I hate to sound mean but......

tyoung8
tyoung8 Posts: 115 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
This may sound mean but here it goes I HAVE to get this off my chest. There is a woman that sits in the cubicle next to mine. She is severely overweight maybe about 350 lbs and 5'3. Now I would never say mean things about people that are over weight but I cant help but be bothered by her eating habits. Im with her from 9-5 and here is something like how her time her might go:

Breakfast: Soda and McDonalds or burger king
Snack: Chips and another soda
Lunch: McDonalds, burger king, Wendy’s, or other fast foods
Snack: soda, donuts, candy, chocolate, chips

Now. I’m am not a clean eater at all and I am not judging by her eating habits but I find it very discouraging being around this. I almost find it repulsive to see someone so over weight eating so carelessly. Another thing is that she is always out sick, which I can attribute to her weight. I know its not my place to say anything however I’m really bothered and I really want to help out. But don’t want to offend her. What would you do?
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Replies

  • cmccorma
    cmccorma Posts: 203 Member
    I would say do nothing. People are going to do what they want to do. If someone suggested to me to change my eating habits before I was ready to, I would not have listened and I would have been very pissed off. It is up to her to change, not up to you to change her. At one point, people would have looked at my food choices and been repulsed as well. Thankfully no one said anything. People have to want to change.
  • MaryinBflo
    MaryinBflo Posts: 437 Member
    I; am sure a lot of people on here will tell you that used to be them. She needs to WANT to get healthy. You need to just keep being a good example for her and as you lose weight she might want to get on board and ask you what you are doing and at that time you can help her. I don't hink bringing it up to her is wise because if she is really offended it couuld be hard to work with her or she could go to HR.
    When you see her eating those foods look at her body and know that you don't want to look like that! It's the really skinny people that eat like that that get to me!
  • raerae514
    raerae514 Posts: 171 Member
    Use her as an example. Ya know like cause and effect.
    as in:

    "If I can McDonald's for lunch very day and scarf down chocolate and chips and fatty fat stuff, then I am going to end up like THAT."

    And then it's an ego boost for you; all the more reason to eat healthy and work out and all that good stuff.

    I'm sure if you said something to her she would either get really sad or really angry. AND then eat her emotions. And you don't want to have to deal with that at work, do you?
  • Vonnie2006
    Vonnie2006 Posts: 246 Member
    Considering it's a co-worker that's a slippery slope. Are you "friends" with her? If so, I would approach it as a friend. I'm concerened for you..yadda yadda yadda. If not, I wouldn't bother, you could open up a can of "hostile environment, bullying, badgering...." whatever name you want to put on it if she decides to go to HR on you. Just my humble opinion.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    There's nothing worse than someone on a mission.

    Just leave it. It's none of your business. Lead by example. Keep it simple.
  • Miss_Chievous_wechange
    Miss_Chievous_wechange Posts: 1,230 Member
    Lead by example.
  • ramgi
    ramgi Posts: 196 Member
    You do sound kinda mean. I'm sure you're not but what others do shouldn't be our concern. Maybe she'll see the light of health and fitness one day soon.
  • zellagrrl
    zellagrrl Posts: 439
    1. You are inching towards an HR violation (or at least a personal boundaries violation).
    2. If you want to do something, invite her for lunch or coffee somewhere where there are more healthy options. JUST DON'T MENTION THAT'S THE REASON YOU'RE DOING IT.
    3. She probably knows she's eating like crap and that it's making her feel like crap. No need for you to add on anything to that.
  • natvanessa
    natvanessa Posts: 230 Member
    Please don't do or say anything. Just don't let it bother you.

    Also, you do not know if that is why she is calling in sick, it's none of your business! If anything, let her inspire you to NOT eat that way!
  • tmos512
    tmos512 Posts: 119 Member
    I would say do nothing. People are going to do what they want to do. If someone suggested to me to change my eating habits before I was ready to, I would not have listened and I would have been very pissed off. It is up to her to change, not up to you to change her. At one point, people would have looked at my food choices and been repulsed as well. Thankfully no one said anything. People have to want to change.
    This
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    t doesnt sound to me like you want to help,it kinda sounds like you want to sit and judge
  • Oliviamarie05
    Oliviamarie05 Posts: 528 Member
    There's nothing worse than someone on a mission.

    Just leave it. It's none of your business. Lead by example. Keep it simple.

    ^^ Agreed.
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Sounds like you're nonjudgmentally judging her. You've seen what she eats often enough to know she's not eating well, but it really isn't your place to say anything about it unless she asks. Just look after yourself and maybe she'll notice your improvements health wise and want to know how you're doing it and then you can tell her to go easy on the fast food and that she'd be better served learning how to cook her own food.
  • tyoung8
    tyoung8 Posts: 115 Member
    You all are right!.

    Its just very frustrating to see. I would be pissed if anyone said anything to me about my eating habits.
  • mindidily
    mindidily Posts: 196 Member
    I'd let her be. Like others said, she won't change if she isn't ready.
    I know how it feels, though, to want to help someone. My coworker (and friend) has decided he needs to lose weight again. So he's back on his crazy 1000 calorie diet, with the goal of burning part of that a day. He always gains it back when he eats normal again. All I can do is slip in "you should eat a bit more" type comments when he complains about being hungry or tired. But he doesn't want to hear it; he says he is at optimal weight loss when he eats 1000 calories and that's what he's going to do.
  • happythermia
    happythermia Posts: 374
    You've got to want it. And right now, she doesn't.
    Either she'll get there or she won't - but it's not for you to say.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
    You're right, it's mean. Why would you feel like you should do something?
  • LesterBlackstone
    LesterBlackstone Posts: 291 Member
    There's nothing worse than someone on a mission.

    Just leave it. It's none of your business. Lead by example. Keep it simple.

    ^^ Agreed.

    x2
  • LizHowerton
    LizHowerton Posts: 329 Member
    I agree with the lead by example.

    Chances are the woman KNOWS she is eating unhealthy, she just isnt' ready to change her habits. Nothing anyone says to her will change that (well maybe a doctor if he says her health is in danger...and sometimes not even that(.

    I work with a woman is very overweight as well, and my stepdaughters Mom is 100 plus pounds overweight. Just try to be a good example, and keep it as a constant reminder of what not to do.
  • tyoung8
    tyoung8 Posts: 115 Member
    t doesnt sound to me like you want to help,it kinda sounds like you want to sit and judge

    No not at all.
  • gomisskellygo
    gomisskellygo Posts: 635 Member
    There's nothing worse than someone on a mission.

    Just leave it. It's none of your business. Lead by example. Keep it simple.

    This times a million.
  • lil_bear0811
    lil_bear0811 Posts: 56
    This may sound mean but here it goes I HAVE to get this off my chest. There is a woman that sits in the cubicle next to mine. She is severely overweight maybe about 350 lbs and 5'3. Now I would never say mean things about people that are over weight but I cant help but be bothered by her eating habits. Im with her from 9-5 and here is something like how her time her might go:

    Breakfast: Soda and McDonalds or burger king
    Snack: Chips and another soda
    Lunch: McDonalds, burger king, Wendy’s, or other fast foods
    Snack: soda, donuts, candy, chocolate, chips

    Now. I’m am not a clean eater at all and I am not judging by her eating habits but I find it very discouraging being around this. I almost find it repulsive to see someone so over weight eating so carelessly. Another thing is that she is always out sick, which I can attribute to her weight. I know its not my place to say anything however I’m really bothered and I really want to help out. But don’t want to offend her. What would you do?


    How would you feel if someone was judging you by your behaviors that led you to be 40 pounds overweight? "Just Sayin"

    And starting your post out with I hate to sound mean but.... is just mean!
  • jaxandmaksmom
    jaxandmaksmom Posts: 262 Member
    so when someone tells you you are wrong for not eating clean.. or wrong for doing your workouts a certain way.. or look down at you for something.. are you ok with that..


    tell you what.... when you become a perfect person then you can go and talk to her.. other than that mind your business..


    if she ever brings it up to you and says i want to lose weight or whatever.. have some class and decorm in how you help her
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  • maricash
    maricash Posts: 280 Member
    Now. I’m am not a clean eater at all and I am not judging by her eating habits but I find it very discouraging being around this. I almost find it repulsive to see someone so over weight eating so carelessly.

    You are not judging her? Keeping track of everything she eats and saying you find it "repulsive" IS being judgmental.
    Another thing is that she is always out sick, which I can attribute to her weight.

    You can? Are you her doctor? Do you know what type of health problems she has and what is causing them?
    I know its not my place to say anything however I’m really bothered and I really want to help out. But don’t want to offend her. What would you do?

    Stop thinking about it. What she eats or doesn't eat is none of your business. Would you pay so much attention to her food intake if she were thin? Have you never seen a thin person eat french fries or junk food? Did you find their intake repulsive?

    Finally, MFP is really not the place for your hatred of overweight people.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I know its not my place to say anything
    Keep saying this in your head until it sinks in....
  • sinsangel72
    sinsangel72 Posts: 11 Member
    I know how you feel but unless you two are close friends I wouldn't say anything to her directly. If it is possible to have a conversation around her and possibly get her to join in and say that she wants or needs the help with choosing healthier foods and snacks or expresses that she wants to lose weight. Otherwise, you may be putting yourself at risk of a HR violation and you don't need that. Sad, but you have to keep in mind she has to want to eat healthier and she has to want to lose the weight otherwise it will be a pointless conversation. Chances are her self esteem is severly damaged, she may be surrounded at home by negativity from her loved ones and doesn't know how to break the downward spiral that she is on.
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    Now. I’m am not a clean eater at all and I am not judging by her eating habits...
    I almost find it repulsive to see someone so over weight eating so carelessly.
    :flowerforyou:
    I know its not my place to say anything however I’m really bothered and I really want to help out. But don’t want to offend her. What would you do?
    I'm sure that she has no idea that she is obese, and needs to lose weight. :huh:
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
    Say nothing. Do nothing. It is not your business.
  • Natashia524
    Natashia524 Posts: 35 Member
    I'd suggest not say anything directly to her about it BUT there are indirect methods of reaching her... Like, casually offering her some of your healthy snack or food options and really ranting and raving about how good, yet healthy, it is. Or talking to a group of people at work (hopefully including her in the conversation) about a new food, new workout, or new health stats that you recently learned about. I'm not sure of how your job is, but you could also try to start a Biggest Loser Challenge or some sort of weight loss initiative for everyone on the job and hope that she joins in-- and even if she doesn't join in she would still be constantly surrounding by healthy eating and more active people so hopefully it will have some sort of effect on her.
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