I hate to sound mean but......

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  • kathyms13
    kathyms13 Posts: 497 Member
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    i agree with the others, mean ... yes.
    keep yer nose out.
    mind your own business
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    I had a friend who I told about my weight loss, and she approached me and asked me to help her lose weight as well. One of the first things I told her is that she could probably lose a lot of weight just by changing her diet a little. She didn't eat horribly, but she did go over her calories with how much soda she drank in a day. To this, she replied "well, I don't want to be miserable and go on a rabbit diet, like you."
    I shrugged that off, she was probably thinking that I was being mean, when I was just trying to help. So, I tried a different approach. I told her whenever I went to the gym she could come with me and we could work out together. She agreed, and so the next time I told her I was going to the gym, she had an excuse. Fine, there are just some times that we can't make it. But it kept happening. Again, and again, and again, until I finally stopped asking her.
    She wanted to lose weight, I could tell that she really did. But she wasn't ready and having me try to help wasn't doing a thing for her. There are some people who know they're eating badly and they're not doing the right thing to get healthy, but they need to come to the realization on their own.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Use her as an example. Ya know like cause and effect.
    as in:

    "If I can McDonald's for lunch very day and scarf down chocolate and chips and fatty fat stuff, then I am going to end up like THAT."

    And then it's an ego boost for you; all the more reason to eat healthy and work out and all that good stuff.

    Maybe it's the drugs...

    But really? Call her a THAT and belittle her to boost your ego?

    How about mind your business and don't be a total snagglepuss while you're at it.
  • janet0513
    janet0513 Posts: 564 Member
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    There's nothing worse than someone on a mission.

    Just leave it. It's none of your business. Lead by example. Keep it simple.

    ^^^^This! And why would assume she is out sick because of her weight? Does she call in to work fat? I am fat and I hardly ever call in sick and have never in the past called out because of my weight. Try being less judgemental.
  • AimersBee
    AimersBee Posts: 775 Member
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    Is there no way to put it a polite way? Hmmmm... it's a thinker.

    At the same time, what would be the difference of someone eating at a very unhealthy rate, and who is at an unhealthy weight range, and then someone standing on the side of a building ready to jump?

    Would all those people who said "leave them be it's their problem, etc".. say the same thing to the possible jumper on the side of the building?
  • dhelms2012
    dhelms2012 Posts: 10
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    maybe if she see's you eating healthy and see's you focused on your goals, maybe she'll want to change too!
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
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    Lead by example.

    ^This. I don't think you sound mean, it is what it is and if I had to be around food temptations all day I wouldn't like it either. I say, keep your eye on the prize.
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    What would I do?

    I would get to know her better and find opportunities to share health and nutrition with her. I'd share my own weight loss and "eating clean" struggles with her. That is what I do now and will do for the rest of my life. I would NOT just blindly do nothing.

    She needs help, she needs a friend that will support her, can that person be you?

    This!!! I just want to help. I constantly hear her talking about her health issues and all of that. Maybe all she needs is someone to support her? !
    Are you really trying to help someone or trying to convince your audience (us) to feel disgusted in the same way you do?

    You seem pretty invested in not being judged as "mean" so I'm curious why you felt the need to list what your co-worker eats. This is MFP. We know what unhealthy eating choices look like. I think you need to work out whether you really want to help this person, or simply want an excuse to judge. I don't know you - maybe it's a combination of both. We all judge people.

    Were you only interested in helping, I would have expected a simple post that read something like: "I have an overweight co-worker that I am concerned about. She makes unhealthy eating decisions and I want to say something to her. Does anyone have any advice?"

    I don't know whether you really want to help this person or not. But I don't think empathy and disgust co-exist harmoniously. Pick one and be honest about it. It not with us, with yourself.
  • maricash
    maricash Posts: 280 Member
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    Acutally no im not jealous. I can eat those things if I chose. Dont choose to.

    If you're going to make statements like that, you might want to close your food diary.
  • amberleighM04
    amberleighM04 Posts: 108
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    Agree with others... let her live her unhealthy lifestyle, while you make better decisions and choices. If you say anything to her, you'll simply come off and rude and insensitive. However, if she ever says anything to you... by all means, help her :-)
  • smiley245
    smiley245 Posts: 420 Member
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    What would I do?

    I would get to know her better and find opportunities to share health and nutrition with her. I'd share my own weight loss and "eating clean" struggles with her. That is what I do now and will do for the rest of my life. I would NOT just blindly do nothing.

    She needs help, she needs a friend that will support her, can that person be you?

    This ^^
    Unless you can't do it in a "positive non-judgemental way". Eating habits are hard to change, and you can't force health on anyone.
    Start small and don't be pushy. Someone who talks non stop about their diet or work outs, would make me want to slap them (others may just find it annoying).
    She is mostlikly at the point where most of us get too, where we dont give a f**k until something breaks and then we want change.
    Someone picking on my food habits would make me mad, upset and embarassed. If you must proceed, proceed with utmost kindness,
    If not, sit back and lead by example, she may venture your way and ask what you are doing to be so successful
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    She's not going to respond well to anything that you have to say. If it bothers you so much, I would suggest talking to your manager about relocating your work space.
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
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    Sounds exactly like how I used to eat...I feel for her. We don't know what her inner issues are. I hope she finds the strength and courage to change for if nothing else, better health.
  • grannygethealthy1111
    grannygethealthy1111 Posts: 422
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    Why would you post something about your overweight coworker when you are overweight yourself? Concentrate on your own weight. You don't have a clue if she has medical problems, nor have you walked a day in her shoes. Your post comes off as very mean spirited.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    Acutally no im not jealous. I can eat those things if I chose. Dont choose to.

    If you're going to make statements like that, you might want to close your food diary.

    Ding ding we have a winner.
    & It was just closed as right after I looked.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    The most you can likely do is be her friend and try to set a good example. Maybe bring an extra piece of fruit some days and offer it to her. Or ask her to lunch and choose a place that has healthy options. Even if she chooses an unhealthy option, you can set the example by eating healthy. Don't mention her weight or yours, as she might find that offensive. Just say you are trying to be healthier if your food choices come up in conversation.
  • PinkKitty724
    PinkKitty724 Posts: 179 Member
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    She eats that way because she wants to, or maybe knows no better. I wouldn't say anything if I were you, it could cause a lot of future awkwardness.
    Maybe ask her to go for a walk at lunch? Motivate her to be healthy in some way that you can, while being nonchalant?
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    I'm sure that she has no idea that she is obese, and needs to lose weight. :huh:

    And I'm also sure she has NO idea that people are judging her for what she eats.
  • shanchamber
    shanchamber Posts: 29
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    Everyone knows about calories at this point, so it's not really your business to be an educator. When you get fat, your body sends your brain signals to eat more calories. In other words, you're not necessarily fat because you eat poorly; you eat poorly because you're fat. Moral judgment from other people isn't helpful, no matter how tactfully phrased.
  • Leslie85
    Leslie85 Posts: 265 Member
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    This may sound mean but here it goes I HAVE to get this off my chest. There is a woman that sits in the cubicle next to mine. She is severely overweight maybe about 350 lbs and 5'3. Now I would never say mean things about people that are over weight but I cant help but be bothered by her eating habits. Im with her from 9-5 and here is something like how her time her might go:

    Breakfast: Soda and McDonalds or burger king
    Snack: Chips and another soda
    Lunch: McDonalds, burger king, Wendy’s, or other fast foods
    Snack: soda, donuts, candy, chocolate, chips

    Now. I’m am not a clean eater at all and I am not judging by her eating habits but I find it very discouraging being around this. I almost find it repulsive to see someone so over weight eating so carelessly. Another thing is that she is always out sick, which I can attribute to her weight. I know its not my place to say anything however I’m really bothered and I really want to help out. But don’t want to offend her. What would you do?


    How would you feel if someone was judging you by your behaviors that led you to be 40 pounds overweight? "Just Sayin"

    And starting your post out with I hate to sound mean but.... is just mean!

    I understand where you're coming from. There was a lady in one of my grad classes that was probably about the same size as the lady you are talking about. I once saw her dip Chick-fil-a nuggets in mayo....and I mean she really scooped that mayo onto that nugget! She would also drink soda and eat entire bags of chips or boxes of candy...all this JUST during class. I felt sorry for her because you could tell she struggled to just walk and got winded really quickly. It's hard to know what to do in these situations. I didn't know her very well at all...so I never said anything. But like a lot of people have said, most people aren't going to change until THEY are ready to. Best of luck!
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