump...
  • Romans624
    Romans624 Posts: 822
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    I've wondered the same thing. Glad you asked because now I have some good ideas too :)

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